uneven_trade's blog

I'm here. Everything's quiet. And dusty. Like he hasn't been here in a long time.

I don't know why the hell I did that

4:57am

I don't know what to write tonight. I have absolutely no way of putting anything in my head into proper words right now and I dont know if I ever will again. I thought things were getting better

I cant even bring myself to take it off

everything feels wrong again

When I think I've got things settled, something else happens that sort of throws it all into upheaval. I actually have an apartment. It's not a long term lease, thankfully, but it's nice to have a roof over my head and some place that doesn't make me feel so alone - even if it is damn near empty. And I am starting to think that Herbert may just be the perfect roommate. He sleeps like a freaking bear - except that night I wasn't home and he came looking for me - so when I come home late, I don't worry about waking him up because I don't think even the fire alarm could do that.

I haven't written in five days. It's amazing the amount of things that can happen in five days. I've met some new people, all of which are interesting in their own way. Herbert...he was sweet. Genuine. Innocent, I think. He made me laugh. I hope he calls. Would be nice to get out of this hotel room. And I finally talked to Domino, who I work with at Mya's. Total player, but sweet...and extremely nice to look at. I met some random guy at Babylon, who then came into Mya's, and who, believe it or not, seemed to have more life issues than me!

why do I drink? I keep saying I won't again and I do. every time.

at least I made it back to my room safely. that counts for something.

dad still hasn't called. I left another message. Maybe he's on a hunt? I just wish he'd call me back.

I'm going to pay Antique Girl back tomorrow and leave if dad hasn't called yet. I can hitch back to Maine, no problem.

I'm way too tired to write something proper. I know if I write everything jumbling about inside of my head, I'll read it later and see nothing but gibberish. I guess that's what happens when you work two jobs. Or run several blocks to your hotel room in a downpour. But it's getting me closer to having some cash to be able to pay back Antique girl, get my mother's ring back, and take off. I know now, that I need to just focus on that, more than anything. Getting out of Marquette.

What am I doing?