Over

Who: Sarah and Dan
Where: The Study
When: Morning

After showering and dressing - and wondering when the scientists were going to give them normal clothes, if ever - Sarah wandered downstairs, keeping her eyes open for someone she knew - basically Nic or Dan. She knew she just needed to introduce herself to the others, given there weren't that many of them anymore. She actually preferred having company - some kind of companionship over the solitude. She didn't know how long they'd be there, or when the next time she would wake up and find herself in some other location. She was beginning to think she needed to make the best of whatever day it was because who the hell knew what was going to happen after she went to sleep. The night had been horrible - with the storms, and the creaking of the gate outside. Being afraid of the dark was the last thing she needed in a house like this one. She'd barely slept as it was. She couldn't go the rest of the year in this place without a lot of light.

Entering the study to maybe fiddle with her journal on the computer, she paused in the doorway at the familiar sight. "Morning," she said to Dan, a tiny smile on her face as she stepped inside. They hadn't spoken in a couple of days. Which she hadn't minded so much as she had needed it to clear her head. But she still missed him and now that they were in another house - with significantly less people - she wanted to be able to talk to him and be around him without the weight of their - or her - issues hovering.

Dan had been reading over the note that had been left for them, trying to think of a response, when Sarah walked in and he turned at the familiar voice. "Hi," he said, putting down the pen he'd been holding. "They're asking for requests - things that we want. I've been trying to work out what to put. And, y'know, how much we can ask for," he added with a laugh.

"Requests?" Sarah took a step forward and wrinkled her nose at the paper pinned to the wall with the letter opener. "They're going a bit overboard with the whole haunted house theme, don't you think?" She read the note quickly and then grinned over at Dan. "You honestly can't think of anything to ask for in this place?"

"What, with the whole 'looks like it's been written in blood' thing?" Dan asked, rolling his eyes. He didn't believe that for a moment - the market for fake blood was too good these days. "Tell you what though, these guys have got a real flair for the dramatic - we could of used some of this that time," he added, relating back to a production they'd both been involved in. "Not that you didn't do a fabulous job or anything..." he added, hastily. And then took the change of subject. "No, it's not that - more like, I can think of loads of things I'd want - I'm just afraid the list would be too long..."

Sarah turned back to look at the note. The blood did look real, but it was no doubt fake. She didn't think the scientists were that fucked in the head. Or maybe they were. She ignored Dan's comment and shrugged. "So write down everything you want. Who cares? You might get a few of them, or all of them, you never know." She wanted a lot of things too, but the things she wanted, she doubt she would get. So she settled for requesting a new sketchbook and pencils. She was determined to keep at least one while she was in this stupid place, and the one they'd given her while camping didn't make the trip to the Addam's Family mansion. And sketching was her only semblance of normal and relaxation these days.

"You think?" Dan asked, uncertainly. "I'd be worried about them deciding I was asking for too much and then giving me nothing. Or giving me things that I didn't really want and leaving out the most important things. Or something. Maybe I should just request what I can't live without. Not seem greedy," he suggested, looking worried and uncertain.

"Wow, I think you're putting way too much thought into it. Why don't you request two things you can't live without," Sarah suggested, picking up the quill from the desk, dipping it in the ink, and leaning forward to write her own request. "And one thing that's totally superficial and frivolous that you really want and could live with if you didn't get the two things you couldn't live without." Sarah paused and glanced over her shoulder at him. "Make sense?"

"Makes sense," he said, waiting for her to be done with the quill before leaning over the paper and thinking for a few minutes, before scribbling down his own request. He had to admit, though. The fact that it was public, and the fact that Sarah was standing right there might just have been clouding his choices somewhat.

She read his choices over his shoulder, arching a blonde eyebrow in his direction with a smile. "I think you might just get that baseball cap, since you requested it in black." It would certainly go with the decor of the house. "I think it's a pretty bad situation when you have to request things like shampoo as a possible 'reward'."

He gave her a Look. "Well, if you'd lent me yours the other day, I wouldn't need to, would I?" he asked her, well aware of how greasy his hair was right now - he was hoping that he'd be given his product of choice back. His tone wasn't at all snippy though, actually much more jokey. It was amazing what a good night's sleep in a comfortable bed could do for a man. And Dan, forever the heavy sleeper, had actually managed an entire night's sleep.

"I offered!" Sarah protested, her tone just as amused. Hadn't she? Or had she stuck to her determination that he could deal with greasy hair. Her own sick version of revenge. Or something equally as childish. No matter. Sarah eyed his hair critically. "And your hair looks really fabulous like that, Danny. So stringy and limp. It does wonders for your cheekbones."

She had, as well - but she'd added on the whole 'accompany me whilst I bathe' thing and he'd just felt too uncomfortable to accept. "Yeah, yeah - the stringy, limp hair and the several days of beard - it's a great look on me," he told her, rolling his eyes. It definitely clashed with the well cut suit he was wearing. A different one today - a charcoal grey with a black pin stripe. Apparently all the scientists had left him was suits - but they all fit so nicely, it was a shame to just wear the trousers, though he'd foregone a tie today and just left the collar of the white shirt open.

"Well, if anyone could pull it off, it would be you." Though it was terribly amusing to see him in such a physical state when he was usually so meticulous with his hair. She wanted to reach out and touch his stubble, but resisted. No touching allowed. Sarah glanced down to pick a small piece of lint from her silk top. She was deciding she liked red as a color on her. "I sort of feel like I haven't seen you much over the last couple of days." And she knew it was an abrupt topic change. "Are you all right? What with everything that's been going on."

"Well, things have been mad," he agreed. "But - surprisingly, yeah. I'm fine. Spent a night huddled on the floor of the chapel, when the wolves started, but... Not too bad. And at least we're warm and dry now. This place is incredibly weird, but it's better than camping - really don't think I'm cut out for camping." He didn't mention the incident by the stream. He'd prefer to forget all about that.

"Yeah. Camping. It was pretty rough, but interesting to see how everyone adapted - or didn't, in some cases. But you know, it wasn't so bad. I actually had a little bit of fun, oddly enough." And she'd had a bit of fun with Zania. And Conor. Neither of which were in the house with her now. She wished they were. Looking at Dan, she also wished that she could turn back time to when they were just friends. And stop everything there. When things were fun, and simple and she could talk to him about the things going on in her life. Her feelings and experiences and just everything. She wished she could look at him without a mixture of emotion and resentment. Standing there with him now, she realized her journal entry was right. She hadn't forgiven him as she'd tried to convince herself that she had. And wow, so many thoughts flying through her mind after a five minute conversation. But this was the guy who'd changed her life in the best of ways - and the worst.

"Wouldn't have wanted to go with it for any longer though," Dan said, agreeing with her and totally oblivious to his standing as far as forgiveness went. He was just trying to get on with things, without everything being so stunningly awkward. He didn't really know how to do that though, so he was just making it up as he went along and hoping for the best.

Sarah hated conversations like this. Small talk, slight awkwardness. What was worse was that it was with Dan. Dan. Ex-best friend. Guy who knew all her deep dark secrets...well, not that she had any, but all the mildly dark secrets anyway. Dan, who knew her family. And who would lay with her until the wee hours of the morning. Now he didn't even like it when she touched him. With a tiny sigh, she placed her hands on her hips. "I don't like this," she admitted after a moment. "That we're talking like we've never met before."

Dan sighed and slumped back against the wall. "I'm sorry - I just... I don't like it either," he told her, feeling helpless. "I - I just don't know what else to do. How I'm meant to act. I find myself second-guessing absolutely everything and hating myself for it. I just... Wish..." That things were like they were before. Before... Yeah.

"Just...be Dan," Sarah said with a soft hint of desperation in her voice. "I don't need you act one way or another. And...I don't think you need to second guess anything. Things are what they are. I can't change them anymore than you can, but we're stuck here, together...I can't go a whole year like this with you. Not after everything that's happened."

"But..." He slid down the wall to sit on the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest. "I don't know... How can I be that guy? After what happened?" How can I hug you like I used to, without thinking about it. I used to touch you so much and now - would I be leading you on? Would I be tempting myself? Would one thing lead to another? I don't know. "I don't want... I..." He didn't have the words.

Sarah sighed and shifted to sit down next to him, making sure to keep a comfortable enough distance. She pulled her legs up to mimic his position and settled her arms casually on top of her knees. "You're still that guy, Dan. And yes, that guy is the guy I fell in love with, but...that's..." Over. "It's not the same anymore. It's been six months. A lot has happened in six months. I'm trying really hard not to make you uneasy, but you need to realize that continually running from me, and everything that happened, is just going to make this situation get worse."

He looked over at her. Yeah, but that guy is the guy that fell in love with you too. He couldn't say that - he couldn't. Almost as if to openly acknowledge the feelings he'd had for her would be risking the possibility that he'd feel that way again, despite the fact that he was with Nic. Hadn't he been with Pete? Dan couldn't admit to her that he was as scared about himself as her. "It can get worse?" he asked her, instead.

"I think so," Sarah admitted, leaning her head back against the wall. She'd never had a problem being honest with Dan about anything until lately. Lately it had been like walking on eggshells, like she had to watch what she said, or how she said it. It seemed to go against her very nature to act that way and it was starting to weigh on her. Sarah had always been willing to deal with the issues between them. In her mind, it was Dan who was avoiding the truth, denying there had been anything real between them. Chalking up what happened to a drunken one night stand and then disappearing. Maybe if he would just admit to her that he'd really loved her at one point, she could move on. Maybe. "We have a history, Dan. Regardless of how it ended, it's still there. There's already this awkward tension between us. I just think...if we don't deal with it, it's going to keep building to the point where it's going to be unbearable just being in the same house together."

She was right, and he knew it. He just wasn't sure that he was ready to deal with everything - whether he'd ever be ready to deal with everything. For him, what had happened between them had been so much more than just a drunken one night stand where he'd cheated on his partner. It had rocked the very foundations of his world, questioned his entire self-identity. And to face her and what had happened would mean facing up to that - something which, since he'd met Nic, he'd been managing very well to pretend didn't really exist.

His silence didn't unnerve her whatsoever. She knew he was thinking - probably overthinking everything - but at least he wasn't trying to deny what she was saying. Sarah waited a moment before she reached over to settle her hand on top of his in a gentle, non-possessive way. "It doesn't have to be this hard, does it? We've both moved on, haven't we? So can't we just try to deal with this and get it to a point where we can get back on track to being friends again?"

He didn't move when she touched him. He didn't say anything either, or for a few minutes after that. Eventually though, his eyes ticked up to meet hers. "It's... For me... It's not... I don't know how to talk about this without saying something that might - that you might take offence to," he admitted.

"Dan," Sarah began with a tiny sigh and a very small, dry smile. "You slept with me, disappeared the next morning for three days, then you told me you needed to clear your head and vanished for about six months, and now you're suddenly afraid of offending me?" Her tone lacked sarcasm, and was instead a bit amused. "We used to be able to be honest with each other. Even if we didn't like what we heard, remember?" She squeezed his hand. "I know things feel different now, but I'll still listen to anything you have to say. It has to be better than you not saying anything at all."

Dan quirked a smile. "Well - if you put it like that..." he said, and then sighed, dropping his eyes. "Look, everything that happened - between us... For me, it's not just - there's so much wrapped up in there. It's not just - it's not just about you. It's..." He had to try this, he knew. "It's like living all your life thinking that you're one thing, and then suddenly maybe finding out that you're something else." Woah, cryptic and not at all clear there, but it was the best he could manage.

It might have been cryptic, but she understood what he was saying. It was what she had been saying ever since it came to light that he had feelings for her. "And now you're having a hard time dealing with that realization. Do you think ignoring that part of you is going to make it go away? That if you run from it, the way you did from me, everything will return to normal for you?" Sarah watched him closely, knowing that it was best to just be blunt rather than dance around the topic until he was comfortable enough to talk about it.

Dan frowned, not liking the way she'd put that. "No," he told her, but he didn't sound exactly sure about that - more that he didn't like to admit that maybe she had a point. He drew his legs up, wrapping his arms around them and balling up in a defensive position as he watched her.

She recognized the position he was in, but didn't back down. She said they needed to deal with this and they did. They would. Otherwise she would go mad from the entire situation of just being there with him. "No. Then why did you leave? I mean, really. Without telling me you weren't going to come back. I think you were afraid of what it meant to have feelings for me, and sleeping with me. And no, it wasn't just about me it was about me being a woman. You didn't want to face that so you left. You forced me behind you, joined something that would take you away from the outside world and the implications in it, and got a new boyfriend and best friend to help you forget all of it." Sarah paused, shifting her gaze away from his face to sweep it along the study, trying not to let herself get worked up. "Being bisexual doesn't change who you are, Danny. Your sexuality doesn't define you."

"Doesn't it?" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. "So says someone who's never had to face people who think it really does. You have no idea what it's like to grow up being defined by that one word. No idea at all," he snapped at her.

Sarah jerked her gaze to his, anger overwhelming any hurt feelings. "No, you're right, I don't. But even if I did have to face that, I wouldn't let other people tell me who I am, or what I'm supposed to be," she snapped back. "You're your own person, Dan, you have been as long as I've known you. And it drives me absolutely mad that you're denying this and running away from it rather than trying to accept it. You're stronger than that."

"So, what - I should just accept this and move on? Never mind that it means that that 'own person' I am? Isn't the person I thought he was." He pushed up and away from the wall. "I - I can't do this right now," he said, moving to push passed her and out of the room.

Sarah ran both hands through her hair with a sigh before deciding to follow. She caught up to him and touched his arm gently. "Dan, wait...please don't walk away. I'm not trying to tell you to just accept it and move on. I know it's not that easy. But is this what you're going to do forever? Just...lie to yourself and run away from it?"

"No, yes, no - I don't know!" Dan protested, looking confused and miserable. "I'm not lying to myself - but I don't see why this is something I have to deal with - it was just... It's over - that's it, Sarah. Over and it was just one of those things." So much for not wanting to hurt her, but he felt backed into a corner. Why did he have to deal with this? He had Nic now, to face up to the fact that maybe he liked women too was pointless - it was never going to go anywhere.

Just one of those things. A fairly eloquent way to put what had happened between them. So why was she so convinced there was something more there when Dan kept insisting there wasn't? Was she that desperate for vindication? Maybe she was. But she'd never been one to shrink away when she was so sure she was right. "So, what you felt for me was just one of those things. Something you can just put away and ignore and pretend never existed. Is it really that easy for you, Dan?"

Does it look like this is easy for me? he wished it was - if it was, they could just go back to being friends and this wouldn't be this stunningly awkward. he knew he wasn't making any sense to her, and very little to himself. He just didn't know what to do. "I... Sarah..." He had no words here.

Sarah frowned, realizing that she wasn't going to get any real answers from him. He wanted to avoid it - and maybe her - and there wasn't much else she could do. She didn't know what she'd expected from it all, or from him. Why was she still holding onto something that wasn't hers? And would never be? She stepped back from him with a tiny sigh. "Did you...ever really love me? At some point? Or was it really just a drunken mistake?" Please don't lie to me. Though she wasn't sure either answer would make her feel any better.

He considered it, he really did. As he stood there and looked at her, Dan seriously considered lying. But, he just coudln't do it. She had meant to much to him. She still meant to much to him - as much as he was fucking this up monumentally. "I loved you," he told her in a small voice, before pushing passed her and walking away as quickly as he could manage.

Sarah watched him leave, her heart in her throat. She wanted to ask him to stay, but what would be the point? This is what he did when he came to her - walking away. He said he'd loved her, and he left anyway. And now he had someone new, someone he wasn't going to leave. But he had loved her. And she'd loved him. So how did things end up like this? Why weren't they together? She didn't know if it was because Nic was a man, or because he just loved Nic more than he'd loved her. She didn't know. And right now, she didn't want to.