Private Journal Entry - MARCH 20, 2006

It is Torlin's post, and only that, that keeps me from tracking down Stefan and beating the ever-loving shit out of him. After all that, he deserves to be in pain, to cry like a little girl, as I don't exactly think he's suffered enough compared to those he's hurt. I'm now positive that he was the one who hurt Zhen, and knowing how makes it so much worse. It's one thing to flirt, but to shamelessly solicit sex from your friends is just wrong. He goes a step further and blames her! I'm not foolish enough to think she's the first to turn him down, though I do think she may have been the first to bite back.

It's unfortunate that Torlin so easily forgives him. She says 'he's apologized a billion times', but I think that's all it is. It's words. Words that won't make a fucking difference because he'll make no attempt to change. And by accepting his words, she's telling him that that's all he needs to give. He'll continue to fuck her, and she'll hope for more than a fuck.

And she leaves one major point out of her rant-- she loves him. Of course she'll forgive him. If she doesn't, then he'll never love her back.

She didn't come out and say it, but when I put things together, that's what I hear. I remember our discussion before everyone's sex lives were exposed. She knows better. She does. Perhaps he's like a drug to her. He makes her feel special, so she loves him. I hope it's not based on personality because, really, he'd leave her for something better. She could do better. I hate to think she's that desperate.

Sex isn't a requirement in friendship, she says. Somehow she's missed the point that, once sex is involved, it's either more than friendship, or one person is using the other. They don't go together. Friends with benefits is rarely beneficial for both parties involved. In her case, she gets to hope for more, while he gets a piece of ass. Unless he grows a heart, I doubt that's gonna change. Guess who'll be the one hurt in the end?

Someone needs to mess up his pretty fucking face. Or break his dick. Three days without the ability to get it up is hardly the end of the world. Yeah, it sucks, but it obviously wasn't long enough for him. He should be the one writing out the long apology, not the girl he hurt. What's that say about him as a person?

Maybe I'm being a complete hypocrite. I hope not. I hope I'm never that much of a bastard.