echoinglullaby's blog

So, I was murdered.

Which by the way, diary, if you're wondering, is a really, fantastically fucked up thing to ever write down and then read over again. Just so you know.

~Things For The Group~

So, a lot is going on again, and I suppose I should take some time out to attempt to sort my head. It's kind of a messy place at current. And by kind of I mean explosively, apocalyptically bad. Yes, that's right, I just said it was the end of the world in my brain. Anyways.

God. Where do I even start? I just stared at the page for five minutes, not even knowing where to begin. I know I have to begin somewhere, but where? When there's so much crap floating around in the back of my brain and all of it is pretty much equally as insane, where do you even jump in? Okay whatever I'm just picking the first thing that goes through my mind.

I slept today. I slept because I didn't know what else to do. So, I dosed myself with sleep medication, and crashed. I don't remember dreaming, it was a really heavy sleep. But I kind of didn't want to wake up. Everything is up in the air right now, and it feels like I'm falling. Like a total freefall and it sucks. I haven't written a journal entry since before I died. I don't have my proper journal to write in. This I got from Sophie, just a plain notebook. But it works. I can write in it. So...whatever. I'm not sure I can even get everything out, right now though. There's so much. I guess I should fill in some backstory.

I'd start this with 'dear diary' like I usually do, but I don't have the heart for it this morning. We had to leave them there. I'm still...dealing with that. I don't know where they went. People I've known for years...they're just gone. Swallowed up by the mine, or the place, or whatever, but there wasn't any sign of the tunnel they went through. I could even understand a cave in, but there wasn't anything. I don't know why I'm even surprised. I shouldn't be. I mean, this whole thing from the start screamed Weird, but still. I just...can't believe it. I keep thinking about Isaac, and the last talk we had, and how we're both dealing with the supernatural stuff, and we're just...normal. What if awful things have happened and he can't deal with it? What about the rest of them? Thom? Kaysen? Leija? Them being gone kind of really hits home that I didn't know them really well. I feel like I should have done something. Like some action should have been taken, or there was something that I should have thought of before we went in there that would have prevented this.

[ mood | melancholy ]
[ music | Seeing Things by The Black Crowes ]

Dear Diary,
Life seems to have just crashed and burned. Badly. I don't know which way is up anymore, or something. I don't know what to focus on, either. No, scratch that. I know what to focus on. I need to focus on the dream stuff, the mine stuff. Because then I can stop thinking about that huge gaping wound that is Journey being gone.

[ mood | determined ]
[ music | Take To The Sky by Tori Amos ]

Dear diary,

Michael told me to get and wear a religious symbol. I had one from my dad, a pentacle or whatever and it's really pretty and silver, with a purple stone in the center. Amethyst? Something like that. Whatever. Doesn't matter. I'm gonna wear that one, and I gave Journey another one he sent me, it's a cross, only like, different than normal. Russian, I think. It's nice. But what's got me worried is that if I'm supposed to wear one for protection, what about everyone else? I can't not protect

mood: contemplative
music: Volcano Girls by Veruca Salt

Dear Diary,
I have a boyfriend! A real boyfriend, and it's Joshua. Yeah, I know, that happened fast, but it's okay! Maybe it's just meant to be, and that's why. Either way, it's amazing, and I just adore him. Journey says that he's really serious about me because of some look he gave him that I didn't notice. But that's okay. I'm all happy with it.

Current mood: ecstatic
Current music: Sway by Anita Kelsey

Dear Diary