who: joshua and lullaby
where: outside his place/journey's
when: late

When he got home, Joshua slept. Not very well, but some, and he was awake again at around eleven. He completely skipped dinner, which he knew bothered Sean, but the angel didn't say anything about it. And now the apartment was completely quiet and still, and it was just him sitting on his bed in his boxers, back against the wall, with his arms resting on his upraised knees. There was only a single lamp on. He was just sitting and looking at his partial reflection in the mirror attached to the cheap dresser across the room. He didn't look like himself. At least not the person he used to be. Besides the stubbled head and the dark lines of the tattoo he could see on his bare shoulder, there was something different about his face. His eyes had changed, he thought. He had a distant feeling that they would disturb his mother. Not that it mattered much. Joshua leaned his head back against the wall behind him and shut his eyes, listening to the very faint sounds of the apartment building layered above the deeper whoosh of silence.

It wasn't that she didn't miss him. Because she did. It was a dull ache in her heart. Her problem was it was right there alongside her parents, and the rest of her world. It was there mixed in with everything. Everyone. School, home, going outside, talking to people, laughing, playing music, watching television, getting ice cream...everything. The concept that she'd put together the other night kept swirling through her mind, and she kept sinking in it. Everyone she cared about had lost her. But she'd lost everyone. And not just the people, she'd lost her entire life. So it wasn't just one loss she was dealing with. It was everything all piled on top of one another.

Dean thought she should tell people. She still didn't know if she should or not. There were so many factors that went into it all, none of which she had even the slightest idea how to quantify. If she did, would it only make everything worse for her? Today she'd reached the conclusion that Dean would leave eventually. That he'd drift, and drift, and one day he'd stop being there altogether, and that was probably best for him, as much as it pained her to think about. Would that happen with Joshua too? If it did, could she handle it? If she told him, would it be for purely selfish reasons? What was best for him? She cared about him so much...she wanted whatever was best. Her mind kept bringing her back to that fact. That she wanted whatever was best for him and she didn't know if that was her anymore. Not with what had happened to her, not with whatever the hell she was now. She still didn't know on that score, after all. She still had to wonder if she was flat out evil, even if she didn't mean to be. Or maybe she'd become it eventually.

She didn't know if she was something bad. So...what if Joshua was afraid of her? Or hated her? Or just...god, she didn't know if she could take that either. The thought made her feel sick. Sick and like she should curl up into a little ball and disappear. This was all so much harder than is should be. What if Sean tried to hurt her? Because she was something Else and it might hurt Joshua in the long run? That was what he did...right? Protected Joshua, no matter what? What if he knew better than her what she was? What if it didn't really matter? It wasn't like she could properly explain. She couldn't explain it all to herself, let alone someone else, and she still didn't even think Dean quite knew what the fuck was going on. And he had as full a story as she could come up with. Not that it had been a very good one.

It had been so much easier with Dean, because he'd literally stumbled onto her. She hadn't had to think about all the repercussions, because she'd been discovered. Caught. Whatever. It was taken out of her hands, and she had to roll with it from there. This, though. This was something else. This was her trying to make a decision that could potentially fuck up everything, even worse than it was already fucked up. And that was pretty fucked. Like the difference between a trainwreck and a nuclear holocaust. From 'horribly fucking bad' to 'I can't even process this'. He was already cursed, did he really need some negative-energy-craving dead girlfriend on top of that? Oh yeah, and one who might be something truly fucking awful, horror-movie-awful, and will be sixteen forever? She still wasn't even sure it wasn't the right thing to do to just...start walking and not stop until she was Someplace Else. Someplace far away where no one knew her, and she would stay there for a while, then leave, then go to a new place.

She'd gone out walking, and she didn't realize where she'd been headed until she was standing outside of Joshua's apartment building. She still hadn't made her decision. Still hadn't come any closer to figuring out what the right thing to do was. Contacting him could mean a temporary sort of peace. But the shit storm that would be on the horizon...and that was best case scenario. If Sean didn't decide she needed to be taken out five minutes ago.

She found herself skirting the edge of the building, looking up to where she knew his room would be located. His light was on. He could have forgotten it, she supposed, but maybe he hadn't. Maybe he was up there, and awake. Maybe he was waiting.

Lullaby didn't know how long she stayed there, didn't have any true concept of time(and the time on her phone didn't help, being apparently, it was going on thirteen oclock?) as she just...watched his window. She'd been staying in the shadow of the building, but as it got later, the shadows moved, and the moonlight slanted over her, illuminating her again. So she wasn't just a shadow. So she was there. She had her phone out, and she sent a message--even if she never had come to that all important decision. It was like a compulsion, like an event she had no control over. She didn't even look at the number--she knew his by heart even if he wouldn't recognize hers.

Look outside.

On the bedside table, interrupting his random flow of non-thought, Joshua's phone started to buzz and dance across the wood. It startled him pretty badly, his entire body tensing up until he realized what it was. He looked at the phone just as it dropped off the edge of the nightstand and hit the floor. He realized in an odd sort of clarity that it hadn't rung since Lullaby died. It had been cleaned up some at the police station and given back to him, but absolutely no one had called him. He just ... hadn't had a need to use it. But it was buzzing now. Or had been, because he couldn't hear it anymore. He shifted and started to reach for it. A bit too quickly and without very good aim, as he thunked the side of his forehead against the nightstand. Cursing softly, Joshua got his fingers around the damn thing and sat up again. He had a text. From a number he didn't know. He flipped it open and read the message, frowning slightly. Look outside?

Joshua slid off the edge of the bed and stood up, going around the nightstand to his window. He looked outside, across the small stretch of grass that was between his building and another parking lot. The moon was out and it looked like somebody was st-- All of the sudden it felt like everything in him stopped dead. That was until his heart remembered what it was supposed to do and started to pound hard. Joshua's mouth went dry and he stared wide-eyed. Because standing out there on the grass with the moon shining on her was Lullaby. It was a face he'd know anywhere. The phone dropped out of his numb fingers and he flat out couldn't move, much less think.

He stood there staring for an eternity that was probably actually about twenty seconds, and then his hand shot out to fumble with the latch to the window. She was right there. She was there and he had to get out there to her. Not taking his eyes off of her, lest she disappear, Joshua got the window unlocked and threw it up and open. Even if she was a ghost, even if she was a fucking hallucination, she was there and that meant he couldn't be inside. He got a leg up and started to climb out. Only his foot caught in his rush and instead of actually landing the right way, he ended up toppling forward, half into a bush and half with a face full of dry mulch. He struggled to get upright again, scratching himself up all to hell in the process, because she was there she was standing right there he'd seen her and oh sweet mother of Jesus she was there and he had to get to her --

She opened her mouth to try and tell him to use the door, but was too late. His heart wasn't the only one that was pounding, as she was once again blindsided with the idea that this was just bad. That she'd done the wrong thing and now everything was going to be fucked up and what happened if Sean decided to kill her? What if Joshua saw? And okay she'd be back the next day but what if?! The thoughts and horrors flickering through her mind, however, didn't have anything to do with her physical self, which just wanted to run over and latch on. Latch on, and not let go, and...she'd figure everything else out later. Later like...next year sometime maybe when some things started to make sense to her again.

Though she still had the sneaking suspicion that nothing ever would again, but... She stepped forward, but she'd been right at the edge of the shadow to the building, and she vanished when she started to go towards him, so she immediately hopped back again, not wanting to play here-then-not because it would freak him out and frankly it still freaked her out. So she had to stay where she was, while incredibly worried that he'd hurt himself and god, why had she done things that way? To avoid Sean. You don't know what he'll do to you. her mind supplied. "Are you okay?" she asked, voice unsteady, as she kept almost going to rush for him again and stopping at the last second. No disappearing.

By the time she actually spoke, he'd gotten his feet under him again and stood up. He was dirty and bush-scratched and he'd kind of hurt his neck, but he didn't even notice. Her voice drifted over to him, and hit him almost like a physical thing. It was the last coherent thing she'd said to him before she died. Asking if he was okay. Joshua's vision blurred and he was moving again, body doing what his mind couldn't quite catch up to commanding. She wasn't that far away, but he ran anyway. He had no idea what was going on, only that she was there and he could hear her. To stop himself from completely pummeling into her, Joshua dropped to his knees and slid a couple of inches. He wasn't entirely sure that he wouldn't fall through whatever he was seeing and right onto his face again until his body connected with her's, arms wrapping immediately around her hips and locking there. She was there, and solid, and ... there. His brain was still locked up, all rationality just agape and speechless. There weren't any coherent thoughts, there was just the overwhelming drive to cling. His breathing was coming quick and harsh, and he wasn't positive that he wasn't having a heart attack.

"Joshua--" she'd started, but then he was there, and hugging her, and she was thinking he'd hurt himself, and all thought went away after that. Because he was there, and hugging her and there was contact and he was warm, and solid, and the world felt like a less fucked up place to be all at the same time. Her arms hugged his head to her abdomen, since that's how he'd latched on, and she was okay with that for right now. She was okay with like...everything for right now. Her heart was still thudding in her chest, and her throat felt tight. She knew she should start talking, but words failed her. She didn't even know where to start, and figuring it out would require her thoughts moving past the screaming sweeping relief that was overtaking her mind body and spirit.

Even though he was clinging to her, his body didn't much want to keep him so upright. The muscles in his legs were kind of trembling -- along with the rest of him -- and so he sat back. But not away from her, oh no. He clutched at her, reaching up to pull her down with him, into his lap, against his bare chest. It didn't really occur to him that he was only in his boxers, out on the lawn, clinging to a dead girl. Because she wasn't, he could feel her heart beating just as hard as his was. Joshua clung to her, subconsciously mimicking the position he'd been in with her body when the authorities had found them. Only this time she was holding him back, he could feel it. All he could do at the moment was hold tight to her, like she might get away from him if he loosened his grip. He buried his face into her neck and took a huge deep breath that wasn't at all steady.

Her arms were around his neck, her fingers against his head--where was his hair?-- and she was trying to remember how to breathe. It seemed to have become some strange, alien process to her that she didn't at all recall how to perform. That was until she gasped in a breath, and clinged tighter. God, how had she ever thought even for a minute that she shouldn't see him? Or that she couldn't? Right now all of that logic lost meaning to her, even if she'd be back to panicking later. That emotionally unstable thing she was rockin lately was in full swing, this time towards the upside of things. She slid her hand along his neck, and quite suddenly her own felt a pang, a sudden sharp ouchie that had her sucking in a breath. What had happened? Not that she was pulling back, it just was strange.

If Joshua had been paying any attention at all to himself, he would've noticed that the dull pulled-'cause-he-landed-on-his-head pain disappear from the muscles in his neck. But he wasn't, so he didn't. His brain was beginning to catch up to things, starting to come out of the fog of shock and heart-pounding overwhelming ... something ... he couldn't even begin to find words for the feeling. It was joy and grief and shock and disbelief and fear and relief all wrapped up together. He didn't want to let go of her at all, but his voice was starting to come back, and he wanted to see her face. So he pulled back just enough to do that, one hand moving from her side to reach up and run it's fingers through her hair and move it away from her face. "Lullaby," he whispered. It was a start.

"Joshua...I..." she started. Then stopped because she felt like she was going to burst into hysterical tears. And oh god he had scratches on him and he looked all haunted and she'd seen him before, the one day, but she hadn't been up close, and now she was and she didn't know what to do first. Which was a decision that was made for her as she pulled him closer to kiss him. That seemed...much more important. Or maybe necessary. She wasn't sure, she didn't know, and she wasn't going to waste more time by trying to kickstart her brain when it was stuck. But kissing him...that was an action, that didn't require thought and it might put into feelings things she couldn't word properly.

Her voice -- which he was just starting to accept that he'd never hear again -- was like music to his ears, cheesy as that thought was to have. But then she was kissing him, and that was okay too. That was better than okay. He made some soft whimper in the back of his throat and kissed her back. Her lips were a little cooler than they'd always been, but they were outside and more importantly she was fucking alive, so that escaped his notice as well. He kissed her back with desperate eagerness that he couldn't even begin to curb, arms tightening around her again. He was kissing her. Lullaby was alive, and he was kissing her. Unless he was dreaming, but all the little aches and pains in his body said that wasn't really true. It was still possible that he'd gone completely, screaming insane, but if that was the case, he couldn't care less. If it meant he could have this. Have her back. His mind was crowding up with a billion questions, first and foremost being 'what the hell?' but all of them got ignored in favor of tasting her again.

It felt like it had been a million years. But then again, everything seemed to her like it had been ages. Ages and ages. Eons. Forever. It hadn't been, but damn that's what it was like. And for this, something so incredibly simple, it was amazing. Again, she had to wonder how in the living fuck she'd ever thought about not seeing him. Not talking to him. Just leaving or...something. She kissed him until she absolutely had to pull back, hands sliding down over the tops of his shoulders and then down his arms, and she hissed in a little pain, as little bites of light pain tingled along her flesh, and she looked down, tugging the collar of her shirt aside to see scratches on her chest. What the hell? No, seriously, what was happening? Oh god. Was she...was something going wrong with her? Could her dad like...cancel the spell? Panic hit hard and she found herself clinging to him again, like she might disappear at any moment.

Joshua blinked as she pulled her shirt to the side and just had time to catch a small glimpse of scratches there before she was clinging to him again. "What's wrong?" he asked, which had potential to be the stupidest question in the history of stupid questions, but he was a wee bit slow on the uptake right now. To say the least. He clung back, however, because he couldn't not, one hand moving to cradle the back of her head again. The back of Lullaby's head, because she was apparently still alive. Or alive again. Or something. Nevermind that he'd held her just like this right after she'd died and he'd seen her buried and ... god, he felt kind of like he was going to pass out. His chest felt a little warm, and the faint sting that had been there a moment ago from falling into the bush just ... wasn't.

She grit her teeth and waited, not even breathing as she sat there and hoped she didn't just stop being there. God, then she couldn't even imagine what would have happened to Joshua. Why hadn't she thought of that before? What if her dad could do something like that and since she'd stabbed him and sent him away, he would? But as the moments ticked by, she appeared to still be there. So, she opened her eyes to look at him again, and pulled back a bit, reaching up to wipe at tears that she hadn't realized she'd started leaking. "I um..." she started, and again was hit with the knowledge that she didn't know where to start. Didn't know how. "I'm sorry." That right there seemed pretty monumentally important.

He looked at her again when she pulled back, eyes completely open and vulnerable and confused, but far more alive than they'd been in days. He shook his head mutely at the apology, because he didn't know what it was for, what she meant. And was still reeling from the apparent fact that she even could apologize, because she was supposed to be dead. Or well ... she had been. He didn't know how to think about this at all. Still holding on to her pretty tight with one arm, he moved the other to put his hand against the left side of her chest, eyes still crawling over every centimeter of her face. She didn't look dead. And there was a heartbeat under his palm. Her heartbeat. "You're alive," he said, though it was upturned like half of a question. That needed to be established as a Yes or No before he could go any further.

She nodded, then winced because her neck twinged again. "Yes, I'm alive." she answered him. I think. Mostly. Kind of. I'm still figuring that part out. But...strictly speaking, I think yes. "It's um. It's a long story and I'm not sure where to start or how to explain it and I know I have to um. Um, I...we need to talk. But can...can we maybe do it someplace where Sean can't hear or know I'm here yet?" she asked. "Please?" Her voice was unsteady, and she wasn't looking forward to him oh, say, going back inside to grab clothes or something. Because that would take him out of her immediate reach and she wasn't okay with that at all. And yet she knew it was necessary, since even if she did follow him he wouldn't be able to see her.

She squeezed his arm, thumb running over his skin and she felt something weird. her eyes ticked down a touch to see what she'd felt, expecting a scratch, but it didn't look like a scratch. In fact, if it was a scratch, it was pretty artfully done. A puzzled expression crossed her face as she tried to figure out what she was looking at.

Joshua was momentarily consumed in kicking his brain into accepting that yes, she was speaking, and yes, those were her actual living lips moving -- he'd just been kissing them, in fact -- and he was actually hearing her voice saying that she was alive. He nodded, words still being kind of hard to come by. Yes, he'd go anywhere with her, yes, somewhere to talk. She would have to crowbar him away from her from that point on, forever and ever, amen. He blinked and looked down at what she was looking at, twisting his arm a bit so she could see it better. It was his tattoo, the skin still raised from it's trying to heal. Then he looked at her face again, because he'd seen that plenty already, and she was there and alive. "I had it done yesterday," he murmured, captivated with her features. "It's you."

She moved, her grip on his arm trying to move him too so she could get a better look. Now that he'd said tattoo, her brain had an easier time filling in the blanks for her, and she could see that the curves she'd been seeing were a music clef. And after that, there was music written. Notes, on a bar-thing that she didn't know what it was technically called. It didn't stop on his arm, either, and she moved more to see it arc onto his back. Her fingertips followed the entire line, and she caught the part where he'd said it was her, but she wasn't understanding how. She was rendered speechless, however, and just zeroed her eyes back in on his for an explanation.

It was a bizarre thing to be focusing on, to him, but she didn't look like she understood, so he would explain it to her. "The notes ... it's ... they're an Irish lullaby. The only one I remember. And ... um, there's only ... sixteen of them. And the last one's broken, see?" He twisted around a bit, awkwardly still holding on to her, because letting go was a non-option right then. It just wasn't going to happen. He felt heat come into his cheeks suddenly, and he had the crazy urge to cover it up. Like maybe she wouldn't like it or think it was stupid or something. Like it had potential to be embarrassing.

She put the words together, then looked at the last note there. She reached out to touch it, running her fingers over that, then up the bar again around to where she'd started. "It's beautiful." she said, feeling wholly indescribable. Touched was in there, in a gigantic sort of way. So was surreality. He'd gone and gotten a tattoo. For her. Or of her, or it was representing, or something and yeah. Wow. To say it was blindsiding would have been understating it. Though it wasn't at all a bad blindsiding. Just so amazingly unexpected she didn't know if she could find words.

"I wanted to keep you with me, forever," he said, and almost didn't make it through the last word. Quite suddenly and without him knowing it was coming, Joshua had started to cry. He really didn't mean to, but his throat just closed itself up and his vision blurred and tears spilled out of his eyes. But he couldn't take them off of her really, so he just sniffed and lifted one hand to wipe his cheeks. Which just left dirt-smears on them. "Where do you want to go?" he asked unsteadily.

Oh god no crying. Then they'd both be crying and she kind of figured that would happen anyways but oh he looked so upset and she hugged him again, not caring for the second where they would go, she just wanted to make him feel better for this instant. "I'm so sorry, Joshua, I've missed you so much and I...I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." she repeated, really hoping it would filter in for him. And possibly her.

It made him feel better and broke his heart at the same time. Because she was there and alive -- which his brain was still struggling to deal with -- and that was good, but she was apologizing for something she couldn't help at all, and he wanted to tell her that, but her clinging only made him cry harder. He really didn't want to, but his emotions had long since left the circle of his control. Hearing that she missed him just really did him in. So he was back to clinging to her like his life depended on it, body shaking with sobs he was trying to keep quiet. It was all just so overwhelming.

She cried with him, rocking him a little back and forth as she petted his head, feeling the stubble brush against her hand. She squeezed her eyes shut as she did that, and she kissed the top of his head, and let the time sort of stretch on, not sure how long they were there or how long they had. Would Joshua be missed? Would Sean be coming to look for him soon? Would he see her and...Don't think about it. Don't.

He quieted down after a moment, mostly because she was crying too and he didn't want her to do that, even though they'd probably both be doing it plenty in the time to come. He started to cover her cheeks in kisses, tasting the salt of her tears. His chest felt so strange, full and tight with so many things he didn't have words for. She was alive, his love was alive again, and back in his arm. What he'd been thinking even today that he'd give his own life and soul for. Maybe somebody upstairs had actually been listening. Joshua's mouth covered her's again briefly, before he made himself pull away again. It was starting to sink in that they were exposed, and there was so much talking to do. "Journey's?" he asked, moist eyes on her's. "I need ... pants."

She nodded numbly. "Yes. There's...best. It's where I've been." she added. She stood, wiping at her eyes and attempting to get some control over herself again. Her neck gave another pained ache, and she reached up to squeeze it, rubbing at it. What had she done? Strained it? "I'll--I'll wait here. Hurry?" she suggested. hoping he didn't ask her why she wasn't going to go with him. She'd explain that she disappeared on their way back to Journey's house.

Joshua struggled to stand up too. The lower half of his legs had kind of fallen asleep, and his knees ached with sitting that way for a while, but he made them work. He looked down at her, indeed wanting to know why she wasn't going to come with, and he even reached for her hand, his grip a little tight with fear. What if she wasn't there when he got back? What if she disappeared the moment he took his eyes off of her? He just ... no, he couldn't take that. "No, come with me," he urged. "Please."

There was a sudden stab of fear through Lullaby, and she resisted, shaking her head. "No, I'll wait, please...I promise I'll explain, and I um..." she bit at her lower lip, trying to think of how to say things. "I disappear in the shadows, and I don't want to get caught, just hurry? Please? I'm sorry..." She felt like she'd never be done saying that.

He stared at her for a beat, trying to process the 'I disappear in the shadows' part of what she said. It didn't really compute, so he left it alone for the moment. He did desperately want to get somewhere inside with her that they could be alone and talk, but ... "Promise you'll still be here?" he asked, still holding her hand

She squeezed his hand and looked up at him. "You have my word." she promised him. She'd be there come hell or high water. And if anything happened, she'd be going in after him, even if she was terrified of what Sean might do. But still. Hopefully he could run in and run back out and that would be it and then they could run off fast. Then she could be terrified about explaining everything. At least that was terror that was less physically based.

Joshua nodded slowly and made himself let go of her hand. He kept his gaze on her for a little while in a lingering fashion, then turned and started back for the apartment building at a quick pace. He was limping, both from the pins and needles in his legs and the still-bruised state of his foot. His head was reeling, so he tried to keep it simple. Get pants, get sneakers, get a shirt, go back outside. Be quiet about it, because instinct told him that if he woke up Sean, everything would at the very least be delayed. And he wanted his Lullaby now. He was much more careful climbing back into his window, and disappeared into his room once more.

Lullaby stood there and bounced on the balls of her feet, then paced in a very short path, waiting, looking over to the window again every few seconds. Which was murder on her neck, and she kept rubbing it. It felt hot, and painful and she wished she knew what she'd done. And why she was scratched now, because she still had the lingering fear that something bad was happening to her, and what if she re-died? God, just stop. Please. Don't think about it. Just concentrate on Joshua. Joshua who you can hold again and see again and talk to and hopefully he isn't going to run. Maybe he'll be just like Dean and be okay with everything, and it'll all be alright. That's it, right? That's got to be it.

He dressed as quickly and quietly as he could, snagging up his phone as well to tuck into his pocket. He was well aware that he could get in a lot of trouble for this leaving in the middle of the night, but he was willing to risk it. Sean would call him first, and he could make up some excuse about needing to walk or something. Not that that would get him off the hook, but ... he didn't care. How could he care when his not-dead girlfriend was waiting for him outside? He climbed back through the window, going slow this time, and managed not to fall. Much to his relief, she was still there. He jogged back to her, reaching to pull her into another hug again before they left.

She hugged him back, then took very firm hold of his arm, clasping his hand between both of hers as if he were going to suddenly decided better of going anywhere with her all of a sudden. "Okay...when we it the shadows, you're not going to be able to see me anymore. I'll still be here. You'll be able to feel me, I won't let go of you for anything, you just won't be able to see me. Okay?" she said, looking up at him to see that he was prepared for it, slowing them down as they started getting closer to where she'd fade out.

He didn't take his eyes off of her as they started to walk, and nodded a bit. "Okay," he said quietly, still not really understanding what that meant. She was going to disappear in the dark? Why? What did that mean? He was watching her when they actually did cross from the moonlight into the shadow, and she blinked out of visual existence. It startled him badly, and his arm kind of jerked, hand tightening up on her's. Which he could still feel, he just couldn't see. She was just gone! "Lu?" he said almost plaintively, staring hard at the spot where she'd been.

"I'm here, I'm here...I'm still here." Lullaby said. Actually, it was easier to deal with Joshua now that she'd dealt with it with Dean first. She kind of had a better idea what to do and to expect. She reached up wit one hand, and touched his face, turning it towards hers even if he couldn't see her. She stood up on tiptoe to brush a kiss over his lips. "Still here." she promised again.

It was very weird to be kissed by someone he couldn't see. Even though her scent even came with it, and it felt like her lips and everything. His breathing had picked up a little bit, but he nodded anyway. This ... he was realizing that she wasn't human now. That something had happened and she was alive but not human. Because people didn't disappear in the shadows like that. Joshua kept his grip on her hand and kept walking. Whatever she was now, she was still Lullaby, he could tell that already. "Talk to me?" he asked, squeezing her fingers in his. It was pretty dark out, after all, and he felt like he needed that reassurance.

Again, it was easier to do a second time, since she'd done it the once with Dean. She was stupidly grateful for that. Because she could be stronger now for Joshua because of it. She could be less likely to break down in the middle. or...something. That's kind of what it felt like. "I don't know what's going to happen. I'm...okay I did die. My father did some sort of spell, I guess when I was a baby, and it did this to me. There's a lot more to it than that, but I'm not going to say some of it until we're back at Journey's." At least it wasn't a long walk. "I've been um...back I guess since the day after I died. I haven't known what to do. Because...well, I'm dead. I had a funeral. I didn't know what to do at all. I still haven't been home, I've been staying at Journey's."

Joshua listened, trying to get his head around all that. So she had died, yes, but now she was back. Because of some spell her dad had done. Whom she hadn't seen at all until really recently. He resisted the urge to ask her why he was just seeing her now if she'd been back since the day after she died. But the enormity of it all was impossible to miss, and it just made him squeeze her hand a little tighter. She could've not come back to him at all. But to think all this time that she'd been so close ... He swallowed thickly, looking over as they pass through a patch of moonlight and bits of her were visible for a moment.

She walked, trying to think of more to say. "I um. I've been very freaked out. And I'm sorry that you've been put through any of this. I kind of have been in this big spiral of helplessness since it happened. My dad had wanted me to just leave with him. Go somewhere else and start over, but that wasn't going to happen. Not after what he told me about the spell stuff." She wished he would talk back, but felt guilty about asking him to. He was probably just as reeling as she was.

"I wish you'd stop apologizing," he said, and then wished he hadn't. It wasn't like he'd been able to say much to her at all in the past, what ... twenty minutes? Had it only been that long? And he didn't want to say something like that to her, but it had come out. He stopped, pulling her up short. Or at least he thought he had; he could still feel her hand, but they were in a dark patch and he couldn't see her at all. "Lullaby, it's not your fault. None of it is." Funny how he'd had to have Sean tell him the exact same thing.

She didn't quite know what to say, and she looked up into his eyes, even if he couldn't quite meet hers. "I know this has all been really horrible. And I feel bad, and I..." she trailed off, drawing in a deep breath, neck twitching again and she let it out slowly. "I really, really wish that you'd never had to...to deal with any of this. That...the...the whole thing." Which was an understatement of the highest caliber.

It felt so strange to do, but he sort of reached for her. Groped in the shadows where her voice was coming from. He touched her shoulder and pulled her in closer, closing his eyes to wrap his arms around her. There, that felt a lot better with his eyes shut. He didn't know what to say, because he admittedly wished that he hadn't had to deal with it either, that she'd just ... stayed alive. But he wasn't going to say that when she felt guilty already. So he held on to her again instead, lips finding her cheek by memory alone. He pulled back out of habit so she could read his lips, but kept his eyes shut. It felt like she was more there that way. "Get us somewhere with light?" he asked a little sheepishly. Then they could talk.

She actually smiled then, just a little but it was genuine. "Right away." she said, then she started hurrying them towards Journey's. It wasn't a long walk on the most leisurely of strolls, and walking fast got them there in fairly short order. She let them in through the back door, then led him upstairs. She went into the room she slept in, the one they'd slept in before and she bit her lip, wondering what she could get away with. Did she do this through moonlight again? It was probably the best bet. Lights on unless they were in the bathroom would be noticed. So she sighed and sat down on the end of the bed where the light was. "Okay...now we can talk." Which was all fine and dandy. She just had to know where to start again.

Joshua sat down with her, in close, glad that she was sitting in a patch of moonlight. Hell, he was suddenly thrilled to bits that it wasn't cloudy out at all. He reached for her hand again, not wanting to not touch her, now that he could. He also seemed incapable of not looking at her. Because nothing else in the world had his attention. "I missed you so much," was what he blurted out first, since she'd more or less answered the question of 'what happened?' He wasn't sure he understood it all, but he didn't have to right then.

She smiled at that, and pulled him closer, really much more comfortable with being in physical contact, and she was kind of of the opinion that as much of it as she could get right now was a good thing. "I missed you too." she said. "Everything's been..." she made a vague sort of gesture but didn't want to get into the whole 'my entire life went away. I'm still dealing' thing. "But um. I'm..." she drew in a deep breath and let it out in a rush. "Not human anymore. Obviously. But I'm not a vampire, and um. I'm still figuring out the technicals on everything else. I guess I'm a...a Fade. That's what they're called, according to my dad. And I guess I won't stay dead now. That's important for you to know. Like...if I died again right here and now, from what I understand...I'd be back again." God. This all sounded so fucked up.

"You'd just ... come back?" he asked, looking a little lost. He'd never heard of anything like that. Though, of course, there were probably tons of things he hadn't ever heard about. "I mean ... what happened? Like, after? I just ... you were in the coffin and ... everything ..." he trailed off, looking at her. From what she'd said, she would've been back by then, alive somewhere. Here, in Journey's old house. A little jerkily, on impulse, he reached out and put his hand over her stomach, where the wound had been that had killed her. He had a little memory flash of her screaming for him to stop, and his hand twitched off again, but not far.

She looked down at his hand over her stomach, then reached down to tug her shirt up with one hand, her other over his to keep it right where it was. The scar was there, that weird, impossible scar. A scar for a wound that hadn't healed. She wasn't used to it, but it always grounded her in the situation. Whenever she started feeling overly floaty, like nothing was real, she'd look again, and that more than slammed her back down to earth. "I don't remember a lot of it. I remember being with you. I remember all the blood, I remember worrying about you. When I woke up again, I was naked, and cold, and nothing really made sense. My dad was there, and he explained...things."

Joshua was glad for that. Very glad. He didn't want her to remember being in that much pain. Pain he only made worse. His hand settled on her skin as she held it there, able to feel the difference between the scar tissue and the skin around it. It wasn't a natural scar, there was no way she could've healed something like that by now. But he was oddly glad that any trace of it wasn't just gone. Because it had happened. "I tried, Lulu," he said without thinking, eyes ticking back up to her's. They were a bit wet again. "To ... to save you, to get my phone, to put p-pressure on it, but I just ... couldn't, and you were screaming so bad and I tried and I'm so fucking sorry, I just can't even ..."

For whatever reason, she hadn't actually expected that, and her eyes went wide. That for just a moment before she put her arms around his neck to pull him in closer again. "Shhh, I know, it's...it's okay, alright? You tried, and there wasn't anything that could have been done, and it all happened really fast and it's okay, I don't blame you." In fact, the idea hadn't ever even crossed her mind. It was foreign. So totally not the case it hadn't come anywhere near her thoughts. "I'm sorry I died on you."

He really didn't want to start bawling again, and Joshua held his breath until he kind of felt more like he wasn't going to. He clung to her, and he wanted to keep doing that, but unless things had changed, she wouldn't be able to hear him if he had something to say. And he did. Because he still blamed him, to some degree. His curse had ... leaked on her or something, and it had gotten her killed. Joshua pulled back a little to look at her again. "It's not your fault," he repeated. "I just ... " wanted to die with you? Had my whole world collapse under me? Have been thinking about suicide since then? None of which were actually good things to say. "You're back," he stated with a kind of force behind it. One hand fisted in her hoodie. "You're back now, though."

"I'm back." she confirmed, repeating it for him. "Back, and I don't know what's going to happen with me, but I'm here, and I guess...I guess I'm probably staying. I just...guess I have to remain a secret, kinda." she said. She watched it as the waves of Upset came off of him. His were spikier than Dean's. Deans curled around at the edges, and Joshua's were more like spines. One thing that she was starting to wonder about though. It was there, beneath everything, and she just felt...uneasy. Was it still about how nervous she was about everything? The thing was she kind of felt like it should be ebbing now. Shouldn't it be kind of going away? But it wasn't. Maybe she was just afraid of losing him. Afraid that he was going to run away from her or...whatever.

She was back. Back, and she was staying. His brain latched on to the 'probably' that was stuck in there, though, and he got a bit of a panicky look in his eyes. "You're probably staying?" he echoed. "You have to stay. Lullaby, don't ... I can't ... please stay. I mean ... we'll figure something out, but you can't go. Away. Please don't even ... just ... I can't lose you again. Stay or ... or I'll come -- ... with you, but ... no." He hoped at least some of that made some sort of sense. Joshua got a bit closer, wanting to pull her into his lap again. She felt too far away, even though they were touching.

She felt a flood of worries again, and tried to tell herself that the unease thing was just because she was emotionally fucked. That was all. It was just lingering Bad. "I'm still figuring out what to do. I can't...I mean, I can't just go home. I'm officially dead. And I'm...this whole Fade thing, I'm not going to get any older. I'm gonna be sixteen forever. Or, as long as the lives last. And I don't know what Sean'll do, Fades, the more I learn about them the more I think they might be...bad." Evil. Try evil. That's what I really mean.

That ... wasn't terribly reassuring. She wasn't saying that she'd definitely stay, and that was kind of scary. He'd just gotten her back, she couldn't just ... just go. "You're not bad," he protested, not liking the edge of Scared that his voice was getting, but helpless to stop it. "You're not bad, you're Lullaby, and you've never been bad a day in your life, he won't do anything, I'll make sure he doesn't, you're not bad, Lulu, I know you're not, please don't go anywhere yet, we can figure something out, I promise, please don't." Yes, he was begging and he knew it, but he couldn't help it. The very idea of her going away again was too much. Which meant that he largely missed what she'd said, it didn't sink in.

She did have to wonder just how much he'd heard. Really heard, and she reached out to take both of his hands. "Joshua...I'm not deciding anything yet, okay?" she said. "I'm not going to take off tomorrow or anything and if I did think on it more, you'd be part of the decision." she promised. Forget I said anything right now, just..." she drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to find her center again. It was harder than she thought it would be. "There's a lot going on. And I'm still dead. Like...legally. Outside world involved and everything, I'm gone. I'll have to stay out of sight and here and stuff, and I can do that." For a while

"But I'm afraid of what Sean might do. He's supposed to protect you. And I still feel like me, most of the time and I know I don't like...think differently and everything but I still don't know what to think about what I am, and it took--Joshua, it took five murders to do this to me. My father went out and killed five people." And oh there was that horribly sick feeling in her stomach again.

Her hands on his helped a little, and he tried to listen and focus and not have a panic attack. He really did. And he was about to tell her that he knew that she wouldn't ever hurt him, and he knew that Sean would see that too when she got to the last part. He blinked. "What?" he breathed, feeling that sink in. "He -- ... is that how he did it? The ... spell?" God, how awful. That was ... horrifying. And he knew his girlfriend well enough to know that she would take that impossibly hard. She cared about people, she was a genuinely nice and giving person, and now she was alive again because others had died. "Oh baby," he murmured, and did pull her into his lap then, to cradle her. The rest of it, yeah, had to be talked about. But that was huge, and he wanted to be there for her about it.

She went willingly, wanting to be closer. Wanting to be there, wanting everything to be quieter in her head. It didn't really work, even as she put her arms around his neck, and hugged him tight. She still felt...wrong. Like something was fucked up and she couldn't pinpoint what. Her, probably. Just...inherently her. Tears stung. She tried to cut them down, block them out, but it didn't work so well for her. Her teeth locked into her lower lip, hard enough that she tasted blood, and the tension in her jaw made her neck hurt again. "It was how the spell was done." she said, in a really wavery voice.

Joshua held on to her firmly, hearing the waver there and hating it. He wanted to kiss it away from her, dispel it somehow, make it not so. But how could you, with something like that? "Lu --" he started, then realized that she wouldn't be able to hear him. He didn't much want to, but he pulled back enough so she could read his lips. "Lu, I know ... that's awful. It is, and I'm so ... I'm so sorry, sweetheart. It's a lot to deal with, but that wasn't you. Do you understand what I mean? You didn't do that, that's all on him. It's on his head, and it's ... horrible, but it's not your fault, I know you'd never hurt anybody, baby. It makes him evil, not you."

She didn't know if that was true. She really, really didn't. Because, now that she was something else, she didn't know what that fully entailed. Only that it was kind of messed up, or like, really messed up, and she might even be attracted to negative energy stuffs, and that was bad, right? What kind of a thing was attracted to that shit? Dark ones, that was it, and she didn't know where the lines were drawn anymore. Just that they were, and she didn't like it. At all. She nodded, however, knowing that until she did know more, she probably needed to stop thinking about it. Maybe the negative energy thing was where it stopped. If it wasn't her imagination. She wiped at her eyes, and she tried to wrest control of herself once more. She knew she should say something, but words weren't coming to her.

Joshua didn't push her to say more. He wasn't going to be pushing her for anything for a good long while, he felt sure. Granted, he'd been to hell and back losing her, but it sounded like she'd been through worse. He couldn't imagine not being able to ever go home, everyone you loved thinking you were dead and gone forever. It stung at the back of his eyes again, and he moved in to press his lips against her cheek. "I'm here for you, Lullaby, okay? Anything you need, anything you want from me, I'll do," he said where she could see it. "I just ... I can't believe I got you back." And then he was holding her tight again, unable to help himself.

Lullaby was okay with being clingy. It helped her feel somewhat better, even if it was just on an emotional level. Or well...it mostly did. She still felt like everything was off somehow, some internal thread of...fear? Unease? Something, and she couldn't kick it. She just didn't know what the hell it was about. What it was stemming from. Probably everything. she told herself firmly. Not that it did anything to alleviate it. "Thank you. I'm...yeah. Back. And I'll be here, so..." she trailed off. So he could know where to find her. While she was trying to figure out what her life was going to be now. God, she wanted to go home. Talk to her parents. Maybe if Joshua could accept her, her mom and stepdad could too? Maybe...

His eyes roamed over the dark room over her shoulder. Even though he knew that she was familiar with this house, that it was like her own, he didn't like the thought of her here alone all the time. That was just ... it hit him as how lonely she must've been, and he squeezed her a bit tighter. Then pulled back again to look at her with a plea in his eyes. "Let me talk to Sean," he said. Or more asked, really. "I'll tell him, I'll ... I'll explain to him that you're still you and it's okay and I'll make him understand, 'cause I know he will and then you can come and stay with us until we figure something out, okay? Because you shouldn't ... it'd be better if you were with us. With me. You wouldn't be alone at night. And maybe ... maybe your parents would take it okay, you know? Your mom, she knew what your dad was, didn't she? Maybe it'd be okay and you don't have to stay alone." He was well aware that he was rambling now, but the drive to fix everything and make it better for her somehow was overwhelming.

"I don't know. She never said why she left him, just that he was into bad things. Which...hey yeah understatement. But I don't know if she knew about that stuff. I guess I'd always thought it was drugs or something. For all I know she left him because he was a fucking psycho, not because she knew he was into like...black magic n stuff." Lullaby said, reaching up to rub her neck again absently as she looked Joshua in the eyes. "I don't know if you should tell Sean. I...he's supposed to protect you, and I know that I feel like me right now but what if I am something wrong? He's supposed to protect you. It's what he's built for, like...it's what he does. I just..." she trailed off, looking upset and pained, because she didn't know what else to say.

She also didn't know how to say that Sean might just think she was acting well. If she wanted to view it from a paranoid mindframe, she would probably think that. Like she was just playing nice now to hurt him or something.

He noted finally that she kept doing that. Rubbing her neck. One of his hands reached up to join her's, thumb stroking over the back of it to try and ... relieve the tension there or something. He didn't know what to say either, and she looked so sad. Joshua realized all at once that he didn't care much if there was anything dark to her. He still firmly believed that she wouldn't ever hurt him -- or anybody else, for that matter. He knew that not everything was black and white, and she was still Lullaby, regardless. There was more out there than anybody could imagine, and neither of them really knew anything yet. "We can wait? Until we know more. Maybe that ... that bookstore place, Nevermore, maybe they've got something on ... Fades. I met that witch that one day, maybe she knows something, I've still got her number," he said, still trying to be helpful somehow. "And ... the more we know, the better."

"No offense, Joshua, but the less people who know the better, and some random witch isn't high on my list of people to tell. Magic is what did this in the first place." Lullaby said immediately, hating the idea of just...someone who didn't know her, some person off the street knowing. Who knew what someone could do with the information. "Dean's going to look for books on Fades, I--he found me here the other day, and I made him promise not to say anything, and..." she trailed off, sliding her hand over his, wanting to keep the touch going. She was feeling sick again, and didn't know why. Overwhelming, probably.

He was about to tell her that he didn't have to be specific, just ask some questions, and then all thoughts of the witch who's name he hardly even remembered fell straight out of his brain. Dean. Dean knew already. Dean had known first, and he'd ... been here. Long enough to have promises extracted of him. Dean whom he'd seen earlier that day, in his weird hazy confusion. And he was already looking for Fade books and being helpful and ... His hand stilled, but only for a moment. Then it picked up again, though his fingers felt like they'd gone cold, to him. "Oh," was all he could come up with to say. Joshua wet his lips and informed himself thoroughly that he was a raging moron, but he just couldn't help how shitty that felt. "Can, uh ..." he cleared his throat. "Can I do anything?"

She had wondered if Joshua would take the Dean thing badly, in some back corner of her mind. And she thought maybe he had. But she didn't know what to say to him about it. She'd already told him before that there wasn't anything to be concerned about with Dean, and Dean had just...found her. He'd been trying to find Journey's address to let him know about her death, and that was all. But she also didn't feel like she needed to over explain, or justify. Things were fucked up all over the place, and she wasn't up to dealing with it now. Maybe soon. "...put up with me?" she suggested. "I don't quite know exactly what to do and I'm still...kind of figuring things out." In the way that meant she wasn't figuring things out because her brain felt fried.

His own emotions felt completely all over the place, and he managed to firmly shove Dean out of his mind. When she was alive they'd just been friends, and the guy had even told him that he wouldn't have ever had anything to worry about. Because there was so much else that was so much more important, he thought he could really take that to heart and believe it was still true. For now. He could feel like shit about it later, for right now, Lullaby was in his lap and it was just them and murmurs in the dark and she was alive again. That over-rode everything else. His hand came back around to cup the side of her jaw. "It won't be putting up with you," he told her, looking into her eyes. "I love you, it can never be just putting up with you." It took him five seconds to realize what he'd just said and his stomach dropped completely out.

It took a second for that to process for Lullaby too. She was left blinking, looking at him vaguely wide eyed. "What?" she asked, voice small. "I did you say--" She'd thought that he'd said he loved her. Oh god! Was that what he'd said? Quite suddenly almost everything going on in the back of her brain ground to a screaming halt in the face of that. It was the first time her mind was a complete blank, but oh god was it ever. It all centered in on replaying what Joshua had just said to her.

Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit ohshitohshit -- "Oh god," he breathed, suddenly looking fairly terrified. "Oh god, I'm sorry. I didn't mean -- ... I mean, I do mean, because I do, but I didn't mean to -- you've got enough already and I don't -- I mean ... I had been waiting. To tell you. Before. Just ... it didn't ever feel like a good time and then ... you were gone and not saying it was something I was going to regret until I died and I felt like I had. Died. With you. And I didn't -- I don't want to, to make things harder or more ... complicated on you or anything and I didn't mean to just then, it just came out but it's true, I do love you and I have for a while and you don't have to say it back if you don't want to, just -- I wanted you to know." He made himself shut up by sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. That was such fantastically bad timing, he couldn't even fathom what the fuck was wrong with him. Aside from the whole girlfriend-back-from-the-dead of it all.

Lullaby was completely blindsided. It was the first time she'd been told she was loved...like that, anyways. Her parents told her all the time of course. And Journey had. but those were different. This was...on it's own. In it's very own little special place and it was so unexpected, that she didn't even know what to say. So instead of saying anything after his ramble, she kissed him instead. That seemed like the best way to respond for her. The best way to articulate things she didn't know how to say just now.

That was ... good, right? It was better than being slapped or her walking away or something like that. It made his heart feel like it was going to explode again, but in a much better way than it had been a few seconds ago. Joshua gave himself over to it completely, kissing her back as though he'd never get to again, hand sliding back around to the back of her neck to hold her in close. Even though it came surrounded by such tragedy, he knew that he'd been given a gift, even by proxy. No matter what happened from there, he'd gotten to tell her that. That he loved her. He would be eternally grateful for that chance.

She let herself fall into that. Kissing him, trying to express things that way instead of verbally, which she knew she'd fail at. There weren't good enough words. Plus her head was still a mess. In fact, she still even felt uneasy, even if she couldn't understand why. But she didn't try to figure it out just then either. She was busy, kissing him back with just as much behind it, ignoring the pain in her neck and everything else that even vaguely threatened to overshadow this.

He was starting to feel a little overheated, and Joshua noticed that his jeans were getting a bit tight. Which was something that hadn't happened for even a second since she died. And hey, it was probably really inappropriate right now, and he should likely be thinking about glaciers or something besides how her mouth felt on his. That was just a bit difficult when the girl he loved -- and she knew it now! -- was back and on his lap and kissing him like that. It didn't stop him at all, however, as he ran his fingers through her hair and kept right on kissing her like the world was ending.

Her heart was thudding again. Hard, and she only drew back when she had to breathe. Because apparently, she could be killed and she'd be back the next day, but oxygen was still an issue. She stayed in close when she did draw in breath, not wanting to pull away. God, everything would be perfect, if they could rewind and have been doing this a few days ago. Just skip over that whole her dying thing. Then it would have been...right. At least, that's how she'd been feeling about it. Now, she didn't know what she was feeling beyond the fact that it was nice to lose herself in. And maybe it would kick that last nagging feeling of being uncomfortable.

Joshua took the opportunity to breathe too. Which sort of let some embarrassment leak in, but he tried to ignore it. He by far didn't expect anything from her, much as he wanted to flip her over on the bed and get right back to kissing her. They'd both been fairly thoroughly traumatized and the world was an incredibly confusing place. What he wanted to do even more was tell her again that he loved her. To tell her over and over, with every exhale, to bask in it and tell everyone else he knew, too. But he just worked on getting his breath back, and looked at her face through heavy-lidded eyes.

She reached up to put her palms to his cheeks, and gave him little light kisses, all over his face, until she got back to his lips, where she gave him a lingering one. In fact, she gave him a few lingering brushes of kisses, light and slow, before she pulled back again to look him in the eyes. Embarrassment was nowhere near her at the moment, nothing happening seeming the least bit embarrassing to her. She smiled, a light expression, and it was weary but genuine.

It was also probably one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen. "Can I stay with you tonight?" he asked in a low murmur, captivated again by her eyes. "For the rest of it? Sean won't ... he won't expect me up before ten at least, I can set my phone." He honestly didn't think he was at all capable of leaving her. He'd be hard-pressed to once the sun came back up, but he really couldn't then. He wanted nothing more than to lay down with her and just hold her for a stretch of hours.

She nodded. "Yes, you can stay." she said quickly. She didn't like being alone, and if he wanted to stay, then that was all good. Hopefully...hopefully Sean wouldn't track him down. She knew September had done it before, and didn't know if that was like...a Thing they could do. She kissed him again, then gave him a hug. Maybe it would make everything better. She was willing to do just about anything if that was the result.

Joshua hugged her back, stupidly grateful that she'd said yes. He was fairly sure that Sean himself was sleeping at the moment, and he could probably be up early enough to head back the short distance to the apartments and slip back into bed before there was any suspicion that he wasn't in his room. Hopefully. Whatever, he could make up an excuse if not, and he'd take the being in trouble. She was worth far more. He rubbed her back lightly and breathed her in.

She let him do that, and hugged him again, drawing in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. She shut her eyes and let them stay closed for a few minutes, before she opened them back up again. "I'm going to go get my pjs on. If you wanna...lay down, and I'll be back." she said softly.

"Okay," he told her with a nod. Then -- a bit reluctantly -- let her go so she could get up and go do that. He watched her leave the room and then looked down at himself, not sure what all he could take off. In the end, he took off his sneakers and his jeans, making sure to set the alarm on his phone and put it on the nightstand, and crawled under the covers. Then wondered if that was too much while he waited for her.

She faded from view entirely as she stepped out of the moonlight she'd been sitting in, and ducked into the bathroom to change. Lullaby considered taking the sheet back down off of the mirror, to check out the scratches she for some reason had sprouted, but in the end didn't think she could stomach it. But in the bathroom there, she was feeling a little better. Maybe things would be okay, right? The unease she'd been feeling unclenched slightly, and she chose a long sleeved pj shirt and bottoms so Joshua didn't worry about the scratches. Out of sight maybe out of mind? They were superficial anyways. Then she was back into the room, sliding back into view with the moonlight, and she crawled onto the bed with him.

She looked down at herself. In the light they had there, she was very dimly there, but like a ghost. Hopefully, that wouldn't freak him out so much. She grabbed her stuffed bunny, and curled up with him, much like she had when he'd taken a nap there. Her tension was back, that feeling of twisted unease, and she wished it would just stop already now. She'd just been feeling better and now it was back. Stupid crazy emotions right now. They were so fucked up.

Oblivious to the badness he was inadvertently making her feel, Joshua rolled up onto his side so that he could put an arm around her. It was still difficult to wrap his mind around. He was here, in Journey's old house, in bed with Lullaby. Whom he'd held as she bled out all over the street, and had seen buried a couple of days ago. She was back, but at a horrible cost. But she was back and alive again and breathing against him. He couldn't see her very well, it was kind of like just the edges of her were outlined and there, which was weird, but he didn't let it bother him. He could feel her there, and that was enough. Joshua closed his eyes and kissed the spot in between her eyebrows through feel. He moved his hand between them and spelled out 'I love you' in sign, kissed her forehead again, then resettled everything comfortably.

She smiled at that, and kissed him back, before she settled in against him comfortably. She tried to drift off--she felt exhausted. Really she did. But the sickish feeling in her stomach made that a long time coming. She concentrated on Joshua's breathing instead, feeling it when he did so. It was comforting, and she held onto that. And his scent. He smelled good. All like him, and while she couldn't play with his hair like she wanted to, he was there. One little piece of her life returned to her. It was definitely something.