The Emphasis is on Coping

Who: Nic and Dan
Where: Their Room
When: After Nic is found and retrieved.

Nic had said little on the climb up the stairs, his legs feeling like jello as he wished they'd been a little closer to the ground floor. He was beyond wondering how he'd been dragged down five flights of stairs and tied to a chandelier; the hit on his head was explanation enough. He cast small, worrisome glances towards the corresponding cut on Dan's head and once they got back into the room, his fingers moved up to lightly stroke Dan's hair there. Now he wanted to boil himself in hot water. He felt absolutely disgusting and... and dirty. Beyond the ability to get clean. But he'd try his best, so long as Dan would stay with him. He didn't want to be left alone.

Dan had been equally quiet as they headed upstairs, wanting to get back to their room. He'd left Nic's side only once since they got him down, not even wanting to stop touching him, be without physical contact with him, even for a moment. The one time he had stepped back was when Nic was being seen to by the doctor, at which time Dan disappeared altogether, reappearing a few minutes later with the supplies he now carried. He'd said nothing about the bag, the wood sticking out of the top of it. He'd just appeared carrying it over one shoulder, taking it with them as they headed slowly upstairs, seemingly forgetting about it in his concern for Nic's progress.

Dan winced slightly and let the bag fall with a clunk to the floor as Nic touched the wound on his head. He tried to cover it - his boyfriend didn't need to be worrying about him right now, not now. He turned instead and firmly locked the door, resisting the urge to pull the desk in front of it. There'd be barrier enough in a while as it was. He looked for a moment back to the bed, to the scattered blankets and the spots and stained of blood on the white sheets. Oh god, they couldn't get away from it, could they?

Nic looked towards the bed, then down at the floor, pulling the blanket that was wrapped around him tighter. "I need a bath," he said quietly, but then was forced to make the decision on whether to have Dan with him or not. He wanted Dan to stay with him, yet he knew Dan could use the time to clean the sheets, which had to be clean before Nic climbed back in bed... which he fully intended to do once he scrubbed a layer of his skin off. He cast a glance towards the bathroom, then began to chew on his lip. "Can you change the sheets and join me?" he asked, his voice trembling slightly. It was a good idea, he told himself.

"You want me to run it for you?" he asked, giving Nic a concerned look, mirroring the lip chewing without thinking about it.

Nic gave a small shake of his head, then squeezed Dan's hand, eyes raising to meet Dan's own. "Don't be long?" he said, uncertain. Though he'd just said he'd run the bath himself, he was reluctant to leave Dan. If he could have his way Dan would run the bath for him and change the sheets and join him all at once. But Nic didn't want to help change the sheets when he still felt covered with raw meat, and he knew he'd want the bed there when he got out, and the more he thought about it the more he turned himself in circles. He didn't want to make decisions. He just wanted to feel safe, and their room no longer seemed to offer that.

"Go - I'll be as quick as I can," he promised, knowing there was more he had to do than a simple sheet change before he'd be able to relax at all. And he wanted to be able to relax, they both needed it.

Reluctantly letting go of Dan's hand, Nic headed towards the bathroom. While his original intention had been a bath, he was now thinking a shower would be better, at least to start with. The idea of sitting in water that was dirty from meat did not appeal to him in the least, so he set the shower to run first, stepping into water so hot it turned his skin pink. Under the spray of water, he could cry freely, tears streaming down his face. The sound of the shower drowned out his sobs until he was able to get some bit of control over himself. Crying would solve nothing, and he was ashamed that they'd pushed him that far. It was what they wanted, whomever this was, and Nic hated to think that he'd let them win.

Dan pulled the covers off the bed carelessly. The idea that he could pop down the hallway and throw them in the washer would have been about as acceptable a suggestion as that he should travel a thousand miles to do the same. For now they were bundled into the back of the closet - out of sight, out of mind. He hastily made the bed up with fresh, before turning to his other task. He was getting used to this by now. this would be the third bar he'd fitted across a door in this damn house and he was beginning to think that he should just post a house-wide offer to do the same for anyone else. Fire hazard be damned - they were more at risk from people trying to break in than any suggestion that they might not be able to get out. He took his worry, anger and frustration out on the nails and screws he used to fix the holders to the wall, then slammed the thick wooden bar into place. It was only as it slid him that he felt he could switch off for a moment. He sank to the floor, so so tired. He'd stopped crying earlier - before Nic had even seen him. He didn't want to start again. Nic needed him to be the strong one here, he needed him to be able to hold it together. Dan took a few breaths, steadying himself, then stood and slipped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

It just didn't seem like he could get clean, no matter how much he scrubbed. Nic could still feel his arms wrapped around that damn lamb, his body crudely shoved inside it. The taste of bacon seemed permanently glued to his tongue and thinking about it made him gag. He should have brought his tooth brush in with him, but he'd not been thinking that far ahead. Nic's skin was quickly going from pink to red as he scrubbed, only stopping once it actually hurt to continue. His hands continued to shake as he turned the shower off, standing there as he debated whether to take a bath or not. Dan could join him in the bath... and with that in mind, he plugged up the tub and let the water run. He sat down in it, pulling his knees to his chest. It was about halfway full when he heard the door close, and he looked towards it, pulling the curtain aside to look up at his boyfriend.

"Bed's clean," Dan told him, walking across the room and perching on the edge of the bath. "And I fixed the door," he added. It hadn't been broken, but it was safe now and somehow Dan didn't want to highlight the fact that he'd had to put a bloody great bar down over it at this particular moment. He paused, looking down at the water for a long moment, before he looked up. "There room for two in there?" he asked, quietly.

Nic nodded, then slid forward, allowing Dan to sit down behind him. The gash on Dan's head was no longer bleeding, but would probably need to be cleaned up. Plus, he wanted his boyfriend close. As close as possible. Clinging to Dan seemed childish, but it was what he had in mind.

Shedding his clothes, Dan slipped into the bath behind Nic' reaching for him and pulling him backwards to rest against his chest. It was an odd position - usually they were the other way round, since Nic was larger than Dan, taller by quite a way, but Dan was in silent agreement with the need to be the one doing the holding right now and he wrapped his arms around Nic.

Nic shifted, turning so that he could wrap his arms around Dan in return. He didn't care how odd the position was; only like this did he feel safe. Closing his eyes, a sob shook through him before he could swallow it back again. "Why does this keep happening?" he asked softly. "Why me? Why us? Can't they pick on someone else?" It wasn't that he wanted it to happen to anyone else, but there was just so much he could handle.

Oh, that was a sound he'd never wanted to here - Nic, crying. Crying Nic just broke Dan's heart and he held him close, resting his cheek against the top of his head. "I don't know, honey - but it's going to stop," he promised. He had no idea what else he could do other than bar their door to keep that promise, but he'd do whatever it took.

The only thing preventing Nic from really and truly crying was the fact that he'd cried himself out. He'd started when he'd woken up hanging from the chandelier, and after those few moments in the shower alone, he thought he had a decent hold on himself, or at least enough to keep from completely breaking down. "You blocked the door again?" Nic asked, now assuming that's what Dan had done with the boards he'd been carrying. "I just don't know how... how to feel safe here. how to sleep. how to forget this morning ever happened." Nic took a deep breath, then swallowed hard. "I didn't think I could be that scared. And then I thought about you, and... I didn't know if you were alright, or strung up somewhere else. And I couldn't do anything. Nothing at all."

"They knocked me out," Dan told him, assuming that was what happened - the doctor had said as much when he was cleaning up his wound. "I woke up and - and you weren't there." He didn't mention the spanner. Nic didn't need to know that. "I kinda lost it - woke up the entire house to look for you. I was so worried," he admitted, his voice quiet. That didn't cover half of it, he knew. He'd been beyond merely 'worried'.

"But you found me," Nic said, a fact, and a comforting one at that. He'd tried his best to make noise, and when he'd found himself unsuccessful, he wasn't sure how long he'd be there before someone came. He knew Dan would look for him, but he had no perception of how soon. Nic sighed softly, eyes still closed as he let the water wrap around him as well as Dan himself. "I feel... violated," he whispered. It was worse than last time. Much worse. Last time humiliation had been the key, but now they'd had more to work with than before.

Dan's arms tightened around Nic instinctively as he said that, hating the implications but unable to see it any other way. Nobody got to touch Nic, nobody. "I found you - I'll always find you. I have you," he whispered, intently.

Nic could have stayed like that, with Dan holding him, for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, the water would eventually start to cool and then he wouldn't be comfortable enough to stay. Shifting around, he looked up at Dan, again reaching up to the bump on his head. "Are you okay? Did the doctor see you?" Nic asked. He had the feeling he had, but Nic wasn't completely aware of everything that had been going on while he was up on the ceiling. He remembered Dan leaving with Dave, then remembered focusing on Zhen till Dan had returned. The morning was a blur, all horrible memories that didn't make much sense.

"He did," Dan affirmed, not relaxing his hold on Nic in the least. "I have a cut in my scalp - he put some glue on it to hold it together." Which would normally have been a bigger deal than he was making it, but under the circumstances, it was nothing. I thought you were dead. "It's not enough," he blurted, suddenly, despite all his promises to himself. "Knowing where to find you after this year. It's not enough. This morning... I thought... You were gone and I didn't know where and anything could have happened to you and i couldn't have lived the rest of the year not knowing where you were and what had happened to you. Honey - I can't do that, I couldn't do that!"

Nic looked up at Dan, a desperation in his eyes. If Dan broke down, Nic would go right along with him, and then they'd just be a mess. Nic knew this, yet he couldn't stop himself from getting worked up as well. "I couldn't-- I didn't want-- I don't know what we could have done to stop it!," Nic said, aware his voice was growing higher in pitch, certainly more whiny than he preferred to hear himself. "I didn't want to leave you! I don't know what I would have done if I was, if I had been where you were. If I'd woken up and--" Imagining how Dan would have woken up, with bloody sheets, alone, sent a chill up Nic's spine, his rubbed-raw skin somehow able to go pale and white. Nic curled up tighter and squeezed his eyes shut, a different morning flashing in his mind. He prayed that horror was not the kind Dan experienced. He prayed to God that fear was not shared. "I'm sorry," he gasped. "I should have been here."

"Like you did this on purpose," Dan laughed - a short, harsh laugh that was lacking any real humour. "Hush up, honey. It won't happen again. Anyone who wants to get at us at night is going to have to scale four storeys to do it. They won't take you from me again," he vowed, gipping him ever more tightly.

Nic swallowed hard, nodding his head. He was going to have a difficult time letting Dan out of his sight, and though he knew that wouldn't really solve anything, it made him feel better. "Do you think we should bar the windows?" he asked, "Or would that be over-kill?" Nic wasn't sure. He had no idea what his attacker was capable of in terms of getting to them, though he was extremely aware of how far they'd do to mess with them.

"You think we're living with Spiderman?" Dan asked - another attempt at humour that fell far short of the mark. "If it makes you feel better, I'll bar the windows." If it makes you feel better, I'll sit and hold you whilst you sleep - but I'll probably do that anyway. I can't wake up without you again. Never leave me.

"No," Nic said, a smile hinting at his lips. "If anyone, Venom, but seriously doubt anyone here's been bitten by radioactive spiders or taken over by alien superhero suits." But imagining that as a possibility did somehow make everything a bit more amusing. It would certainly pose more of a danger though. "I guess we shouldn't," Nic said. "If there was a fire, I'd rather attempt to scale the walls than burn to death... And I feel just a bit more insane having made that choice."

Dan nuzzled against Nic's hair, keeping well clear of his wound. "You're going out with me, I think you have to be a little crazy. Don't you know, I'm stunningly high maintenance. All clingy and not gonna let you out of my sight for the rest of your life. Just call me Limpet-Boy. Since we're on super heroes..."

"So long as you think of me my own super hero name that has nothing to do with meat, I'm good with that," Nic said, cuddling back. But then he turned and pulled the drain, ready to cuddle elsewhere. "You're not high maintenance. Or, I don't think you are, and that's all that matters. And at the moment, I want you to be clingy. At some point, it might get a little annoying, but I'd say you get several years before you hear me complain at this rate." Because Nic wasn't sure he'd be able to handle being left alone for longer than five minutes. It was a fact that scared him, that he knew he'd have to get over, but at the moment, he just didn't care.

Dan stood and held out his hands to help Nic from the tub, stepping onto the floor, his skin becoming a mass of goosebumps. "Years I can handle - as long as I don't have to let you out of my sight for the rest of this year. This morning was the worst morning of my life," he finally admitted.

"I think we can work something out then," Nic said, reaching for towels for both of them. In comparison to what he'd been through, this was most definitely worse. Past experiences, no matter how dramatic, seemed to pale in comparison. Of course, when he'd been living them, they had been the worst moments of his life... so far. Nic just hoped nothing topped this morning's events. "Mine too," Nic said, wrapping his arms around Dan. He still felt bad for scaring Dan, even if he'd been unable to prevent it from happening.

Dan stepped in to his lover, wrapping his towel around both of them as they pressed skin to skin. There was nothing overly sexual about the move, he just craved the contact, knowing that Nic was there. Right now, it meant so much to him. "I'm sorry," he whispered, burying his head in Nic's shoulder. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop it. I'm sorry I didn't do more. I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner. I love you..."

"It's not your fault," Nic said, leaning into Dan's hold. He knew Dan had done everything in his power to find him. He knew because the whole house had been up, with Lina screaming directions as she went. As much as he hated the fact that everyone had seen him, he could not fault anyone for finding him. Most of all, he was glad to be off the ceiling. "I love you, too," he whispered. "I'm sorry I scared you. I wish I-- I just wish it hadn't happened." That was probably obvious, but Nic didn't know what else to say.

"Don't be sorry," Dan told him, nuzzling into his shoulder, wet skin against wet skin. "None of this is your fault. At all." No, it's their fault - whoever they is. And if I ever find them, I'll make them wish they'd never been born. How exactly he'd do that, Dan wasn't sure, but he'd never hated something so much as the idea that his love was threatened. It took him to a whole new level. He swallowed and stepped back, starting to towel Nic down, paying attention to getting him dry and comfortable. Taking care of him.

Nic wasn't used to having someone take care of him, but he could tell that, at the moment, this was just what he needed. He smiled softly, his own hands gently drying Dan as he moved, though every movement felt sluggish. If he was honest with himself, he'd admit he was exhausted, but he wasn't sure what to do about that. Sleep was not an option. Besides, it was early in the day. He wasn't physically tired, just emotionally.

Again, there was nothing remotely sexual in Dan's movements as he dried Nic's torso down, then moved to his arms. Then his legs. Toweling each down softly. Once he was dry, Dan tended to himself, quickly and without the care he'd shown his lover. That done, he discarded the towel onto the stand and took Nic's hand, leading him back into the other room and to the freshly made up bed.

Nothing Dan had done had seemed remotely sexual, yet Nic couldn't be led to bed unclothed. It was just a matter of feeling exposed, of having half the house stare at him all morning, that made Nic uncomfortable even in the security of his own room. When Nic went to the dresser, he pulled Dan over with him, unwilling to let go of him. As soon as he'd retrieved a pair of pajama bottoms, he followed his lover to the bed, relieved that the sheets were clean of blood. For all intents and purposes, it had never happened. There were no remaining physical effects. That didn't mean everything was fine, but it certainly made it easier along the way.

Dan pulled Nic gently into bed, shuffling down underneath the covers, the pillows cool and fluffy beneath his cheek. It wasn't at all time to go to bed, but right now they both needed it. Dan knew that he himself was exhausted after the stress of that morning. That and the fact that all he wanted to do was hold Nic, but tired as he was, he doubted that he'd sleep. The fear of Nic not being there would keep him awake, watching over him. And he had to call Zhen at some point - she'd been understanding as anything earlier, knowing just from their looks that they needed this time alone. but he knew she'd be worried, so he call - even if it was just to leave a message.

Nic crawled into bed, thinking to himself that this no longer felt safe. Even with the door barred shut, he wasn't sure he could sleep. There was that worry that, as soon as they both shut their eyes, someone would find a way in. It was completely illogical and Nic knew it, but logic really didn't matter to him at the moment. "How are we gonna do this?" Nic asked softly, curling up in Dan's arms. "Even with the door shut, I... I mean, last time, I was on something. I've always felt like it was partially my fault, but now... We have nine more months of this."

Dan held him to him, petting his hair with one hand. "It was never your fault, Nic - not even the first time," he said, softly. And I don't know how we're going to do this, I don't know how we're going to get through this, but I can't tell you that right now. Or possibly ever. "We'll get through it, honey. You and me. We'll get there."

Taking a shaky breath, Nic laid his head on Dan's chest and began to listen to his heart beat. It was a different position for them, like the one in the bath, but it was what Nic needed at the moment. With Dan's arms wrapped around him, he wasn't quite as scared. "Don't ever leave me," Nic said. I couldn't take it. I couldn't make it through this without you. It's hard enough as it is.

They'd have to kill me first. Something that once upon a time he would have joked about. Today he didn't even dare say it aloud. Not after this morning, not when he had to face the possibility of his lover's disappearance, his death. That vomit on the floor, that moment of fear. "I'll never leave you," he promised quietly instead.

Nic closed his eyes for a moment, exhaustion hitting him hard. His body fought towards it, but his mind refused and his eyes opened back up. His head hurt, was pounding even, from the blow it had taken with the wrench. His arms and legs were sore and wanted to relax, but relaxing wasn't something that would come to him. The moment he let sleep take over, someone could get him, tie him up again to be humiliated. Nic couldn't take that. "I'm scared," he said in a very small voice he didn't even know he was capable of. And even if he had been, he hadn't realized he trusted anyone enough to say it aloud. His arms tightened around Dan. "I wish I could protect us."

Dan's heart broke just a little more and he clung back to Nic. "It'll be okay, honey," he said, tasting the lie in his mouth. He couldn't give that kind of a guarantee, not here, not in this place. Even if he wanted it.

Nic's chest shook at he gave a little laugh, then looked up at Dan. "Thank you," he said, perfectly aware that Dan couldn't promise such a thing. But it was comforting anyways, just because he knew Dan would do everything in his power to make it true. Sighing quietly, he laid his head back down on Dan's chest. Again, his body wanted to rest, but he continued to fight it.

"Get some sleep," Dan whispered, knowing Nic well enough now to be able to guess that's what he wanted. "I'll be here - I'll stay awake." That was something which he could promise.

"I'll try," Nic said, and knowing that Dan would be there and awake, he would try. It didn't come easy though, or quickly. It felt like it was hours later by the time sleep finally took over, and even in sleep he clung to Dan. Eventually, though, his limps relaxed, and while he was no longer clinging, he continued to cuddle. So long as Dan's presence was near, he'd feel safe, even if he had no idea how safe he actually was anymore.