Communication Breakdown

Who: Joshua and Lullaby
When: afternoon
Where: Journey's house

Joshua tried to take a minute outside on the front porch before he went in. He was looking down at the books in his hands, and wondering -- stupidly, most likely -- just who's idea it had been for Dean to go get them, and how all that had gone down. And how things had gone last night, with them alone out at the orphanage, apparently playing with her abilities. Not that he thought anything happened, it just ... didn't do anything for his sense that he hadn't actually done anything for her. But that place was probably a death trap for him anyway. If there was a floor to collapse and drop you to your death, he'd probably find it, despite having been there before. But he could've brought her books, goddammit, that he could at least handle. He took a few breaths, told himself that he wouldn't let her know because she didn't need that on top of everything else, and walked into the house, looking around for her. "Lu?" he called overly loudly.

Lullaby happened to be in the living room, playing her millionth game of solitaire. The only good part about it was she knew several different types of it, so she could change it up now and then. The downside was it was her sitting around playing stupid cards all day when she was antsy to leave. Go outside, do anything that wasn't sitting inside playing soitaire. However, that wasn't doable, so she sat. And played, and waited. When she heard Joshua call for her, she looked up, then hopped up from where she was in the corner, smiling at him. "Hi!" she said, coming over to give him a kiss, and she looked at the stuff he was carrying. "Hey you'll be here in time for when Dean comes by too--though he said he can't stay. But he was supposed to bring books..." she paused, noting that one of the titles seemed pretty familiar in the sense that she was pretty sure that it was something Dean would have been bringing.

He kissed her back and tried very hard to ignore the ridiculous inner twitch when she immediately mentioned Dean. Because that was stupid, she was just saying he was coming and ... yeah. Joshua held the little stack of books and the handful of papers that he'd been given out to Lullaby. "I ran into him outside," he said, keeping his face as neutral as possible. She's been through hell, Barclay, and still is, keep your stupid bullshit to yourself. "He wanted me to give these to you."

"Oh, is he not stopping in?" she asked, taking them, and she fumbled some, two of the books dropping to the floor, and she laughed, sitting down where she was to kind of spread them out to even see what was there. "Guess that makes sense, he's attempting to not be in trouble anymore." she commented. She was a tad disapointed that he'd skipped stopping in, but erm yeah. He had guardians to placate. "Oh thank god, there's a book on Fades." she said with a sigh of relief. "...now hopefully it says something even vaguely useful." she added, looking up at him. "How's your--" she stopped for a moment, eyeing him. "Is something wrong?"

Fuck. Joshua moved to sit down next to her, so she could read him better and be close to her and also to stall for a couple seconds more before he had to answer. He looked at the book in her hand for a moment before his eyes slid back up to her's. Do you need me? Like, really? "No," he answered, which really wasn't true at all, but he would feel like even more of a dickhead if he just launched right into it. He rubbed his palms on his jeans once or twice. "I'm okay. How'd it go last night?"

"Okay, if you don't count that I...apparently feed off of bad energy." Lullaby said, and while it was very clear that she thought that wasn't a good thing, what was more clear was it was a distracted answer. "I don't believe you what's wrong?" she asked. She was even more convinced when he sat down. And she was hoping she wasn't being overly paranoid or something and misjudging, but she didn't think that was the case.

Joshua wet his lips. He was caught, he knew, he wasn't ever any good at hiding things from her. She just ... looked at him a lot more than most people. There was just the issue of how to say anything without fucking up. Something he was really pretty good at. "Can I bring you stuff?" was what came kind of blurted out as he looked at her again. "Like ... comic books or board games or food or what do you need or want or anything? I can get it. Do you have enough pillows? Clothes? I'm not ashamed to buy girl-clothes, I can go out, I just -- ..." He bit his lip and glanced away, aware that he was on the verge of a ramble, and that probably wasn't good. He tucked his hands under his legs and looked at her again.

She blinked. "I'd love all that stuff! Do you have the money though? I don't want you to spend a lot on me or anything, I...I mean if you've got it, then awesome, and games would be really good then maybe we could play some when you're over, or, or whatever, but yeah, you can. Reading is good, um." she paused, not having really thought about it before. "I dunno, I guess I'd have to think about what I'd want or need." she said, giving him a little half smile that was weak. I'm still sort of getting my mind back on track, sorry, I'm a little useless in that area. But um...yeah, of course you can. I'm um, I'm a little confused why you're asking though, what's that got to do with what's wrong?" she asked.

He made a mental note to actually do that, get her stuff, even if it wasn't anything she really honestly needed. That seemed to be Dean's department. Oh but that was bitter, wasn't it? "No, don't be sorry, I just ..." He let out a sigh and looked down at a spot on her shirt. There was a long hesitation there as he fought with words that were stuck in his throat. I just feel like you died because of me and now there's nothing useful I can do to help you, besides keep my mouth shut, which I think isn't a good idea for some people anyway, but some other bloke's got it all covered. "Do you need me, Lu? Really?" And it was a good thing she read lips, because that probably would've been inaudible to most people.

She was paying strict attention there, and the question made her blink. "Do I need you?" she asked, clearly baffled by the question. "Joshua, of course I do." she said, wondering where he'd gotten that from at all. She moved the books aside, and wondered in the back of her mind if the thread of unease that was going through her was due to this talk, or it had been there a while. She honestly couldn't tell. Either way, she tried to ignore it. Reaching out for his hand, she scooted closer to him. "Why would you ask that?"

Not that he really ever expected her to say no, hearing that was a relief. He looked at her, eyes open and obviously vulnerable. He took her hand, fingers a little tight. "Because I don't feel like I'm doing anything. I mean ... Dean went with you last night, I wanted to go too, but that place is probably like death on stilts for me, he brought you books that I could've gotten, I want to help, Lullaby and I don't know what to do to do that and you've even got a phone that wasn't your's before, I bet he bought that for you too, didn't he, and it's like I failed so hard when you died, I couldn't do anything but hurt you more and it's probably my fault anyway and I want so bad to make it up even though that's probably impossible, I just -- ... tell me what I can do, Lu, please?"

That was a whole lot to take in, and she had to kind of mentally rewind, trying to seperate things out but one thing stood out more than the others. "What?" she asked. "You didn't--what are you talking about, it was probably your fault?? That's not---no! Just no! That wasn't your fault, that was...that was an accident! For all I know my dad could have set it up, so he could trigger this...this fucked up change! You--" She hugged him suddenly then, clinging on and holding on tight. "Joshua, don't think that, please don't, okay? That never even...I never even thought about that." Because belatedly, she could kind of understand what he was probably getting at, even if it was so totally untrue she couldn't think of a better way to express it even.

Joshua clung back to her, equally tight. He felt his back jump and realized a bit belatedly that his eyes were leaking. He let go with one hand to wipe at them, then went back to clinging for another minute. But he had to pull back to talk, otherwise she wouldn't be able to hear him, so he did that. "But Lu, I'm like ... cursed. What if some of it got on to you? Or it was just 'cause you were so close to me? Or what if -- ... what if I hadn't been so hot to kiss you or -- or I didn't drop the fucking phone when I had it out, maybe I could've -- could've called for help faster, they could've told me what to do better? I should always pick up stuff you drop anyway, I should've gotten the fucking bear, what if the curse is getting worse and it's like a big radius of shit all around me and I'm s-so sorry Lu, I sh-should've done b-better," he rambled in between hitching breaths, looking at her with dumb incoherent pleading.

This was painful. On a lot of levels. "Joshua, shhh. Listen to me." she said, and she cupped his face between her hands, making sure she held eye contact. "Your curse hasn't had an adverse effect on me. Okay? It would have started by now if that was how it was going to go." She was abjectly ignoring the scraped knee she'd picked up the first day she'd kissed him. That was...different. "It had nothing to do with what happened. If it was the curse, it would have been you that got sh-shot." She tripped up on that because good god that was a horrifying thought and she couldn't quite deal with it. Therefore, she was going to not. "From what I understand, I died fast, and I've seen the scar. I really don't think there's anything you could have done, I would have bled out anyways. Okay? So you don't even keep thinking that you didn't do every thing you could. You did, you were there, and you tried, okay?" she asked, and she expected an answer there.

The tears made his vision blur, but he tried to look at her. He reached around her hand to wipe at his eyes, but didn't really want her to stop holding his face like that. He was beginning to crave any touch from her at all, and it calmed him down a little. As did her eyes. Sean could say all day long that it wasn't his fault, he could even agree with the logic behind that, but that didn't make him feel any less like it was. Hearing Lullaby herself say that he was there and he tried and there wasn't anything he could do helped. A little. His hands moved to wrap around her arms, not to move them but just to hold on. The left one scooted more toward her wrist so his fingers could find her pulse, and he nodded some. "Okay," he said weakly.

She smiled, though it was a bit of a watery one. He was crying, she didn't really feel like she could right now, he needed her, right? To be strong? So she'd just...do that. Or try. Or something. She wiped at his tears with her thumb, and leaned in to give him little kisses. "I had no idea you felt like that." she said. "Or I would have said something sooner, it didn't even occur to me that you'd think...or that it would have anything to do with that, I...it's not that. Okay?" She wanted to hear it again, so she knew it was filtering through. Then added a bit more. "If the curse was getting worse then it would still be, and it already would have had other effects, so don't worry about that either." Since logically, he'd been to her funeral and stuff, and he'd been out the day he'd spoken to Dean, and yeah. It would have happened already.

He wanted to cling to her again, but he couldn't if he had to talk to her, so his hands just tightened on her arms some. He could feel her heartbeat, and tried to focus on that. The fact that despite everything that had happened, all that she'd gone through, her heart still beat. For whatever fucked up reason, she was still there, and that was something to be grateful for. And he truly didn't care what she was. She was still Lulu, he could see that perfectly well. "Okay," he said again, then leaned in to kiss her cheeks. After lingering to nuzzle her a little bit, he pulled back enough so she could see his lips again. "It just felt so much like ... like you were the last person in the world it should've happened to. Like everything was cracked and backwards and just ... wrong."

She gave him another kiss before answering him. This one on the lips and she let it linger. "Bad things happen all the time, I just...I dunno. Maybe it was my time." She wondered if she should be more bitter about it. Like if it was weird for her not to be, or if she really should be raging at the gods around now, and trying to figure out why her. It just didn't seem important to her, not the way other things did. Of course, it was possible she was still in denial about...like everything. She knew there were huge parts of the entire mess that she flat out had not dealt with in any kind of way, and she didn't even know how to start. That part, however, was lacking.

Joshua didn't answer exactly, just looked at her. He wasn't really sure how to express the fact that he'd known that -- he was the one who got concussions and sprains all the time, after all -- but this far surpassed a bad thing happening. It had been a devestating, world-shattering thing that happened, and he'd never had to deal with one of those before. He felt different from it. Officially like his childhood was completely over. But he had no idea how to tell her that, or if he even should. So instead he readjusted his grip on her and drew her into another tight hug.

She hugged him back, a tight, unhurried hug. She rubbed his back as she did it, and rocked him back and forth a little. She felt a little sick to her stomach, and figured it was becaue the idea that he'd been carrying that around with him was awful. The thought that if things were different, and she hadn't come back and he'd be carrying it around for the rest of his life? Was even worse. It was bad on such an insanely high scale, that it had her feeling horrible that she hadn't talked to him sooner. Even if she hadn't been able to wait long in the first place, she felt like she should have talked to him before she had. Like she should have had her head together better than that sooner, or something.

He stayed there for what felt like a long time, closing his eyes and breathing her in and feeling her hands on his back. It woke up urges to lay down and curl up in her lap, even if he was way too big for that. It made him miss his mom, in a weird way. Part of him was glad that the conversation had branched off into this instead of what had sparked it. Because he felt a little better about feeling guilty, and he didn't have to talk about Dean. Which was always a bonus. He turned his head to press a kiss against her neck, not any sort of eager to pull back.

She stayed like that, her mind going over everything. She didn't say a lot of what was on her mind, because Joshua really seemed like he had more than enough on his plate right then. She shoved her own stuff back, and went over again what else he'd said to her. She knew there were other things in there, but she didn't want to try talking about them quite yet. Not until she felt like he was slightly less upset. So it was a long time before she spoke again. "If you want to do things, then do them." she said eventually. "You said you feel like you're not, and kinda mentioned Dean has...he's just kinda done stuff? I haven't like...given him a list of things to do for me or anything, things just come up, or he just does them. But I don't expect anyone to do anything for me. That's not...that's not..." she paused, trying to think of a word. "Right? But if it's bothering you, and you need me to tell you what to do, I can try. Dunno if I'll be any good at coming up with things, but I'll try, kay?"

Or maybe not. Joshua felt some dull stupid heat come into his cheeks. Yeah okay, it was petty and retarded of him, but it still felt shitty. He shifted, pulling back enough to look at her, though his gaze lingered somewhere around her jaw. "I just ... " he paused to wet his lips and ask himself if he really was going to say what was in his throat to say. It sounded pouty and like six years old in his head, and that wasn't ever any good. So he bypassed the I feel left out bit of it and moved on. "I just want to be involved," he said, eyes ticking up to her's then away again. As much as he is. "Like, I want to go see what you can do, and be there to ... support you and everything. Read the book with you and ... help." Because if he didn't, what if eventually she saw how much better Dean was for her, and had the revelation of 'hey, here's someone that I don't have to take care of.' His jaw tightened briefly.

Lullaby was slightly confused. She supposed she hadn't been viewing things that way, and wondered if that was stupid of her. Probably. "I hadn't really thought of it as...as you not being involved." she said. "I figured when the books got here that you'd be reading them over too, and I guess...it didn't occur to me that you wouldn't? It's not like...like something that only Dean can do just cuz he picked them up." she said. "For the what I can do thing-" she refused to refer to anything she could do as 'powers' "-I can't really do much. It was mostly going to see if it was right that I feel better around that kinda...kinda bad energy stuff. I found out I can move it around a little bit, and when I went there, I felt like...more awake and alive and stuff. But that's..." she looked away for the first time. Biting her lip, she made herself go on. "I just don't even know what to think about it. I just know it feels like there's something wrong with me or bad, or something, and I kinda...I didn't want, or don't...I dunno. I'm sorry, I never meant for you to feel like you're not involved."

He felt guilty for saying anything at all, which he knew would happen. Joshua reached to tilt her face back to him, and shook his head. "No, don't ... be sorry. It's not your fault, I know you ... you need all the help you can get right now and everything. I just ... I dunno, it's stupid, don't worry about it, okay? You just ... you just do for me all the time, you always have, and I want to give back, y'know? Look at you, I know there like ... aren't even words for how hard this is on you." He stroked his knuckles against the side of her face very lightly. "He just ... knew first and went with you last night and --" Joshua shook his head and bit his tongue on that. "You know, it doesn't matter. I'm just gonna be here no matter what, okay? And do what I can. Even if it's just bringing you candy." He tried a little smile on her.

Lullaby frowned at him. "Joshua, do not even start blowing shit off." she said immediately. She didn't want to make him feel bad, but she also wasn't really happy with the bullshit 'don't worry about it' thing when it was so obviously bothering him and wasn't even resolved or anything yet. "We're...we're together, alright? And that means we talk things out, not blow them off and play pretendy happy." she added. "That's not how it's done." Then she paused. "That's not how I do it." Because other people probably happily went their whole lives doing just that, actually. "He knew first because he found me. I didn't look him up. He just...came here, to find Journey's address, and found me. It was an accident. Luck. And...I don't know. We get talking about things, i guess. He came over after I was figuring out that there were certain places in this house that I kind of feel better at, and I know it's where bad things happened, like where Journey fell and broke his wrist. So, when he got here we discussed it, and decided to go there, and yeah, I mean, I know we were there the one time, but that was just up and to the auditorium, and I didn't want to bring you there when you do have the curse, because what if something did happen to you, and I didn't even know if it was all in my head or not, and.." she broke off.

The part of him that was rampantly paranoid -- that he should really get a thumb on, goddammit -- didn't really like the way she hesitated over saying they were together. But that probably didn't mean anything. He took a breath, looked away for a second to collect himself, then focused on her again. "I'm sorry," he said first. "I didn't really want to talk about this, because it's not shit that you need to have on your head right now. It's all me being stupid and ... and wanting --" you all to myself, to know for sure that you love me and you're not going anywhere, 'cause I can't lose you again -- " ... It's me being stupid and insecure, and I don't want to put that on you. I know you didn't look him up, I know it's all be circumstance and I know you need him and everything. If he's good for you, that's great. Really, it is, and I'm glad. I just ... I dunno, don't always feel good enough for you, you know? Not that you make me feel that way or anything, because you never have, I just ... I'm scared you'll see it too someday." He looked over at the wall for a minute. "Especially with somebody around that you don't have to watch his every step, you know? I dunno, it's ... stupid," he muttered, gaze dropping down to his hands.

"Yes, it is." Lullaby said immediately. She listened to his entire thing, and at the end of it, all she could do was stare at him. "Jesus, Joshua, what do you want? What is all of this about? You're...you're still insecure about things? My god, please, could you just...trust me?" she asked, and she got up, walking around the room a little, one foot kicking one of the books on the floor of under the couch. "You don't feel good enough for me? Well I'm sorry but fuck you for that. I get to decide those things, alright? Me. And I wanted to be your girlfriend from like the first ten seconds after I met you. I even kissed you first! And asked you out! And...what is it you need here that'll help you feel better, huh? And wanting what? And you say you know everything, but you're still doing this? What's it going to take from me here to make you feel better? And you're glad that he's here but then you disclaimer that too? Jeeze, everything you've just said you've slapped a 'but' or 'it's just' on the end of! It's not fair! Look, I know you were twitchy about Dean before, but nothing's changed, and I shouldn't--I shouldn't have to tell you that. Or maybe I do, well here it is, officially--You don't have anything to worry about. And if you can't trust Dean? Then trust me. And if that's not at all what this is about, then I'm really sorry but maybe it needed saying anyways, and that's what it's sounding like from here."

He rubbed both hands over the buzzed hair on his head, listening to all that and confirming that yes, that was exactly why he shouldn't have said anything. Ever. Not even hinted at it. He was an idiot. Girlfriend recently back from the dead did not equal a good time to have relationship issues. He just felt so gut-wrenchingly afraid that she was going to slip away again, in any form or fashion. He wanted to cling, and cling hard, bring her to his room and keep her there forever, not letting anybody near her. And then she'd made him talk about it, and he wasn't ever good at that. Not ever. He stared at the carpet while she talked, swallowing thickly. Because he didn't trust himself to open his mouth without being completely unintelligable, even with just his lips, he started to sign while he talked. It was choppy, but he tried to keep it simple. "It's not about trust, I do trust you, it's not like I think you're going to cheat on me or anything," he said, more looking at the coffee table than her. He was ashamed of himself, he hated this. He hesitated, because he didn't know what would help. Just ... being with her and letting the dust settle, maybe. He rubbed his forehead, then started signing again. "So much has changed for you, maybe I just wanted to hear that how you feel about me hasn't."

"It hasn't." She said immediately, and she signed in return. Maybe to emphasize on more than one level. "And if that was how you were feeling I really wish you would have just said something about it right away, instead of...instead of feeling that way and piling everything else on top of it." she continued. "If you needed to ask, then...yeah, but it seems like you didn't, and now like...like everything that's happening is playing into your insecurities and it's all blown up now."

Joshua looked up at her finally. "Lullaby, you died," he said, not signing that part because he really didn't want to. "I was twitchy before but I was dealing, right? We talked about it. But then I completely lost you and now all I want to do is stay here every second and hold on to you and stay really still so nothing can happen, you know? I just know that's impossible, and I'm sorry, okay? But everything's still a little raw. I'm kinda ... still unsteady, all right? I'm sorry, I didn't ... I didn't want to bring it up at all, I just want to get over it."

"Well getting over it would probably require you didn't have this big question hanging over your head that I could easily answer!" She said. "And I still think that communication--Joshua, if you can't talk to me, then we definitely have issues. Yeah. I died. I know. trust me, out of everyone in the entire world, I know. Because I lost everything when that happened. And I'm still doing it! Where I think to myself that I'll text Isaac and see what he's up to, or Charlotte, or go to school or go home, and then I stop and it's like this sick falling sensation every time. But you and Dean...you're all I've got right now. That's not...there's no..." she didn't know how to articulate her feelings, they were all jumbled up in her head. "I'd rather feel like you could talk to me than not." There, that was one thing that was clear in her mind.

He wondered in a vague way if she knew quite how much like shit he was feeling, and how that usually wasn't condusive to good communication. But that was his fault, his problem, she was just ... expressing. She really didn't need this shit, he should probably shut the fuck up now, but he had a feeling she wouldn't go for that. He rubbed his hands on his jeans and tried to think of something good to say, and came up completely empty handed. "There was just more important stuff," he said weakly. "Like ... all that. More important. I do feel like I can talk to you. I'm sorry, I'll ... not leave things alone."

"No, I really feel like things between you and I? Rank right up there in the 'most important' category." Lullaby said, not quite getting where he was coming from there. Wasn't it? Shouldn't it be? Maybe she was just at the core a more straightforward person. She was spectacularly bad at hiding things after all, and most of the time didn't even try to. Maybe this was her fault somewhere, and she didn't know ow else to fix it. Usually with her things could be solved by talking them out, but she didn't know now if that was right.

That made him feel worse and better at the same fucked up time. He took a slow breath and let it out, fairly convinced that they'd entered territory in which nothing he could say would make anything better. If there was something, he sure as hell didn't know what it was. And he wished she would come back closer to him again, so he could touch her. He wasn't sure if he was allowed right now or not, it wasn't like they'd ... done this much. "They do," he said quietly with a nod. "I was just gonna deal with it on my own, 'caust it's like ... me. Which hey, spectacularly bad plan."

Lullaby sighed and looked at him for a long moment, looking worried and unhappy all at the same time. But not angry, that flash had passed. Now she felt...tired. And like things still weren't dealt with. She didn't really think the 'dealing with it on his own' thing was that great. Because obviously he had huge issues there, and yeah, that wasn't gonna go away, especially if they involved pretty major questions like 'do you still feel the same about me'.

Joshua had a whole lot of Not Knowing What To Say going on. She'd said she needed him, she'd told him he didn't have anything to worry about, that she still felt the same. All that was good, things he'd needed to hear. He would really like to her her say what he'd put out for her, but that had to come on her own terms, if that was how she felt. There wasn't any rushing or asking for that. He picked at one fingernail and looked back at her for a minute, then decided to try and got to his feet. Crossing to where she was and watching her expression, he tentatively put his arms around her.

She didn't at all stop him, and her arms went around his middle immediately when he did it. She drew in a deep breath, his scent familiar and comforting all on it's own. Lullaby didn't know what to say either, because things were feeling so off. Off, and she couldn't help but feel like she'd kicked a puppy or something. Which made her feel all the worse. But...they were supposed to talk about things, right? That was how relationships were supposed to work? She'd thought so, and now...she didn't know. All she knew was she felt awful on a whole lot of levels, and she felt even more like she had to take care of him, Like, make up for something. Or everything, or she didn't know.

It was probably ridiculous, but her holding on to him back eased something in him a bit. He still felt like he'd screwed up, and awkward. He should really be over letting his emotions get the better of him like that. If he knew something wasn't worth paying attention to, he should be able to do it, right? He did want to talk to her, but he didn't want to stress her out more, and that was what it felt like he'd done. Joshua lightly kissed the side of her head and pulled back so he could talk to her. "It'll be better, okay? I promise. I'll communicate better. And I feel ... better. Hearing you say you feel the same and everything. So ... thank you. For being patient with me."

She looked up at him and nodded. "If you feel better, then...good." she said, feeling like that wasn't quite enough to go on. Or like she needed to add something else, but she didn't know what. So in the end she didn't, still feeling like she'd done the wrong thing, and not even understanding why. She attempted a smile, and it kind of worked. "And don't worry about that. The patience thing. I'm sorry if it seems like I wasn't today."

Her smile wasn't the best, but that wasn't exactly surprising or unexpected or anything. He felt like he'd still made a mess of things, and that she tried helped a little. "It's okay," he said, and shrugged a shoulder. He was tempted to apologize for putting it on her, but wasn't sure how to say it right, so he didn't. "I know nothing's really ... good right now." Sorry I'm not helping. Which was something he'd really have to do something about, he wanted to avoid this in the future. He paused, watching her eyes. "Want to maybe see what the books have to say?"

She nodded, giving a slightly better smile at that. "Yes. I'd like to kind of learn more about this Fade stuff if I can. Hopefully the book will have something worthwhile in it, and will tell me things I don't already know." Hopefully, it'll fill in blanks. There are a lot of them. She gave him another squeeze, then a kiss, before she started back over to where she'd dropped all of the books. She sat against the wall, then patted the floor next to her. "C'mon, let's go through."

He kissed her back while she was there, then went to sit down next to her, one arm moving to drape around her shoulders. That was a little better. He was sure that reading through together would help; he really wanted to understand more what she was. And hoped that there would be information in there too that would make her feel better about things. Like a chapter on how Fades weren't evil. That would be awesome. Joshua nuzzled a kiss to her temple and settled in to learn things.