Addressing the Issues

Who: Dan and Nic
Where: Their room
When: Afternoon

Dan had returned to their room once he'd finished talking to Sarah, to find that Nic was still gone - something he couldn't decide whether he was grateful for or not. He sat down at the computer, clicking onto his messages - surprised to find a note from his boyfriend, both which made him smile and feel that little bit better. That done, he crossed to the bed and threw himself down, lying on his back, his legs draped over the edge, arms wide as he stared up at the ceiling.

When Nic returned to the room, his hands were full, and he turned around backwards, kicking his heel against the door. He held a plate full of cupcakes, and Izzy was jumping beside him, though he'd taken her out before returning to the room. He thought Dan would be back by now, though if he didn't answer the door in a minute, Nic would have to set the cupcakes down and attempt to open the door himself.

It wouldn't have done Nic any good to attempt to open the door anyway since Dan had habitually put the bar across it when he got back, but at the noise he rose and unbolted the door, opening it a little, before opening it all the way as he caught sight of Nic's back and Izzy - who for once had her attention on the person she was with rather than getting into the room as fast as she could.

Nic turned, smiling as Dan opened the door. "We need to add a peep-hole to the door," he said, then looked down at Izzy. "Go on!" he told her, and she rushed into the room to settle down on her bed. Nic laughed softly and then looked back at Dan with a goofy little smile. "I made you cupcakes," he said, a touch embarrassed, though pleased by his work. The cupcakes were shaped like hearts, white with pink icing and red sprinkles on top.

Dan looked at the cakes and kinda melted. "Awww - honey," he cooed. "Oh, they're lovely - can I have one?" he asked, looking up into his boyfriend's face, hopefully. Not that he actually expected the answer to be 'no' or anything, but they were so pretty it almost seemed a shame to not just look at them.

"Of course," Nic laughed softly. "They're yours. And they're for eating, not just looking at." He came into the room then, waiting till Dan had selected a cupcake for himself before setting the rest of the plate on the desk. "Sorry to disappear on you. I went and worked out, then took Zhen to cook with me. How's your day been?"

Dan took the plate and set it down on the side, taking a cupcake and biting into it. Nic had talked with Zhen? he wondered if anything had been brought up about their conversation earlier on - and, if so, how he felt about that. He hadn't told Zhen they were speaking in confidence, but he couldn't help but feel a little nervous in case Nic knew everything. Zhen had seemed rather put out, after all. "Oh, you know," he started as he swallowed the first mouthful. He felt reluctant to mention Sarah's name, but he couldn't exactly not - especially now he was down as one of her emergency contacts. He chickened out - he'd tell Nic later.

"I don't know," Nic said, wrapping his arms around Dan. He waited till his boyfriend had swallowed his bite, then stole a quick kiss, the taste of icing still on Dan's lips. "Did you hang out in the room? Wander around the house? I know you didn't come down to the kitchen." He was pushing, but with an answer as vague as Dan had given him, he felt like he should.

Okay, so it looked like he wouldn't be telling Nic later. "Sarah PMed me - asked to meet up to talk," he told Nic, laying his head on his shoulder, arms loosely around his waist. "So met up in the library, talked through some things," he offered, not sure whether he really wanted to go into detail - not until he knew how Nic felt about this.

Nic forced himself not to freak out, his only reaction being that he bit his lip, a small pause before he spoke. "How is she?" he asked. By now, she'd probably learned what the house was really about, even if it was only by word of mouth. "Is everything okay?" He wouldn't freak out. This wasn't about him. This was something Dan had to deal with and he needed to be supportive.

"Yeah, everything's fine," Dan told him, trying to reassure Nic because he knew that Sarah was a touchy subject for him. "We just needed to talk, sort a few things out is all. Adam went and put that bar on her door yesterday," he added, hoping to deflect Nic onto a subject he may find slightly easier to deal with.

"That's good," Nic said. "She'll be safer that way." He really didn't understand why everyone didn't have it done, but it wasn't his place to force protection on everyone. The people he cared about, though, he'd continue to encourage them, like Zhen. He knew where Dan was coming from. He knew the naiveity Sarah would have, no matter what she'd read or been told. "Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked.

"I don't know," Dan admitted, extracting himself from Nic's arms and going to sit on the bed. "Maybe - maybe not, I... just don't know. We don't have to if you don't want to," he told his boyfriend, looking up at him with big eyes.

If Nic said he didn't want to, he knew it was only because he didn't want to hear it, and that didn't mean it wasn't there. It would be a form of hiding. Furthermore, he knew it wasn't about him, though he wondered what it meant when Dan moved away. Picking up a cupcake, Nic followed him to the bed, dipping his finger in the icing as he took a seat. "I wouldn't ask if I minded," he told Dan. "It's up to you."

"I don't even know where to start," Dan replied, wrinkling his brow. He cocked a half smile. "I don't know what to talk about - I just...She asked if we could meet up, to talk. And I couldn't say no. I... If she hadn't, I could have avoided her, but I wasn't going to turn her down like that." He didn't mention she'd wanted him to come to her room - that wouldn't help anyone. "So... we talked."

Nic nodded, sticking his finger in his mouth to suck off the icing. He wasn't sure there was anything Dan had said that he didn't already know from the first statement, making him wonder if Dan was purposefully holding back, or if he really didn't want to talk about it. Nic didn't blame him for either option. He hadn't exactly presented himself as open on this topic. "You shouldn't avoid her," Nic said, even if he did prefer it otherwise. "What'd you talk about?"

"She wanted to tell me that she wasn't my responsibility," Dan told him, wondering how he was going to explain to Nic that he felt like he'd taken her on as that anyway, and willingly. That he wasn't sure that his boyfriend would understand, or be at all happy with and Dan really didn't want to cause arguments. He'd meant what he'd told Zhen - he would always choose Nic over Sarah, but he realised that he might not always be perfectly happy with his choices. He loved and adored Nic and he was the most important thing in his live, but he couldn't just switch off his feelings of responsibility for the girl, or the fact he still considered her a friend.

Nic was quiet for a moment, then set the cupcake on the nightstand. Sugary-pink goodness did not make everything better, apparently. "And?" he asked, wondering if the whole conversation was going to go this way. It was like pulling teeth; Dan was giving nothing more than he had to, and even then it felt like something was missing.

Dan considered for a minute, then shrugged, looking miserable. "And... I don't know," he admitted. "I... She is - I'm the reason that she's here, I'm the reason she's in all this in the first place and if anything happens to her it's my fault. I couldn't stand that - it's bad enough anyway, when it's... I couldn't stand it," he repeated, quieter this time.

Part of what made things difficult for Nic was the point that Sarah had slept with Dan. That aside, he could look at it differently. If she had been Dan's sister, it changed the situation completely, and Nic tried to think of it that way. "It's not your fault," Nic said, "because you didn't bring her here. That's all them. They get the blame for that. But that doesn't mean we won't take care of her. Nothing will happen because she'll be safe. She's got a bar on her door. She hasn't been targeted. And maybe if she's quiet, she'll stay below their radar for a while."

Dan caught the word 'we' and broke into a hopeful kind of grin. "Really?" he asked, hesitantly. "Because, I know - you don't have to. I know that this must be really hard for you and everything and I'm sorry I didn't tell you before - I really, really am and if you didn't want... Anything to do with her, I really wouldn't blame you, but I can't do that. I just can't - because even if they brought her here, they brought her here because of me. And I can't ignore that and I can't just pretend that that's not the case and wash my hands of her." The words came out in a rush, before he paused and took a deep breath, slowly and straightening up a little. "And... I don't really want to. We were friends - she was my best friend. If this all hadn't gone on, she still would be. I..." He trailed off, waiting for Nic's reaction.

There. That was the sort of reaction he was hoping for, one where he could really see what was on Dan's mind. The smile helped, of course, as Nic knew he'd not been brilliant at getting Dan to smile lately. "It's not hard for me," Nic told him. "She's nice. I met her, remember? That doesn't mean I'll be super comfortable with her, but that doesn't really matter. It's just something for me to get over, and in comparison to everything else, that's nothing. If she's not a threat, then I have nothing to worry about." Nic knew these were the rational answers his brain could provide, which may be very different than the actions that his emotions controlled later on. He just had to keep himself focused. "There's nothing wrong with her being your friend," Nic said, biting his lip.

"She's not a threat, Nic," Dan told him, firmly. "I'm yours - I'll always be yours. If she was my ex-boyfriend, would you be worried?" he asked, wanting to know what he was dealing with, whether it was just general uncertainty, or specific.

"Yes," Nic said, then gave Dan a half smile as he half retracted his answer. "Well, not worried. It's more that-- I don't like the idea of you sleeping with anyone else." Because an ex-boyfriend would be just as bad, in a completely different way. When it came down to it though, Nic knew he was irrationally jealous. This had all happened before he and Dan had even met.

Dan smiled a little and looked down. "Then, really - you don't have that much to worry about," his eyes ticked up. "It's a very select group. So, yeah..." He coloured very slightly.

"Is it?" Nic asked, smiling as he lightly teased. It'd been a while since he'd been able to get Dan to blush over anything, and he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity. "I kind of like being special," he said. "Am I any good?"

Dan just gave him a Look at that, one that clearly said 'I am not even going to deign to answer that question, it's so ridiculous'. "Are you questioning my taste?" he asked instead, raising an eyebrow and leaning down, resting back on one elbow, making himself more comfortable. He reached up and ran his finger through Nic's cupcake topping, before slowly licking the icing off his finger in one go.

"In girls, no," Nic said with a small laugh, his eyes drawn to Dan's mouth, the pause brought on by such an obvious distraction. "In guys? I don't know. There's me, and I obviously think highly of that selection, though I don't think you knew what you were getting into." Reaching out, he took Dan's hand and drew the finger into his mouth, just in case there was any residual icing left to be had. "I haven't heard too many complaints thus far," he smirked.

Dan raised an eyebrow. "You telling me you fancy Sarah? Cos a guy could get jealous, you know," Dan told him, teasing a little as he surrendered his finger to Nic. "I didn't know what I was getting into, eh? So, what's that then? Because if I didn't know - I think I have a right to now, don't I?"

"If I was looking, maybe," Nic laughed. "But I'm not, so no. Definitely no reason to be jealous." Just the thought was preposterous in Nic's mind, considering the fact that he knew it was working the other way around. He couldn't help be jealous of Sarah for having Dan once, though he thought he'd get over that, seeing as he had him now. "You have a right to whatever you want, Baby," Nic grinned, licking Dan's finger tip again before releasing it. "Though if you don't know what you've got at this point, I'm not sure I can explain it."

"Then I knew what I was getting into," Dan told Nic with utmost confidence. "I think that maybe you're the one that didn't. Though I really hope that you're not disappointed with what you got. Or - or that you'll ever... regret it," he said, the first peek that maybe he had some insecurities about everything.

"Regret it?" Nic asked, raising a brow. "You're the best thing in my life, Baby. The best thing that's ever happened to me. I can't imagine a day without you. I-- I would never regret it." While his answer was confident, it was said with a touch of surprise. It was something he thought he'd made clear, that Dan understood. This was what he wanted. Dan was what he wanted, and he wasn't looking back. Regret wasn't an option.

Dan nearly changed the subject - nearly. He swallowed, obviously uncertain whether or not to say what he eventually did say. "You said we weren't normal." His voice was quiet, hardly more than a whisper.

It stung because Nic knew he'd said it. It had never been meant to hurt Dan, and that hadn't been what he'd been implying at all. "We're-- We're not what the people I grew up with consider normal. Back home, we... I don't want to go back there. They're not as accepting of things that are outside their bubble," Nic said, frowning as he glanced down at the bedspread. It had been his bubble as well, until he'd met Dan. Just because he'd fallen in love didn't mean it was easy not to default back on things he no longer believed. "There's nothing more natural, more normal, than the pull I feel to you. Than my loving you. I don't think they'd understand that, but I do. And-- And I'm sorry, because I didn't mean to imply that we aren't normal. Though, even if we weren't, that wouldn't stop me from loving you. That wouldn't make me regret it."

"It's not your regrets I'm worried about, honey," Dan said, willing to deal with the subject now he'd had the guts to broach it in the first place. "it's..." He shifted to face Nic as he talked to him, taking his hand. "I love you," he started. "I want to be with you when all of this is over and done with. I want to live with you and build a life with you. And you - you saying things like that. It makes me worry that, despite the fact that I know you love me, it won't be enough. That we'll get out there, where not everyone will approve and you'll have to face your family and... I'm scared that we won't be enough."

That hurt, much more than Nic was expecting. He looked back at Dan, his mouth slightly open as he tried to think of what to say. If he'd known, he might have been prepared, but instead he'd been blindsided. "And-- And what? I'll leave you? Go back to what's comfortable and self-destruct? Because I can't do that. I can't live that life again." Nic wondered if Dan remembered, or had ever understood, how miserable he'd been before coming to the house. Without Dan, Nic would be more likely just to disappear completely. "I'm not goin' back to that, Baby. What can they do to me out there that's worse than what they do in here? They gonna beat me up? I can handle that. I can handle that far better than being strung up with meat in an ice box, or from a fuckin' chandelier."

Dan looked pained and really wished he hadn't said anything - Nic didn't need this right now, not at all. But the damage had been done. "Can you handle it for the rest of your life?" he asked him. "Really - you're right, if you look at it your way. It would be easier for you to go and find some nice girl and settle down. You're right - if you look at it your way, it would be 'normal' and I... You could do that, if you wanted. If... You'd be giving up so much to be with me and I worry you really don't appreciate that. We talk about after and you... You want to move to halfway round the world, you'll hardly ever see your family again and I know you say you don't care, but... If they won't approve of me, that's - it's a hell of a lot to give up. You'd be leaving behind everything you know and moving to a whole new country and - and you'd have to... Somehow you'd have to give them a reason to let you stay," he pointed out.

"So I could do that, but you can't?" Nic asked, confused about why this was only a problem for him. "You couldn't tell Sarah you loved her, settle down and pretend? Because that's what it would be. Pretending. I've pretended to be happy, Dan. I pretended my way into a drinking problem, that became a drug problem, and look where that got me? I was so damn happy making other people happy that I preferred to be numb and-- I don't wanna go back to that. I can't. Not when I know what it's like to be in love, to really be happy." Nic ran his fingers through his hair as he looked up at the ceiling. "I don't know how to convince you here, but that kind of happiness... that kind of happiness is a warm gun." Song lyrics, Nic thought, frustrated, but found them appropriate when he could think of no better description.

I'm not the one who thinks that we're not normal, Dan thought. "No - I couldn't tell Sarah I loved her and settle down and pretend. But then this - you and me - that's normal to me. It would be me and Sarah that would be... If that's what I chose, if that's what I wanted... You said in your note that maybe I am just your 'one off'. You prefer girls, Nic. I don't. You do - maybe - I'm just saying that you wouldn't have as much to lose if you... I worry - I don't want to lose you, but I... I worry that there'll come a day where this isn't enough. When the price is too high."

Nic didn't know what to say, but he thought he might cry, just understanding how weak Dan really thought he was. How weak they were, as a couple, if Dan didn't think he could handle it. "I don't know what I am," he whispered, somehow hurt that his sexuality was coming into question even by Dan. It shouldn't matter there, but it did. Would he be questioned by everyone, just for riding the fence? What did sexual preference mean when he'd never loved a girl, but found them appealing enough to fuck? Could Dan say the same? "Maybe there is no normal for me," Nic said softly. "I won't go back to what I had. I won't." I'd rather die.

Dan shifted over to Nic, pulling him into an embrace. "I love you," he told him. "I love you, I always will. And we have eight months to figure this out. I don't want you to go back. I want you with me - always. Always."

"But you don't believe in me," Nic said, too scared to slide his arms around Dan. Instead, his hands rested on his boyfriend's chest. "If you don't believe I can handle it, how can I? If love isn't enough, I-- I don't know what is." And he didn't know if he had it, which made things even harder.

"You didn't believe in me, yesterday," Dan reminded him. "When I first told you about Sarah - you didn't believe in me. You thought... You didn't believe in me."

"I didn't mean to," Nic protested. "You caught me off guard, and I didn't understand, and she-- you-- you know what you are, and understand how you feel, and I don't. I know there's you, and I love you, and I don't know if I could ever love a girl. I never have. I know that, physically, I find them appealing. So-- so, that makes me straight? Because I can produce what some people think is the correct physical response to associate with that word? It doesn't matter that I want to leave them afterwards, that the thought of cuddling turns me off and I'd rather disappear while they're sleeping, and that I don't want to hold their hand, or kiss them unless I'm going to get something out of it. That just makes me a heterosexual bastard. So what are we? What does loving you make me? I don't know for myself, so I certainly don't know for you and Sarah. I don't know what you had. And if it was just one night of drunken sex, well if those don't count, then... then they don't count for me either, do they?"

"No, no - I guess not," Dan said, his voice dropping as he looked away. "I'm sorry - it, it doesn't matter," he added, knowing he couldn't explain this, that he was doing a shitty job of attempting it and that he was just making everything worse. He shouldn't have said anything, he should have just dealt with it, especially since he should have known that his fears were most likely unfounded.

"Yes, it does matter," Nic said as his fingers curled in Dan's shirt. "I had no right to question you yesterday. It didn't make sense. It was illogical and-- and selfish. And I don't know how to show you how much I love you, or how much I believe in us. But don't just blow it off because saying it doesn't matter, it-- it-- why would you say that?"

Dan couldn't meet Nic's eyes. "Because I - never meant it like that. Like I didn't... It's not rational and I was scared and I - you're right, I have no reason to think it and I was wrong and I - I shouldn't have said anything, because it's stupid and stupid and..." He looked up, his eyes pricked with unshed tears. "I'm just always so afraid that I'll lose you somehow. I was afraid of that yesterday, when you seemed so... With Sarah and everything you seemed for a minute - I was worrying that that was that and you. And then you said that and I - I know it's stupid and I know you love me, but you're not the only one that can be insecure about things, you know!"

Nic was quiet, taken aback, but slowly wrapped his arms around Dan. He wanted to hold him, to be there for him, even if he'd done a piss poor job of it as of late. "I know," he whispered, his eyes closing as his arms tightened. "I'm sorry." It was what he should have said earlier, should have said and made clear from the beginning, but he thought Dan had known it already. Now he wasn't sure, and he needed to make sure it had been said.

"I'm sorry too," Dan told him, clinging onto him as though he'd disappear any minute. "And I shouldn't - you don't need this right now, you've had enough to deal with without me putting my stupid in there. You don't need this right now. I'm so sorry."

"No," Nic said, pulling back so that he could look into Dan's eyes. "Don't not tell me things because of that. If we don't talk about them, they'll only get worse, and-- and you're not stupid. I gave you every reason to be insecure. I just-- Just try to remember that this is new for me. Like coming out of the closet. You can't go back in, but that doesn't mean it's easy. You're not a choice I'm making, Baby. I love you, and I can't just turn that off just because it might be difficult. This is who I am, and maybe I don't completely understand it, but people are going to have to deal with it. I want you there with me the whole time."

"I want to be there," Dan agreed, looking back at Nic, meeting his eyes. "I do - I - always. I know this isn't easy for you, honey. I know that. And I'm not making this any easier for you either - I just. I haven't done this before either. And obviously I'm doing a bad job of it now. I just - I want you to be able to understand it. Not understanding yourself isn't good and I want to help you - you shouldn't not understand. That's where I want to be. Both of us. You and me. Together."

Closing his eyes, Nic rested his forehead against Dan's, then tilted down to kiss him, a quick but solid kiss. "We can do this," he promised. "We're strong enough to get through this, but we're only as strong as we let ourselves be. I love you. I trust you. And I'm sorry I let you down. Can you forgive me? Can we get things back to where they should be?" Nic thought they could, but he wanted to hear Dan say it. That made it real.

"Honey, there's nothing to forgive," Dan told him reaching a little after the kiss until he realised that there wasn't a follow on. That wasn't good enough, so he kissed Nic back himself, deeply and at length before pulling back a little. "I love you. I trust you. We're going to be okay." Anyway, we have to be - I already have our future all planned out, Dan thought, but didn't say - he didn't want to risk scaring Nic off. He knew he could get scary-intense at times and it really was still early days - for all that they were already making plans for living together after they got out of here.

Things felt a little better, a little less shaky, though Nic still wasn't ready to let Dan go. "We are," he agreed, and kissed him again before smiling at him softly. His fingers ran through the hair on the back of Dan's neck, tugging lightly on the long strands. Laughing softly, he bit his lip. "You need a haircut," he smiled.

"I was thinking of just letting it grow, actually," Dan commented, reaching up and running a hand through his hair. It brushed his collar now and for all he'd just said he was going to grow it, he wasn't sure he wanted it that much longer. He did prefer it to the much shorter cut that he'd once sported though. "Though I guess I could crop it all off - I have a pair of clippers, but I don't know anyone I'd trust enough with scissors to give me my usual style." And yes, Dan was particular about his hair cut.

"I like it," Nic said, his smile broadening. "Though I liked it shorter too. I don't think there's anything you would do with it that I would not like." Nic knew Dan was picky enough about his hair that he'd never go and do anything too drastic. "Aw, you don't trust me with a pair of clippers?" he asked, purely teasing now, which felt good after such a serious discussion. He needed to unwind a little. Such heavy topics easily got him all wound up.

"Nooo - I trust you with clippers, it's scissors I have problems trusting people with. Worst you could do with a pair of clippers would be to cut it all off too short." Which he wasn't a big fan of, but it'd be better than a really bad hairstyle.

"I can't imagine you with short hair," Nic said, running his fingers through it. He'd seen pictures, but that was different. Dan had been younger, and the cut had fit better then. Maybe. Nic was used to what he'd been exposed to. "I'm also not sure it would be a good idea for me to do anything that might mess with your hair. If I screwed it up, I'd feel bad until it grew out long enough to fix."

Dan reached for him, tracing a finger along the veins in the back of his hand, as he looked up into his lover's face. "You need to learn not everything is your fault," he told him, amused. "But okay - I'll either grow it, or find someone else who'll do it. Bet Zhen would be able to," he added, seemingly under the impression that there was nothing Zhen couldn't do.

"If I cut your hair, then it would be my fault," Nic smiled, turning his hand around so that Dan was tracing lines on his palm. "Zhen can make anything fabulous," he chuckled, under the same impression Dan was. "She found the heart-shaped cupcake tin for me. Though I get credit for the icing and the sprinkles."

"And very good icing and sprinkles they are too," Dan told him, realising that he'd neglected the rest of his cake. But it was all the way over on the desk and, really, he didn't want to move off the bed right now. "Have you ever had your palm read?" he asked, tracing Nic's life line.

"Thanks," Nic said with a little laugh. He'd been pleased with the cupcakes. They seemed a far better idea than a huge cake. Plus, he'd been able to let Zhen take some for herself. He and Dan didn't need a full batch of cupcakes just for them. "No," Nic said, looking down at his palm as Dan traced it. "Do you know how to read them?"

"Me? No - don't even know if I believe them. Zania read my palm once, but..." He seemed to recall them discussing it once, but that seemed so long ago. "You know, I've been here six weeks now - it feels like so much longer than that. I feel like we've been here forever, that we've been together for more time than we actually have been. It seems so long ago that we were lying in my room, looking at those photos, trying to pretend that we were nothing more than friends."

"Six weeks is a long time under this kind of duress," Nic reminded him. "We experience more than most people would in a year. It seems like... like months ago we were looking at those photos. Of you in those little tiny shorts," Nic said with a smile. "And I remember wondering how I was going to manage it, just being your friend. I couldn't do it. I didn't even last a week. And now, I can't imagine what I would have done without you."

"You would never have been without me, honey," Dan told him, moving off his hand and tracing his way up the inside of his forearm. "Even if we'd just stayed friends, I would always have been there for you." That was who he was, he knew - just what he did.

"It would have been hard," Nic told him, goosebumps rising on his arm, though the feeling was nice. Pleasant. Nic didn't want him to stop. "I'd have wanted you, and not had you. Been in complete denial, most likely. I'm sure that would have been insane," Nic said with a small laugh. "If I hadn't made a move... would you have?"

"Probably not," Dan admitted, though he doubted that was the answer Nic wanted to hear. "You were my straight friend - it would have been rude to come on to you - though I didn't exactly do a good job of not flirting with you. You must have known I wanted you. God how I wanted you. I was miserable, knowing that I couldn't have you - and then having to turn you down and everything getting awkward. I just... At the time, I couldn't have stood us just being a fling, meaningless, us losing what we had. I kept thinking that it must be me - something about me. First Sarah, then you - was there something about me that meant I couldn't - that I couldn't stay away from the people who were meant to be my best friend?"

"I didn't know," Nic smiled, glad he'd had the balls to make a move if Dan wouldn't have. He understood why, though. It was, at least partially, out of respect. "I probably should have known, but I didn't. But then, I was busy flirting with you more effectively than I could any girl in the house. That was a little disconcerting. Zhen was probably the most responsive, yet everything that came out of that was just... completely platonic? I hate to say that, cause I adore her, but I wasn't interested like that. It was you I wanted, and I couldn't get over that." Still hadn't, actually, but it was fine as long as he was with Dan. "Best friends are close friends. And if there's attraction there... Would you consider me your best friend? Or is it different, because we're together?"

"It's not different," Dan told him. "I'd want the guy I-" he hesitated, for the barest moment, before continuing. "-love to be my best friend as well. You can't have love without friendship - that's called 'lust' and what I feel for you goes so far beyond that." He took hold of Nic's arm with his hand and gave him the gentlest of tugs, encouraging him closer.

Nic caught the hesitation and wondered what it meant, yet didn't know how to ask about it without completely calling Dan out. "It seems natural then," Nic said, scooting closer as Dan encouraged, Nic's own hand resting on Dan's waist. "I assume that, most of the time, you don't want your friends in the same way. At least, I don't," he laughed softly. "But then, I've never wanted anyone like I wanted you. I've never wanted anything but... With you, I want to talk, and know everything about you, and hold you. I've never wanted to hold anyone."

Dan coloured slightly. "No, most of the time, I don't want my friends in the same way," he agreed. "But then again, I've rarely dated anyone I wasn't friends with first. I think, like - one guy. And that was when I was pretty young. And it didn't get past the first date," Dan told him, ignoring the fact that - at twenty - has was arguably still 'pretty young'.

"I've never been friends with the girl first," Nic said with a small laugh. "It was always hard to make that transition. They get used to me as a friend, and then can't see me as anything else. And then, those that I just randomly go after, well... they didn't want to be friends with me." Nic shrugged, aware that his past relationships weren't anything to be impressed by. "With you, things were different. I wanted something different. Even our friendship is more genuine than anything I've had before. I think that's a good sign."

Dan smiled, his hand resting over Nic's on his waist. "I'm glad I was different," he said, softly, ducking his head a little. "And, it drove me crazy, but I'll never regret waiting until we were sure - giving it those extra few days."

"I needed those days," Nic said, knowing now, better than then, how very true that was. "It made me realize it wasn't just physical. That I wasn't just drunk. That it wasn't going to go away. And that we could have something real. And you're so very worth it." He smiled, watching Dan's reactions, as his fingers threaded through Dan's own.

Dan's reaction was to lean in a kiss his boyfriend, slowly, gently, but deeply, his hand moving to his waist. That spoke more than a thousand words could, in his opinion.

A kiss like that naturally pulled Nic in, his body curling towards Dan, pressing against him lightly. It felt so easy, missed, with less fear there than before. In fact, there was none at all, at least not right now. He was safe there, with Dan, with the door locked and Izzy keeping guard.

That was what Dan wanted - just to be there, with Nic. For all of the rest of the world, the house, this place and their problems to be forgotten about, if only for a while. For them just to be there, with each other, centred in their little bubble. That was enough for Dan, for them, for now.

"I've missed you," Nic murmured against Dan's lips, his fingers tugging up Dan's shirt just enough so that his hand could rest on Dan's skin. His hand rubbed lightly as his teeth scraped across Dan's bottom lip.

"I've not been anywhere, honey," Dan told him, half amused and a little baffled - but he thought he could kind of figure where Nic was coming from. "I've always been right here." Hadn't he?

"I know. I... I just haven't been," Nic said, lips leaving Dan's own to kiss along his jaw. "I've been in my head, and... it's not near as nice as with you." So, he was babbling, and he wasn't sure he was making any sense, but Dan usually understood what he was trying to say. Hopefully this time would be no different.

Dan put his arms around Nic, drawing him in, pulling back only enough to look at him whilst he spoke. "You've needed some time, honey - I know that. After the other day, I don't blame you, not at all." Dan ignored the fact that he'd been attacked too that day - what he'd gone through was nothing compared to Nic's ordeal and Dan was ever one to ignore his own issues when there were others who needed him.

"But you've seemed okay, and you-- well, it's different than being hung up, but still. They came into our room. They attacked us. I can't imagine what I'd have done if I woke up to find you gone," Nic said. It was a thought that terrified him more than he liked to examine, because he knew it was a very real possibility. He remembered the panic of Zhen disappearing, and he knew it'd be at least twice as bad. Nic wasn't sure he'd have the mind to help the way he had with Zhen, though he'd try his best.

"I'm fine," Dan reassured him, automatically. "I was worried about you, honey - a cut on the back of my head's not going to slow me down any." He didn't mention that he'd been as relieved as Nic to get Izzy, that he'd been just as scared to sleep at night, terrified that he'd wake up and Nic would be gone, just blood in his place.

Nic's hand moved up, his fingers gently running through Dan's hair. The cut was still there, yet it was healing. Nic had a similar one himself, the only physical reminder of what had happened to them. "I've got one too," Nic reminded him softly. "That's it, though. No other lasting marks. Doesn't mean I wasn't hurt."

Dan looked pained. "Honey - I know that," he said, misinterpreting what Nic was saying. "I know you were hurt, I've tried to be there for you... I..."

Nic's fingers trailed down Dan's cheek as he shook his head slowly. "I'm not talking about me," he said, though he knew Dan hadn't heard it that way. "You've been here for me. You've been amazing. And patient. And more than I could ever ask for. And I've done shit at being there for you. You were hurt too, Baby, and I'm not talking about the bump on your head."

"What we went through, we went through together," Dan told him, firmly. "Let's not talk about about things like that - about what you've done for me and I've done for you. Yes, I was hurt by what happened - but most of my hurt was because you were hurt. I saw you there and I couldn't do anything to help you, I couldn't--" he laughed a little. "I wanted to be able to swoop in and make it all better, but I couldn't. I felt so helpless that day. And I panicked and I couldn't think straight."

"You made it better just by being there," Nic said, smiling softly. He wasn't sure how to explain it to Dan, but just seeing him, knowing he was doing everything in his power to help, had made him feel better. "I'd have panicked too. I'd have been a wreck," he said, laughing softly. "But we're here now, and we're safe. And we can go from there, right?"

"We can go from there," Dan agreed. He snuggled up against Nic, laying his head on his shoulder. "Can we just stay here, for now? I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to do anything - I just want to be here, with you. Can we do that?" he asked.

"We can do that," Nic said, pressing a kiss to Dan's forehead. They had time, and Nic was confident that, if they wanted to get through it, they could. They were strong together, and Nic had no plans of letting anything rip them apart.