multiple massive traumas

who: dean and thia
where: osbourne residence
when: afternoon

Lullaby slept far later than she would have anticipated. That happened when you were completely exhausted on just about every front, hadn't slept well in weeks, and a dreamwalker ensured you were having nice dreams. So...she slept. She slept really, really well and soundly, and didn't stir until early afternoon, even though she had gone to bed only a bit after midnight. So that wracked her up in the fourteen, fifteen hour range. Eventually, however, she did wake up. It was slow, and she felt groggy, and was mildly confused when she opened her eyes because this was not her room. Actually this wasn't either one of her rooms. Not back home, where her dreams had her half thinking she should be when she opened her eyes, and not the other one either. She rolled onto her back, and looked around. She was in Dean's room, though Dean was gone.

Right. She'd gone in there the night before and slept in here. She'd wanted him to know she was back and alright and such, but he'd been sleeping, and she'd had no desire to wake him. Then she'd just crawled in and crashed, even if she'd stayed on the other side of the bed, and hadn't snuggled in close or anything. She reached up to rub at her eyes, getting the sleep out of them and she felt that body heavy sensation. The one where you know you've been out for ages. Looking over at his clock, she saw that she had been, and that had her sitting up. Then she saw the note, that said he would be back, and she felt slightly better. At least that spike of worry that went through her as an automatic reaction could be mildly quelled. She got up and headed for the door, glancing back at the bed. She smiled faintly when she saw her bunny there. When she'd gotten in last night, Dean had been sleeping with it. It had been one of the most ridiculously adorable sights she'd seen in ages, and had made her happy she'd left it for him. Even if she hadn't been gone long.

She walked the short distance to her room and went inside to grab clothes, before she went into the bathroom to shower. It helped wake her up some more, and gave her time to sort out her thoughts. Because there were a lot of thoughts. They were everywhere, swirling around, not necessarily making much sense by any stretch of the definition. There was so much there that she couldn't even really begin to sort it out well enough. But she tried. There was kind of a weird calm settled over her. One that she couldn't explain, and wasn't going to try and rattle. Calm was better. Calm was a lot better than feeling like the world was ending. She'd take it. What it afforded her was the clarity to think of what she needed to do first. That was all she had, one clear, brightly glaring thing she needed to talk to Dean about. Everything else was still a mass of confusion, but that one bit--that she could deal with. After getting out of the shower, dressing and brushing her hair then tugging her fingers through it to loosen it up and let it air dry, she went in search of him.

Dean was in the den, lying on the couch. Or, that is to say, he had been. It happened to be the room directly under his bedroom. And the couch happened to be placed directly under his bed. That had a sleeping girl in it. And no matter what stresses and potential traumas were going on in his life right now, Dean's sixteen year old mind couldn't quite get past that fact. So, there'd been a whole lot of staring at the ceiling going on since Caleb dropped him home. Because he wasn't going to do anything insane like actually go up there or anything, but he couldn't rid himself of that mental image either, though the return to the image of Thia curled up asleep in his bed was interrupted and interspersed with a whole lot of far more serious messy stuff that he hadn't even begun to really work through and which had him all over the place and confused.

He knew she was up when he heard his bedroom door open and he'd sat up then, guiltily, as if she'd know what he'd been doing, what he'd been imagining just by catching him lying on the couch. So he'd moved to sit at one end, grabbing a cushion and hooking his arms round it. Then he'd fidgeted and put the cushion down, changing his position. Then he'd leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. The shifting continued until, by the time she finally appeared, he was standing by the window, looking out at the day.

She stopped when she saw him, and didn't say anything immediately. She knew he'd know she was there--she'd put the anklet back on after her shower so the bells would have announced her presence well before she got to him. She wondered what he was thinking about, and she noticed that he was armed again. The holster was there, and it was strange that she was still used to it, even if she hadn't seen it for a few days. It was kind of part of him, in a really morbid way. Idly, she wondered why he had it. If it was just because of everything going on, or if she'd missed something. However, she figured if she'd missed something, she wouldn't have been allowed to sleep til now. Someone would have gotten her up. Beyond that, of course, there was that ominous silence in the back of her head, an itch put there by Billy that had to do with things she wasn't in any way prepared to even look at right now. So she didn't. Instead, she walked up behind him, and leaned against the wall next to the window, back to it so she was looking at him. "Let's go for a walk." she said, in lieu of 'hello' or anything like that.

He'd heard her walking through the kitchen, and he'd been torn between turning and going to meet her and staying here and staring out of the window. In the end, he'd stayed, looking round only as she came over. "'Kay," he agreed, his head a mess of dying creatures and exploding maps and things he could yet couldn't do and reasons and arguments and really wanting to know why and what had the whole her in his bed thing been and feeling like a failure and guilt and a whole host of other things vying for pole position. He looked at her for a moment, then turned and grabbed his jacket from where he'd abandoned it over a chair, pulling it on and making sure the gun and holster he was still wearing were out of sight.

She watched him, expression mostly unreadable, though it wasn't that she was trying it. She wasn't forcing ambiguity, there was just that much on her mind that nothing was quite pushing to the surface enough to sway her in any way. That weird calm was thankfully still with her, and she sort of hoped it was going to stick around for at least a little while, because this was probably going to be difficult. She pushed off the wall, then headed out the back door, feet still bare, but it wasn't like they were going walking into town. She was good. She headed down towards the lake instead, hands in the pockets of her hoodie, bells warning birds she was coming. Nothing was said for a long time, and she sort of left it like that, waiting at the very least until they'd gotten down to the lake, and she started walking up the rocky beach, half wading her feet up to the ankles in the water. Watching him out of the corner of her eye, everything tried to well up again, but she stamped it all back down. She had a mission here, for fucks sake. She'd better get to it. "I've been thinking." she said. "And we've got to stop this."

Dean had walked with her, the way he always did, keeping carefully level with her so they could talk if needs be. Not that he did, he walked quietly, hands thrust in the pockets of his jacket, concentrating on not looking over at her, aware that he'd spent a good amount of time staring at her that morning. Her statement, however, surprised him and he ran through his head a whole list of possibilities for what she could mean by that, before realising he didn't have a clue what particular one she was on about. "Huh?" he asked, intelligently.

She realized that she sort of had a tendency to drop far too much information into one ramble, and so she'd been making an effort to not do that this time. Unfortunately, she really probably should have put more in for him. She winced faintly, then looked over, nose wrinkled. "Sorry." she said. "...this. What we're doing. Or what we kinda do all the time. We..." she reached up to tug her fingers through her still damp hair, to get it away from her eyes. "Okay. Here's how it breaks down in my head." she tried. "I can't lose you. End of story. And I don't think you can lose me either. So, we need to really stop doing things that might ensure that'll happen. And I don't really care what we come up with, or what we have to do to try and curb these martyr tendencies? But I know we have to or things are not going to end well, and I just...yeah. That's...you can start talking now."

It was all very well and good to tell him that he could start talking now, but Dean didn't actually know what to say to that. His first thought was that no, he couldn't lose her either, but that didn't seem like a good starting point. And he agreed with her, yet he'd spent all day hopping on and off the 'if it's her or me, then I'm prefer it to be me' track of loss. He'd just never expected her to come out with this. To suggest they both backed down, instead of racing each other headlong into badness. And so he knew he should speak, he just couldn't find the words.

She slowed down, and eventually stopped, sort of looking down at the water and pushing smooth rocks around with her toes. "...now would be a really good time not go to silent on me, Dean." she said quietly, before she looked back up at him. "If you're not with me on this, then..." she didn't know what, actually. Really, she didn't. She hadn't actually thought that part through, because they didn't really...hell, they were even on the same page when it came to self sacrifice. Sure, it was opposite ends of that, but they were on the same page.

"I.. I know. I'm sorry," he apologised, looking at her. "I just..." He gestured absently to his head, indicating that there was a lot going on in there. "I - so... What exactly are you suggesting?" he asked, not agreeing to anything yet.

She had her hands still in her pockets, and she shrugged one shoulder, her eyes still on his. She was kind of keeping her distance, and she only noticed that in a distant, abstract kind of manner. She'd even put herself into the water, so unless he wanted to get his boots all wet, he couldn't necessarily get near her. Part of her wanted to take time to examine why she'd done it, but she didn't really have the time right now, now did she? "I don't know, that's why I wanted us to talk. Just...we keep going in circles. And all it does is hurt." she said honestly. For as much as she'd slept, she still looked a little tired. Maybe a little haunted. "So all that happens is we keep going around and around the same thing, which is I think you're more important than me, and you kinda.." she didn't finish that. "But it's the same result anyways, and it isn't working, because if I know you'd automatically throw yourself to the wolves, then I don't want to be around you because if anything happens, I--flat out, seriously, Dean, I couldn't handle it. In any way. I mean it, I can't lose you. But you kinda seem like you're willing to do that, and..." she drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to center herself. "But I know I'm the same way. And I know I don't think it counts, because I'll come back, but I don't think you share that opinion."

"I'm not looking to get myself killed for you Thia," Dean told her, wanting to disabuse her of that notion straight away. "What I'm trying to avoid is there being any dying at all, for any of us." Except possibly your father, that little voice chirped up in the back of his head. "You're all 'I'll come back' about everything and yeah, you probably will - but me? I'm focusing more on trying to make it that you don't go anywhere in the first place. But that doesn't mean I'm going to be leaping in front of bullets for you."

"Good." she said. She didn't know if she believed him. Or, she did that he wasn't looking for it, but she still knew that he'd had to be locked in a cage in the basement after she'd been dragged out the window. That said something to her. That said even if he wasn't looking for it he might be willing to. Which was her problem. "So if we're in a situation where I might go down, but you can get away--you'll do that?"

"Why are we in any situation where you might go down, Thia? I'd prefer to try and work things that we don't get to that kind of situation in the first place," Dean responded, giving her a look.

She gave him one right back. "Well, because we live in Marquette, Dean, and apparently? That means that this stuff just happens, and I would really feel better knowing that I didn't have to worry about that, just in case." Then she remembered what she'd said to Billy. "I've died twice in what...a little over two weeks? Less? So I'm not really willing to give this town at all the benefit of the doubt. And if it never happens, awesome."

"One of which was going after Joshua," Dean pointed out. And the other I couldn't have saved you from if I'd tried. "But, okay, since we're talking about both of us... I will bear in mind that death's not the end of the road for you," he agreed. "And act accordingly. As long as you can agree that just because you're immortal, it doesn't mean that you can go throwing yourself in without a care about what happens to you. Like your life isn't worth anything."

"Point is that we were being held under siege by a vampires and.." she stopped herself, not wanting to fight with him, and she went back to pushing rocks around under the surface of the clear water. "Okay." she said finally. And I better not be immortal. I don't want to be immortal. I don't want to be stuck in this existence forever. Fuck that, just no. "I'll keep that in mind too." Since that had been what she'd been going for. That they'd both stop with the martyrdom. Or what appeared to be it. From what Dean said, she'd been overestimating that on his end. Which was good, really. She'd just been being dramatic. Okay. She could deal with that.

"Good," he said, then paused for a moment. "I just - I don't want to see you get hurt. And, yesterday - you were going off all gung ho and just... There was no need for that. You were just going to walk out and - did you even have a plan? That's - that's all I want. A plan, so that nobody gets hurt," Dean told her.

"Yeah, figure out where my dad is, go find him and...figure it out from there." Lullaby said. And she still didn't think it was the worst plan ever. It would just put her...away for an indeterminate amount of time. She was also under the impression that it would mean no one except possibly she got hurt, and that she could live with. It was everything else she couldn't. But she had heard what Billy'd told her. Even if she left...even if Dean did stay home, and didn't go after her, which now she was wondering about, Oz still would and he'd even said he would eventually be showing back up to hound her in her dreams, too. That trapped sort of feeling started to well up in the back of her mind again, and she tried to push it back again. God there were a lot of landmines in her brain right now. "If it meant I had to play nice for a while, I would have. Then...eventually I would have come back. But...not the point. You want a plan, so...let's think of a plan then." She had taken her hands out of her pockets, and was hugging herself, as she backed a little farther into the water, up to her knees. she'd worn a skirt today, mostly because she'd been planning on wading a little in the water and wet skirts were more comfortable than wet jeans.

Dean sat down on the beach and toyed with the idea of taking off his boots and joining her in the water, but he didn't yet. Instead he pulled his knees up and rested his arms on them. "What's your end point?" He asked her, trying to sound objective about things, like he hadn't spent the morning talking about killing the guy and whether he could, would and should do that, which thought, of course, threw up all sorts of random panics. That inner calm had gone now, he hadn't been able to hold on to it after he and Caleb had talked. Before, yesterday, first thing this morning, it had all seemed simpler. Somewhere along the line, it had got complicated.

Lullaby thought about it, taking her time. She supposed she knew, but she hadn't thought about it in so many words. Guess it was time to do that. "He killed five people." she said first. "And I have to live with that. I'm sure he doesn't really care. I do. And those are only people we know about. So we already know that he's capable of not only murder, but mass murder. I don't want to add more people to the list. Maybe that's not it. Maybe he's just...maybe he wouldn't. But I don't trust him in any kind of way. Not when...not when he told me and looked at me and smiled." she said. Okay, she realized that weirdly? She'd never talked to anyone about the few hours she did spend with her father after she'd come back. It was kind of a jarring realization, and it had her frowning, and she shivered, goosebumps rising up on her skin. She blamed the chilly water, and she backed into it farther, the hem of her skirt getting a little wet. Her hands felt too hot, so she made herself let go of herself, and she let them drift down into the water. She took a minute to get herself back under control, wondering if this was one of those big things she Hadn't Dealt With Yet. Probably. She hadn't even know it was there to be dealt with. That was disturbing. "I don't trust him not to do awful things, and honestly, a person who's killed that many people in the first place, and possibly set me up to get attacked so he could play hero--that's the kind of person that doesn't need to be here anymore. And you know, I just think if we called the police, he'd kill them too. Or disappear, and show up again later. If we even knew where he was." She forgot about the cooling her hands off thing and went back to hugging herself.

Dean watched her, pained at the way she was acting, the way she was hugging herself like that. His initial, gut reaction was to unlace his boots, shrug them off and go to her, to wade into the water and hold her like she looked like she needed to be held. But he stopped himself, questioning his motives on that today, after he'd wanted to crawl back in bed with her when she was sleeping and just hold her and pretend for a while. He didn't know where the lines were right now, so he backed off, holding himself away so that he didn't cross one by mistake. But still, he wanted to go to her.

"I went to talk to Caleb today. He's heavy into magic, I thought we could set something up. I think, between us, we can come up with a plan that'll work. He, um..." 'Bait' was such a horrible word. "He, um - he thinks that we could draw your dad out into the open, so we can choose our ground."

She listened, trying to push where her thoughts had gone back again. Because now she was thinking about it. About how things had started, escalated, and finally ended when she'd actually stabbed him. Honestly she still didn't even know how she'd managed that, just that she had. So...concentration on the subject at hand. "Drawn him out into the open." she repeated, slightly confused on that. "How?" she asked. Then paused. "Easiest way to do that would be with me." Logic. She still had it. Or maybe not, honestly she didn't trust anything her brain spit out at her right now.

Dean nodded, still not completely liking the idea, but it was logical. "Yeah - it would be," he agreed.

It was a little bit late that she caught onto something, and she stilled, eyes falling on him and staying there, light frown on her features, eyes unreadable. "...you thought about this." she said. It wasn't really a question. "...is that where you went this morning? To talk to Caleb, to...to come up with a way to what...take my father out of the equation?" she asked. She felt just a little bit sick to her stomach at that. That falling sensation when you missed a stair. If she hadn't been thigh deep in water, she might have abruptly sat down.

Dean bit the inside of his upper lip lightly and nodded once. "Told you - didn't want you to get hurt and... You just left last night, Thia. You came back, but... I just didn't want you to get hurt."

Lullaby truly didn't know how to take that. It was one thing for her to be thinking about it. Even if that thought really made her sick too. Greater good, and everything. And it was her father. Her mess. She felt for a few moments like she couldn't breathe. "And you thought the best way was..." she started, but didn't actually finish that thought. Okay she did need to sit down. She walked closer, though still didn't actually leave the water so she didn't go over to him, before she dropped down, sitting much like a little girl, legs curled to either side of herself, and she didn't say anything, she just--attempted to wrap her head around that idea.

It hit him then how this must look, or feel or - he didn't know, but it was bad. It was different, bringing her into it, it added a whole other level of reality to it that had been missing before. Those levels of reality just kept adding up, pushing him down further and deeper. "No - not the best way, Thia. Just - I... I couldn't see too many options. Any other options. Just like you said - we couldn't just call the police, we couldn't just... If he's around and he's not going away, he... But I didn't..." Except he had, hadn't he? He'd thought about it and he'd taken steps and he'd begun to plan and he knew what he'd do. Dean looked away, again wondering what kind of person he was becoming, maybe that he already was. Despite what Caleb said, he had to wonder.

"Dean, I can't let you do that." Lullaby said, and the calm composure she'd had before, that was slipping fast and it reflected in her voice. Because god. Okay she'd found out she'd been being dramatic and overestimating about Dean's willingness to put himself into a situation he couldn't get out of for her. But apparently she hadn't been off by that much. It was just in a different way. Because there sure as hell wasn't any coming out of that unscathed, was there? Even if no one involved but her father got hurt physically. "I--" you would do that? For me? And this--why would you do that?! her mind screamed, but she couldn't actually get out of her mouth.

You're a horrible person Conway. She has a problem and your first thought is murder. Premeditated. Monster. Except you can't even be that properly, can you? You could do it, you could pull the trigger, but that would be it. You're just not strong enough to live with yourself afterwards, are you? Failure. What good is one without the other? Joke. But you'd still do it, because you're not good enough not to. What are you? You're not one thing, you not another. You're just confused. Make up your bloody mind. Dean's throat felt dry as his mind raged at him and he felt empty and lost. He just wanted things to be simple again.

She watched him, not really able to look away at that point. She'd been keeping herself in the water to keep up a separation between the two of them, even if she wasn't really examining the reasons why, and she decided that she wasn't doing that right now. Not when he was looking like that and yes her mind was a whole world of badness right now, badness she thought was so insanely far reaching that it made her want to hide. Curl up into a little ball, pull the covers over her head, find a rock to crawl under and---the whole nine yards. All of that. Just so long as she didn't have to deal with any of it. She didn't. She shut a whole lot of doors in her mind, and walked over to him, water dripping down onto the smooth rocks, and she sat behind him, put her arms around him, and pulled him back. Her face rested in against the back of his neck and shoulder, and she said nothing because she didn't know if there were words. And anyways she'd have to recall how to talk. Right now with the scrambled mess the entirety of her person was, she didn't imagine she could get it right.

He didn't make any move to stop her, he didn't even look up as she walked toward him. He felt her arms go round him, her legs wet against his jeans, but he didn't look round, didn't move at all. He didn't deserve this, he knew. He'd planned to kill her father. In cold blood. And he'd not even... He'd just gone and planned it and not said anything to her, or asked her, or anything. And this was her father. Never mind that he was a mass murdering bastard, he was still her dad and he'd seen the way she'd reacted when he told her, the way she'd just sunk down like her legs couldn't hold her up any more. And now... Caleb's words kept running through his head. About choices and how he didn't have to do anything, and how it'd change him and how he could back out and how it wasn't worth it unless you could live with yourself afterwards. And he was just so confused. About everything. He didn't know what to think, or feel or what anything meant anymore. The rules had got left behind at some point - and Dean had always had rules. He lived his life by them - even if he was breaking them, they were there, he knew what they were. Now - now he felt like he didn't know anything any more.

She didn't say anything for a long, long time, just staying there, trying to get her head sorted enough to say something. And when she did start talking, it was quiet, and it wavered, but hey she'd found her voice. She shook her head, just a little. "You're not doing this, Dean. You're not. Okay? Promise me you're not, it doesn't have to happen like this, and I will promise anything you want, if you just tell me you're not going to do this. Not because of me, okay? I can't--I know you and I know you can't--you're not doing this. He's my dad and I think he needs to go but not you. Please please please not you. I won't let you you're not allowed, it'll...you're not doing this." she rambled.

He closed his eyes, tightly, as she spoke, dropping his head, looking up only as she stopped and only because he didn't think he could make his voice loud enough for her to hear and so she needed to see his face. He opened his eyes to look at her and his face was a picture of confusion and misery. "But, that's the thing - I can. I - I just..." I don't want to.

She shook her head. "No." she said. "No no and just--no, Dean." she stressed, searching his eyes. "No. And even if you could still no, I'm not letting you become a..." she really couldn't say the word. "I'm not letting that happen! Not over me, not because--no. No no, not ever, and no." Dean tended to blame himself for everything under the sun, and she knew he wouldn't get over that. Possibly ever. In her head? There were more ways to lose him than the obvious, and that was a thought that went spiking down through her system. It had her hugging him tighter again. "No." she said again, voice tiny, but emphatic.

"There didn't seem to be any other way," he told her. "I couldn't think of any other way. You left and you were going to go to him and it wasn't going to work, Thia! Or, if it did - I don't think you could ever have done it. I don't think you could have killed him. And I didn't want you to have to do that. But I know - I know I'm capable of it," he told her, pronouncing that like a dirty word. His head dropped for a moment, before he raised it again so he could start speaking once more. "So, I went to see Caleb and - we went hunting this morning. He didn't believe I could do it, wanted to be sure. I don't even know what we were hunting - some kind of demon things or something. Fast, angry - I killed three of them. And one, I... I wounded it, dropped it with a shot to the leg. I needed to know, you see. Defense is one thing, but I needed to know whether... And I could - I killed it. It was just lying there, hurt and I..." he broke off, looking away again, squeezing his eyes shut once more.

So that's why he had the gun today. She didn't say anything for a few moments, still holding onto him, and she watched him looking away, and really, it all just screamed to her that she really had to stop this. She had to stop this. "Dean." she said, voice quiet but oddly firm in that moment. "Look at me." She also reached out to physically turn his face back towards her, so he would have a harder time avoiding. "It's one thing to kill a...a demon thing. My dad's a person. A monster of a person, but a person, and you're not killing him. And I don't care if you could bring yourself to pull the trigger. You're still not doing it. You? What you're doing right now?" she shook her head but her eyes wouldn't leave his. "You're upset about this. You're not okay right now, and you--I don't think you'd ever be okay if you went through with what you're talking about. Remember when I said i don't want to lose you?" she asked rhetorically. "I'm not willing to do it that way either."

"I - I feel like I should be able to handle this, Thia," Dean told her after a few long minutes. "I should be able to do this. I - I can do this, but... But I can't," he admitted, screwing his eyes closed as he told her that. "I just... I don't want... I've been trying so hard not to be that guy," he told her after searching for the words. He opened his eyes again, but dropped them so that his gaze was directed between them, not at her. "I always knew. That I could be that guy. What I can do, it's leading me down that road. Even before I knew what the end point of what I could do was. Even where I am now. And I hated it, what it meant, what it suggested. I hated me. And - I got into this really bad place. Back home, for the past few years. I... I didn't like me or who I was and I - there was this whole downward spiral and I was becoming that guy. It's - it's why I'm here. It's why I didn't really get a choice and why... But - but then I was here and you know I said I was trying to be someone else? I was, I am, but it's still there, that potential. Only... There's - with everything else now. It's that much worse, I can do that much worse. And I hate that guy. But he's me. He's always been me, if I let myself." His eyes ticked up to hers, tinged with red. "I don't want to be that guy," he told her, too quiet for her to at all actually hear.

She didn't have to hear it, she read it. Most of what she did hear from him was tone anyways, he really hadn't been speaking normally so it was harder for her to pick things up. So she'd been concentrating the other way. She knew she really hated hearing that he hated himself. That...really made stupid amounts of sense, but it was really really hard for her to hear. He was her best friend, he was one of the best people she'd ever met in her life, and she loved him. So to hear that he hated himself was really difficult for her. And she really really hoped that was past tense. Or that something here was helping--but that's what he was saying, wasn't it? That it wasn't. That he'd been trying to be someone else and he was back where he didn't want to be. All because of you. the nasty little voice in the back of her mind informed her. He wasn't willing to die for you, but he's willing to kill for you, isn't that wonderful? This is on you. If you weren't here, if you'd just stayed dead like you were supposed to, this wouldn't be happening. "I don't think you are." she said, and her own voice was missing a lot of volume there, it was less audible and more like a soft breath, the words only articulated through her forming them with her lips. On her second try, she did slightly better, but not that much. "I think--I think that guy you think you are? Isn't you. Because...because I know you, Dean. I know you really really well and you're one of the best people ever. You're sweet and you're kind and you're selfless and it's all automatic to you and the guy you're talking about--that's not in there but I know that's there because I see it every day. You shouldn't be able to do this, no one should be able to handle it, and I...god, I'm so sorry, that you even felt like--" she blinked a few times, and pushed it aside, trying really hard to get around it. Even if it was clawing into her mind and she felt awful. "You're not him. I know you aren't."

"Aren't I? I - I just planned to murder you father, Thia," Dean pointed out and he could feel himself descending really fast into true self-pity and self-hatred, that quick-approaching self-destruct button that he hadn't been near since he'd gotten here, but which had been such an ever-present focus back home.

"Not because you wanted to." Lullaby said, and that had her voice back better. Stronger again, firmer. "Not because this is just something that you're doing. You planned it because you didn't see any other way of doing things you told me that. So don't start talking like you're a killer, and that's it, or...or anything like that. You're not. And you're still a good person, because remember all that other stuff I said? And if you did this, even if you could pull it off, and...you'd never forgive yourself. My dad killed people and he didn't care, just means to an end with him, it didn't matter, but it matters to you, and we're even talking about someone who would probably be willing to kill you too, and--Dean there are really really huge differences here, and you've got to see that." Please see it. Please. Because I do and I'm not sure how else to say it but it's there and it's okay and it'll be fine just as long as you don't do this.

He did see it, when it was put to him like that, the comparison, because, no, he wasn't anything like her father and he could see that - the gulf was too wide, he knew that much. "I just... I feel like I'm chasing round and round in circles and I don't..." He didn't know how to finish that sentence, didn't know how to express the confusion in his head, sure that he'd ceased to make any sense a long time ago. "I just... I just wanted to be able to... I'm sorry," he told her, lost in a mess of confusion and guilt and self-loathing and even whilst he could begin to recognise what parts of it were groundless, he still had to fight to rid himself of them.

She resituated herself again, to put her arms more firmly around him again, and she put her chin on his shoulder, a lot like he usually did with her. "Shh. Don't be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all so get that out of your head. Everything'll be okay." She didn't know how it would be okay but that was her fucking story and anyone contradicting her right now might get punched. "We'll figure something out. I promise. We'll figure it out, and it'll be okay, and you won't have to do this, you won't. I won't let you anyways and you know how stubborn I can get, so just...it'll be okay, Dean. You will be okay." I'll take care of you, promise. She said all of that mostly into his ear, quietly, but there was still the strength in her tone. "...and there's one other reason you have to listen to me." she said. "We talked about this before. I made you a promise that I wouldn't let you fall that far. So...I'm not going to." She gave him a squeeze.

He felt intensely grateful for that, yet at the same time it was tinges with feelings of failure and guilt that he just couldn't shift. He didn't want to have to do this and being told so firmly that he wouldn't be doing this was like a gift, yet it didn't take the problem away and someone else would have to step up because he couldn't. Either that or people were going to get hurt because he couldn't handle this. But all he could see was the creature he'd killed today and the realisation of the gap, the vast gulf between killing something in defense and killing something in cold blood. One he could live with, one he could justify. The other he really couldn't.

She stayed where she was, holding onto him, just being there. She didn't say anything more, at least not yet, because she wanted to let him deal for a minute. Or, not deal and just let her hold him. That was okay too. She was sanctioning that. Really, he could do that all he wanted. They had time. She rested her chin on his shoulder again, and kept her eyes on his profile, just watching. Waiting, though not in a hurried sort of manner. They'd stay there as long as was needed.

He took the silent time she offered, trying to sort things out in his head a little. It was an impossible task, but a few threads loosened as he allowed himself to commit to not doing this and made himself believe her when she said they'd find another way. He added in to that Caleb's offer to step up and refused to think about what that meant for the guy or said about him. He couldn't deal with more issues right now. "Tell me something nice," he said, eventually, looking over at her and catching her eyes. He didn't much care what, he just needed to hear something good.

She smiled at him, a soft expression, and she reached up with her far hand to drift her fingers through his hair, to get it out of his eyes. "Billy came into my dreams last night...to get some information." she said, really not having to think about it. "And after, he made me a room. And he told me to pick? But I couldn't really decide what the best place was...so he made me a room that was kinda my old bedroom, and your closet at the same time. And he did something for me before he left." she said. She smiled a little wider. "I know what you sound like now. Not just tones and when you talk into my ear, but normal? I got to hear you." It was the nicest thing she could think of in the moment. And it had everything to do with him, so she thought she'd share it. And then she'd wrack her brain for anything else good that she could possibly say, but that was the very first thing that came to mind. In retrospect, she was grateful that she had something that immediate, not something that she had to make him wait as she thought about, considering how stupidly awful things had been lately.

Your best place is my closet? Dean thought, wondering at that before he told himself very firmly that that was not what she'd said. It just had elements, that's all. "You heard me?" he asked instead, again telling himself that there were probably other people there as well and to stop contemplating that it could be at all him-centric. That had been the one good thing about his mini-breakdown over potential murder - it meant that he could forget about his confusion in regards to finding her in bed with him this morning.

She nodded. "Yeah." she said. "I didn't get a lot? Because he--I guess it makes him tired and everything, but he did give me a little and I just...sorry. It was really something for me. So that was nice. It made me happy." She gave him another smile, this one a little brighter. "I maintain that you have a cool accent." she told him.

Dean frowned a little. "Hey, don't apologise - that's something good. I'm glad for you," he told her. "But I don't - I have a stupid accent, it's all dull and stuff."

"Nu-uh." Lullaby said, shaking her head. "It's cool, I like it. Maybe you think it's dull, but I don't. It's all new and exciting and entertaining for me because you form words differently than people around here. And now I know what it sounds like normally, which is even neater. So...shut up. Smile and nod and say 'okay, Thia, whatever you say'." she told him, mussing his hair a tiny bit--before she fixed it again almost immediately.

He smiled a little. "Okay, Thia - whatever you say," he told her.

She liked that she'd gotten a little smile. It was something. She also kinda kept playing with his hair, and leaned back, shifting slightly to be a little more comfortable, and she kept him with her, tugging him back a bit. "See now? That was easy." she informed him. She realized somewhere in the back of her brain that everything else she'd been dealing with she had completely shut down. She'd shoved it back behind a door and locked it, because her focus had needed to be him and so that's what had happened. He'd...well. He'd needed her. Or that's how it had felt. She remembered what Billy had told her. That he knew Dean did need her. Maybe he was right.

"So, what are you saying? As long as I do exactly what you tell me to, my life would be a great deal simpler?" he asked her, hesitating for a fraction of a moment, before he thought to hell with it and just went with her. Since he was meant to be doing what she said, apparently. And right now, he was just feeling tired and stressed out enough to just do that. And so he went with it, relaxing back against her.

She was glad when he did that, and she smiled a bit at it. She was a girl, she wanted to baby him right around now. He was having a really hard time, and...just yeah. She was going to baby him, in hopefully unobtrusive ways. Which included having him lean back against her and her playing with his hair, and all that junk. "Well, probably, but it'd probably be really weird, too. I mean, the things I'd tell you to do would be a mixture of really dull, really practical, and really random. So you'd be living a crazy life. Full of going to school, eating properly, and randomly sneaking out at two in the morning to go jump off of blackrocks and go swimming in a really cold lake." she informed him. "So I'm not sure that's your best option."

"Hmm, I'd like to do that," he told her, closing his eyes and shuffling down a little to be more comfortable. "The sneaking off to go swimming thing. That sounds like fun," he admitted. And it sounded simple. He was a fan of simple at the moment. Simple, uncomplicated, not involving life-altering decisions.

"How about we go tonight then?" she asked. She looked down at him, and smiled. It was a tiny smile, a soft expression. One that he got because he didn't have his eyes open. "We could. Just kind of...wander off for a little while. I think we could both use it." And she knew that it could potentially be dangerous? But at the same time she was thinking that they both needed the release. Just the ability to go, hang out, not have to worry about anything horrifying, and the only thing they would really have to argue about was who was actually going to jump first. Yeah, she liked the idea.

He'd been about to agree, shifting again, really getting comfortable against her, when his movement thrust the gun in its holster into his side and reminded him, quite firmly, where reality lay. Which was, basically, that she'd run off yesterday because she'd decided that there was imminent danger from her psycho-father. So much so that she couldn't possibly stay with them for a moment longer. And she'd only come back once it had been proved that they had no clue where he was and, more than that, looking for him had completely fucked up the spell. In a way that Maddie didn't know what it meant. It didn't exactly bode well, all things considered. He rolled his head round a little against her chest to look up as he opened his eyes. "Do you think that's a good idea?" he asked, sounding very much like he hated asking that question. Because, really - he did.

She looked back down at him, and since it had been up against her that the gun jammed into him, she was a little reminded as well. She thought about it for a few moments, watching his eyes. "Well," she said. "Any other night, there could be demons popping out of nowhere to try and kill us too. We...currently know there's something specific in the dark. But I--when I first found out about everything, I kind of decided that I wasn't going to hide in my room for the rest of my life, just because." She was aware this sort of went against some things, though it was true. Granted, it had changed up a lot in recent times, what with the death and everything, but she could draw upon that mentality again now. "So we know my dad's out there. And we don't know where. But I guess..." she gave a little half smile, that was a touch sad, but it was genuine. "I think we both could use a little fun in our lives around now, don't you?" she asked honestly.

He held her eyes. "Are you just saying that to make me feel better?" he asked her, carefully. "Because yesterday you were acting like he was going to turn up any second. What changed?"

She kept looking back at him, not averting her gaze. She did have to think it over, though, to try and word it properly. "Yesterday was...insanely difficult. And nothing's really any different. But I left yesterday, and it was the last thing I wanted to do. And I talked to Billy, a long time last night. Maybe...I don't know. My head's still kinda messy over everything right now," she said, giving him a bit of an apologetic look on that. "But it'll...I'll be okay. He sort of told me a lot though. About...I dunno. Everything, I guess. So I'm sticking around. And I already talked to you about us not being crazy about things, so that's covered." Then she gave a half smile. "And I really really feel right now that if I can't do something fun and normal at least once in between traumas, I'm going to go completely insane." She threaded her fingers through his hair again. "I'm tired of feeling upset and confused and terrified and everything else. And in my opinion, you need the break too." In a huge way.

"There's a lot to be... I'm sorry if I upset you yesterday," Dean told her, because that had been eating at him along with everything else. What he'd said to her, what a total idiot he'd been. Even if it appeared that she'd forgiven him, or not taken it that way in the first place, he still felt bad. He was good at that.

She looked away for just a second, then back to his eyes. Because he had upset her. Hurt her feelings. And while she was sort of reconciling in her head that maybe it had been bullshit, probably had been bullshit, it had in fact, hurt. "I wasn't fishing for apologies." she told him. "If you don't wanna go or think it's too dangerous, let's just come up with something more indoorsey to do. Cuz I'm serious about that, I'd really just like to be able to do something with you that's fun and not at all traumatic. Kinda seems like we're getting hit from all sides lately, y'know?" Which she was positive he did, what with the serious contemplation of murder he was doing today.

"I know you weren't," he told her, almost reaching up to touch her face when she looked away, but stopping himself, managing that much, but with a growing awareness of their positions. Why were you in my bed this morning, Thia? The question was on his lips again, but he wasn't brave enough to ask it, though he couldn't pinpoint why, whether he was avoiding her completely rational explanation that would explain it all away, or whether he thought that it would say too much that he noticed, or had dwelt. He didn't know, but he couldn't ask. He paused for a few moments, then sat up a little, shifting onto his side and leaning back slightly away from her, making as if his former position had given him a slight crick on his neck. "Well, we could always do the call thing with my friends, if you wanted," he suggested.

She smiled a little, letting him move, though she shifted a little as well so she was more comfortable, still there though. "That could be doable." she agreed. And it would be less disaster-inviting. She did vow that when things were over, they were doing that blackrocks thing. It was happening, end of story. She just hoped that trauma let up before winter kicked in. Which was a depressing thought, and she pushed it away. "Think they'd be up for it on short notice?" she asked. "And you sure you're prepared for two worlds to collide?" she teased lightly. She even gave him a bright, impish smile for it.

"I emailled them the other day anyway to give them a heads up - and at least we'd have something that was guaranteed to be weird-free," he pointed out. "Well, the Weird-weird kind anyhow. Andy and Stuart are about as normal as they get. Kinda. For a given value of 'normal'," he joked.

"Do I get to tease Andy about getting you kicked out of the scouts and turning you into a mini-Dean-delinquent?" she asked, grinning at him. She poked him in the side, too. Because she could, and she really wanted to keep up the better, lighter mood. Because after everything they'd talked about...yeah. Trauma could really take a break any time now. Seriously. "Not that I've really curbed those tendencies much." she added. Because she hadn't. She reached out to snag his hand, to get a look at his knuckles again, just to make sure they didn't look infected or anything. She was kind of still in baby-Dean mode, so she couldn't help it.

"Haven't you?" Dean asked, his tone suggesting that he didn't really agree with that - premeditation of potential murder notwithstanding. He watched her inspect his hand, before carefully removing it. "It's fine," he told her, rolling his eyes a little, but in an amused type way. She wasn't the only one who wanted to cling onto the lighter side of things. There was still so much crap around, but if they could just pretend it wasn't there for a while, he would be such a fan of that.

She smirked a little at the eye roll. "Well, I'm just checking." she said. "And no. I had you doing minor breaking and entering. That's not really a good thing. That's delinquency." she insisted. Nevermind the reasons behind it. "What time is it there? Like...what time would we be talking to them?" she asked, not sure how many hours difference things were across the ocean. And that's what she was thinking about. She wasn't letting all the other bullshit well up in the back of her mind. NOoooo no. She wasn't. Like that twitch there? Where she was starting to think about everything, and all that confusion she'd been talking to Billy about? She wasn't thinking about it.

"Okay, so there's been some minor breaking and entering - but you've taken me right down on the assault and destruction of property front," he teased, massaging the pad of his thumb over the scabs across his knuckles. "And they're five hours ahead of us - so it'll be..." It was times like this he wished he wore a watch, but they broke so often it wasn't worth it. And the one of his phone was no help at all. "Kinda eveningish there now?" he guessed.

She giggled a little. "Oh, so it's just a shifting of the delinquency, I see." she said. "I'm a moving influence." She titled her head to the side a touch as he said that. "Would they be around? Or would they need more warning than 'hey, wanna talk right now while you might be doing something vaguely interesting'?" Since most people? Had lives. And ones that totally didn't involve things like wondering how you were going to solve the problem of your psychotic father being possibly after you and maybe pissed you stabbed him. Or your best friend contemplating murder to keep you safe. Yeah, they probably were just watching movies or eating dinner or...anything that wasn't what she and Dean were up to.

"Well, let's see," Dean suggested, pulling his phone out of his pocket. And then sighing and rolling back to lie down, thunking his head against the ground. He held his, rather dead-looking phone up. "Aaaaand I need a new phone," he sighed. It was unsurprising, really, his earlier mood considered. He told just told himself that he was lucky not to have exploded the damn thing and that he really had to stop keeping his phone in the front pocket of his jeans. Bad, bad idea...

She made a cute face at him, wrinkling her nose and she shifted to her knees, the rocks beneath them clicking together. "Poor Dean." she said sympathetically. "You should stop carrying your phone when you're not gonna need it immediately..." she suggested. But then she stood up and leaned over him, holding her hands out. "C'mon. We'll go back, give a call, see if they're up for talking. And later we'll...play scrabble. Or watch a movie or something. I demand a whole night of not doing anything that isn't at least ninety percent pointless."

"Which defeats the object of having a mobile phone, really, doesn't it," Dean commented, considering her hands and then taking them and letting her pull him up. "And it was Sophie's phone anyhow - I broke mine before, remember? See, I should just give up and go and live out in a hut in the woods that's got a log fire and is only lit by candlelight," he sighed as they headed back up towards the house. "But sure - all of that sounds... Whatever you say, Thia," he teased.

"I remember, but this one was yours now." she said. "And I mean like when you're around the house, or say...out for a walk in the back...lake?" she suggested, having to pause and add that little sillyness. Then she laughed, and poked his side as they walked, a playful little half shove. "And hey the hut in the woods with the fire and the candle light sounds awesome." she said. "I'd totally still visit you. And bring you news of the outside world. Or I'd just stay there, considering my connection with the outside world is tentative at best anyways." she continued, teasing in return. "And see how easy that is? Just agreeing with me, whatever I say...makes it all soooooo much easier."

Dean had a flash of an image for a moment that involved far too much in the way of soft candlelight and roaring fires and a random bearskin rug and decided that he really needed to watch far fewer films, quickening his pace and virtually pulling her up the path. House, phone and the distraction of conversation with other people was needed and he could completely forget about everything that was far too confusing to warrant thinking about. Just like he was ignoring all the major trauma stuff as well.

She laughed a bit as he was pulling her along, wondering what the big hurry was, but she didn't question it. Instead, she just kept up, bells jingling away as they walked, though she was thinking she needed to change before the whole talking thing. What with her being slightly dirty and wet at the moment, and really, she didn't think that was the best impression to make. Hey, does she always run around looking like she's been lost in the woods for days? Yeah. "I'll see you upstairs." she told him, veering for the stairs when they got to them so he could go make the phonecall, and she could go get cleaner, drier, and less insane looking.

"Sure," Dean called, heading for the kitchen and an actual working phone. He dialed the number from memory and let it ring, leaning against the worktop and tapping his fingers on the side until the line connected. "Andy! Hi... Yes, yeah, it's been... Look, things have been... Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you have... Right... No... Yeah, whatev... Mate, shut up - no I don't want to hear about you and Cathy Bai... Yes, yes, I'm sure..." Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head, giving in and listening whilst Andy talked and waited for a chance to get in what he was actually calling for. "Actually yes. Yeah, I was wondering - you busy? I'm at a loose end and Thia's... Yes. Yes, yes - fuck you... No, really.... Yeah, and yours... But yeah. Yes, skype. Stu, if he's around... Fine. Ten minutes. Fine. Yes. No. No! Don't you fucking dare. No, I will come back over there and just... No, fuck you - I mean it. Don't you dare. And tell Stu that too. I mean it. Fine - see you. Bye." He hung up, suddenly wondering if this was actually a good idea or not as he headed upstairs, hearing the shower sounding as he passed and walked into his room, leaving the door open and resolutely not looking towards the bed.

Lullaby made it quick, then dashed to her room to get on pajamas. Because really, they were going to be staying in tonight, she was going to be comfortable. Which meant pjs. Plus--it was actually the predominant thing she had in her wardrobe, currently. After she put a black choker back on and took a picture of herself just to make sure the scar on her neck was covered, she bounded on over to Dean's room. "Are they calling?" she asked, walking over and she peered at the computer screen, reaching up to muss her hair up from where it had been all combed back. It curled slightly at the ends when she did that, and she hoped she didn't look too much like a drowned rat. ...or a drowned rat in pajamas that had pandas on it.

Dean looked over and his heart dropped, or rather, didn't but... This was not good. "You want to talk to my friends wearing your pyjamas?" he asked before he could actually stop himself. Because he'd just got an earful from Andy about his crush, which they unfortunately knew about, and now she was going to be... Oh shit, this was really, really not good.

"We're in for the night. Plus, I don't actually have all that many clothes, remember? Mostly I have pajamas. Do you want me to go change?" she asked. Then crossed her arms and smirked at him. "Am I going to embarrass you? I could borrow a shirt or something..."

"Webcam, remember? You okay with this?" he asked her, hoping that maybe that would make her realise that, shit, no, she shouldn't go talking to strange guys half dressed. Or something. Cos, really, she wasn't, but still - they were, god they were the same ones she was wearing this morning. He swallowed and tried to get his mind back on track, still definitely not looking towards his bed. Stop. It. It was nothing, she's a cuddly girl, remember. Like what Oz said. This goes with the territory - it's not like you've not done it before and only in your head is it actually different just because it's your bed. Get your mind out of the gutter and think rationally. This is nothing, you're reading in because you want to and anyway, you know that if it actually was Anything, you'd freak the fuck out because she broke up with her boyfriend like three days ago, so calm the fuck down, he lectured himself.

Lullaby glanced down at herself. "...yeaaah. Y'know, it's not really that different from wearing a normal tank top and shorts, it just has the same lame pattern." she pointed out. "I mean, it's not like I'm showing off midriff or anything." Her bra straps were showing a little, but that was hard to avoid wearing a tank top anyhow. And it wasn't like it was all slutted out or anything. It had big eyed floppy pandas on it for fucks sake. Then she looked back up at him. "...is this seriously going to bug you?" she asked, head tilting to the side. "Or...are they going to think I'm insane and make fun of me or something, just because I've got pandas on my clothes?"

You have no reason to have a problem with this, Dean told himself, firmly. No reason - except it could be an unmitigated disaster of epic proportions when Andy and Stu turn up, you know that, right? He added. "No, I just... I... It doesn't bug me. You just... don't know my friends," he told her, fidgeting. Those ten minutes were flashing by really quickly right now. "Just... If they say anything weird - change the subject? Okay?"

"What would they say?" Lullaby asked, kinda confused. She wasn't sure. She also walked a little closer, and sort of eyed the area. "And where'm I going to sit?" she asked. "Okay fast--if you want me to go change, I will right this very second." she told him, just because he was being a liiiittle weird, and she wasn't sure why.

Dean looked unsure. "I, just... You can sit in the chair, because you'll need to see their faces, right? I'll sit..." He looked round, realising that the only other place to see was the bed and... He had to sleep there tonight and he was fairly sure that wasn't going to happen. He needed to get over this, he really, really did. "I can sit on the floor, down here," he said, sitting down against his desk, under the level of the screen. "The mic's on speaker, they'll be able to hear both of us."

Lullaby made a face at him. "You're going to sit on the floor. They're your friends!" she said. "I could go get another chair from the other room?" she suggested, since really the best way to go about it would just be they shared the chair, but he was kind of behaving weirdly and she wasn't sure she should suggest it or not. Then she saw something move on the computer, and thought she heard some tones coming from it. "Is that them?"

Dean looked up, craning his head to see the screen and failing. In the end, he knelt up, resting on the desk as both Andy and Stu crowed and waved hi. "Guys, okay - so, you need to move slightly," he told them. "And stay still." He looked round at Thia and nodded, giving her a little smile, before looking back. "Thia's not really going to be able to hear you, so she needs to be able to see your faces, okay?" He leaned back against her legs as she sat in the chair, only just able to see the screen from there.

She sat down on the chair, and she didn't mind if Dean leaned up against her legs, but thought it was ridiculous, since he couldn't see properly from there or anything. Though it did give her the opportunity to play with his hair a little, which she didn't do immediately or anything, but the thought was there. "Hi!" she said brightly to the people on screen, and she waved. "I'm Thia." she said. "Sorry about the not being able to hear you thing..." she made a motion at her ear. "Almost totally deaf and all, so if I miss something, that's why." she said easily. "So who's who then?" That was when she started absently threading through the back of Dean's hair.

"I'm Andy," the dark haired guy on the right said. "And this is Stuart - Stu. And so you're Thia - Dean's told us alllllll about you," the guy grinned, as Dean suddenly sat bolt upright and he popped into view on the camera, glaring at the two guys on screen. Andy grinned a little, looking down a little at Dean, before looking back at Thia. "So, you taking care of our boy then?" he asked, the picture of innocence.

"It's nice to meet you--" Lullaby started, then had to peek over Dean's head. She did have to kind of wonder what Dean had said about her, unless they were just teasing him. Which from his reaction of sitting up, she was guessing so. She looked back to the boys on the screen, and grinned. "Yes, I am." she said. "He's well taken care of, I promise." she added, grinning at them. "Or, I try anyways. I'm apparently less effective backup in a fight than you two are? But I've promised to throw rocks." she added, as if this were really important. She was teasing, of course, nodding gravely even if the light impish smile on her face gave her away.

"Rocks?" Andy asked, obviously taking the driving seat of the conversation with Stuart just looking on in the background, which didn't surprise Dean - Andy had always been a motormouth, the driving force of the group, good looking and charismatic, the one to always get the girl. "Something we should know there?" he asked. "And, oi - Conway, where you gone?" he asked, meeting Dean's glare, but pretending he couldn't see the guy properly.

Lullaby took that cue to fix the sillyness of the situation. She held a finger up to the webcam, then stood up, bent, grabbed Dean's arm with both of hers, and she pulled upwards. "Sit in the chair." she told him. If he didn't, she'd have to resort to blackmail, but she didn't really want to threaten just yet. Nooo not yet.

Dean turned round to face her and looked up. "You're sitting in the chair," he pointed out, not moving.

"Yes, and we can share. C'mon." she urged, tugging again. It wasn't like she hadn't sat on his lap before. Even for a longer period of time and everything. Then she leaned in to whisper really softly in his ear. "Your friends wanna see you and there isn't anyplace else. Plus, if you don't, I'm probably going to start braiding your hair. I'm sure you can't afford that. You'd never live it down."

Dean pulled back and glared at her. What was it with people today anyway? Why had this ever come up as a good idea? "Fine," he told her, standing up. "But gimme a mo," he said to everyone, disappearing very definitely off screen and shrugging off his jacket, then sliding the holster off his shoulders and letting it drop to the floor. His mind really wasn't with it today, or he'd have remembered to take the thing off earlier. He caught Thia's eye as he returned and sat in the chair, shifting forward a little and leaning back in a position he knew would be more comfortable for her as his friends watched on.

Lullaby watched him, and thought to herself that she should have thought about that earlier too. But there had been the weirdness about clothing, and --she just wasn't going to spend time thinking about this right this second. So she dropped herself down in Dean's lap instead. "Okay, better." she said, turning her attention back to the screen. "Anyways...yeah. Rocks. I'm not a very good fighter. But he did say that he got kicked out of the scouts because of you, Andy." she said, pointing her finger at the screen. "I'm attempting to be a better influence but I'm not sure I am."

Dean sat there, very still for a moment, knowing he was going to get shit for this and trying to work out how to minimise the damage. But then he figured he was going to look like an absolute idiot if he just sat there like a statue and didn't relax, and so he shifted a little, moving her to a more comfortable position and put his arms around her waist, like he always did when she sat in his lap.

On the screen, Andy and Stu watched the exchange, trading smirks at what appeared to be going on on the other end of the stream, but actually rather surprised as Dean reappeared and accepted the girl into his lap. And, more than that, actually looked comfortable with it. They'd known their friend for years and it was a running joke that he could barely talk to most girls, and now... This was, well, eye opening. As Thia started talking again, they both had their own ideas of answers and both started speaking at once.

Lullaby winced faintly, half relaxing back against Dean, arms sort of resting over his easily. "Um...guys? I can only read one of you at a time, could you sorta try to talk in turns?" she asked. "Sorry." she added, wrinkling her nose.

"Oh, don't be!" Stu said immediately. "Actually, I'll just sort of bow out here for a few, and talk to you in a bit." he said, smiling at her before he moved off camera. Then, he added in. "...can you hear me, Thia?" When she didn't respond, he assumed that she couldn't. "She is cute."

"So, he told you about scouts then, did he?" Andy asked, as though Stu hadn't said anything at all, his focus solely on Thia, not even looking to Dean for his reaction to the off-screen comment. He leaned forward a little so that he was more visible in the camera screen for her. "Well, he's such a good little boy when you let him be, he needs some bad influence in his life," he teased.

Dean, on the other hand, caught the comment from Stu and rolled his eyes - the guy really couldn't help but have the last word, could he? It had always been the way. Really, he'd assumed it would come in email later on tonight or something, but obviously he'd misjudged. Whatever.

"Is that right?" Lullaby said, laughing a little. Then she turned to look at Dean over her shoulder like she was contemplating the truth on that, before she looked back at the screen. "I dunno about that." she said. Then she held up his hand to show the camera. "See? He was in a fight the other day. I wasn't around to throw rocks though, sadly. And yes, he told me about scouts. Getting him kicked out, shame on you." she said. Though she was very clearly teasing. "Got any other good stories for me?" she asked with a bright grin.

"Have to say, wasn't sure you had it in you, Dean. But she is really really cute. So, how long have you been dating? And you should have said! Is this where you've been?" Stu asked.

Fuck you, dickhead, Dean thought happily at Stu and his little comments. Especially since the guy knew damn well that he and Thia weren't dating, especially since he'd confirmed it to Andy not half an hour ago and promised horrible death if either of them clued Thia in to the situation. Which, he knew, was why Stu was sitting happily off camera for his little comments, knowing full well that Dean wouldn't be able to reply. And, sure, he could call the guy on it, but Thia would want to know what had been said. And she didn't let up on that kind of thing.

"Well, okay - maybe that's not the entire truth," Andy admitted on screen, casually watching the picture before him, and Dean's face, wondering how long it'd be before they could wind him up enough to get a reaction from him. "He had his moments, and maybe I have a few stories." He looked very definitely at Dean. "What's it worth, mate? To keep your secrets?" he asked with a wide grin.

Lullaby had to turn again to regard Dean as well, arching an eyebrow. "Are you going to try and deprive me of stories?" she asked. She might have attempted puppy eyes but she didn't, instead still looking impishly happy. She'd also hugged his arm back around her, since she'd displaced it in the first place by showing off his battle wounds. She was, however, very very careful of said wounds, not wanting to hurt him at all.

"Ahhh, no mate - you can't deprive her of stories," Stu told him, tut-tutting off screen. "That'd be mean and you want her to think that you're a nice guy, right? Hmm, then again, with some of the stories we have about you... Lucky we're such good friends, right? Lucky we watch out for you. Wanna sell our mate up as Mr Perfect for his girl, right? Cos we could do that, unless you try and stop us, course - that'd be different."

He was never, ever doing this again, Dean decided as he looked between Thia and the screen. "Fine, whatever - they're probably boring anyhow," Dean told her, giving Andy a look that suggested that they better be.

"Oh come on I doubt that." Lullaby said, before she made a cute face at Dean then looked back to the screen. "So please, indulge me." she said sweetly, waiting, and she absently sort of swung one foot back and forth a little, bells ringing.

"Looook at you two, all snuggled up. Looks cozy. But you're not dating, hmm? Have to ask you--what's wrong with you? Look at the girl! She's cute, she's looking very comfortable with you...actually you look comfortable too, you guys do this a lot?" Stu continued off camera. "We could completely talk you up, by the time we were done she would probably be asking you out. It'd be perfect!"

"Okkkkkkay," Andy mused, making a show of it. "A story - a good, not at all boring one. Let's see..." he drew out, playing for time here for a few moments.

"No answer?" Stu asked, off camera. "You know, I'm gonna have to take that as a 'yes, please, please talk me up because I don't have enough balls to do this for myself and I obviously need help from my friends here or I'm going to die a virgin'. That right, Dean? I mean, I take it you haven't, right? You know what - don't answer that. Course you haven't."

Lullaby waited, relaxing her head back against Dean's shoulder and collarbone, waiting. She smirked. "You know, if you take too long, I'm going to start thinking you're making things up." she teased. She also rolled her head to the side to glance at Dean as well. "You know, you can totally jump in here and join the conversation and everything." she said quietly to him. Since he seemed to have abandoned her to speak to people by herself. However he wasn't actually just comfy furniture or anything.

"Well, there doesn't seem all that much to say," Dean told her. He looked up at the screen. "But, you know mate, don't feel the need to talk me up too much or anything - Thia knows me pretty damn well and everything," he said, hoping that would get the message across, even though he was fairly sure that they were just winding him up and wouldn't actually do anything.

"Would I make things up?" Andy asked, then appeared to consider that. "Well, I could... I mean there was that time with the makeup...." he teased, obviously making that one up.

Lullaby laughed. "Yeah, that's bullshit." she said with a nod. "Can't see it." Then she looked back at Dean again to pretend to consider, before she looked back at Andy again. "Definitely can't see it." she repeated with a grin. "And c'mon, there's gotta be some shenanigans you guys got up to. I mean around here it's a lot smaller a place, there's not that much to do. Unless you count trespassing in abandoned buildings, but really, that's only every once in a while." Or like, once. Though she would be going back there again sometime, if for no other reason than to recharge, and play around with the abilities she'd kind of figured out better.

Stu was still clearly enjoying things. "Don't want us to talk you up? Are you seriously not going for her? How does that happen? She's the first girl we've ever even really seen you with, and from the look of things...how well does she know you?" was tossed in there at the end, just to get a reaction.

"Ahh, see, that's the thing - round our way there's not that many abandoned buildings," Andy told her as Dean glared at the screen from behind Thia's head, hearing the full on suggestion in Stu's tone and trying to keep himself from reacting, not only because of his normal reactions, but he was aware that if he let himself get too wound up by them, making sure he was behind her wouldn't help, those little black tendrils she could see would start creeping forward. "So, you're after evidence of crime are you? Really? See, can't help you out much there. I mean, he was a miserable bastard and all at times, but he wasn't really that bad. But, by the sounds of it you might have some better stories for us. Since you know him so well and all - what's he like?" he asked, deflecting the conversation.

"You know, I keep hearing that miserable bastard thing...I don't see it." Lullaby said, laughing a little. "Or I don't know, maybe I just make it difficult to be sullen around or something, but he's not really like that, or not that I think. Not to me, I suppose. So what's he like...hmmmmm. Heeee's interesting, and intelligent and not a drama queening attention whore which is a plus, really, and let's see. He's sweet, and awesome and funny...he's my best friend, so...general amounts of 'really great' would suffice. And if he is ever being quiet and broody I usually make a point of getting him out of that." she added.

"Dean--" Stu started. "Either you have had a personality transplant, or you've really done one on her! Good one mate! Sounds like we don't even need to talk you up that much, you've already got that done! So why aren't you with her again?"

Dean laughed a little at that - more at Thia's summary than Stu's commentary. "Yeah, right - whatever. Thing you need to know about Thia - she's like this about everyone," Dean told them, firmly. "She likes to think the best of people."

"No! Oh no way - no, I want to hear more of this 'sweet, awesome and funny' Dean. Cos, really... Okay, I'll give you the 'funny'. But tips for getting him out of being a miserable git would be great," Andy told her, cheerfully.

Lullaby gave Dean a smirky Look. "And Dean here likes to discount anything nice I say about him on principal." She said, watching his eyes while she said it. Then she looked back at the screen. "Which is just crap, really, and one day? I plan to break him of the habit. So far, it's been impossible, but I'm tenacious." she nodded her head to firm the point. "And you know, I'm not actually sure what I do? Make him laugh, generally annoy him until he stops brooding. Get him to do something else. That's kinda it, really. Maybe I just distract him out of it." she said thoughtfully. Like with stars and such. Only they needed to not have arguments when doing that kind of thing. That would make it more effective. She wasn't sharing that though.

"Oh yeah, I just bet she can distract you, can't she mate?" Stu leered off-screen. "You ever held out? Found out just how far she'd go? Does she do this, trying to get you to stop brooding? Climb up into your lap like that? Does she wiggle all around? Bet that's nice, isn't it? Bet..." Dean broke it off at that - suddenly not so convinced that his friends would be good about things as he sat up, coughing and trying to hide the look on his face.

Lullaby was abruptly dislodged and she moved, hopping up and looking at him, immediately concerned. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked, actually completely putting the people on screen on ignore for a second as she leaned over him, propping her hand on the arm of the chair.

"Yeah, yeah - I'm fine. I - don't suppose I could have a glass of water could I?" he asked, looking up at her, needing to get her out of the room for a minute so he could have a little chat with his so-called friends.

"Yeah, of course." she said, and immediately hurried off to get him one, since this was Lullaby, and she did that kind of thing without question.

Dean pulled his chair closer to the monitor and got the feed back up again. "Okay - what the fuck do you guys think you're playing at?" he asked, without pause - he didn't have long, after all.

Stu laughed. "What?! Actually I was wondering the same with you--seriously, what's the deal? Why are you not with her? From the look of you two--" he broke that off, still laughing.

"The deal? You know what the deal is - we're just friends. That's... That's nothing, she's just - she's like that with everyone, okay? She's just... cuddly..." Dean averred.

"Yeah, obviously - very cuddly. I could do with some cuddly like that," Andy grinned. "Because, honestly, mate - if you're not going after that? I could be on a plane, you know..."

"Fuck off," Dean told him, and this time he there was a hint of bitter in his tone. Andy was the guy who always got the girl and though it had never come up between them or got in the way of friendships, it wouldn't be the first time that Andy went off with a girl Dean had had his eye on.

"Ooh. A little protective there?" Stu asked. "But--cuddly or not, do you not see how she's being with you? Just watching her and you is uncharted territory. Wait...she had a boyfriend, yes? Bet you could still snag her." he said. "A girl snuggles like that with someone else who isn't her boyfriend, she's probably missing something from the other guy."

"Get lost," Dean told them, defensively. "Firstly - she's not that kind of girl. And secondly, they broke up. But anyway, she's not..."

"Wait - they broke up?" Andy interrupted. "What? When? This is recent, right? Mate - you know, this is your chance. Shoulder to cry on and she obviously doesn't have any issues at all leaning on you. All it'd take is the right moves and... Really, easy as that. Hell, she thinks you're 'sweet' - you could play the emotional card. Never saw you as being able to do that, but obviously she brings things out in you..." he suggested.

"Who broke up with who?" Stu asked. "Because depending which, there's a better angle to play. The crying shoulder thing works, definitely if she was broken up with, but if she broke up with him then you just have to find out what her boyfriend was screwing up on with her and prove that you won't do the same thing! Show her just how much you can support and...do whatever it is she needs and it's a given."

"She broke up with him and we're still not going there," he hissed as he heard the bells come back up the stairs. "So shut up, or I'm gonna have to find a reason to end this. She's back," he said, turning round as Thia entered the room and standing, crossing away from the computer and taking the water from her. "Thanks," he told her, taking a sip.

She stopped and looked up at him. "...you okay?" she asked. She was watching him with concern, sort of half wondering if she thought he might be upset about something, or things were normal, just...weird. She also kind of wondered if there was something she was missing going on, or if she was being paranoid. "If you wanna catch up with them for a while and stuff, I can go find something else to do..." she offered.

"No, I'm fine - they were just being idiots, that's all," he told her, going for a modicum of truth. "They have the maturity of five year olds, it's nothing, really."

"So they're typical teenage boys then?" Lullaby said, smiling at him. She didn't think her voice was loud enough to get picked up by the mic. "You sure you're okay?" she asked hesitantly, reaching out to snag one of his hands. She'd sort of forgotten her vows again for the moment. They'd kick back in, today just felt different.

"I can deal with my friends, Thia," he told her. "I've known them for a long time, it's all good," he added, not going into detail about what they'd been teasing about. He figured she could probably work something out and if he didn't put words to it, then he wouldn't be telling her anything she couldn't imagine and he wouldn't slip up.

She didn't ask, knowing that they were still over there, waiting for them to come back and all, so she nodded. "Well if they get too idiotic, I'll have to threaten to one day throw a rock at them." she said, giving him a little smile. Then she leaned back, tugging him back over towards the computer. "Back." she said when she was back in the camera's view, and she waved, while she waited for Dean to sit down again.

Dean hadn't switched sound off whilst he'd been gone and the two at the other end of the line had been able to hear voices in the background, but not pick up what had actually been said. "Feeling better Conway?" Stu asked, innocently as they watched Dean sit down again. "Nice water?"

"Yeah, much better - thanks," Dean told them as he settled himself back down and looked up to Thia, hoping that his friends had got the very firm message.

Lullaby waited then sat back down on his lap, getting comfortable again, which wasn't difficult. "Okay! So--back, and if you guys keep messing with him, I swear I'm going to be forced to hunt you down and throw sharp, pointy rocks at you. You won't even see it coming, it'll just be out of the blue one day--whack!--right in the back of the head." she said with a sweet smile. "Where were we again?"

That threw them. "You - you told her?" Stu asked, looking a little wide eyed at that. He obviously hadn't expected that at all.

"No, I'm just not an idiot, that's all." Lullaby said, pretty much putting it together right that second, but hey, no one needed to know that she'd just now figured it out. "So, points for not playing innocent, Stu, but don't think I can't put together that you were probably saying things where I couldn't read it." she said. "So, play nice, boys." she said firmly, smirking a bit at the webcam.

Dean actually grinned behind her head. "She's not stupid, you know," he agreed, really fucking thankful that she'd interrupted with that and hopefully deflected away from what was potentially being told. "So, right, where were we...." Dean said, getting the conversation back on track.

After a long, amusing sort of conversation with the boys, it was finally time for them to go to bed, and she was betting Dean's lap needed a break too, even if they'd shifted around a few times during. So, she slid off of his lap to flop on the floor, stretching. "That was fun." she said, looking up at him with a grin. There, see? They were totally capable of having an activity that didn't dissolve into badness of some description.

Fun and they'd managed to get through it without anymore games from his friends, for which Dean was incredibly grateful. "Glad you enjoyed it," he said, staying where he was, sat in the desk chair, relaxed back.

Lullaby propped her feet on the wall, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle, arms stretched above her head before she curled them beneath it to pillow it. "I did, thank you." she said. "They're interesting. I'd love to see the three of you all in the same room sometime. Just kinda be a fly on the wall in that room, see how you all sort of get along and everything. It's a little hard to picture you hanging out with guys that are quite that...." she paused, attempting to find a word.

Dean looked at her, puzzled. "Quite that what?" he asked her, having no idea what she was going for, but intrigued about her opinion on his friends. They'd all grown up together, they were just who they were, Dean had never really stopped to think about it.

"Attention-getting?" she suggested, thinking that was the best way of putting it that didn't sound like she was calling them attention whores. "They're both really dynamic, and sort of just have that feel about them? That they're used to people paying a lot of attention to them and they're all for that. But you aren't like that at all. You're someone who kind of makes a point not to draw attention." she said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, they've always been like that," Dean agreed with a shrug. "Remember when I described myself as an 'also ran'? Well, welcome to Andy and Stu. They're great guys though," he added, ready to defend his friends, although he didn't yet sound defensive in the slightest.

"They seem like it." she said, smiling. "I'd just like to see you all together sometime, it'd be fun. This is of course, strange, because I'd be there? And then I wouldn't get to see how you guys behave when I'm not there? Because I'm all girl like and I am aware that boys behave a lot differently when there's a female around than they do if it's just them. Unless I didn't count. But you have to work up to not counting a lot of the time, and I don't think I'd have the time to do it." Then she looked at him again, eyes on his for a long moment. "Maybe you shouldn't have been an 'also ran'." She'd liked the two. Though she understood a bit better now what he'd meant with that. Those two? Would overshadow someone as reserved as Dean in social situations. They'd take the fore, draw the attention, and people would be concerned with what they were doing as opposed to noticing what Dean was. Especially if since he kept being referred to as miserable...he had probably been really quiet.

"Well, maybe one day we can organise something," Dean suggested, lightly, pushing away the 'over my dead body' thought of allowing Andy anywhere near Thia. Stu he wasn't so worried about, but Andy - no way, not at all. "And yeah, you are, in fact, a girl - and sorry, but, you count," he told her with a shrug, pulling a face.

She laughed a little. "You told me that we had to go to England someday anyways. So, we can just go there, hang out with your friends, go see castles. I can be that dumb american chick that thinks everything is fascinating when it's really just normal for you guys?" she asked. "Though I've been told everyone else hates americans so I could say I'm from Canada. I kinda have the crazy accent anyways and can use the word 'eh' properly in a sentence." she continued. "And yeah, I count, I'm sure you boys would have to run off and be not around me for a bit just to do guy-things that you can't do when there's a girl around. But I'm tough, I could wander, look at pretty things, try to find the random dead sheep you were telling me about..."

"I'm sure you could make it fascinating again for me," Dean allowed, magnanimously, ignoring the twitch at the back of his mind over the ID papers. Was that back on track again? They'd not really finished talking about it, now everything else had got in the way and there was talk of needing more money for hunters and he wasn't thinking about that, because this evening was all being about normal things and not the impending doom-ness that was going around. "And if I took you to England, I'm not going to be ditching you to run off with my friends, you know."

"Yeah? I dunno, you know me. I'm bouncy and get excitable about things, I'm sure there'd be things that you just had to roll your eyes at me about." Lullaby said playfully. "And come on, you'd have to. It'd be silly of you not to, and beyond that a total obligation, because you haven't seen them in ages and everything. I'm sure there'd be...I dunno. Going out and doing things you used to do and all that stuff. I am positive there are tours I could take that would keep me occupied and would bore you to tears."

"Around Manchester? Doubtful - though, knowing mum, she'd probably take you under her wing and want to go off doing girlie stuff anyway," he told her, shaking his head. "And I don't do shopping, so I can see my mates whilst you go doing... Whatever it is girls do." And, hey, it would keep her away from Andy, so that was good.

Lullaby opened her mouth then shut it again, looking a touch pained for a minute before she just nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good." she said. Her mind was bringing her back to when they'd been on the roof, talking about his family, and one specific bit of information--that he'd told his parents she'd died.

Dean caught the look and frowned, sitting forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "What?" he asked.

She gave him a little bit of a smile, though it had some sadness behind it she was trying to push away. "I could talk to Andy and Stu because you never told them I'd died, but you said you did tell your parents." she told him. "But...it's okay." she added, because she didn't in any way want this to start turning into a sad conversation! They'd agreed. They needed non-traumatic stuff so she wasn't going to be the one to bring everything down.

His own face fell at that - in the moment, he'd managed to forget. It had just been... He looked down at his hands, examining the scabs on his right knuckles. "Yeah, I... I'm sorry," he apologised.

She reached over to poke his knee, then reach up to put her hand over his, covering the scabs so he couldn't keep picking at them. "Don't be sorry--I did, it's fine. I just...when we go I can't meet your family, that's all. I can beeee...staying at some lavish hotel. Or rent a tiny little cottage out in the country--which I don't know if those actually exist? But I'd totally stay there. It'd be great. I'd probably have more luck finding evidence of the random decomposing sheep." She smiled. "And don't pick, if you make it bleed, you know I'll have the first aid kit out again."

"They exist," Dean confirmed, but his tone was subdued. His looked up slightly, his hair falling in his eyes as he did so. "Tiny little cottages we can do," he added, thinking though that they were probably as expensive as lavish hotels though. And that brought him back round to money and everything that he needed to find a way to pay for and couldn't really. Over the last couple of days the world seemed to have got a whole lot more expensive.

She kept her hand lightly grasping his, and didn't say anything for a few long moments. "...you've got a lot on your mind again." she said. There was a little sad smile again. "We can talk about it, or we can try and find something more distracting again." She gave him the option, because well. She couldn't not.

"It's nothing new," he shrugged. "No point bringing you down as well, you know it all already. We said we were going to be avoiding all the crap today so," he shrugged again, not exactly answering one way or the other.

She sat up, looking up at him, and she almost used his knee to rest her chin on, but didn't at the last moment. She was sort of half remembering now that they were meant to not be being close, and she gave his hand the lightest of careful squeezes before she sat back entirely, using his desk to rest her back against. "Yeah, but you're not avoiding it in your head. So, if you wanna discuss something, we can." she said. "It's not like we're not allowed to change our minds ever." She added with a half smile. "Or, we could set a time limit. We have...ten minutes to discuss what's on your mind, and then we go do something else."

"Ten minutes," he agreed. There was another shrug. "I was just thinking money, is all. And, well, the lack of it. Nothing new, but Caleb brought up another option this morning, but that's... More money that we don't have and somehow, I could see Oz and Sophie loaning us money for your ID, but..." he trailed off, hesitant about firmly and unavoidable bringing up the subject of her father.

You said 'us' again. Lullaby put in in her mind, because she couldn't not catch that. However, she didn't bring it up. Because right now, they weren't discussing her issues with that, or her issues at all, they were discussing him-stuff. "But not for..." she made a 'go on' motion with her hand, trying to think about what he was talking about. Then thought she knew. They'd talked about it the other day, before she'd left. It was something she was afraid of. "...are we talking about hunters?" she asked.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, that's what he suggested. Take a step back, let someone else handle it. And I... It seems... But still... Even if we wanted... It just comes back down to money and... Yeah," he said, knowing that was possibly the world's worst attempt at something vaguely resembling an explanation.

Lullaby milled that over, not actually needing him to explain any better than he had. She could fill in the blanks. "...how much to they actually cost?" she asked. "I mean...I know probably 'a lot' but if it isn't astronomical..." She would beg on hands and knees and promise to be a slave til she could pay it back if that's what it took. Or...she'd get really good at her fade abilities and rob a goddamn bank. Anything that didn't involve Dean taking his gun and hunting down her father. That was her goal.

"If it isn't astronomical, I still... I just don't know what their reaction would be if I sat them down and told them what we needed the money for," he admitted. And he wasn't prepared to lie to them about it and just up the price on her ID either. That felt wrong, like a betrayal of trust or something.

Lying about it wouldn't even occur to Lullaby. "Billy said that this is what they do, they deal with things and everything. I'm sure that it wouldn't be the first time anyone's thought about hunters or heard of people working with them or anything. Not that I know where to even start looking for something like that and if we could do this as anonymously as possible I think that would be really really great because just about everyone involved is supernatural in some way and I really don't want anyone getting any bright ideas." she rambled. "But it might be the best, because I just--honestly I don't want anyone here to have to do anything like this, I don't want--it's too much. And no one's too keen on me trying to take care of things myself, Billy made that perfectly clear and so..." she watched his eyes. "It might not hurt to ask. That's all. I can. I...it's my responsibility anyways." Which Dean she thought probably needed to be reminded of.

"What did Billy say to you?" Dean asked, frowning at the way she put that and wondering what exactly had gone on there. Of course, he completely ignored her comment about responsibility.

She hesitated a moment, not sure how to word things or even if she should, because she still felt that twitch. That 'trapped' twitch, and even if it wasn't overwhelming like when he'd first spoken to her about it, it was still...there. "He said if I took off by myself to do anything that people would come after me. Oz would try to track me, and if he couldn't, Maddie would, and if she couldn't, then he'd come find me, and he doesn't exactly have to look. He can just show up and talk to me. I just--" she broke off there, and shook her head. "Doesn't really matter. The point was that they've all dealt with bad things before, and...yeah." Everyone gets a say but me. Only she couldn't say that because it sounded awful even in her own head, and she didn't want to be feeling like that.

"And... Is that a bad thing?" he asked her. "That people give a damn enough to care about what happens to you?" he asked, gently.

She didn't answer him immediately, and she looked back up at him, meeting his eyes. "Dean...we're talking about hunters right now. Not me." she said, voice soft, but she didn't want to get off track here. Besides--she'd started them talking to talk about what was on his mind, not what was still mucking up the works in her own.

"No, we're taking ten minutes to discuss what's on my mind," he corrected. "And right now, what's on my mind is how you feel about that, so spill."

She didn't look necessarily happy with that, but she couldn't argue because that was what they'd set out to do. She just hadn't wanted it to switch over. "It's not a bad thing, I'm glad people care about me. I'm grateful. I appreciate it. But I also feel like everyone's making these decisions, and no one's asking me. I'm supposed to stay here, and if I leave, if I even get anywhere, there's going to be people trying to take me back. It's like I don't have a say." she admitted. "And I've never really been one of those girls who lets other people do her thinking for her." Her voice was still soft, almost gentle, because she didn't want things to go even more badly right now. "I get it...the worry, everything, I just..."

Dean considered this for a moment and then eased himself down off the chair, tucking one leg up behind her as he put his arms around her from the side and pulled her in a little. "Okay," he said, knowing he was as guilty of that as anyone, but for now tucking away all his justifications for his actions. "So - what do you want to do?" he asked her.

She went, sort of half resisting for a second, then figuring that whatever. Really, today as a whole just Didn't Count on that scale of things, so she was going to take it. Though she did wonder how it had happened, considering they'd been talking about what was on his mind, and now somehow the focus was on her. She took a moment to answer, resting her temple against his collarbone. "I don't know. I know that I don't want to sit back, and hide, and have people fight my battles for me. It's not fair, it's not their fight...even though I dunno, from what else Billy was saying, it might be in a weird way but I'm still figuring that part out." She was silent for another few moments. "I think I probably have to face him again sometime." she said, very quietly.

"It's not your fight either," Dean told her. "You didn't ask for any of this any more than we did." He didn't know what else to say to her on that, not really. But he'd give it a go anyway. "And anyhow, even if it's your fight, not... mine - you back your friends up in a fight, that's just what you do."

She noticed he hesitated on saying 'mine'. She wondered if he really did see it as that. His fight. If it wasn't hers, or he didn't think it was hers, did he consider it his? "No, I didn't ask for it. But he's my psychotic asshole of a father. He's here because of me." And for just a second, she stopped to wonder what the living fuck it was about her. No seriously. She'd never been a self centered sort of girl or anything, and so it was a little weird to think about in the context she was, but what was it? Her dad had put some spell on her to make sure she'd never die, and was probably going to be coming for her at some time because in his life he couldn't hit the let go button. That was clear. Hell she'd never even met him and he had kept up with everything. Maybe that could be explained because he was her dad, but she didn't know. And then there was...everyone else. Everyone who knew her right now, except for like..Sean, they were all pulling for her in a way she didn't even know how to describe. So what the fuck made her so goddamn special? She didn't see why. "I do back my friends up. And I'd do the same for you. I still feel like it's not worth it to put you in that position. That place where you might be in danger." She paused. "...do you see it like that? Like it's your fight?" She tilted her head to look up at him finally, searching his eyes.

"You're my friend," he told her, simply and sincerely. "I'll always be there for you. Always."

She had one of those moments then. The ones where she knew that. They weren't something that happened all the time, and really, there were a lot of times where she still thought that he was eventually going to drift from her. Go, live his life in a less insane sort of manner. And how that happened changed up in her head from time to time, though usually it was just a natural thing where he started spending more time with the living. Sometimes it was because he finally figured out that she wasn't worth the trouble, because hello--she really wasn't. Sometimes it was resentment because he tended to self-sacrifice for her. But every once in a while, none of that added up in her head and she just knew it wouldn't go down like that. And if she ever really needed him, he'd be there. End of story. She gave him a little smile, sad beneath it, but soft. "You didn't answer the question." she said. "Unless that is an answer. Yes, by default? Or is it ours?" she asked. What with him continually doing the 'we' and 'us' thing on things. Maybe that was closer to the truth.

"If it's your fight, it's my fight," he told her, before pausing for a moment. "I guess, yeah, that probably makes it ours. Friends, right?" he disclaimered, feeling a little awkward actually having to put words to it like that.

She smiled. "Yeah. Friends." she agreed, nodding once. Then she relaxed again, and drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Still doesn't mean that I like the idea, but...I guess, putting it that way...I can't at all say that if things were reversed that I'd be any more reasonable about things. So. Yeah." Because she wouldn't be. Therefore, she guessed she'd have to make allowances.

"Exactly," he said, drawing back a little from her, not quite letting her go, but still feeling awkward enough in the moment to need a little bit of space. "And, you know, if I didn't feel like you were just going to determinedly try and cut me out of the loop and handle things on your own, I might be... We could discuss more things, maybe. And I wouldn't kinda, sorta... Okay, so I've been doing the same as you," he admitted.

"Yeah...pretty much." Lullaby said. "Which is part of what I was talking about earlier, I guess." she said. When he drew back, she sat up properly, sort of moving back again to lean against the desk instead of him--though she didn't completely alter her position. she was still there with him, just not leaning on him. "We kind of do the same things, and that's not really workin out the best for us so let's try to start doing it differently. Talking to each other more maybe..." she gave a rueful little half smile at that. "Because we're so bad at talking to each other." she said and rolled her eyes. "But I guess not leave things out or just...you get what I'm saying."

He was grateful when she moved away, though that didn't show on his face as he leaned back, not moving his legs, but resting his torso back on his elbows as he looked at her. "Yeah, cos we never talk or anything," he teased, a smile playing over his lips for an instant as his eyes sparkled with humour. "But yeah, I get what you mean - we should listen once in a while as well, maybe?" he suggested.

"Never! I swear, you wouldn't even think we were friends sometimes, with as long as things go between us without speaking. I mean...sometimes? There are hours." She mock-gasped, hand lighting on her chest. She smirked back at him, and was glad she got a smile for a second. She liked when he smiled. He just didn't do it that much. So it was nice to see. "And yeah...listening, that could help a lot." she agreed. She thought they were both equally as guilty on that score too. "So...talking. Listening. Sounds like a plan to me."

"You could have something there," he agreed. "But, I think our ten minutes of serious conversation are up," he added, not sure they were, but it was a natural break, so he figured he should bring it up. "Unless you want a time extension on that? Course, it'll cost you," he pointed out.

Lullaby laughed a little and smirked at him, wrinkling up her nose cutely at him. "Hmmmm. What would it cost me?" she asked. Really? She wasn't necessarily looking to extend the time limit, but she absolutely could not in any way turn down something when put like that. So she had to know what he'd say. "If it involves window washing? I'm totally not doing it." she said. "Or anything involving weasels."

"Weasels?" Dean laughed, wondering where the hell that came from. "So - you have something against weasels do you? And, if you do - I wanna know. Because there'd be a story behind that one. Unless you're just being totally random, which I wouldn't put past you."

"They cannot be trusted. They could be rabid, and I saw Who Framed Roger Rabbit. They were henchmen with tommyguns so don't you tell me not to hold a deep seeded mental trauma from the horror of weasels." she said right back, crossing her arms and looking huffy, even if she was putting it on, entirely. "And you totally didn't answer me. What would it cost me?" she asked. "If I wanted to do that." Which she didn't. But still. It was kind of entertaining, he'd never told her anything would cost her before. And she was willing to bet that he didn't actually have anything in mind? But that he might come up with something on the fly.

He had a moment there were he fully and totally appreciated the silliness that was Thia at times and he got so lost in it for a few that he almost lost track of what they were talking about, until he caught himself and sat up, covering the 'shit, wasn't meant to be doing that' of it all. "Oh, I was just going to make you choose the subject, that's all," he told her, looking down a little and reaching up to rub the back of his neck.

She giggled a little. "Ahhhh. I see." she said. "Well, I don't really wanna. See, we got off topic there? And there was rabid weasel discussion. Which y'know, I don't think we've had near enough in our time as friends. There are serious topics out there that we haven't covered that we should. Like...." she cast her mind around randomly to latch onto something. "You and I have not discussed our plan for the eventual inevitable zombie apocalypse that may even be brewing as we speak." she said. "So--okay. Quick. Zombies invade Marquette tomorrow. We're talking slow moving, really stupid, attracted to shinies, sounds and brains zombies. What do you do?" she asked, shifting to sit cross legged as she faced him, hands resting on her ankles.

"Well, hey, I can be quiet - I'm probably safe. Kinda lacking in the shinies and brains department," Dean quipped. "Or am I meant to be playing hero here? Would 'shoot them in the head' be a better answer?" he asked her.

She laughed, and shoved at his shoulders. "You are not! We've discussed this! You're all smart! You could probably...become a mad scientist if you really wanted to. You'd have to get crazier hair though..." she said, mussing his, then flicking it back out of his eyes. "It's a requirement for mad scientists. But you could completely start putting your whole schematic-ridden brain to use with creative inventions to stop the zombies. And anyways you're smart. And while you're not a flashy dresser or anything, with bangles and sparkles and everything, you would still in fact, be a target because of your tasty brainmeats. So yeah anyways you're meant to be playing hero. Or not, I guess. It was just the question on what you would do. So...preparations, all that kind of crap."

"Thia, I'm not all smart. You're the smart one - you're just projecting your cleverness onto me," Dean reminded her, confident of that fact. "So, I dunno - anyway, currently my plan for everything is just to do what you say - I'm finding that's a hell of a lot less stressful," he teased.

"When exactly did I get voted in as the smart one?" she asked. "I don't remember there being a vote. And I also maintain that you're very smart. You just don't apply yourself. So whatever, just so you know, when the zombie apocalypse happens I'm going to be expecting you to be holding up your end of things in the brains department, so you should get used to the fact now." she informed him firmly. Then she giggled, and made a cute face at him, narrowing her eyes. "Oh sure, throw that in there, even when we know perfectly well you won't be doing that. Unless you really are, and therefore in keeping with doing what I say, I say you have to come up with a plan." she said. "You've got...a minute---go!" Then she started humming the theme to Jeopardy.

"Oh, so no pressure then," Dean moaned. "Fine - get somewhere, preferably up high, since I'm gathering that these aren't leaping zombies. Failing that, behind a wall of some description, preferably brick, stone - a thick hedge would do, but you don't have them over here like we do back home. Anyway, that done, pick them off. Preferably with something that doesn't make a noise, wouldn't attract more of them. Meanwhile, make sure you've got supplies just in case you get surrounded and... Is my minute up yet?" he asked her.

She laughed. "Technically, I'd been giving you a minute to think." she said with a grin. "But pretty good plan, considering. No, they aren't leaping zombies. Though I've seen hopping zombies in a movie before. It was really weird, about zombies that became vampires, but they were really useless zombies before they became vampires and all they did was like...hop around with their arms straight at their sides. Literally, you could totally hide under a bed, and they'd just hop there trying to get you. I didn't quite understand the fear value of crazy hopping zombies. But back to your plan, pretty sound. I'd say we should set up here, board up the bottom floor as well as possible, move up to the attic, pick them off from there like you said. Then when winter hits, we could go in sled-parties to pick off half frozen ones stuck in the snow."

"Hopping. Zombies." Dean asked, doubtfully, looking every bit as skeptical as he sounded. "Riiiiiiiight - whatever you say, luv, really," he chuckled. "That your plan - hole up and wait for winter then?" he asked her.

In a corner of Lullaby's mind, she caught the pet name. Mostly because he didn't usually call her pet names, she sometimes did with him, but he stuck pretty much to Thia or Thi. "And hey, it's a plan. Take out the ones we can while we can, but really, once winter hits? Those zombies are toast. Because they'll be all stuck! And they're slow anyways, so all we'd need is like...a garden hose and a baseball bat. It'd be great. We'd have...crazy ice zombie statues all winter. It'd be almost like Calvin's snowmen, only really really not." she explained, grinning at him playfully.

"Calvin's snowmen?" Dean asked her, tilting his head to one side a little, glad that they'd decided not to get back on to serious subjects, of any description, really. Randomness and crap like that was lovely, it really, really was.

"...yeah, from Calvin and Hobbes?" she asked. "Have you not been exposed to them?" she asked, blinking at them. "It's a comic strip...it's a little brat kid who does snowmen in various horror positions, all disturbing-like." she explained. "It's great." she added, thinking it was probably one of those things you had to see.

"Ahh, riiiight - yeah, I've kinda see that, just not a whole lot or anything." Obviously not enough to recgonise it off the bat. "And I didn't know about snowmen. Or the snowmen. Or - obviously you're just going to educate me," he shrugged, okay with this idea.

"Oh I have to, now, oh woefully deprived one." she said, and she propped herself up on her knees to peek over the top of his desk, moving his mouse to kick up the system again. "I am finding you Calvin's snowmen. That's just happening. I could never be able to call myself your best friend if I let this continue a minute longer." she said, bringing up a web browser to start her search. Which brought up a really helpful site entitled 'Calvin and Hobbes Snow Art Gallery'. She grinned, bringing it up, then she sat back, reaching out to grab his arm and pull him over. "View!"

Dean picked himself up off the floor and sat back on the chair, pulling it forward to the desk a little as he scrolled down the page reading the cartoon strips she'd found for him. He was quiet as he did so - there were a lot of them to get through - the silence broken only by the odd chuckle.

Lullaby went back to sitting with her back up against the desk, watching his face as he read through. "The favorite one I remember was the one with the snowman eating a snowcone, and the dead snowman with the icecream scoop in his back." she commented, smiling at him. "So...we'll have those. Only frozen zombies." she continued, as if this made sense. She was aware it was a flawed world view and the like. "It'll be great." she assured him with a sage nod.

"Possibly - though I don't think frozen zombies would be as tasty," Dean commented as he reached the bottom of the page and turned back to her. "Then again, I don't think I've ever heard anyone describe going up against zombies as 'great' either. So you're obviously either weird, or some kind of special," he teased.

"I prefer to think of myself as special." Lullaby said, smiling sweetly at him. "That's what my mom always told me." she added, batting her eyes at him. "But y'know, we can go with weird, if you want. I'd accept that. I've been thinking about it, and I think I'm going to just own up and accept my lot in life as a strange, strange girl." Then she paused. "And just for clarity--nooooo eating the zombies. No petting the zombies, no feeding the zombies, no taunting the zombies, and definitely no consuming the zombies, even if properly cooked."

Dean looked at her for a moment, then caught himself. "I think I'm definitely going to have to go with weird," he told her. He had to stop doing that, he really did. Really, really, really. He looked back at the screen, to check whether there weren't some more than he hadn't read. Damn, he was at the bottom of the page. Arse. He looked back at her. "Right - zombies are not food. Got it."

"Good! See? There's that thing again about following what I say. It's healthy, too!" She beamed at him. She almost went off on another track, something about how if he didn't have her around he'd be living a life full of crazy zombie eating, inexposure to really cool things, and weird choices, but couldn't actually bring herself to say it. It was kind of too close to too many things that involved trauma. Therefore...she just wasn't. She shoved the thoughts away entirely.

"Ahhh, but this is me, remember - I don't eat anyway," Dean pointed out, leaning back in the chair and turning toward her a little more, crossing his arms across his chest as he looked down.

Lullaby made a face at him and crossed her arms too, eyes narrowing. "Yes, but you've promised me that sometimes you will. So there. Plus. There's only one of us in the room that doesn't actually need people-food." Technically, I can just feed off of you. Wow, was she ever not saying that ever. She was reminded again that the first thing with actual caloric value she'd had since her death was the soda Billy had given her. Weird. And then later she'd had to pee. Which was also weird, because she'd kind of gotten used to just...not having to do that anymore, and it wasn't weird until she did again, which made her think about it, and how she hadn't really thought about that. And now her mind was going in pointless circles, but at least it was still steadfastly ignoring all the badness that lurked in the back of her mind.

"Okay, so maybe that was a mild exaggeration - I had lunch today. And a can of coke - both of which I finished," he told her. He'd been a little surprised at that actually. He still hadn't really been hungry, but he hadn't been forcing the food down either, like he normally had to and he didn't feel sick at all either.

"You did?" Lullaby asked, sitting up straighter, her arms uncrossing again to rest lightly on her thighs. "Awesome!" Which might have been a little excitable about just hearing he'd eaten something, but she knew how much it was like pulling teeth to get him to, so hearing he'd done it and on his own and everything (in theory, Sophie could have insisted), was encouraging. And she did as a matter of fact, really honest to god worry about that with him. It just wasn't good, and she wished it would go away.

"Yeah, it's... Well, I promised you I would," he reminded her. His mind tried to go back toward the badness, pointing out that he'd managed to go out and kill things and then come home and... He wrenched his thought processes off that track, he didn't want to go back there, not again, not when it had been decided that he didn't have to. Ever.

"Yeah. You did." Lullaby agreed, giving him a soft smile. She appreciated that. Then she got up, walked behind the chair and gave him a hug from behind. It was random, she knew, or he'd probably think so, but she just--well, she wasn't currently talking herself out of it. So whatever. This was concentrate-on-making-Dean-feel-better day, and she was still fully in that mode. She'd picked the position because it was slightly less obtrusive. Mainly with the fact that there was a chair in the way and stuff, but still.

He rolled his head round to look up at her - only to realise she was right there, which gave him pause and instigated another inner lecture of epic proportions. He knew he should say something, but words were failing him right now. And then there was the whole 'do I look away or not' of it all. Because he should, but then again, she'd notice, because she always did. And she wouldn't be thinking along the same lines as he was right now and him looking at her was perfectly normal and everything and... He cut the circular arguments off and gave her a little smile instead, shrugging slightly, his arms still crossed over his chest.

She gave him a finally little squeeze, smiling back at him before she let him go, stepping back. "Let's go downstairs and find a movie to watch." she suggested. "I don't care what it is, you can pick, or we can close our eyes, and pick something at total random, and then see if we can actually sit through it." she added. And so long as it had a subtitles track, she would be good. But she still thought they should do something fun, or something, and she knew with her her mind kept trying to drift back into the sea of badness. If she knew him--his was too. Therefore, Something Distracting. "Or we can play video games...I know Oz has a lot of them downstairs." That could be distracting as well as something that may require thought.

He was relieved when she stepped back and let him go. Distance was good right now, at least until he could get his mind back to a rational, normal, non-f