Who: Thia and Dean
Where: The lake
When: Late morning

Thia had been out with Joshua when Dean had got back from town, so he'd settled down at the kitchen table to read the book he'd picked up from Nevermore, grabbing a pad of paper from the drawer and slotting torn strips of paper into pages that he thought were really relevant or interesting. It wasn't until he happened to glance out the window and see Joshua walking up from the lake alone - and not looking too happy - that he started to wonder. He could just go and ask the guy what was up, but it was the absence of Thia which his mind went to, so he stayed out of the way, heading upstairs and to one of the windows overlooking the back yard, waiting for Thia to appear as well. When she didn't after a while, he decided to head down and see if he could find her.

She hadn't really moved. She'd gotten rid of her shoes, and sat down on the sand, letting her feet splay out in front of her, in the water. Or she had, she'd curled herself back up since. She was a little thia-ball, knees drawn up to her chest, arms hugged around them. Her chin rested on her knees, and she stared out at the horizon where the water met the sky, not really seeing it. It looked like rain, but it wasn't raining yet. It might be nicer if it was raining. Then, she could sit there in said rain, and be miserable, and that seemed more appropriate. It sort of reminded her of how Dean had mentioned that it hadn't rained the day after she'd died, but had the second time. She'd stopped outright sobbing, but the lump was still lodged in her throat, and her eyes were red rimmed and puffy. She kept feeling like she was going to cry again, and she had a couple of times, tears welling sort of when she wasn't expecting it.

Dean emerged out onto the beach from the trees and saw her a little way down. He paused for a moment, sitting down on the ground and unlacing his boots, taking them off and then stripping off his socks as well, stuffing them into the tops of the boots. He left them by the path and headed over to her, feeling the sand between his toes. He didn't like the way she was sitting, all curled up like that - it was clear that she had something on her mind, but at least he had good news for her. He sat down right by her, allowing himself to sit really close, shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip as he leaned into her enough to butt shoulders, shifting her a little. "Missed you," he told her, looking over, the ghost of a smile on his face.

She startled, not having heard him, obviously, and all of a sudden, Dean was there. She looked at him, and noticed he was sitting close enough that they were touching. There was a second or two, where she just looked at him, at that tiny ghost of a smile, and then she clinged. She threw her arms around his neck and held on tight, holding her breath, because she was about to burst into tears again. She really didn't want to. Not again for fucks sake. But she felt like it. She didn't actually know if it was okay for them to be close again or anything but she figured maybe just for a little bit then they could go back to being farther away or something. Just...not right this second. Where her chest felt tight, and she felt like everything was crashing and burning.

Okay, so the instinct that something was wrong? That was apparently the correct one as he caught sight of her face for a moment, before she was just clinging to him like the world was ending. His arms went round her and he held her, one arm round her waist, his other hand resting between her shoulderblades. "Hey, Thia, hey - what's wrong?" he asked her.

She didn't answer for another few long minutes. Talking wasn't happening, so she just attempted to breathe slowly enough that it didn't set off the lump in her throat. She also realized after she was starting to feel fatigue in her arms that she was probably holding on too tight. So she forced herself to let up some. She pulled back enough to look him in the eyes, and reached up to brush the tears away, even if she hadn't meant to do that either. "I--" she started, and her voice was terribly unsteady! Awesome. See now would be a great time for Dean to know sign. She shook her head and tried again. "I"m sorry, I...what happened with you, is this okay? Should I let go? I just...things are...and...I don't know, I just broke up with Joshua, and I don't..." Sense had gone away entirely, apparently. Fuck.

"No, no - this is fine," Dean told her, thinking that even if it wasn't fine right now it'd be fine. She was crying - she could have whatever the hell she wanted. "You... you and Joshua broke up?" he asked, confused. "Why?" Shit, no wonder she was upset. Oh god, on top of everything else. She really didn't need this right now.

She nodded. Then she sort of just settled her head in against his shoulder, face turned in towards his neck as she tried to get herself to relax. She closed her eyes, and attempted again to calm down. "It's...part of what I've been talking to you about. I guess...I don't know. I can't take care of him right now. And half the time I don't even think I'm the same girl he fell for. I'm not...her. Lullaby. Whatever. I'm not the happy bouncy highschool girl I was, and I don't know if I'm ever going to be. I haven't even started to deal yet, sometimes. I think that I just...I've still got all of this shit in the back of my head I haven't even looked at yet. And I always feel like I have to protect him from it, because he deals so badly with things. I feel like if I did try to talk to him, that I'd have to spend time making him feel better from it. If that's not going on, then he seems to just want to...I don't know." She curled up a little more. "I'm probably not making sense. I didn't think I was being fair to him."

She didn't have to make sense, he didn't expect her to. He'd known they were having troubles, but the fact those were bad enough for them to break up came as a surprise to the Brit. Still, he tried to think his way through what she was saying and he could see it, he could see where she was coming from. Hadn't he just last night asked if there as anything he could do, if there was anything to help them over there troubles. Obviously there wasn't. "I'm sorry," he told her, sympathetically, not pushing her for anything more. He didn't know what else to say. He'd never been good when people got upset.

She nodded. She knew. She understood that. It just sucked. And she was afraid that Joshua was just going to go away, and not really want to do the friends thing. Hell. He could leave, go home, and decide he was bitter over it and head back to Ireland for all she knew. Again, she was quiet for a long time, kind of letting herself calm down, and it was an easier thing to do, now that she'd told someone, and she could just rest where she was, and feel slightly less alone. "You said we were going to talk." she said quietly, sort of half staring at the water again without seeing it, head still resting against his shoulder. She could just see the little sliver of water past her shoulder and his arm. "Is everything okay? No more having bad thoughts?"

"We don't have to talk now, if you don't want to," Dean assured her, shifting to just have an arm around her shoulders, giving her a little more space. "But everything'll be okay - I found some things out. It'll be okay," he told her, wondering how he could say that to a girl who'd just broken up with her boyfriend. He didn't even touch on the 'bad thoughts' comment because what Caleb had brought up was still fresh in his mind, but he was never mentioning that to Thia ever. Ever.

"Yeah?" she asked. She shifted, to look up at him and meet his eyes. She rubbed again at her own, which has subsided with the tearing again, thank god. "What did you find out?" she asked. "Are we okay?" After she said it, she thought she probably should have worded that differently, but that's exactly what she'd meant. Therefore, she didn't retract it, or try to put in a different wording. Because the way things were were not okay. If they were different, they they would be. And it had to do directly with the two of them. What she didn't say was that she really didn't at all think she could handle it right now if he told her they were still going to have to keep their distance. If he was going to say that, she wanted to hear him lie to her. Just for today. She didn't say that though, couldn't. Lying wasn't really a part of their relationship.

He nodded. "I think we're okay," he told her, figuring that right now, if they weren't going to be okay, he'd lie to her anyway. She didn't need to lose two people in one day. But he was fairly sure that that wasn't a lie. "I found this really great book, and looking at it, even when I get to that stage, people's immune systems will fight back, so I'd have to really be trying to do anything."

She listened, and while a huge part of her brain was still back on Joshua, she tried to dedicate the forefront of it to the matter at hand. It was important. "So you won't accidentally hurt anyone? Even if I'm with you?" she asked. She was watching his eyes carefully, trying to see if he was lying. Even if she'd kind of wanted that, now she was looking for it. But it didn't look like it to her. He didn't seem to be being evasive. "You'll be okay?"

"Doesn't look that way. Or - I think maybe I could make you feel a bit under the weather, but nothing you're really going to notice. So, better," he told her, then paused. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked, tentatively.

She looked relieved at that, and she gave him another hug. Today she wasn't interested in curbing her huggy impulses, especially after hearing that it was going to be okay. So yeah. Whatever. Fuck that. "Not sure. Talk to me? Just...be here?" she asked. "Keep being Dean and everything'll be okay?" she suggested. She gave a weak little smile at that. It didn't last, but she made an attempt. "I missed you." she said. Which was probably stupid and needy of her, but whatever. "I almost came and saw you last night when we were texting." She glanced away then back. "Twice." she made a little bit of a sheepish face, or a pale version of one.

"I can be Dean - I'm good at it, had lots of practice," he told her, giving her a little smile because he thought she needed it. He felt a little uncomfortable with the conversation being focused on them, but maybe she needed not to be talking about what had happened with Joshua right now. And he was projecting, he knew, putting things in there that didn't exist, letting his paranoia caused by his feelings for her dictate his thoughts again. He should just let her lead this conversation and go with it and not try and read anything in, or take anything away. "And I missed you too. And almost came to see you. But, well, you know about my creepy stalker tendencies now anyhow. Er... Sorry about that," he said, shifting slightly. She hadn't mentioned that - but then again, she'd had a lot on her mind, hadn't she?

"You are not a creepy stalker." Lullaby said, making a light cute face at him. "Or, if you are then I am too, so it's less creepy stalker and more..." she paused, trying to come up with a word. "Mutual..." she cast about some more. "...some word that I can't think of right now. But yeah. You're not a creepy stalker, and there's nothing you can do do make me think otherwise." She sounded very firm on this, and she nodded to give the statement more weight. It was probably bad that right now what her mind was drifting towards was grabbing him, dragging him back to the house, and tugging them both into his closet again for hiding purposes.

Dean wasn't so convinced of that - he thought he was definitely showing creepy stalker tendencies, but if she wanted to blow it off, then he wasn't going to be arguing with her on that. "You're not a creepy stalker at all," he told her, sure of that - to suggest that she was was silly. And anyway, if she was going to stalk anyone, it wouldn't be him.

"I don't know, I even opened up my door and stared at yours for like...a few minutes." she admitted. "I'm not very good at not being around you, I guess. I was thinking about calling you tonight, maybe. To say goodnight, and I know I wouldn't be able to hear you, but texting is just..." she made a vague gesture that was meant to encompass 'not good enough'. She paused, and gave him a ghost of a weak smile, before it faded. "I liked the drawings. I didn't know you drew. I mean, I saw some on your books, but..." He'd never really mentioned it.

Dean didn't want to go any further into his end of things on that - he didn't trust himself to be able to talk about how yesterday had made him feel and still be able to maintain the friendship line. And, really, whilst he'd had absolutely no intention of ever making a move on her before? He was even less likely to do anything now, he didn't even want to go near there. So, he focused on the drawings. "You liked them? They're just doodles, really, but I thought they might make you smile. And it was a long night," he added.

She nodded. "Yeah, I liked them. They were cute. I liked the little angely guys." she said. "I liked them because their eyes are different colors. And yes, they made me smile. So did your letter in general. Thank you for it." she said. She looked down, then back up. "I really appreciated it. It made me feel better." Then she smiled again, and looked up at him, meeting his eyes. "You really can ramble with the best of them when you have time to, huh?" she asked. It was lightly teasing, but she was honestly amused too. Plus, it didn't take away from the sentiment.

"See, the angel things aren't normally my usual kind of style, but I thought I'd see if I could do something a bit different, bit more arty. Glad they came out okay," Dean told her, obviously pleased that she liked them. "And, yes, I can in fact talk complete bollocks sometimes. I just... It was weird," he said, finally deciding on that. Not that he clarified it at all.

"They were great." she said. She'd kept the letter, it was in her makeshift journal now. "Very appreciated. So was all of it, including the rambles." Then she paused, and eyed him again. "What was weird?" she asked. She could guess, but she wanted to know what he had to say, in case she was wrong.

"All of yesterday, I guess," Dean said, not wanting to go into detail, especially not right now. "Are you okay?" he asked, preferring to redirect the conversation back at her.

"Emphatically not." Lullaby answered, though it was more of a 'no, we're not redirecting' sort of tone under it. "All of yesterday you guess...like what? Just...everything? The situation? I'm not actually letting you off the hook there." she informed him. She wasn't ever good for that before, she didn't really plan on starting now.

No, of course she wasn't. "You never do," he grumbled. "Would me telling you this stuff help?" he asked, playing for time - which never worked either, yet he still did it.

She eyed him. "I want to know." she said. "You're still not answering." she added. She paused. "If you really want to put off answering for another five minutes, we could go back to the house. There's a closet we could go hide in for a while." she suggested. Because she did want to do that still, the urge hadn't evaporated. And really it was what she'd wanted to do last night too, but couldn't for obvious reasons. So, if the little them needing to keep a minimum safe distance of not being in the same room was off, then she planned on seeing if she could take advantage of that.

He smiled and looked down a little at that, trying to work out whether that surprised him or not. Possibly he was surprised by how unsurprising he found it. "You want to hide in my closet again?" he asked her, looking across at her. "It nice and safe there?"

She thought the smile was encouraging. "Yes." she answered simply. "Is it bad of me that last night I probably would have given up a limb or something to be able to go hide in there with you?" she asked. Then she drew in a deep breath and let it out in a rush. "Would you mind? We don't have to. I mean...would you?" Because she was kinda sorta aware again of how just because she was clingy and being needy right now didn't mean that he was in the same boat, and she didn't want to push.

"Today we can do whatever you want," Dean told her without hesitation. "Or you can - you don't have to put up with me all day if you don't want. Remember that I'm at your beck and call? So, we can go hide in my closet if that's what you want, or if you wanted to go by yourself, you don't have to include me and I'll just... Whatever you want."

Lullaby gave him a Look for that. "Yeah, because it wasn't completely miserable or anything thinking that I had to stay away from you yesterday or anything. I'm really going to want to go hijack your closet and not cling. So...sorry about that, but if you're really giving me free reign today, that's happening. So...deal with it." she said. "And quit being an idiot." she added. She stood up, and held her hands out to him, to help him up. Like she had a time or two, and he didn't always do it but she always offered.

"Hey - just thought I'd offer. Didn't want to be presumptuous," he told her, taking her hands and standing up. "And - I'm an idiot?" he asked.

She stooped to grab her shoes with one hand, keeping hold of one of his hands with the other, fingers lacing through his. "Yes." she answered. "Only sometimes. Like suggesting that I might want to be alone right now instead of with you, when pretty much the pinnacle of awful yesterday was the idea that we might have to stay apart." she said. "And you've told me we don't now, so..." So yeah. "You're my best friend. Even if we're ignoring everything else, right now, I really, really need you." Lullaby looked at him at the end of that statement, having kept her eyes down on her shoes and such in the guise of knocking sand off the bottoms--she didn't put them back on.

"Well, then you've got me," Dean promised her, knowing that the only reason he hadn't felt like he could assume she'd want him around as because of his own feelings. Of course she'd want him there, of course she'd need her friend - that only made sense. He knew he'd been factoring in things that only he knew existed, but he couldn't not. He started them walking up the beach to the path, grabbing his boots on the way, but not putting them on. It was only a short walk and it'd just take too long to sit and lace the damn things up.

She didn't say anything as they walked, looking up the hill to the house, and wondering if it was safe for her to go back to Journey's. Maybe, she'd stay the rest of the day, and go back this evening. Just not right this second. She'd figure it out later, right now she wanted to just stop for a while. Go, curl up in the closet with Dean, and not think about most things that were plaguing her. Joshua was coming back up in her mind, thinking about the look on his face, and how he'd sounded defensive on some things. Well, he had a right to. She still wondered if he was just gone now. As they headed up the back porch steps, she sort of waited for him to open the door, because of that little bitty internal twitch that said it was Dean's house, and she couldn't just walk in like she owned the place.

Dean didn't even notice that she waited for him to open the door and he did so, stepping back a little so she could walk in first. He needed to tell her the news as well, that it looked like the vampires were gone. Another piece of good news on what had to be an awful day for her.

She walked in, and set her shoes by the door, then waited for him, walking backwards a little before she started to head for the stairs. Then it was up there, still quiet, and she pondered if she should grab a blanket and pillow from the room she was staying in to add to the closet hiding stuff, but figured it had worked just fine with Dean's blankets and pillows last time, so it in all likelihood would again. Then she headed for his room but waited again for him to go in first. She was thinking about how she'd woken him up to yell at him. And how they'd been talking in his room and everything right before things went to hell.

Dean led the way up to his room, abandoning his boots by the simple method of dropping them in a heap without a second thought by the back door. He felt a little nervous - the last thing he wanted to do right now was to run into Joshua. Really, really didn't want that. But thankfully they made it upstairs and into his room without seeing the guy and, for once, Dean actually shut the door properly behind them - normally it was his habit to leave it at least slightly open.

She started towards the bed, then went stopped, and eyed the boot prints on the bottom of the comforter and she smirked faintly. Then she noticed of course the main thing--that his bed was made and everything. She frowned slightly as she started to tug the blankets off. Looking over her shoulder, she eyed him. "When's the last time you slept?" she asked. Her voice was light. She knew she hadn't been doing a stunning lot of sleeping. Just those few hours after he'd walked away. But she was kind of willing to lay money on the fact that he hadn't. At all. His letter...then yeah, he was going to research things, and it all was laid out there for her. He hadn't been to sleep in a while.

Dean walked past her and stripped the rest of the blankets off the bed, bundling them up to add to those he'd left in the closet. "Bring the pillows?" he asked her as he headed into the closet. And oops, yes, he didn't answer the question.

She noticed he didn't answer the question. Great. She did in fact grab the pillows, gathering them up and hugging them to her chest. However when she got into the closet with him, she batted him in the back of the head with one. "You haven't slept since I woke you up, have you." she said. Which was less a question and more a statement, because she was pretty positive now about that. "That's not good, Dean, you need sleep. You really do."

Dean scowled into the dark as she hit him with a pillow, but didn't answer her. Instead he knelt down, organising the blankets so they could get settled, taking the rest of the pillows from her and ranging them against the wall. He turned and sat down, then reached to pull her down with him.

And suddenly she wasn't standing anymore, she was on Dean's lap. Which she was fine with, and she curled up, getting comfortable really easily. "You need to sleep soon." she mumbled, resting her head in against his collarbone and shoulder. She drew in a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Could do what I did...dose the hell out of yourself and block out everything for a little while. I don't think you can OD on nyquil." Plus that stuff had a hefty alcohol content or something, she was sure of. So that was really what it was, and it wasn't as if you were going to sit and down the bottle. That stuff was vile. "Any time here, you can jump in with important answers for me."

"Never said I wasn't tired, Thia," Dean told her, resting back against the pillows and shifting her into a slightly more comfortable position. Really, he shouldn't let himself do this - it was far too nice, but she needed him today - she'd even specifically told him so. And this had been her idea and he'd promised that he'd do whatever she wanted and yes he was justifying things to himself now. But still, there was nothing in it except comfort, so he slipped his arms around her and allowed himself to relax. "And what important answers do you want? I haven't heard questions. Except for when the last time I slept was. And yes, it's when you woke me up. Which was mean, by the way - I was sleeping. But I've had things to do. I'm fully intending to get sleep. Soon." In fact, he'd been planning on being in bed as soon as he'd talked to her. But that had been when all they'd been going to talk about was them, that was before she'd needed him. Now - well, he'd sleep later.

She was comfortable, and smiled a tiny bit. "Yeah, well so was telling me you slept when you skipped the detail that it was really you being knocked out." she said. "And important answers like finishing what you were saying down at the beach. I gave you a temporary out, now you need to fill in the blank." she said. It was reasonable. She'd given him a stay of execution for a whole...seven minutes, maybe. That had been part of the deal in the first place. They came inside, curled up in the closet, and then he finished what he was saying.

"I still hold that that could possibly be classed as sleep," Dean averred. "I wasn't awake - therefore sleep." But he knew he couldn't put things off any longer and he thunked his head back against the wall gently, trying to think of words, before he shifted it forward again, as always aware that he needed to be close for her to hear him in the darkness. "I don't really know what happened yesterday," he said, eventually. "I mean, I know what happened, but I don't really know... It was... weird. We were talking and then it was just like... The rug got pulled out from under me."

She listened, head tilting just a tiny bit to the side towards him as she did so. In a distant sort of manner, she realized she kind of liked when he talked into her ear. He had to do it loud enough that she could understand him, but it was just kind of nice. It was good to not have that communication barrier when they couldn't see each other, when most of their communication depended on that. Her mind wasn't on that really though, it followed along with what he was saying. And the fact that she understood it. "Go on." she said, not wanting to put her own thoughts in quite yet, wanting to know what was on his mind about it.

Dean didn't really want to go on, he wanted to leave the conversation about how he felt about anything and go talk about something else. But he was learning with Thia - she didn't let things go. If you avoided answering something, she'd just press you for a full answer and not let it drop. At least this way he could give her an answer with pieces carefully cut out and maybe that would satisfy her. "I dunno. It was just another level of shit. I thought things had kind of got as bad as they were going to get and then suddenly I had to deal with losing my best friend," he told her.

She nodded, understanding. "Kind of made everything worse, huh." she said, again, not a question. "Like...hey maybe everything else might be dealable, just as long as that didn't have to happen too?" she asked. That's how it was like for her, though that was only part of it. She didn't want to say too much though, because if she started going on about her end of things, he'd latch onto that and stop talking about his end. She didn't want to give him the out. At least, not yet.

"Never even occurred to me that it would," he said, honestly. "You know, in every scenario that played out, losing my best friend like that wasn't in there. Which, I know, under the circumstances sounds insane, but yeah." He paused. "Did you hear the news?" he asked, lightly.

"Wasn't in mine, either." Lullaby admitted. "Kind of...felt like a really cheap shot." she added. "I was really terrified that I was going to lose you. And like...we'd still text each other and still sort of be there but there's a difference between typing something down and being with you. It's just not the same, and I was afraid that when you came back that you'd be different, and..." she trailed off, sort of trying to cut back the upset that went with all of those feelings. Because alright, she was there with him, but that didn't mean it hadn't completely fucked her up yesterday. The feelings weren't evaporating in .2 seconds which would have been helpful. "The news? I watched some this morning...sounds like the vamps have moved on." she said. "That news? Is there more? Like...everyone in the world gets free ice cream today and world peace has been declared? Free puppies for all those who want them?"

"I think I'll just take the lack of vampires in town as my ultimate good news," Dean told her, the smile sounding in his voice as he hugged her tighter for a fraction of a second. No more danger, no more potential for... He closed his eyes against the imagined image of her having her throat torn out, against the things Caleb had intimated, against all the potential badness in the world that could come for her and he could do nothing at all to stop.

She smiled back and then moved to give him a better hug. Which had her noticing that he was still wearing the gun. She'd become accustomed to seeing it on him by now, it was just...there. Something that Dean had. But he didn't need it right now, so she did pretty much exactly the same thing she had before, which was slide her hand beneath the straps, then push them down his shoulders. "You don't need this right now." she said quietly.

He hardly gave the gun a second thought now - even though he'd only been carrying for a handful of days. Again, he was surprised at how quickly the world changed. How had carrying a gun become second nature to him? He leaned forward, away from the wall, as she started pushing at the holster, allowing her to remove it before he settled back down again. "You're right, I don't," he agreed.

She set it off to the side, crawling away again for a second as she set it in the same place she had before. Then she was back over to him, taking up her place once again. She settled against him again, curled up, head on his shoulder and against his collarbone. "Better." she said with a light little sad smile, and she was kind of glad he couldn't see it right now.

He let her go as she crawled off, making himself do that, making himself not dwell on imagined badnesses, glad - oh so very glad - that it was so dark in here. He wondered how thick the tendrils that she could otherwise have seen around him would be right now. He wondered if he'd ever be able to learn to suppress them, or if she'd always be able to tell just by looking at him when something was wrong. He doubted it, and he accepted her back into his arms gratefully, again forcing himself not to hold on to her. They were here for her, not him, she was the one who needed comfort right now.

She reached out, and took his hands, tugging them around her on her own, and she closed her eyes, not saying anything for a few long moments. "Felt like everything crashed." she said into the silence after a few long moments. She was thinking about a lot of things. Letting her mind drift as she did so. They were skating along a lot of subjects. Yesterday. Today. Joshua. Everything else. Dean's letter. She remembered in there that he'd said he needed his best friend, and he hoped she needed hers. "...you do know I need you...don't you?" she asked, tilting her head to the side a touch, half tilting it towards his face, but not really fully, being she wasn't trying to see him.

"And I'll always be here for you," he told her, knowing that he hadn't answered her question - but how did you answer that? Did he know she needed him? Right now, he did, but generally? He wasn't sure - he'd like to think so, but he didn't think he was irreplaceable or anything to her. But, when she phrased it in that specific way? Telling her that would just be asking for trouble and he didn't want to raise a touchy subject when she was already upset - he was meant to be making things better, not worse.

"That wasn't an answer." Lullaby said. She frowned slightly at it, and she shifted a little more, almost now like she really was trying to see him. Good luck there, they didn't have any light, but it didn't stop the impulse. "Do you not? I do. I think I could handle almost anything, but seriously, when I thought you might just be gone?" she shook her head, then curled back up again against him, hugging his arms tighter around herself, even if he wasn't doing much in the way of that right now. Hadn't since she'd gotten rid of the gun. Maybe it was because of that. Or, maybe it's because he doesn't like it when you're this clingy. she added mentally. Which meant she should probably stop, but she didn't. Not right yet. Maybe in a minute.

"Yes it was," Dean told her, holding her more as she encouraged him, shifting her slightly again so he could do that. She wasn't exactly heavy and god he was comfortable with her curled up in his lap. "You need me, I'll always be here for you - you know that, right?" He wasn't sure he believed that him being gone was as bad as she was making it out. There were worse things - like having to break up with your boyfriend.

That helped her mental state a little bit, that he'd taken some initiative to hug her. And she relaxed again, settling. "...yeah. I know. I just...if things didn't work out right, you wouldn't be able to be here with me. Like...right now. Here. You'd have to try to be there for me in a distant sort of way. And I..." she didn't finish the sentence, because she wasn't sure how to word things. Plus, she was upsetting herself again. "But I know. I know. You've been here for me since the start, Dean. Since you found me, you've been...here. You've been the most here for me of anyone. You know what it kind of felt like? When you were just about to leave?" she asked. "Like I've kind of been a kite, and the string got cut."

Dean caught the edge of stress in her voice and gave her a little squeeze. "We don't have to talk about this," he told her, not wanting to cause her any more upset. "I'm not going anywhere, it'll all be okay, I'm not leaving, you're not leaving, there's no leaving involved here."

"I know. Now, I just..." she didn't know. She was trying to get something across to him, but she didn't think she was doing a very good job of it. "You said it was weird. It was. Just...I guess that's not quite my word for it." she continued, still trying to feel her way along what she wanted to express. In the end she didn't figure she'd gotten it out in a way that he got, and she knew him well enough to know that if she put too fine a point on things, he'd just start blowing them off. Because apparently, that's what anyone would do--which flew in the face of reality where no one else did. Even people who could have.

He wondered what her word for it was, or what she was trying to say, but he wasn't going to push her. "It's okay, Thia," he told her again, reaching down and pulling a blanket up around his shoulders and wrapping it round the both of them, shifting her slightly again as he did so.

She nodded, but didn't quite think it was. She didn't know if she'd feel better for a while. "...are you okay?" she asked softly. She didn't know if he was, and she wanted to know. Maybe he just didn't dwell or something. But really, with as much bullshit as had been tossed around lately, it was entirely possible that he wasn't. "And I mean really okay. You were talking earlier, it sounded like...things might not be."

"I'm better than I was," Dean told her, which was as close to the truth as he was willing to come right now. "I just want a day off. Think, maybe, we could get that? Sometime soon?"

She smiled a little. "A day off?" she asked. "Like...go camping? That kind of day off? Where there's roasted marshmallows and everything else that is totally bad for you and ignore the rest of the entire world while pretending you're a hermit in the middle of the woods?" Because her imagination, while not in full gear at current wasn't in fact, dead. "You can have a day off today. Maybe tonight, and tomorrow. If the vampires are gone." she pointed out. "You can just lay down, go to sleep, sleep as long as you want, and...do whatever you want with your day. Things that don't involve anything you could find in a stephen king novel."

No, today's shit has already happened, Dean thought to himself. Today couldn't be a day off. And anyway, he wanted to spend his day off with her, though he wasn't going to press that point if she clearly didn't want to, and the way she'd deftly taken herself out of the equation - turning his 'we's into 'you's, he definitely wasn't going to be pressing the point. "Yeah, sleep would be good," he agreed instead.

"Sleep that you need." she said, because she couldn't not. "But...maybe it'll happen. And there'll be a whole day, or maybe several that won't have anything awful in them. And you can relax. We both can." She paused. "...that camping thing might not be a bad idea. It's not like there isn't enough woods. And I could do that, and not have to worry about being seen." she added. "If you wanted the company." Which she wasn't sure he did. "I'm still kind of afraid to sleep." she admitted. "Maybe I'll get some tonight." Back when she was at Journey's, maybe. And screaming nightmares wouldn't alert him. She didn't actually sound that hopeful about the possibilities of her sleeping, however.

He let out a breath that contained a little laugh. "Of course I want company," he told her, letting go of his worries that she didn't want to be involved. "Did you really think that I wouldn't? And camping sounds fun - as long as we're not going to be attacked by bears or wolves or..." Would they be safe? Were there other things in the woods? Would they be vulnerable out there, if they were alone? Maybe that wasn't such a good idea, after all. "We'll see," he told her. "But in the meantime, sleep. We both need it, we should both get it. And there's nothing else you need to do today. Unless you're trying to get back onto a nocturnal sleep schedule."

She quirked a little half smile at the laugh, and what he said. "Well--you might. You never know, you could want to spend time catching up on your reading, or...playing one player video games, or anything! There's a whole world of things you could possibly be doing that wouldn't involve me." she said. "Besides, I'm sure you're sick of me by now anyways." she added, with a tiny bit of teasing on it. Because she figured he wasn't, especially with what happened yesterday. "I dunno about the nocturnal schedule thing. I think I'm kind of naturally nocturnal now. Even before all this I was up a lot of the night, I just feel more awake then." She paused, then she slowly started to lean herself over, heavily tugging him along with her. "Sleep is good. I was attempting to find out if I didn't need it. But I think I probably do. I don't know how well I would now. Though if you want to go to sleep, I can let you. I don't want to keep you up if you're thinking of going to bed." She was thinking of staying til he was asleep, then packing up her things and seeing if Sophie would give her a ride home.

It took him a minute to figure out what the hell she was doing and he resisted the pull, before he got that she was trying to lie them down and he went with her, shuffling down into the blankets, which was kinda weird, though good-weird. Just unusual, being curled up in the bottom of his closet, feet hitting the shoes he'd pushed to one side the other day, having to bring his legs up because he was too long to fit without balling a little. "I'm not sick of you," he told her, even if she was teasing. "And I'll get sleep eventually," he added, stifling a yawn.

She turned herself around so her back was to his chest, and she tugged his arm around her as she curled up into a ball as well. "Mm. Eventually." she said, smiling faintly. "I could stay until you fell asleep." she added. "I can finish packing later, and even if I did fall asleep, I'm sure it won't be too late to get a ride back into town." Since it was still technically pretty early in the day. Though now that they were laying down, she was thinking about sleeping. She would like that. Sort of...curling up and sleeping with him there and waking up with him still there. That she could deal with. Like when he'd first found her. Maybe it all went back to associations, but she didn't know. The only thing that made her hesitate was she didn't want to have a nightmare if he was right there with her. That...that might be bad.

He pulled a couple of pillows round as she curled up against him and tucked them under his head, leaving enough space for her to lie her head on them as well. Yes, definitely good-weird and th... "Wait, what?" Dean asked her, pulled out of his little daydream as she continued speaking. "Ride back to town? Huh?" Hadn't they just been talking about this? Hadn't she specifically agreed she wasn't going anywhere?

She sort of frowned then looked over her shoulder. "...yeaaaah?" she said slowly, because it was clear she was missing something. "The vampires are probably gone now, I'm going to go back to Journey's?" She wasn't understanding what was complicated about that. "It won't take me long to pack up and everything. I was kind of thinking about napping with you then maybe getting Sophie to drive me back...it won't be too late, will it? Should I ask now?"

"No - no, you shouldn't ask now," Dean told her, his arms tightening around her for a moment before he made himself stop that. "You shouldn't ask at all - I thought we agreed you weren't going anywhere." He'd thought they'd talked about this a few times now. Okay, they'd not specifically come out and specifically agreed that she'd be staying here permanently in so many words, but the intent had been there and the subject had come up and he'd always been clear - he thought - that he wanted her to stay and she'd always been clear - he thought - that she would do.

"...yeah, while it was still too dangerous to go back." Lullaby said. She sounded a bit on the confused side still. And since his arm had tightened around her for a second, she rested her hand over his and gave it a little squeeze to reassure him. What with him not sounding happy and all. "You wanted me to stay, and I have, and we figured out the badness between us too, or you have, and--wait a minute are you saying I was meant to stay here?" she asked, blinking a lot in the darkness.

She wasn't meant to sound so surprised at that. "Well, yes," he told her, thinking that obviously he'd been jumping to conclusions and that Oz was right - they hadn't talked about this. At all. Not even a little bit. Dean was sure they had, but obviously he was wrong. "We've got loads of room here and you've said you feel better here, and it's better than an abandoned house, and there are people around and it's-" safer "-healthier for you to be here."

She frowned. "...Dean." she said, in a tone that clearly said he was being a little thick, and she was being patient. Then patience went out the window, because she was catching on here, and she was baffled. "I can't just...you want me to move here? Like...live here? I can't live here! You live here! This is your house! You can't just like...randomly drop another kid in it! That's--I can't do that!"

"Why not?" Dean asked, frowning a little.

"Why not? What do you mean why not? I just can't--I can't just come here, Dean. I mean...what about Oz and Sophie? I'm sure they don't want another teenager just randomly living with them, and I don't have any way of paying rent or like...compensating in any sort of way, and it's just way too much imposition. Plus I'm sure you don't want me around like...twenty four hours a day or anything, and I just...I really appreciate the sentiment, and everything, don't get me wrong, but I can't just...move in, I...you really seriously just..." And baffled was still the dominant emotion going on.

"Oz says it's fine, I already talked to him about it. And you don't need to pay rent - they're loaded anyway, plus it's not like you're gonna be eating us out of house and home. And I know you, you'll help out round here without thinking twice about it anyway. It's not an imposition and I doubt Oz'd let you go back to an abandoned house anyhow. He's a werewolf - he has this whole pack mentality thing going on and I'm sure that includes you now too." He didn't address the issue of whether he wanted her around 24-7 because that was too complicated to broach. On some levels, he wanted her around all the time so badly. On others, god, that was the last thing he wanted. He hadn't realised before now that you could feel that contradictory - to want someone and want to be able to keep them at arms length at the same time. Of course, this was coming from the guy who currently had his arms wrapped round the girl in question.

"...you already talked to Oz about this." Lullaby repeated. There was a mystified tone there. "So, you already decided this, but didn't bring it up with me?" she asked. "Dean!" She shook her head and drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Okay. I just...I mean, I don't want to be a burden here or anything. And of course I'd help out, that wouldn't really be the point. It's still an extra person in their house, and an extra legally dead person at that. I mean, what if they want to have people over? Are they going to have to alter their lives just because I happen to be on the premises? And that goes for you too--what if you want to have people over? I refuse to be around and like...be some huge block on all three of yours' lives just by existing. It wouldn't be fair."

"You know, you're not the only legally dead person alive in this house right now," Dean pointed out, but he felt a little bad and it sounded in his tone. He sat up, pulling her with him to sit by his side - close enough to hear, but not sitting on his lap like before. "I'm sorry - I thought we'd kinda talked about this. I thought you knew I didn't want you to go back to Journey's - and I told you, like, the day I found you that you could move in here. It doesn't have to be permanent - just until something better comes up, somewhere where you can... I don't know. Somewhere better for you." Her words also reminded him that he needed to tell her about Caleb - but one thing at a time.

She went with him, and rested her head on his shoulder, curling up against his side. She was silent for a few long moments. "She's not going to be living here." she said quietly. "Dean...I don't know if I can really...I'd feel like...I don't know." she sort of half played with his hand, bending his fingers, and unbending them. She bit at her lower lip, and tried to think about it in a rational manner, instead of the automatic 'woah NO' of it all. "Have you really thought about this?" she asked, turning her head like she was looking up at him. "I know you, Dean. You just...want to do the right thing. It's permanently ingrained on your psyche. I don't--" she paused, then wondered if she could say it, and couldn't for the moment. Shit.

"Yes, Thia - I've thought about this," he told her. Because he had - he just didn't have to discuss with her the results of those thoughts. "You can do this, Thia. It doesn't have to be permanent - just until we get a plan together about how things are going to go. Do you really want to go back to hiding out at Journey's?" he asked her, deciding to put it another way - and praying she didn't say 'yes' to that question.

She shook her head, but didn't answer verbally. That wasn't really her problem though. She'd put up with being at Journey's. It was at least someplace she could be that wasn't under people's feet. She kept up what she was doing, and still didn't say anything. There was one major problem for her, and she just didn't know how to word it. And even if she did, what she figured Dean would do is just blow it off anyhow. Or at least, blow it off until it was too late, and that was what had her worried. She knew the boy too well sometimes.

"All you have to do is just not move out," Dean said, pushing a little since she wasn't answering. "You don't even have to make a decision - just... Don't go." He didn't want her to do it that way. He wanted her to tell him that she'd stay, at least until something else came up. He didn't want to have to worry every day that he'd come home and she'd be gone. Especially not now. Especially not after his talk with Caleb. He'd wanted her here anyway - it made so much sense to him even before. But now, now he was starting to think more and more about the fact she could be in actual danger. Now he really wanted her here. Because this house was like a fortress and it was her best chance of protection. He might not be able to protect her alone, but here. Here there was a better chance.

"...that's surprisingly a lot like making a decision to stay, Dean." Lullaby said, still quietly. She was quiet again for a few long moments, then sat back away from him for a few moments, trying to figure out how to say things. She didn't go far, and she actually kept hold of the hand she'd been toying around with. "I don't want to wind up a regret." she said finally. "Like...you didn't think this through and one day you just can't stand to be around me. It's...I'd rather deal with being alone at Journey's than have that happen." she said. She didn't know how else to put it. But she could see it happening. She already had tendencies he didn't much appreciate. Such as the fact that she was overly affectionate by nature. He just put up with her well enough. But that was just when he had to deal with her, and if that was a lot more often... That and she was already thinking about the nightmares, and how she'd planned on really getting good sleep when she got back to Journey's because it wouldn't matter if she had screaming nightmares there. But here, she'd be disturbing people.

Dean stilled and turned to look at her - though he couldn't see her in the darkness, didn't even know if she was still see-able, or if she'd phased out. "You think I'd... regret you?" he asked, blinking at that.

"...yeah. Not right away? But yeah I think so. I mean...Dean, it's not...I'd be here. And it's not like I haven't noticed that sometimes you really, really need to not be around me. You need your space, and I'm not really--you know me. I'm...me. I'm.." she made a vague gesture, then went back to playing with his hand. "...huggy and affectionate and I'm pushy sometimes and I'm pretty sure one day you would just hit the end of your rope and decide that if you never saw me again? It would probably be too soon." And alright, that was worst case scenario there, but that's how she was feeling lately.

"I'm never not going to ever want to see you again," Dean told her, firmly. "Best friend, remember? And, okay, sometimes, sure, I need some space - but doesn't everyone? We can, like, think up rules. Or I can get one of those 'do not disturb' signs for my door. Or something." She shouldn't be allowed to be this observant, though, from the sounds of it, she hadn't figured out the 'why's behind his behaviour. "And, anyway, like I said - it doesn't have to be permanent. I'm not talking forever here or anything. Just til we come up with something better for you."

"Dean..." She drew in a deep breath, and let it out in a rush. "I'm dead. I'm going to be dead. I'm not any time soon going to be able to even walk downtown without sticking to the shadows in the middle of the night because I won't be in proper view. So...some eventuality? Will be a really long time coming. Unless I decide to build a tree fort with heat in the middle of the woods, I have no where to go but Journey's house. So even if we keep in mind that it isn't gonna be forever, it's still going to be long term. And I just...I'm worried." She tried to explain. She didn't know if she made sense or not, but she was really trying hard.

"So am I," Dean told her. "I'm worried about what would have happened to you this week if I hadn't been able to come and get you. I'm worried about what'll happen to you in the future if you go back. I'm worried about what'll happen if you wake up one day and find that Journey's family is selling that house. I'm worried about you living on your own. I'm worried about you thinking you have to deal with this by yourself. Stay. Here. Give it a month and if you still want to leave at the end of that time? Then we'll talk again, but don't just say this can't work."

She listened to him, and she still worried, but that was...maybe more doable. Because by then, it would probably be really clear whether it was going to work or not, right? And if things really didn't work at all, she could leave before then. She did have a condition, though. "I'll say yes if you give me your word that you'll say something if things are bad for you. If my being here isn't working for you. And I mean it, Dean. No skirting the issue, no trying to sidestep, if things aren't working, you tell me, and you tell me right away." Her voice was very firm on that, determined.

"If there ever comes a point where I can't do this anymore, I promise I'll tell you, Thia," Dean promised her.

"That isn't what I said." She let go of his hand for a moment, and closed her eyes, reaching up to cover her face for a moment. "I asked that you tell me if things aren't working. Not when you can't do it anymore." she clarified. And she thought he probably knew that. It was just Dean, and he wouldn't want to say anything until he absolutely had to. Which was what she was trying to avoid, really. Hitting that stop-point.

He had known that, he'd specifically reworded it on purpose, because she'd wanted a promise and he'd wanted to give her one. He just couldn't guarantee he'd be able to do the first one. "Thia - we talk. You can read me like a bloody book half the time. And that's without being able to see energy rolling off me. You know as well as I do that you'll know if something's wrong. You don't need me to promise anything."

"That's not fair." Lullaby said. "Yes, I can see that something's the matter, I can't tell what is the matter." she protested. "So it could be anything, and you'd probably tell me it was something else. Unless you couldn't come up with a good story fast enough. I don't know. I just...I don't know. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive right now. Maybe I'm afraid of losing everything. I have no idea. I just...don't want to put myself into a position where just being around could erode things." She was quiet for a few long seconds, before she spoke again, and it was almost too quiet to hear. "I feel like a plague lately."

"I'm not going to lie to you, Thia!" Dean told her, actually sounded quite a bit offended by that. "Look - you're not going to bloody lose me! I'm not going anywhere. I would have thought I would have proved that today!" he exclaimed, before reigning himself in and closing his eyes for a moment, reminding himself what kind of a day she'd had already. "I'm sorry - I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry about Joshua."

She winced at that. "I'm sorry." she said. "And I know you wouldn't go anywhere on your own. I just--look, I don't really trust me right now okay?" she said, and while she hadn't thought about it in so many words, it was there now. "Like I said, I feel like a plague. I know things with Joshua were all fucked up, and that's probably my fault. Add into that that yesterday, we were thinking that I fuck you up too, and just by existing, and I just--" she broke off, and bit her lower lip, turning her face away, as she attempted to calm herself down. Calm was good. Calm was...elusive. Shit. "I don't want to put any more pressure on you, and I know you already put a lot on yourself. I don't...I just don't want to fuck everything up more. And I'm so afraid I will I can't even tell you." And not even by true action on her part, which was the worst part there. Because she was feeling like she could fuck things up in an amazing capacity just by hanging around.

"You're not a plague," Dean told her, feeling for her on that one. That was how he'd been feeling lately as well. That he'd be bringing badness to everyone around him. "And you'd put more pressure on me if you weren't here - because then I'd have to be permanently worried about you. So do me a favour and hush up, stop complaining. I promise I won't do anything I can't cope with and if I'm not coping, you'll know," he promised her, reaching for her hand and giving it a little squeeze in the darkness.

She smiled faintly in the dark, and gave his hand a squeeze back. "...then I'll stay. For a month, then we'll talk about it again." she added on the end there. She also moved back towards him, to go back to curling up with him. "...so you're sure you're fine with having your magic pet familiar that gives you +10 to your magick attack?" she asked. There was a light touch of humor in her tone. Weak, but there. They needed something to get them off of trauma. She really really wanted to be off of trauma again. Seriously. Perhaps 'needed' would be a better word.

He chuckled a little at that. "Yeah, I'm sure," he agreed. "As long as I'm not going to get hit for suggesting you might be a pet. I hear that girls are weird like that at times," he joked, then fell silent. "Thia..." he said, hesitantly, still holding her hand.

"I dunno, currently I feel a little like a pet zombie. Only without the pesky rotting, or brain eating, or anything like that." Lullaby said, still teasing. Because it was a lot easier for her to make fun of herself than it was to think about the reality right now, and she was going to do that. Of course, that was right up until she heard Dean's tone, and she stilled a little, tilting her head on his shoulder up towards his face. "What? Are you okay?" she asked, giving his hand a squeeze.

He could just redirect the conversation now, he knew, into zombies. That would be fun and light hearted and not totally off topic or anything. But he didn't. He needed to tell her, he had to. It was only fair. "I told my friend Caleb. About you," he told her, wincing in the dark. "Or, well, actually, he kinda guessed - which was well weird, considering, but, yeah - I... He knows. Now. He's promised, sworn not to tell a single soul." Please don't be mad at me!

She stilled as she let that sink in. Lullaby had figured he'd have to tell someone eventually. It was why she'd given him the out. So she didn't spend too much time letting it sink in before she nodded, and gave his hand a squeeze. Caleb...she'd met him before. She'd given him a necklace. "How did he guess?" she asked, since that was the weirdest part of that statement. She sounded normal, even if she was kind of feeling a little bit like she'd missed a stair going down a flight. It was familiar though. It was the same way she'd felt when she was first arriving here. How other people knew, and even if people hadn't been weird with her, it was still jarring. Dean, however, didn't really need to know that it kinda left her feeling suckerpunched a bit.

Because apparently I get a very specific look on my face when I talk about you, Dean thought, only okay with that because he'd hardly talked about her to anyone who didn't already know. Nobody else would be able to make that connection. "He was helping me research, wanted to know why I was worried about this all now. So I kinda told him that I'd found something that upped my abilities and then he started going on about how that was cool and I could just use it when I needed to and put it away when I didn't and I had to admit 'it' was a person. So he told me that I should just back off if it was just some random person and, when I said I couldn't, that I had to find a way round it, well - he knows that there aren't that many people in my life who are that important to me. He made a joke about me having a zombie-you in my basement and when I completely failed to smash his face in over it, he kinda caught on."

And weirdly, that struck Lullaby as funny, and she giggled. She also reached up to clap a hand over her mouth as if that would cover it, but it didn't. She giggled again, too. "He actually said that? That you had a zombie-me in the basement?" Again, there were more little giggles, and she relaxed against him, the last of the tension she'd been holding over from their previous conversation sort of melting. "Did you tell him that I wasn't in the basement, I was upstairs?"

Dean relaxed as well as she giggled - god, how long had it actually been since he'd heard her giggle? It felt like forever and it got a full on grin from him, even if it couldn't be seen in the dark. "He actually said that," Dean confirmed, sounding amused. "And no, I didn't - thought it though. I told him I didn't have a zombie-Lullaby in the basement. And he called me on it on the basis that any guy who'd lost their best friend a couple of weeks back who'd had that put to them would have seen red at the comment and I hadn't, so what was going on. So, I... I told him." He paused, the grin dropping from his face. "You mad at me?" he asked her, his tone tinged with worry. She could giggle and still be mad, right? He had no idea. He hoped not.

She made a face, then poked him in the side. "I'm not mad." she told him, in a tone that suggested he was being silly for asking. "I told you you could tell people, Dean. I'm not really in the habit of saying something and not meaning it. How'd he take it? Did you tell him about the fadey-ness?" she asked. What they knew about it anyways, which granted, wasn't a whole hell of a lot. "He doesn't want to like...come here and exorcise me or anything, right? Or like, set you up with a lot of therapy for hanging out with dead friends?"

"Yeah, I told him you were a fade. He was convinced you had to be some kind of zombie. Which, hey, answers that question - apparently they have zombies in New Orleans, so we have the starting point for our research," he told her, happy that she wasn't mad at him. He'd been worried. Sure, she'd told him he could tell, but he'd still been nervous about it.

She smiled at that. "Oh, really?" she asked. "Well then. Okay so yes. Starting point. They do in fact exist, if Caleb is a reliable source. Let's assume for now that he is. So...that's something. We can still get our zombie research in." Which she still planned on doing. And researching herself. That needed doing, even if a lot of the time she didn't really want to, and she looked at the book and felt sick. "...do you feel better?" she asked, tone thoughtful.

No - he's given me a whole new level of things to think about that hadn't even crossed my mind at first and I know he said I didn't have to and I should just forget about it, but I don't know what kind of an idiot he actually thinks I am if he thinks that's at all possible, Dean thought. "I feel better that I'm not losing my best friend. I can't really figure the rest out."

She smiled at that, then hugged him again, thunking her head against his for a moment in the process. "You're not losing your best friend. You won't. Promise." Or, if you do, I'll be back in twenty four hours anyways. she thought but didn't say. "So what else did you find out? Tell me all about you and what you can and or can't do. You're sure now that I'm not going to be a problem for you?" she asked. Her mind had started drifting towards other things again and she didn't want it to be going there. Therefore, she was focusing on something else.

"Actually, we found this really good book," Dean told her. "Specifically about disruptors. That's where we found out about the effects of the immune system and everything. I didn't get to read all of it, but caleb gave me a copy, so, y'know, light bedtime reading. Though - some of the advanced stuff? Really sick. Parts of it are kinda like a how-to guide and, yeah..." He wasn't entirely happy about that. Detailed instructions about how to slowly kill people wasn't exactly what he'd seen himself getting into.

Lullaby wrinkled her nose a little, and thought about it. "So...are we talking sick like you could give people leprosy? Or sick like you could make people into soup?" she asked. Which both were disconcerting, and she kind of wished she hadn't thought about that at all. Though one thing was for certain. Dean would never do anything like that. Ever. It just wasn't him.

"I actually meant sick like disgusting," Dean told her. "But things like... How to make someone's liver fail. Or their kidneys. How to cause heart problems, or increase the risk of strokes. Serious shit. Or - there was one section on circulation that I didn't much read, but it was going on about what happens if you start to shut circulation down and there were these pictures of this guy with gangrene or something. Disgusting. And - from what I picked up, all of this stuff takes a long time, you have to do it slowly. Which means you have to really mean it - you have to work at it, build it up." He paused and turned towards her a little bit more. "You didn't mention, yesterday, you didn't say you knew that it I tried things too fast at higher levels I'd kill myself - but you knew that didn't you?"

"So....things you would never, ever do." Lullaby said. "Ever. Even if you were paid a million dollars and given a clean slate to do it on where you'd never get caught." Then she paused, and frowned, biting her lip. "Yeah. I didn't...I don't know. With everything else, I really didn't want to add in a 'hey, by the way this also might kill you' clause in there." She paused for a long moment. "You know I wouldn't let that happen, right?" Because she wouldn't. Just no. Noooo and no. They had discussed his dying before and it was clearly labeled under the 'not allowed' section of the proceedings.

"Good job we'll never have to find out, isn't it," Dean said, sidestepping her once again on that one. Because, yes, he did, in fact, know that. He knew she'd take his injuries even if they were bad enough that she'd die in his place. And she knew how he felt about her healing him. There was no winning an argument like that for either of them.

She had expected that. So she didn't push it or anything. He'd tell her no, she'd do it anyways, and either way, he wouldn't do anything like that to start with so they wouldn't have to figure it out. End of story. "Sounds about right." she agreed. "Are you going to try to learn how to get better at things?" she asked. "What's it say the effect on you is going to be? Will it be any worse the better you get? Or will it mostly be things that are dealable on some level? Like...no longer lasting owies or anything, right?"

"No - I'm not going to be trying anything until I know for sure what's coming," Dean told her, having decided that much earlier on. "I want to take some time, really look into where I'm going and then decide then. I didn't much look into the rest of it yet." No, his priority had been firmly on finding out how he would affect their relationship, once he found out that, well yeah - once he'd found out that he'd got distracted by the horrors of what could be coming for her and forgotten about the rest. But he'd get to it.

"Kay. Can I borrow the book when you're not home?" she asked. She wanted to read up on him too, she already had, obviously, but the book he had was clearly better. She still had to read up on herself too. She just didn't know if she wanted to do that alone, per se. The tone the author had taken with it effected her in a negative fashion, and she didn't especially want to go back to it, even if she realized it was stupid, and it was the only source of information she had, therefore she needed to suck it up. "I'd like to keep myself educated on everything related to your abilities. Especially now that we know I effect them. Maybe I can lessen down the effect on you, or we could work out different ways to channel things, or...something. I'm rambling."

"Course you can borrow it - you know that, right? Or not, obviously, cos you just asked, but you can borrow anything you like. My room's your room sort of thing." Apart from the box at the back of the top shelf of the wardobe, but you're not tall enough to reach there, so I think I'm good... "Whatever you want," he told her.

Lullaby laughed a little. "Didn't we have this conversation? About me girling up your room? And I'd feel weird about it." she said, wrinkling her nose again. "Like...I like being in your room. I like being in your closet. Your bathroom is still up in the air, because I've only seen it once. But you really don't want to give me free reign you know. I'm sure it'd be weird to come home and just have me like...hanging out in your room, playing around on your computer or something." she said.

"I said you could borrow my stuff - none of my stuff is girlie, in case you haven't noticed. I don't think there'll be an issue there. But yeah, you can use my stuff, if you want. Not sure about my bathroom though - and if you're in my room when I get home, I might, y'know, kick you out..." he teased. Definitely no on the bathroom thing. he really, really didn't need to add the idea of her naked in his shower to his mental imagery. Or, damn, well, there it was. Shit. "But, you can use my computer - it's really that or using Sophie's and she's home more than me," he told her, hurrying on to safer subjects while he mentally scrubbed out his imagination.

Lullaby thought she'd probably feel weirder about using Sophie's computer than Dean's, so yeah. "Alright, but remember you told me that." she warned with a little bit of a teasing tone in return. She still probably wouldn't. Much. Just a bit, maybe. "And don't worry, I don't think I'd use your bathroom, like, ever. It's your bathroom. Like when I had my bath after coming back, it never even would have occurred to me, and yeah. So no worries. I won't girl up your bathroom either. It won't suddenly start smelling like me or anything. Not that I know what I smell like, particularly, I haven't had any proper girly stuff since...okay since Sophie bought me some." And that was what was referred to as a ramble, in layman's terms.

Aaaaaand talking about my bathroom smelling of you and taking baths in there and... this is really not helping! Dean though to himself, acknowledging again the fact this? Was the reason that they only ended up curled up together when something traumatic was going on. because there was nothing quite as distracting to a wandering imagination than massive trauma. "Yeah, I saw some of the stuff that Sophie picked up for you. I seemed... Actually, it seemed like being a girl is way more complicated than being a guy," he admitted. See - nice, safe subjects. Yeah. Right - they coud talk about boring girl stuff for a bit and he could get his mind back on track again.

"Depends on what kind of girl you are." Lullaby said, smiling a little and that was clear in her voice. She started to kind of absently play with his hand again, taking the ring off of her thumb and sort of seeing how far onto each of his fingers she could get it. Which the results were mixed. And mostly equated to 'not far'. "I don't need some of the stuff she got me, but I do have to say that it was really nice to kinda have again. Like good smelling shampoo, and bodyspray stuff. I saw that I now have cotton candy body spray, so my lifelong dream of attracting circus clowns is about to become a reality. It'll be great." she said, trying very hard not to giggle there as she said it. And she managed! She sounded perfectly serious.

She was playing with his hand and he wondered if he could extricate himself without her pouting about it. Probably not. "It's not going to fit you know," he told her instead, hoping the comment would bring an end to her little game. "And cotton candy body spray? One - that sounds bloody horrible. Two - what's cotton candy anyhow? And three - clowns are fucking scary, they're just behind zombies in the brain eating stakes." Though, hadn't Caleb said that the zombie's he'd been talking about didn't eat brains? What kind of zombies didn't eat brains? that flew right in the face of established fact!

"Yeah, I know." she said, and that didn't appear to stop her either. And she reached for his other hand to try them out in the same organized manner. "And it's sticky sweet and sugary." Lullaby said. Then she stopped dead, and actually turned her entire body to face him. "You don't know what cotton candy is?!" she gasped. "How is that possible? And clowns I'm sure eat brains too! I'm sure in a stand off to the death fight between clowns and zombies, they would both hold their own! But how do you not know what cotton candy is?! If I'd have known that, I'd have thrown some of that in when I won you your fish!" Apparently, this was a huge deal.

He pulled his hand back and hid it down by his side the moment she let him go - only to have his other hand captured. Damn - he could have planned that better, couldn't he? But! he had one safe hand - as long as she wasn't going to go rooting around between them looking for it. "And no - I don't know what cotton candy is. Obviously though, this is the end of the world," Dean deadpanned, highly amused by her tone.

"Well it is!" Lullaby said. "It's...really horrible spun sugary stuff on a stick that gets everywhere and makes your whole hand sticky and everything you touch and your face, and it's great." she said firmly. "So that's just terrible that you don't know that. But apparently, now I can smell like it any time I want to. Is there going to be a no clowns rule? Because if so, you'll have to let me know now, just so I can put off those dreams of drawing them in. Though I was thinking about drawing them in like the pied piper and all, and possibly seeing if I could get them to wander off of cliffs like lemmings." she rambled, coming up with that completely off the top of her head as she said it.

"Oh! You mean candy floss!" Dean exclaimed. "Oh, I know what that is. You just have some silly American name for it. And you can draw clowns in if it's for some kind of clowniside - but no keeping them. Clowns do not make good pets," he said, mock-seriously. There, good second place for distracting trauma - distracting massive silliness. Really, it was almost as good!

Lullaby might have had a response to that. She really might have. Such as how since he was in the states, he was going to have to learn the american names for things. However, the word 'clowniside' was far too much for her. It had her making a little gaspy sound and then she absolutely burst into giggles. She flopped over onto her side by the pillows again, still by him and she had one hand clasped around his forearm as she shook from the force of it. She attempted speech a few times, but she didn't manage it before giggling all over again. Finally, all she did manage was an incredulous: "Clowniside?!" before she was taken in again by yet more laughing.

"Aaaaaaand apparently I just broke Lullaby," Dean said to the darkness at large. "Thi - you okay? Breathe, Thia, it's okay. It really wasn't that funny..." he told her, a little baffled. but it was good to hear her laugh.

"That is the best word ever!" she declared. She kept giggling a little here and there, attempting to sober herself. Maybe it was not having truly laughed in a long time that did it, but he'd struck her funny there. "I keep picturing this row of clowns, all juggling or making balloon animals, wandering up Sugarloaf and tossing themselves off, a calliope playing in the background. And of course a crowd of onlookers who are torn between doing something, or going with their instincts of being intensely creeped out by clowns. 'Honey, shouldn't someone do something?' 'Oh, it's alright, dear. They're only clowns. It's not like they're collies or something.'" she intoned, giggling again a touch. "So. Bets on me having reached the hallucinagenic madness stage of sleep deprivation?" she asked, grinning in the dark.

See, now, with that description? Dean was laughing as well. Because, really... Too funny not to. "Hey, I thought you told me you got sleep yesterday," he admonished when he managed to stop. "Or have you been telling porkies?" he asked, leaning over a little, because she still had hold of his arm and it happened to be the one of the other side of his body, making it hard to keep strictly upright.

There was another little gasp. "Porkies?" she asked. "What the heck is a porkie? And why?" she asked, giggling again. "From the context I can only assume that you're asking me if I've been fibbing to you, however, the only reference to porkies there is that come to mind is a series of movies in the...um...early eighties? That were ones I wasn't allowed to watch due to questionable content! So please, do explain this, oh british boy. What exactly is a porkie?" she asked, still grinning and occasionally giving over to giggles between statements.

"It's exactly what you guessed it was - a fib, not part of those films," he added, hastily. "You've never heard that word before? Weird. Oh ye of limited vocabulary," he teased her. "As for why, it's... actually, it's probably rhyming slang. I think - I'd say it was originally pork pie: lie. And from there you take the first word - pork, and change it to porkies. Simple," he explained, rationalising it out, even though it was the first time he'd really, seriously, thought about it. Slang was just slang - everyone knew what it meant.

She giggled some more. "Mm. Well thank you, professor, for educating me on really random language evolution in british slang." she said. "I feel much smarter now." She was grinning still, and she slid her hand down his arm to snag his hand again, finishing what she'd been starting in the first place, tugging his arm over more. She was still laying down, so he could come join her. "And I did get some sleep! But only a liiiiiiitttle bit. I haven't been. I was attempting to test the theory on if I didn't need sleep, like I don't need food. My scientific, professional opinion is that's a load of crap, and I need sleep just as much as everyone else."

Dean hesitated for a moment, then went to lie down with her, though he didn't snuggle up close like he had done before. He shoved one of the pillows under his head and lay on his side, facing towards her, his hand resting under his head as well, though she was still holding the other one. "Okay, so we've figured out that you need food less than I do, that you need sleep like any normal person and you're woefully undereducated in the ways of British slang," he mused.

"Yep. That covers it. The entirety of Lullaby Amarantha Draven, summed up. So you're going to have to brush me up on more slang, so I can at least not have that on my short resume." Lullaby decided. She went through each of his fingers and tried the ring on all of them, before she put the ring back on her thumb, then she took his hand, and turned herself over, snuggling her back up against his chest again, arm hugged around her. "Oh! And I'm good for stealth reconnaissance missions." she added. "As long as I'm not wearing my bells. If I'm wearing those, all stealth properties are negated what with the constant little chimey ringy sounds. On the upside, birds will know when I'm coming, and can fly away accordingly."

"Hmm, maybe you'll learn to walk like a cat," Dean mused, surrepticiously shifting back just a tiny bit as she snuggled up against him. Not a huge amount, she hopefully wouldn't even notice. "My friend's cat had a bell to ward the birds off, but I watched the thing and she could walk and that bell never rang. But, okay, you can be stealthy and I can teach you slang." And then be highly amused seeing her using it, no doubt.

"Okay. Sounds good. And hm. I'd have to learn to be all ninja like. I guess I could start looking into ninja possibilities. Become a really good one. I have the hiding in shadows down. All I'd need to do is start learning throwing stars and martial arts, and I'd be set. Of course, ninjas are mostly stealth assassin types. So I guess I could go into that. Decide to become an assassin. But how does one really get into that racket? And do they have a good health plan? What about dental? Plus, with the hearing issues, I probably wouldn't be as good as other ninjas, and I'd be muscled out of the scene entirely in too short an order. I'd have to be a discount assassin." She rambled. Yes, the girl could get into really good rambles when she was keeping her mind on silly things in order not to think about the gaping traumatic hole in her life at the moment. It was still there, in the back of her mind. Joshua, what had happened, her fear that he was just gone now and that was it. Might be better for him if he was. He wouldn't have to deal with her anymore. But still. She was keeping her mind on stupid things instead, to help deal. "This would also of course depend on you deciding I really could be the backstabby thief of the party." she concluded thoughtfully.

See, the silliness would probably have been better off directed in, well, a different direction. One that didn't include assassination, given what Dean had been reading about this morning. He let her ramble on, because he didn't much have a lighthearted answer to give and he was hoping that she'd just ramble herself out of the subject and he could just address her final point. Which is exactly what he did. "But that would suggest we had a party. And, like, orcs or kobolds to kill. And I think we're kinda lacking in that department," he told her.

"That's very true." Lullaby said. She also paused, and sort of half looked back over her shoulder at him. She didn't say anything right away, but she caught...something. She had to think for a few seconds what she might have said that would have made him twitch, and it really didn't require that much thought. "We can just stick with clowniside, british slang, and...mm. Something else. Fill in the blank. Give us a project." she offered. She didn't draw too much attention, like she didn't apologize for saying something out of line. He hadn't drawn attention, and she didn't either, sort of letting him off the hook there gently.

"I have to wonder when I became the boss here," Dean told her, instead of answering the question. "Y'know - with the whole deciding what you can be and telling you what our project is going to be..."

"Around the time you flat out told me that I was not allowed to be the thief, because I wasn't allowed to backstab, because I wasn't allowed to get that close to any danger." Lullaby informed him. "If you're going to run around making arbitrary decisions, you might actually have to consider becoming a leader." she said firmly. She didn't add in that apparently he'd also decided for her that she was staying, and hadn't actually run that by her first, but didn't. "I'm also allowing you to tell us what our next project will be, in the spirit of being fair. I suggested we research zombies, and we promised we'd do that soon. It's your turn." See? It was all perfectly reasonable.

"Ahh, but you flat out told me that I wasn't allowed to die as well. So maybe you should think about that too. And anyway, we haven't got round to the zombie research yet, so shouldn't we get to that before picking another project? And - you're not making any sense. First you tell me that I have to be a leader, now you're telling me that you're 'allowing' me to tell you what to do? What kind of crazy world are you living in?" he teased her.

She giggled at that, snuggling back against him again, since there was space, and she hugged his arm. "I'm a girl. I'm allowed not to make sense. And really, we rule the world you see. But the key to that is letting the men think they do. So see, I'm just keeping things in the spirit of being fair." she said with an impish little lilt to her tone. "And a very crazy one. But it's not so bad." At least, right this very second it wasn't. Right now? It was alright. The little world inside the closet in the dark where little things like reality didn't matter--she was down with that. "I could also just be preparing you for when you're going to be a leader, with those decisiony tendencies, and leader-like-qualities. I'm sure other people will fall in line just fine. I mean, we both know I won't, but that's hardly the point."

"Whaateeeeeeever you say, Thia. Whatever you say," Dean told her in a quasi-patronising tone, leaning forward to drawl that into her ear for extra bonus points and giving her a little pat on the head as he drew back, taking the opportunity to shift again, rather than returning to his position with an arm drapped over her.

He'd moved again. She had noticed it before, but not quite in a hugely conscious way, but that definitely had her noticing. And she very nearly said something that would likely have entirely killed any sort of good humor they had going, so she kept her mouth shut, and attempted not to feel kind of pushed away. Even if he'd done nothing of the sort. She took the time to remind herself that she was the huggy one, he wasn't, and he just humored her on that score. So, she shouldn't push it. Therefore, even if she had the urge to take his arm back, she didn't. And she sort of felt like she should move away more now. So she did, even if there wasn't far to go. "As long as you listen." she said, in a mildly belated sort of manner, since she'd had to sort of get her mind back on track after the realization.

He noticed as she moved and felt suddenly really bad. She'd moved because he'd moved - he hadn't wanted her to notice that he was moving away. He'd been waiting for moments where he could make it part of something else and now she'd noticed and he closed his eyes and eased himself back in towards her again, returning his arm to around her waist, without saying a thing about it.

She felt better and worse at the same time. Because she really didn't want to make him uncomfortable. So, when he did that, she sort of half leaned back, and stared straight forward into the dark. "It's okay, Dean." she told him. "I know I get...clingy." she said. "And I also know you don't particularly like that. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. So...it's okay. You don't have to be this close if you'd rather not be." she said softly. She kept most inflection out of her tone, because she didn't want it to sound sad, or upset, or anything. More just facts that she understood, and it was alright. She probably would have said more, but figured if she started, she'd just ramble, and that probably wasn't her best bet at current.

Don't particularly like... huh? Dean thought, practically staring at where he thought the back of her head was. Was that what she thought? Holy fuck, but he must be covering well. Because yeah, it sometimes made him uncomfortable, and sometimes he'd rather not be this close - but at no time was that because he didn't like it. The exact opposite, in fact. But he couldn't tell her that, now, could he? So, instead, he just shuffled down a little more and reached to pull a blanket over them, shifting his upper body forward a little and moving his head so that his nose was tickling in her hair a little.

Lullaby closed her eyes. She didn't say anything. She still felt like he was just doing it to placate her, or make her feel better, but if he wasn't going to take the out she'd given him--and really that was a shock, he took every out he could usually--she wasn't going to make him. She would just keep things in mind for next time, maybe. She did relax again, slowly, comfortable where she was, and the warmth of the blanket started to seep in, and he was warm against her back and all. All in all it was insanely comfortable. So she couldn't stay tense for very long. "Thank you." she murmured lightly, drawing in a deep breath and letting it out slowly in a bit of a sigh, but it wasn't a sad one. There was a more relaxed edge to it than that.

Pleasure, he answered her, silently. He smiled a little at the relaxation in her voice, that was nice. That sounded better - better than all the stress, anyway. "That's okay," he told her, his own voice fairly soft and relaxed. This was insanely comfortable, here, like this and he knew he should probably move. He should definitely move away, but he'd already tried that, hadn't he? And not got very far. And, sure, she'd told him that he didn't have to, but, yeah - she hadn't meant that. Not really. And that was his excuse and he was sticking to it.

She smiled too at that. Okay. She felt slightly better. He didn't sound like someone who was hating every second of their life right now and just wanted to go someplace that was distinctly else. Curled up like this, where it was warm and comfortable and she felt safe, she was starting to feel the exhaustion in her frame again. She felt heavy. "If I fall asleep, will you stay here with me?" she asked, voice quiet. "And...if I start having a nightmare, will you wake me up?" Her voice was downright tiny at that last bit. She was really terrified of what her head was going to do to her when she drifted.

Could he stay with her? Apart from the instinctive response of 'hell yeah'? Aside from that - he'd done it last time, hadn't he? When he'd found her. Surely he could do it this time. Just this once, because she'd had a truly awful day. Because she needed him. It didn't need to have anything to do with him at all. And it was quiet here, and dark. And maybe he'd sleep as well. And there could be much sleeping going on. And he wouldn't have to move. And right now, moving was becoming less and less of a viable option as his body finally caught onto the fact he was lying down and staying down. And that he was comfortable, and warm, and not showing signs of movement. "Maybe we can both sleep," he suggested, after a few minutes.

She nodded. "Kay. I'm sorry if I do wake you up though...if I start having bad dreams." she said. Since he hadn't said anything about that. Though really, she figured she would wake him if she had them. She just hoped it was in a nicely non-violent sort of manner. If she could not wake him at all with it, that'd be great, but she knew that she was the kind of girl who sometimes in the grip of a nightmare had fallen directly out of bed. Which was not an option right now, what with her having no room to fall. Already on the floor, so there was nowhere to go. "Just kick me or something." she murmured.

"I got the part about the nightmares," he assured her, knowing that if she had one, she'd wake him up - he wasn't a terribly heavy sleeper. but then he didn't get that much sleep as a matter of course anyhow. "If you have a nightmare, I'll wake you up," he promised her. "And you should talk to Billy," he added. "Apparently the guy does wonders with nightmares."

"Can't." Lullaby said, sounding a little sleepy now. "It could be dangerous for him. I won't ask someone to do something like that if there's the possibility they could get hurt. I'll deal." she promised, trying to sound more confident than she was. It worked for the most part. Sure, she'd deal. Though it was helpful at current that Dean's presence was distracting her brain from thinking about the vampires hands on her and how it felt when her throat got ripped out. It was a counterbalance that she was concentrating on in a vague sort of way. She wasn't out there screaming anymore, all the pain was gone, she was safe. Really.

"Well, try and get some sleep then. And I'll be right here," he promised her, his own eyes feeling really heavy as he spoke. He'd watched her sleep last time, lying in the semi-dark and watching her. He remembered the shock and the wonder that he'd felt about it all. Now, now he just felt tired and he let his eyes drift closed, his breathing becoming slower, more steady, as he fell towards sleep.

Lullaby smiled a little as she listened to him. Then she felt his breathing start to even out. Yeah, he hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep in the past few days. No one had. She knew she hadn't. So she wasn't really that far behind him. He drifted, and then she let herself drift, Mind already trying to bring up everything else before she was pulled under, but she was too tired to be kept awake with it all.