Journals

Fuck, it's been a while since I wrote in this, hasn't it? Guess I fell out of the habit when things started going to hell in a fucking handbasket. That'll have an impact on one's introspective time. Anyways, whatever, I have more shit on my mind now. I hooked up with Leija. So, officially, we're together. Or whatever the fuck you call it.

so close...

it gets worse at night.

This is insane - this is the insanity that my life has become. This is, in no particular order, my 'to do' list:-

So, a lot is going on again, and I suppose I should take some time out to attempt to sort my head. It's kind of a messy place at current. And by kind of I mean explosively, apocalyptically bad. Yes, that's right, I just said it was the end of the world in my brain. Anyways.

God. Where do I even start? I just stared at the page for five minutes, not even knowing where to begin. I know I have to begin somewhere, but where? When there's so much crap floating around in the back of my brain and all of it is pretty much equally as insane, where do you even jump in? Okay whatever I'm just picking the first thing that goes through my mind.

So the rules changed again. They do that, even in the best days. By now, I should be used to it, should anticipate the shift coming the very moment I begin to grasp my place in things. But some how, some way, I never do. And honestly, this time I'm not scared. Sure I'm uncertain about how to go about it all, but I'm not afraid to fail, or slip up. I sit here and I wonder how to manage shifting the world without actually touching it, and it fascinates me.

the world is slowly going to shit

I so can't do this.

I'm here. Everything's quiet. And dusty. Like he hasn't been here in a long time.

[because I never gave him one before, Joshua's handwriting can be found here.]

Hm. It seems though that out of my other members of my own compound, the thought of remaining in the research facility for a full week to work on data, seems to be rather odd to them. The fact that I brought a mini fridge with microwavable food, a cot, and easy changes of clothing and foam wash made them feel rather... odd.

When one is dedicated to science like I am, one has to truly dedicate themselves to it.

However, my research was rather brilliant. Even though my boss has put me on- how agitating a advised forced vacation...

In the night of death, hope sees a star, and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing. - Robert Ingersoll

4:13AM, Wednesday, September 12
Music: None

I think I'm going crazy. First taking feeding donations when I *know* I shouldn't, then chasing down Acherus and *killing* them, and now thinking about *kissing* someone. Oh, and then chasing down *more* Acherus, and prowling around making sure the town is well quit of them before I came home.

It beat freaking out about the kiss thing.

People probably want me to say I'm a good person…but I can't. It isn't in my nature to deceive them, and that would be a deception. I'll tell anyone straight out how things are without any sugarcoating. No glossing over or lies.

September 11, 2007
9:00 pm

7:46am, Tuesday, September 11th.

6:52AM, Tuesday, September 11
Music: Metallica, the Unforgiven

I killed four Acherus vampires last night.

Four.

I slept today. I slept because I didn't know what else to do. So, I dosed myself with sleep medication, and crashed. I don't remember dreaming, it was a really heavy sleep. But I kind of didn't want to wake up. Everything is up in the air right now, and it feels like I'm falling. Like a total freefall and it sucks. I haven't written a journal entry since before I died. I don't have my proper journal to write in. This I got from Sophie, just a plain notebook. But it works. I can write in it. So...whatever. I'm not sure I can even get everything out, right now though. There's so much. I guess I should fill in some backstory.

Sept. 10, 2007 11:47pm

This must be how families left behind during war feel. Please god don't let this last forever.

2:38PM, Sunday, September 9
Music: Rise Against, Torches

So I slept from about eleven last night until about noon today. I fell asleep in the van, for crying out loud, because I was too tired to drive home. And then was stuck inside until it started raining and I could get home in the five minutes before the sun peeked out again. Theresa says I got sunburnt even through the clouds, but I think she's just trying to be bitchy and make me worry. I don't think I can get just a little sunburnt. I'll just ash up and die, or something.

New thought.

I ADVANCED!! In both telepathy and earth. I'm still utterly useless as an earth elemental but I GOT BETTER!

      Charlotte.

Test post - Please ignore!

mom came home last night. really late. long after Kaysen left with Harkin. Apparently she was worried about me

it's too early to be awake. but then again, I haven't really slept. The sun hasn't risen yet, but it's starting too. I can see a bit of color over the horizon when I look out my bedroom window. I've been watching the sky for hours, trying to make sense of everything. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary outside. I thought maybe I saw a shadow or two move in the neighbor's yard... a few times I got chills, thinking someone was watching me in the window, but I think that had more to do with the late hour, lack of sleep and heightened paranoia more than anything else. amazing what fear can make you see - even if nothing is really there.

2:54AM, Saturday, September 8
Music: Oingo Boingo, Dead Man's Party (oh, the irony...)

Acherus.

Here.

6:46am, Friday, September 7, 2008. Transcribed verbatim from the voice recorder of Geo F. Williams. Entry three.

[Memo: Music recorded in the background - Subdivisions, Rush. Only lyrics audible before author turned it down: Sprawling on the fringes of the city, in geometric order, an insulated border - in between the bright lights, and the far unlit unknown...]

He told me he LOVES me.

No. For serious. And he's said it since.

10:31PM, Thursday, September 6
Music: AFI, Nephilim

2:56PM, Wednesday, September 5
Music: Blue October, Overweight (shut up, I can listen to stupid pop sometimes if I want to)

I'm going back tonight. Back to Marquette. To home? I don't know. I hope the van will last. It made all sorts of funny noises on the way out, and it rattles funny when I go faster than 65MPH. I'm *definitely* hunting down the guy who sold it to me and getting a real dinner out of him. He deserves it. Then I'm dropping the van off somewhere for a complete overhaul. If I'm living this far from my sire, I need a working car.

I don't know why the hell I did that