Private Journal Entry - MARCH 27, 2006

I just can't believe it. Every time I think the words, my heart seems to flutter. I blush and giggle like a little school girl. If he's in front of me, I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and kiss him. I feel like such a fucking idiot and I really don't care.

I love him.

Oh, God, that's terrifying and wonderful and I've never felt so good about something in my entire life. All these paths in front of me, at all directions, and now I have a focus. I might not have a path, but I have Dan. And the fog doesn't seem to matter as much. I'll figure it out. All that matters is that he's there with me. And if I can't go down a path without losing him? It's a reason not to go that direction at all.

And wherever I go? I want him to walk beside me. I want to hold his hand. I want this, even though I'm piss poor at showing it. There's no logic to my mind, I'm finding. I want to hold his hand, yet it scares me. I couldn't figure out what the problem was till Zhen put her finger on it. I'm thinking. I'm way over-thinking. I have no reason to be afraid. So I'm going to make the effort. I'm going to make it work. I have a goal for myself. It's a mental thing, I know, and I think I can break it. I hope I can. It means too much not to.