Getting Ready
Who: Sean and Joshua
When: early afternoon
Where: their apartment
It felt like it was taking Joshua forever to do anything. It took him forever to sit up in bed. It took him forever to actually stand up and shuffle to the bathroom. It took him forever to really admit to himself what today was. It felt somewhere vaguely like if he could just drag his feet enough, he could make it not true, make it not happen. He'd slept through most of the day before, again, and had dream after unrelenting dream of her. Some good, wherein she didn't get shot, it was a near miss, and they went on to Journey's in a hurry and then relaxed and made love for the first time in that darkened house. Some bad, in which he just re-lived the whole thing over and over and over again. It never only took a minute and a half in dreams; the agony lasted for hours. But it was getting to be around That Time, and he was trying to get dressed. Black pants, a black button-down with the sleeves rolled halfway up his arms while he struggled with the tie in front of the mirror. His stupid fucking fingers weren't cooperating. His whole body didn't want to do this, the thing that would make her death really real.
Sean had been trying to be doing what he thought was the right thing all day. He'd got up this morning and gone out, bringing back pancakes from a local restaurant for breakfast. But then Joshua hadn't been there to eat them. He could have gone and got the boy, he knew, but he didn't want to push either, so they'd gone cold. He'd attempted to iron them both shirts for the funeral and burnt a hole in the front of one of them because the iron was too hot. He just about managed it on the second try, then realised that he didn't know whether he'd ironed anything that Joshua would actually want to wear. He'd gone out the day before and bought them both black ties, but again, he didn't know whether Joshua wanted one and he'd handed it over when he'd got home.
He'd dressed for the funeral in silence - white shirt, black suit, black tie, shoes. He looked at himself in the mirror before heading to his charge's room and knocking gently. "Joshua - how y'doing in there?" he asked.
The soft knock at the door still made him jump a little, and he made a noise of frustration as the slick material of the tie undid itself from where he had it again. Joshua rubbed his hands over his freshly-stubbled head, and pinched the place on his ear that he'd cut with the scissors. "I can't fuckin' do this bullshit," he called back, meaning the tie. He hadn't had to put one on in a while. It was irrationally aggravating, and he half-stalked -- tripping a bit over a pile of dirty clothes in the process -- to the door to open it and point at the mess around his neck. "Can you do it?" he wanted to know, eyes ticking down to Sean's tie. Which hey, looked fine. So maybe he could.
It was one of the benefits of being a century old - ties used to be a lot more commonplace than they were now. It was kinda like asking Sean whether he could tie his own shoelaces. He gave Joshua a slightly pitying look, taking the slip of silk off him and threading it round the boy's neck. He was ignoring the hair - or, rather, the lack of it. That had been a shock, but apart from the ear-nick, it wouldn't actually do him any harm and better shaving off your hair than doing something stupid-that'd-get-you-hurt. "It just takes some practice," he said as he wrapped the tie round, threaded it through and slipped the knot up to sit snuggly in place, before he turned Joshua's collar down over it.
He tugged at the collar immediately, but just a little. Ties sometimes made him nervous, because there was always the chance that they could get caught in something and choke him to death, but Sean would be there with him. And choking to death didn't sound half-bad today. He'd shaved and showered and cleaned up, and now looked thoroughly presentable, even if he didn't feel it and couldn't do anything at all about the dark circles under his eyes. Amazing how he could sleep so much and still be so fucking tired. The thing he wanted to ask about rose up in his mind again, but he didn't. Not yet, anyway. He nodded a bit belatedly and mumbled a "thanks" before turning to start the hunt for his shoes.
Sean eyed his charge, wondering again about the tie. Should he have bought one of those clip-on ones? They were safer, but... He'd never liked them. They were just too bloody fake and Joshua should be doing things properly for the funeral of the girl he'd loved. It was only right, even if Sean did have to watch him like a hawk as a result. "We'll need to be leaving in a little while," he told him, watching him move around the room.
The shoes were pretty easy to find, seeing as how he'd kicked them out from under the bed earlier that day, to where he'd see them. He'd just ... kind of forgotten until his eyes moved toward his desk again. Joshua sat on the bed to pull them on. He nodded, and didn't say anything for a minute, eyes on what he was doing. "I want a tattoo," he said, seemingly at random as he finished lacing and looked at Sean again. Shaving his head was one thing, it would grow back. During one of the brief periods of wakefulness he'd had the day before, he'd decided he wanted to honor her with something more permanent.
Sean raised an eyebrow at that. "You do, do you?" he asked, his voice level. "And what kind of a tattoo would that be?" he added, being careful not to say yes and more than he was saying no. Anyway, the boy was an adult at the end of the day. Sean didn't think it was his decision to make - though if he went through with it, the angel would be standing over him making sure it was done properly.
"Something for her," Joshua said, not hesitating on that. He even knew what it would be already. He'd have to look up the specifics, but the first sixteen notes to the only lullaby he really remembered from small childhood, put onto that musical bar-line thing that he didn't know the name of, to wrap around his upper arm and then onto the back of his shoulder like a scroll. He could see it, he just didn't know how to say it. But that was what tattoo artists were for, right? He wasn't sure if he should expect an argument from Sean about it not -- he knew he would have from September -- but his eyes said that that was what he was going to do, no matter what.
"Well, you're an adult now - but I think you should wait a while. Make sure it's definitely what you want. No going back from a tattoo, not really. I know they can do all sortsa things with lasers these days, but I wouldn't trust you near that kinda thing." As it was, he'd be making a visit to the tattoo parlour beforehand to bless the shit out of it first.
He nodded. He would wait a couple of days, maybe. But he knew that he wanted it, and couldn't imagine ever thinking otherwise. Lullaby was gone out of his life forever, but he desperately wanted to carry something of her with him. Something other than memories. And she'd said once that a tattoo on him would be sexy. The thought made his nose sting and he swallowed and stood. Numb, that was what he wanted today. It was the only way he'd get through. "Let's go," he said, a bit thickly.
"Okay," Sean agreed, patting down his pockets. Did he have everything? He had a list - he'd been ticking everything off, one at a time. Things to do, things to have with him. He had keys, his wallet, there was something... "Gimme one moment," he said, heading out of his room. Shit, he'd forgotten to buy tissues at the store - it was a fucking funeral and he didn't have tissues. It was the little things. Always the little things that he couldn't manage. He headed into the bathroom and stuffed a pocket full of toilet paper. It'd have to do. Headed back into Joshua's room, he nodded. "Okay - let's go."
Joshua was forgoing a dress jacket, 'cause he didn't have a black one and it was warm out, though he did roll his sleeves the rest of the way down and buttoned them. Then snagged up a pair of sunglasses. Those he would need. Really really need. He headed down the hall and toward the front door of the apartment, making sure he had his own key as well. His heart sank down into his stomach as he turned the knob and stepped out into the hallway, and part of him immediately wanted to go back inside, get back in bed, and hide from it all. But the knowledge that this was the last time he'd ever get to be anywhere for her kept him moving. He had to. Even if the calm was completely forced and fake and he utterly broke after, he had to.
