so close - 12:45am
so close...
to getting out of here. so. fucking. close.
it's baffling to me, that sometimes I think about staying. for mom, mostly. I worry how she'll be when I'm gone, but she's a flipping witch, you know? she's kept us both in one piece since my birth. I know she'll be okay, but still... I wish I didn't have the overwhelming desire to just get as far away as possible from this place.
it hasn't been so bad the last week or so - for me, at least. I met some new people - new people who don't look at me like I'm a freak, or strange, or that girl with the alcoholic asshole father who fixes their cars.
I dyed my hair blue. well, parts of it. I like it. I think it looks... festive. Frank told me I look like a cheap hooker to which I asked him how many of the hookers he's met over the years actually had blue hair, and were they really all that cheap? needless to say mom had to fix my door after he broke it off the hinges but whatever... I know I shouldn't put her in that position, but sometimes I can't help what comes out of my mouth with him. some nights I wonder how bad it would be if I snuck into their bedroom... or downstairs after he's passed out and just... drain him to death. like. real death. dead. gone. deceased. worm food.
no one would know what caused it. heart attack? natural causes? no one would care. who the hell cares about frank korey in this town unless their oil needs changed? I'd be doing everyone a favor, right?
I don't know. I got to keep reminding myself that I'm almost done here. so close... I'm not going to fuck that up for myself - mom would know that it was me. I don't know how she'd handle it. I don't want to put her that position either.
mental reminder - so fucking close.
oh! on a nicer note, I am getting a tattoo. hell yes! I'm eighteen so I can do it I just have to figure out what and where. I'm not going to be one of those pussy ass girls with a tat on her lower back - no thank you. on my ass is out of the question because then I'd want to moon everyone. we'll see.. I'm gonna do it. maybe I'll get two.
two is a good number. so two it is. maybe one'll go on my ass. just because.
