private journal entry in purple ink

I think the worst part was hearing it from Lina. I like Lina. Hell, seeing her face when I spoke up was one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. But her telling me that Everett had been removed... I might've been able to take it from Dave. Or Kaori. Or the Scientists. Someone who's... I don't know. Removed from the situation. They're a separate category. Lina's... not, somehow. Maybe I just haven't talked with her enough, or maybe because she took over from Everett. I'm not sure.

I cried for a while, by myself. Had to remind myself that breathing is a good and healthy thing. Tried to meditate. I've never been very good at it, and today was no exception.

So I'm going to try and think like the scientist I am. Writing it down might help, but I'll probably eventually just crumple up this piece of paper and toss it away.

Fact: Experiment began on January 1st.
Fact: Turn-over rate is extremely high. (Last ones standing, as far as I'm aware, are Kaori, Emma, and Kales)
Fact: People are from all over the world, but apparently mostly the western hemisphere (Ex.: Me: Canada. Emma: Australia or New Zealand, I forget now)
Fact: People have died. (Ex. Holly)
Fact: People have come back after being removed, but not all of them. (Ex.: Me)
Fact: People are removed - without warning in my cases - for mostly unexplained reasons. (Ex.: too many to list)
Fact: These Scientist bastards can be very cruel and kind in measures (Ex.: Torlin; creating a medical level)
Fact: We don't know where we are. (And so help me God I will figure this out maybe)

If people are removed there are three possibilities
- They're sent home
- They're sent to another compound
- They're ... worse than removed (I can't even make myself write it. Jesus.)

If people were sent home, enough of them would eventually kick up a fuss for authorities to look into the matter. Possibly halting the arrival of newbies altogether. Taking people from all over the world would reduce the possibility of this, but too many people seem to be from the Western hemisphere, and America specifically, for that to make a great deal of sense. Someone would've eventually kicked up a fuss. So that leaves several options.
Home:
- free and/or happy
- not free and/or unhappy
And I can't really see Everett NOT bringing this thing to the attention of the media, especially if people have died. The same goes with people who were removed long before him. Ex.: Rosemary

So that leaves two options, which are probably far more realistic. No one said this was the only Experiment. Hell, Twitch had been in another one. But that doesn't seem at all practical. If they're/we're in one general location, we'd eventually find them. If not, the expenses are huge and there's only so much funding they'd recieve from any government or private benefactor without showing some sort of result, and the turn over rate is, again, extremely high. Most governments would also restrict the cruelty involved.

The third option is that they kill them.

There, I wrote it. It doesn't make me feel better, but it makes sense. You don't let a labrat you've been injecting with cancer drugs go and going its free brethern after the experiment is over. You crack the fucker open to see what kind of mess you made of its guts.

I want to cry again.