broken_doll's blog

I hand heated the water for my own bath today. That was after I carried buckets of water from the well to the stove. And I peeled potatoes and carrots for a stew. I should probably go find more vegetables tomorrow. I heard there's a garden. And I'm stuck wearing a skirt. The first thing I'm doing tomorrow morning is making me some pants.

PM to Lina

So, I'm still getting the notes. They're creepy, but they don't hurt me. Unfortunately, now I'm getting gifts with them. Yesterday, someone nailed a chicken to my door. Nail through it's feet. I wrung it's neck to put it out of it's misery. With the chicken was another note about being in a box.

This morning, there was a present with the note. It had a bow around it, but something inside was crying. It was leaking blood. D and I opened it and the thing ran out and ran away. It had been skinned, whatever it was. It's fur was in the box. It was skinned alive.

PM to Matt

I saw someone in the lake. On the cameras. I'm positive of it. It looked like a girl.

But when I ran down to the lake, I couldn't see anyone. Maybe because of the rain.

I scanned the cameras again, but I don't know everyone. I can't tell if anyone's missing.

Should we do a head count? I feel like we should do something!

I'm getting notes from someone. I don't know who it is. The wording is weird and, after reading them over and over, I thought someone might read something from them that I'm not seeing. Or they might know who's sending them to me, which would be better.

Note 1: Did you ever think of yourself actually dead, lying in a box with a lid on it?

Note 2: It's silly to be depressed by it. One thinks of being alive in a box. One keeps forgetting to take into account that one is dead.

Dorian's gone. They gave me camera access and now I can see that his room is empty. I've checked all the feeds and he's not in a single one of them. He's gone.

I don't really know how to take this. He was the only one who seemed willing to spend time with me. Now there's no one. Just me and a house full of people I don't really know, or people who don't want to know me. Or who know me, but don't like me. There's Dan, though. He still seems okay with me. I don't see him often, but maybe I'll see him today.

PM to Lina

Just so you know, I received another note. This one says: It's silly to be depressed by it. One thinks of being alive in a box. One keeps forgetting to take into account that one is dead.

I don't expect you can do anything about it. I just thought you should know.

PM to Experiment B Participants

So, I now have camera access, and it's my understanding that you do too. Is this new for all of us? Or just new for me? Is there anything I should know besides to keep my mouth shut?

To my secret admirer:

This house is just one big box.

With a lid on it, even.

Go fuck yourself.

My room is now empty, to whomever needs it.

Second floor, between Sally and Florian.

The bed does not have a blanket or a pillow.

Sorry.

Gavin and I broke up.

We didn't even make it three full days.

At least I didn't love him.

Why should it hurt so bad?

I have a boyfriend. It is a little odd. A little scary. I like Gavin a lot. I could love him, and that is even scarier. I haven't been in love in years.

I haven't been in love since... him.

Maybe this isn't a good idea. Love makes me stupid. But maybe it will be worth it. I hope it will be worth it.

I don't know if I can handle it if it's not.

Are we to do nothing? We are told 'take a few days off' and 'thank you', but how can this be enough? I believe we all tried very hard to find him. We searched in the rain. in the cold. They say that his safety was compromised, but what of ours?

We should do something for him, I think. It seems appropriate to have a funeral. I only met him that onces, but surely others were closer to him. I will pray for his family and friends, for those that will miss him. I am sad that I did not get to know him better. Time is so short.

PM to Gavin

I'm not missing.
I've gone to church.

Just in case.

Emergency Contacts: Gavin and Dan
Neighbors: Sally and Morgan

If something's wrong, contact Gavin and Dan first. Then maybe Matt, Stefan, or Jesse. I need to meet more people. I thought Ashley was my neighbor, but she seems to have left. So I haven't met Sally or Morgan.

To the house:

I'm in the mood to do some painting. The door kind.

If anyone would like to help me, I'll be in the rec room in thirty minutes, gathering up whatever paint I can find.

PM to Jesse

I'm sorry. I don't think there's any way to make up for it, nor any way to explain. I didn't think I could be any more ashamed of myself than I was, but I've been easily proven wrong. I don't deserve your friendship.

Sincerest apologies and deepest regrets.

For Gavin, who makes me think.

Someone saw fit to spread my personal business up on the journals.

I would like to say this:

I did not sit and watch my mother die.

That is all.

I didn't do it. I didn't abandon them. I didn't watch her die.

Sometimes I hate them for what they did to me, but... I never wanted this. I don't like the idea of mama burning in hell, even if I know she wasn't a child of God.

If I could have saved her, I would have.

It's just me again. Somehow I'd forgotten. Not that it would matter so much, but if there were others, perhaps this wouldn't be so hard. I didn't think about the tests I might face. I know I can face them, but still.

I wish I could thank Gavin for holding me. Maybe I can trust him.

I screamed at Janie yesterday. Not the best way to make a friend, but I wouldn't want her anyways. I still can't believe she would have let him die.