Rollercoaster go Down

Who: Dean and Thia
Where: Dean's house
When: Mid-Afternoon

Lullaby had her shirt tugged up, it full of weird little charms. Supposedly, they were white magicked. If that was a word. Well it was now, she'd put it into the collective unconscious. Either way, they were instructed--and by instructed, Lullaby meant 'told to in no uncertain terms', to put the ones with feathers in every window in the house, and the ones with beads and stuff in every doorframe. It was a big house. She had a lot of charms. But when dead witches who are suddenly not so dead tell you to do these things with a tone of authority--you do them. Thus, she and Dean were wandering around attempting to catch all of them. They had the first floor done, so that was good. Now they were on to the second. Which meant they weren't in earshot anymore of Maddie or Billy, and it gave Lullaby a moment to gush. "Oh my god this whole thing is so romantic." she finally said, like she'd been waiting to say it for hours now.

Dean had taken a while to really catch up with what the fuck was going on - like, seriously. Because he'd met Maddie before, she'd manifested when he was around, especially up at the mine. And then, now, here - she was here and apparently staying and alive and how did that happen anyway? Of course, he realised that possibly he was the worst person to be asking that question, given that he was trailing round after a girl whose funeral he'd gone to a week and a half ago - but that was different. There was a reason for that. Maddie... Yeah, he was still stuck on this one. If was a good job he hadn't been asked told to go and do something that required more brains, because he didn't think he had them at the moment - they'd been well and truly blown away by today's events. When Thia spoke, Dean wasn't really listening - not that that stopped him from hearing her - and he turned to her with a 'huh?' look on his face.

Lullaby handed him one of the beaded charms, since he was taller than she was, and could reach the doorframes better, and she started to put a feathered one on a hall windowframe. "Maddie coming back, and with Billy and everything--Dean, are you okay? You seem really kinda...distracted." she said. She'd of course noted that he hadn't said anything much while they'd been downstairs, though she'd chalked it up to the same thing that was going on with her, which was wanting to talk about people but not wanting to be rude, and having to wait until you were elsewhere to actually start in. With the look he was currently giving her, however, she was rethinking that little assessment.

Dean attached the beaded charm to the doorway, like he'd done on every other one so far - she'd hand him one, he'd attach. No brain required. "Erm, yeah, I... Does this not seem... I mean hell, ghost coming back from the dead. Not exactly a daily occurrence or anything and... And all you're, what you're... you just think it's romantic?" Dean asked, confused, trying to phrase that in a non-offensive way.

There was staring going on. She arched an eyebrow, then crossed over to him to peer at him. She was tired, but she wasn't that damn tired. "Sweetheart," Lullaby started, sounding like she was talking to a small child. "You were the one who pointed out to me that this stuff was normal for you, remember? Plus, I died like...a week ago and I'm hanging out with you right now." she added. She didn't mention that she'd also died again the other day. That didn't count. That wasn't her first death. "So...yeah, but I mean, it's happened before and everything. So..." she shrugged. "It's romantic. Billy and Maddie can finally be together and stuff. Like a real couple instead of only having like a couple of minutes a day and..." she sighed. It was an 'I'm sixteen and a hopeless romantic' sort of sigh. "It's just romantic."

"That's different - this is different. This is... I don't know what this is. Don't you think it's a little... It's confusing and unexpected is what this is! And... when did you become such a girl?" he asked her, which probably wasn't the best way to put it and he knew it wasn't that she hadn't be girlie before - what with the teddybear and the hugging and squeeing and everything of it all, but still. This was over and above - with the sighs and the... She'd be giggling in a minute.

He got a Look for that, and she very nearly put a hand on her hip and tapped her foot and everything. Her posture managed to come off like that, regardless of the fact that she didn't get to toe-tap. "If you totally haven't noticed during the course of our friendship, Dean, I am a female. I have girl parts and everything, and sure, they're not very well pronounced and all, but they do in fact exist. I'm sure you'd have noticed by now, but it appears you're oblivious. Anyways. News flash, I am a girl. And as a girl, I'm entitled to occasionally being girl like. And besides! What's not more romantic than two people who fell in love then couldn't be together but stayed together anyways, and now they can be together again? It's like...stupid movie bullshit fate! Only not, because she's downstairs, I think ordering Oz around. But not the point! And anyways, how is this different? Yes, it's confusing and unexpected, but I dare say no one really expected me to show back up either. Least of all me."

Dean wasn't, in fact, oblivious to Thia's status as a female - but he was fine with her thinking that she was. So incredibly fine - but that hadn't been his point anyway. He knew she was a girl, he'd just not seen her act quite so girlish before. It was a bit of a shock. "I never really thought about romance stuff," he told her. "And it's different because, well, it's different. Maddie's been around for ages as a ghost. That's what she is. - it's not like you died and then you and Joshua carried on with you being ghostly and then you came back. It's... Look, it's just different, okay?"

"I don't really see how, but even so. Say it is. Still...it's a good thing, right? Are you really that weirded out by it?" she asked, and she eyed him then for a moment, head tilting to the side as she regarded him. It was weird seeing him like this. Like...honestly thrown when he pretty much put up with every weirdness she had to offer since she'd come back. So it was decidedly odd for her to suddenly come up against a wall of 'wooaaaah there, this is fucked'.

"No, yes - I... Don't know, maybe? Don't you think it's at all, well, bizarre? Or, not, but, just... I'm having trouble getting my head round it all, I guess," he admitted. And she just seemed to be taking it in her stride, which was odd for him.

"...I guess, but like I said, not really that strange. It's happened before and stuff, so it would stand to reason that it could again, right?" Lullaby said, and she handed him another beaded charm, basically for the sole purpose of giving him something to do for a second. "So...weird, yes, but totally out of the blue unheard of, not really, considering."

He reached for the bead, but then paused, hand hovering over it as he frowned over what she was saying. "It happened before?" he asked her, looking a little blank. "What - are you comparing this to you again?"

Lullaby stared again. Then blinked. "Nooooo, I'm talking about when they got together in the first place..." she said slowly, looking at Dean like he was a nutter. It quite simply never occurred to her that he wouldn't know all of this stuff. So that bit didn't even cross her mind!

The blank look remained in place, with the addition of a cocked eyebrow as the expression slowly turned to questioning. "I'm.... missing something here, aren't I?" Dean asked, slowly.

Now there was wide eyed blinking. "I um--" she started, then she leaned closer to him, peering at him like he might be some alien pod person and she could tell by staring into his eyes long enough. He didn't seem like an alien sent to...confuse her. Because really that's all he was doing and if he were really a pod person, he should be plotting imminent doom. Or something. "Do you um...do you totally not at all know what I'm talking about?" she asked.

"No, Thia - I don't know what you're talking about. See this?" he asked, pointing at his face. "This is my 'what the fuck are you blathering on about?' look. It's called confusion and lack of knowledge. So, why don't you be really nice and fill me in with whatever it is that I'm obviously missing out on here?"

She had to take a moment to stare at him, wide eyed for a second. "How can you not know this?" she cried, then grabbed his arm, and dragged him into the nearest room they were going to be charming, and she handed him some of said charms to start putting on the windows in Oz and Sophie's room. She also shut the door behind them, just in case Billy wandered upstairs or something, she still didn't want to be caught talking about them. "You know these people! I've only like--like for a few days! I never even met Billy til the other one when I healed him, and I know what happened, how can you not? It all ties in with like, what happened back in your cousin's old town, they were all there, and she was a ghost and he can see her cuz of what he is and they were friends then she was back to life--do you seriously not at all know any of this?"

Dean took the charms, but didn't do anything with them as he tried to keep up with what she was saying. "No, I... I actually don't really know what went on in their old town," he admitted to her, running the end of a feather between his fingers. He didn't - any of it. Not just Billy and Maddie, he didn't know Oz and Sophie's story either - but for very different reasons. What had happened to Sophie in Colorado had been very much something that the family Did Not Talk About. And he'd just grown up used to that - it didn't make for suddenly launching into getting the whole story once he arrived here. "And yeah, I know Billy, but... Only cos he comes round for dinner and stuff - it's not like we've sat and had massive heart to hearts. Which... apparently you've done?" he asked her.

Lullaby hooked one of the feather charms on a window, and turned her attention back to Dean again immediately. "Yeah, yesterday." she said. "I was downstairs making a couple of chokers, and he asked if I wanted help. Then we just got to talking, and he told me all about Maddie and how he got together with her...which um. That's how. This happened before, and they'd been friends, then fell in love when she was alive again. It's really kinda..y'know. Tragic, but beautiful in that way that I'm sure you're going to roll your eyes at me again for? But whatever, it was a nice story. And now apparently she's back, so they can be together again." she said. "...actually, yesterday was story day for me all over. I um. Got up early." As in she hadn't slept. But technically, she had laid down, and then rose early. "And I had a really long talk with Sophie too, about what happened with her, and Oz and their old town and stuff. Though I think she kinda feels better about me now that we've talked." she added.

"You know what happened?" Dean asked her, before he could stop himself. He couldn't help but feel curious, but at the same time, he felt bad for that, given that he'd been ten years old when Sophie came back from the US and he'd been fairly indoctrinated since not to be curious about it at all. Which, obviously, hadn't entirely worked. So, curiosity laced with guilt, and Dean turned and headed off to the window at the far side of the room to place charms there, covering for the question.

Lullaby blinked and again was looking at Dean strangely. Though this time, it had to do with total weird factor of him not knowing what happened--and the fact that he was giving off faint bits of lines like Sophie had when she'd been telling the story. She needed to figure this shit out. She put another charm on a window, and looked back at Dean. "Yeah, we talked, and she told me. We've both kinda...had our lives totally altered and derailed by magic, I guess she wanted to help me understand why she was against it, and I dunno. We have a lot in common, I suppose. It was really nice. You really don't know? Um." she totally didn't know what to say to that. Besides what flooded out of her mouth. "How do you not know? This is your family and stuff! It was all major huge amounts of crazy badness laced with possibly traumatic goodness! Which I'm fairly sure wasn't a term two seconds ago, and totally makes no sense, but it's true! Did you just never ask? Didn't you ever want to know?" She asked. She wasn't being confrontational, she was sounding massively surprised, like she couldn't quite latch onto that fact. She thought at times he knew her better than she knew herself, and yet he didn't know the most defining factors in the people he lived with's lives? That was...really insanely strange for her.

Dean half turned back to her as she started talking, the way he always did without even thinking about it. And as she finished, he sat, sinking down onto the window seat, going back to playing with the end of the feather charm he had. "It was... Kinda a thing we didn't talk about. In our family. My Aunt Mary would get really weird about it and mum... Yeah, we didn't talk about it. They came back from the States, settled in and just... I was ten, I got told how it'd be and it was understood that if I broke that then there'd be hell to pay. And then Sophie disappeared back to here a few years ago and it kinda got worse," he explained.

Lullaby frowned as she watched him sit down, and then wound up walking over and sitting on the other end of the seat with him. She sat indian style, facing him, and she let the charms down onto the seat between them. She watched him as she was thinking about what that had to be like. One thing Lullaby didn't have, was family. She'd had her mom and her stepdad, and she didn't have aunts or uncles or anything. And her real dad...well he was a psychopathic murdering fuckhead, now wasn't he? Yes, yes he was. So she didn't even want to know if there was anyone else there. But she was picturing little bitty Dean, getting told not to talk about things. Obviously to the point where even after he got here as a totally free-thinking teenager, it didn't occur to him to ask. Wow. That was some repression she was having a bit of a time wrapping her head around, and it gave her all new things to think about in regards to Dean and Sophie both. Though it also made her wonder why he'd gotten to know her so well, when obviously he hadn't tried to get to know his own cousin. Or even her ....husband? Kinda? Her man. "Sounds...stifling." she said finally. "I could kinda...give you the short short version, like I did with Billy and Maddie's story." she offered.

"I guess I didn't think about it that way - and it gets to a stage where it's been so long that suddenly turning round and saying 'by the way, what did happen?' would be weird." Plus, he didn't talk so much to Oz and Sophie. Or he hadn't - his relationship with Oz had been coming on in leaps and bounds since he'd become more settled, but still. They were his guardians, not his friends. It was different. He wondered if Thia would actually understand that if he tried to explain it - possibly not. Then again, maybe she would. "Look, it's not the same for you. Oz and Sophie, they're my guardians here. I can't just... Up and go poking into their business. It doesn't work like that." It was like the other day, when Oz had been avoiding. Except, well, then the guy had given him permission to ask, hadn't he? So maybe it did work like that. He didn't know. Shit.

"I dunno. I mean..." Lullaby paused as she really thought out what she was going to say, and she absently started to play around with one of the feather charms too. "They are your guardians. And they've had a really full, varied, weird, sometimes traumatic life. It makes them who they are. And they're here to help you with your weird, and keep you safe, and everything that goes with that. And talking helps with that. I mean, there's a lot that happened to them. I think..." She paused again, looking thoughtful. "I think it sort of touches everything they are now. Or that's the impression I get from Sophie. Like, everything can be threaded back to one series of events, and that cracked the world for them. And that's kind of important. I mean...if Sophie and I hadn't talked, and we hadn't shared stuff, I'm pretty sure that she'd still be really really uncomfortable around me, and I'd feel bad every time I walked into the room and made her feel that way. Maybe you need to know. If for no other reason, than to know them as people and not just your guardians. Because they're not just that. If that makes any sense."

Dean considered this. "Okay, so tell me," he said, eventually, leaning back against the wall, sitting sideways on the window seat, facing her as he drew a knee up and rested his arms on it.

She considered, then thought, twirling her finger around and around one of the feathers. "Okay, it all started when they were in high school. Oz was um. Fifteen, Sophie said, and she was sixteen. And they met and they were friends and that was all fine, and then they both got themselves into the school play. It was Romeo and Juliet, which is very important to the story. Anyways, I guess some spell got cast over the play--the teacher that was doing it, I think she said? But she did that, and that meant everyone sort of became their characters. Which meant Sophie was suddenly Juliet, and Oz was Romeo. And other people were their parts, and so on and so forth. But she said the real problem was not only where they their characters, they all felt compelled to follow out the events of the play. And I don't know how much you know about the play, but um...there was a lot of death in there."

"Yeah, I know Romeo and Juliet - they made us study it last year, but... Huh? Sorry, I... think I'm missing something." That seemed to be a given here today. It was disorientating. "They... became their characters?"

"Yeah, like, she thought she was Juliet, and he thought he was Romeo." Lullaby explained. "And we're talking they followed the play, and I guess Oz almost killed his best friend, but was stopped. And they were following the play out completely, so they found a way to kind of get married. She said they were too young, so they had to find a different way to accomplish it, but it wound up being a binding spell. She says it's how she can control Oz's werewolf and all that. And I guess she was in the hospital after trying to OD, because that's where the play went. Obviously, she was fine, and the play-spell got broken, but there was a whole lot of damage done." She really felt like she shouldn't be telling this story, and like she was probably missing out vital bits, but she was doing her best.

"Sophie tried to kill herself?" Dean asked, wide-eyed. That... actually made sense as he recalled a half-overheard conversation between his mum and his aunt once. "I think I knew that - not knew knew, but I heard people talking and... Yeah. That makes sense now. About Sophie having been in hospital and the bad influence - which was Oz. Aunt Mary really doesn't like him. At all. And, yeah - with that, I could see why if she doesn't know the whole story."

"Well, Juliet did. Sophie wasn't really in the driver's seat as far as I understood." Lullaby said. "She had to deal with the consequences though." she added. "She didn't tell me much about the family response stuff. Mostly just like...what happened with her and Oz. And the spell thing. I guess Oz was all fine with it, but she didn't know if it was real or not, the feelings she had, and she kinda freaked." Which, Lullaby could understand. "And then vampires hit town and made everything worse, and she went back home. And I know I'm missing major stuff in there, so you should really talk to them about it, but that's kind of the basics." she said. "As far as I was told, anyways."

"I knew there was something fairly intense in there - there had to be. But, yeah, okay, that's... bizarre. Really, really bizarre. Maybe I'll ask," he added, not committing to that. It'd feel awkward to him, just coming out and asking out of the blue. But maybe if he could find a way in, he'd do it. Maybe.

"You could always ask Oz." Lullaby suggested. "At least then it might be less weird for you since you were told not to ask Sophie about it or anything, or weren't meant to talk about it in regards to her, but they just don't like him, so..." she shrugged. "I dunno. I think it's just...important. And I know it made me feel a whole lot better about pretty much everything going on with me. Like I wasn't the only one it happened to, and I know you don't have that in the same way, not to you anyways. Like...you've got your own thing, but it wasn't until around nowish that your life got y'know...derailed." She gave a little rueful look there. She knew she was a huge part of that. Or, maybe he didn't feel derailed. Which after a second, she figured she should say. "Unless you don't feel like that and you still feel like everything's gonna even out and you can kind of go back to normal. But I'm...really rambling."

"I don't know how I feel," Dean told her, focusing on that rather than what he may or may not want to discuss with either one of his guardians in the near future. "About what's going to happen or anything else. Or what 'normal' is. I think for me to really get back to there, I'd have to go back to England - and we've had that conversation already, haven't we," he pointed out.

Lullaby had a visible little twitch when he said that, and she nodded. "Yeah. We had that conversation." she agreed. And she hated the idea of him going back home more than she could properly say. She paused though, and watched him, fingers finally stilling on the feather charm. "Do you ever think about it though? Like just...going back home and leaving all this insanity and trauma behind? In a purely just 'hey, maybe it'd be cool not to be worrying about if I'll be alive tomorrow' sort of manner."

"Sometimes," Dean admitted. "Not seriously, but I have moments when I think that I could just be playing footie with my mates in the park, rather than hiding from vampires. I did last night a bit - it's worse, when they're not around. The waiting, patrolling round the house in the dark, knowing that maybe the next minute we'd be under attack again. Gives you far too much time to think," he told her. And, to him anyway, it was clear that he was only talking about the events with the vampires. Not her, not her first death, or her being a fade, none of that. He was including the issues stemming from her second death, but that he wrapped up with the vampires rather than relating it directly to her.

She caught that he wasn't talking about her, and appreciated it. She did make a little face though and nodded. "I agree. It's worse when it's nothing. Like...I was watching a little bit of tv earlier and stuff and there's still all this badness going on, but we haven't had to deal with it, and it's like waiting for the axe to fall. Which is just brutal, I'd rather have something to actively deal with than a big flaming 'what if' or standing around going 'any time now, and the badness is going to start'." If she wasn't quite as tired as she was, she probably would be complaining of her nerves being shot. She looked at him for a long moment and gave him a little half smile. It was tired, but genuine. "Your life would be reaaaally really different right now if you went back. Think if you did it would be different? Or could you step back into your old life and pick back up where you left off?" She was attempting to picture him messing around with friends in a park, being kind of Dean-like. Which reminded her that Sophie's idea of Dean-like and hers were really really different. It made her wonder how his friends back home defined him.

"I'm not sure I could do it - go back and pretend like none of this ever happened, just pick back up again? I mean, I know my friends would still be there and everything, but - it just wouldn't be the same. I.. Like I haven't talked to any of them since, well, since you died. Cos at first I couldn't - I didn't know what to say. And then everything changed and... My life, back home - I couldn't go back to that. Not knowing what I know now. It'd be like you said - waiting around for the axe to drop. Except maybe I'd be waiting for years, not days or weeks. I'd prefer to just deal with things."

"Okay. If you knew for absolute certain that you could pack up, go home, and never have to deal with any badness ever again, would it change your mind? Or are you feeling like you know too much, and because you know it's out there you couldn't pretend it isn't?" she asked curiously. Though she did light up a bit at one thing he said. "You haven't? Well then you can just not tell them I've died! I could still say hi to them one day, they weren't on when you were setting up skype on my computer." Okay, it was possible that her thinking she could talk to random people she had never met before because they were unaware of her abrupt, untimely demise was a bit overbright, but she couldn't help it.

"But I don't know that for certain, do I? So it's a non-question. Look at what's going on here - a pack of marauding vampires hit town and are destroying it. Somehow I don't think that Manchester has a big protective 'no vamp' zone around it or anything. Nothing's guaranteed, I'd always be looking over my shoulder. And... Hold on. You want to talk to my friends?" he asked her, switching topics mid-ramble as he caught on to that.

"It's a hypothetical question, it's not supposed to be realistic. I just wanted to know if that would change your mind, or if you're more...well, like I was. When I found out about all the bad and everything, I spent a lot of time feeling helpless, but the first thing I started doing was learning all I could, and then trying to see if I could do anything to help, like white magic stuff." She held up the little charm as she said it. Y'know, the charms they were totally not putting up like good little children. Which reminded her, and she grinned at him and held out a beaded one. "Door." she said. "And yeah. You said before that I could but I never got to. I'd want to say hello to other people who are your friends, see what they're like. ...why?" she asked, trying not to look self conscious, though she failed in that. A master of hiding her feelings Lullaby was not. "Would you not want to introduce me to them?"

"I couldn't just run away and leave everyone here to deal," Dean told her - since she wanted to by hypothetical about it. "How could I do that? I couldn't get on with my life that way, even if I knew I was 110% safe myself." He took the charm and wandered over to the door to hang it up, before returning to the seat. "And, my friends are..." How to finish that. Not with 'they know about you, and that I fancy you and they'd take the piss, probably, or might blurt it out. Bastards'd probably think it was funny'. "...Weird. You might not like them."

Lullaby looked at Dean a little and gave him a smile, a genuine one. "...I didn't think you could." she said. It was one of the many things she liked about him. But then they were going on about his friends, and she arched an eyebrow. "Weird? I might not like them? Why? And as far as weird goes, I think I'm kind of the height of that definition of late. And okay, granted, for other reasons, but I dunno. How weird can they be?" she asked. "I mean, if you really really don't want me to talk to them, okay, I don't wanna make you uncomfortable, but..." She kind of gave him puppy eyes there at the end, even if she didn't add on the usually requisite 'pleeeaassseee'.

He gave her a Look - because puppy eyes? Were Cheating. Massive, massive amounts of cheating. He'd give her the world for that look. "Okay - we can call my friends," he promised her, not even attempting to fight it any further, even though he knew this could go horribly wrong.

She beamed at him and made a happy little sound. She also promptly gave him a hug. "Thank youuuu." she said. "Just...after all this at some point." When she felt like she could come over and not feel weird about it. Or that was the plan, at any rate. "Because I'm pretty sure currently wouldn't be the best." For one she was probably too tired to be normal. Or what might pass for normal. Actually, did she even know what that was anymore? Internally she fretted a tiny bit about that. She grabbed a few charms, to head to the closet and she thought there was a bathroom back there too, Maddie had been really really specific with her 'and I mean every bloody door and window' of it all. "But after, sometime." She said, trying to stand up on her tiptoes to stick a charm on the closet door. This was harder than it looked, being vertically challenged.

He let her hug him, resting his hands on her waist as she did so, not having a chance to really hug her back but actually allowing himself to enjoy the contact. He'd take that as prepayment for what he'd committed himself to. "Now wouldn't be the best time anyway - they'd all be at school," he pointed out. "I'll email them, see if they can get together one evening or something," he told her, knowing that he'd be adding into that email some pretty bloody strong warnings about what they were and weren't allowed to say to her. Fuckers - they were going to enjoy this, he knew they would. He'd never hear the end of it, but then again, he'd never actually thought that Thia would ever be talking to them when he'd been telling them about her, had he? He should have just kept his big mouth shut.

She smiled over her shoulder at him. "Well, awesome then. Just let me know." she said. Then she could be here and say hello to random people who were Dean's friends before he'd gotten here and she'd adopted him. She held up a finger as she ducked into the closet, and she hung up charms in there in the windows, then continued on to the bathroom to put them up in there too. "There are doors in here you know!" she called, because she could get them but it took her longer.

"Yeah, but you told me to wait!" Dean called back to her, loud enough that maybe she'd be able to hear her. But he got up anyway and walked in to join her, taking a charm from her and hanging it up on the door. "Shorty," he teased. "And you told me to wait," he repeated, holding up a finger the way she had. "So - I waited. And I'll let you know about the call - so you can be sure to fit me into your busy social schedule."

Lullaby made a cute face at him then stuck her tongue out. "Yes, and that was before I remembered that you're taller than me and really, I could stand here and struggle with the doors but it's much easier to call you in and have you do it for me." she said brightly. "But you listen so well when you want to!" she added playfully, giving him a little bit of an impish look, before she hung another charm on a window. "Hmmmm. My busy schedule. Let's see. Tonight I'm totally booked. After that...possibly booked, but there seems to be a whole lot of nothing going on for most of my nights...therefore I'm pretty sure I can pencil you in."

"Oh, I see - use and abuse me. That's the way it is, is it? I know my place," he teased, thinking that cute face was just adorable on her. "I'll do doors - gimme the beads, you can have the feathers, it'll be teamwork," he said, passing her back what feather charms he was still holding. "And I'll clear my equally busy social calendar to make sure I'm free for you - what with knowing my place and all."

Lullaby laughed, and checked her shoulder against his as she headed for the door again. "Brat." she said. "I'm a very benevolent sort of master, so there won't be any abuse in there. Just the occasional use of your superior height technology. And I haven't asked for you to clear your busy schedule for little ole me, but if you insist, I suppose I won't stop you. Then there will be conversations with your friends. So I can wave to people in England, and have a little geek moment. Or something. It's bound to happen, it does a lot anyhow."

"Yeah, I have great genes - they took me all the way up to average guy height," Dean deadpanned, but one corner of his mouth quirked up a little and his eyes were laughing. "And what's bound to happen - the geeking, or the waving?" He ignored the 'brat' comment, as always.

"Well I stopped below average girl height, so I still say you're superior." Lullaby insisted, making sure she got the windows and didn't leave any unchecked, though she did actually go out of her way to keep Dean between herself and the mirrors in both the bathroom and then in the closet on their way back through. It was automatic, she didn't even really consciously think about it. She was proud of herself though when she got even a bitty smile. "And probably both. I mean, I don't necessarily go around waving all the time or anything. But it's been known to happen. The geeking thing though, that's at least a daily occurrence, sometimes several times over, even." she assured him.

"A daily occurrence?" Dean asked, not noticing her avoidance of the mirrors, though he wouldn't have blamed her even if she did - he'd seen what she looked like in them and he knew stunningly well what a twitch she had about her reflection. He wouldn't be forcing her to linger by any mirrors at all, ever. "Really? So - what kind of things do you geek about?" he asked.

"We were talking purely in AD&D references for a little while the other morning, and you're asking me this?" Lullaby asked. She smirked though as she checked that all the windows in the bedroom were done, then went to gather the rest of the charms up off of the window seat and back into her shirt-basket. "All things geek-related? Possibly some things not? I don't know really, I'd have to think about it. I just know that I am in fact, a geek in a lot of ways. It happens, I'm fine with this. I have explored my geek tendencies and decided that they're good to stay. If nothing else, it makes me a good partner to have in trivial pursuit."

"...We were, weren't we," Dean admitted. "Okay, you got me - that makes me a geek as well," he said, somewhat reluctantly - he had been intending to reinvent himself here, but it appeared that there were just some things that weren't going to go away. Like it being second nature to use AD&D analogies for things. Arse.

That got a grin out of her as she opened up the door and headed out into the hall with him again, starting towards the next room they hadn't hit yet, the bathroom. "Yes, we were. And it does in fact, make you a geek, but if it's any consolation, I thought it worked well and I don't particularly think of you as one." she said, since his tone was a bit reluctant there. "And hey! I won't tell anyone. So you can happily continue on on your Mysterious Guy thing and it'll all remain intact." They'd had that conversation before too.

It occurred to Dean that she didn't exactly have the wherewithall to spread anything around about him anyhow these days, what with most of her friends thinking she was dead massively decreasing her social circle, but he had tact enough not to mention that and instead shrugged. "Yeah, I'll take that - cultivate the dark and brooding persona, rather than the guy who builds model aeroplanes and reads schematics." After all, she'd seen his room - it was hardly the bastion of cool.

"I liked the model planes." Lullaby commented absently, hanging a charm in a window and waiting for him to get the door one up. "When I was little, I saw this huge like...stupidly complicated buildable model for the Millenium Falcon, like, the box was even faded and stuff since it had been on the shelf so long, at this little shop my stepdad liked called Hobby World? I used to want that, but I never actually did the models thing, so I never got it. That was also before they did the trilogies and stuff though, rereleased the old ones and all that. So I'm sure by now that thing would have been some fanboy's wet dream and I could have sold it to him for like six grand or something, but I digress. I probably would have messed it up anyways. And the schematics thing you should do anyways, since it might be useful for you. I don't recommend you do it in school though, and less because people will think you're a geek, and more because people will wonder if you're building a bomb at home or something. Which is not really the image you're going for. Dark and brooding is fine, crazy and possibly homicidal is not." She started out of the bathroom, and into the room she was using. Again, she was reminded of the whole difference between what Dean showed Oz and Sophie versus what he showed her. "Though you know, if you were going for dark and brooding with me, you totally failed there." she said, grinning at him over her shoulder as she finished putting the charm on the farther window.

Dean trailed along behind her, not having any more doors to do here. Instead he leaned against the wall by the door, waiting for her to come back to him. "Well, you're not an easy person to be dark and brooding at," he pointed out. "And I wasn't really trying to do that - I don't really know how you'd go about reinventing yourself anyhow? I was just... I don't know." It had seemed like a good idea, but obviously he was just him.

"So, because I am difficult to be dark and brooding at, you just give it up as a bad job and are your talkative, friendly, totally giving self around me? Out of curiosity, why am I difficult to be dark and brooding at?" she asked. She put up the second charm, then headed back over to the door. That was when her brain kicked at the last thing he said and she tilted her head to the side as she regarded him. "Wait, you're trying to reinvent yourself?" she asked. "Why? And...does that mean you're really not like this at all, and my best friend is really some reprogrammed personality bot thing all Stepford like?"

"Why? Doesn't everyone sometimes wish that they weren't what they ended up being? I dunno - it seemed like a good idea. Better than trying to get back what you can't - I couldn't exactly look to be what I was back home. I mean, I've had the same friends since I was a kid, they get me, we all just kinda hung around together - big group of lads, but... I dunno. I kinda feel like I found it easier to make friends when I was a kid. These days... I get pissed off with people far too easily. They're just stupid half the time. Obviously not you, but... Yeah. I... So. I'm not making any sense here, am I?" he asked, realising that he was rambling. But, look! He'd managed to avoid answering her first questions, given that the reason he'd opened up to her had a whole lot to do with his feelings for her. Hopefully she'd get distracted by the ramble and not notice.

Lullaby listened to the whole thing, nodding a touch as he did so. She for one had never had any trouble making friends. It was just kind of something she did. Now getting really close to people, that was something she didn't do that terribly often. But she did have people she hung out with. Really, the people who were closest to her in her life were just Journey for obvious reasons, Joshua and now Dean. "I guess people do that." she said. She didn't, but she could understand the concept. "Were you not happy with what you ended up being? What do you want to be?" she asked curiously. Then she had to comment further. "I know what you mean though about people being stupid. I think that just comes with growing up, though. You sort of look around and depending on your IQ and maturity, you sort of start noticing that the people around you sort of suck in major ways. I mean, honestly, I've got--" she stopped, then started over with barely a flinch. "I used to have a lot of friends. But I only had like...Journey and Joshua that were close, and when you came along, you. But that's it really? Everyone else I care about a whole lot, but I don't have like...like not like this." she said, not sure how else to put it. "I guess I always believed in keeping the people you connected with like that. Guess I'm long-standing-relationship girl, as far as that goes. I think you're making sense. You still haven't answered my questions, but you're making sense. What kind of relationships did you have with your friends back home?"

"How does that work?" Dean asked her, flipping the questions back to her. "I noticed you had a whole lot of friends - just wondered how come I ended up being your best friend." He'd never asked before, he'd never intended to - he'd worked out the answer for himself a while ago and he wasn't sure whether he wanted to know whether he'd got the answer right or not. But suddenly they were here and talking about friendship and the question just kind of slipped out.

She looked at him for a long moment, contemplating. "You're you." she said. It was a simple answer, and she planned to expand on it, but she thought that was the best way of putting it. "I can talk to you. I enjoy spending time with you. I feel like when I'm talking, you're actually listening to me, and you hear what I say, you pay attention, and you take it on board--even if you don't agree with it, sometimes. You're always really careful to make sure I can understand you, no matter what kind of environment we're in, so I don't miss anything you have to say. I don't feel like you judge me, even if I'm kind of a silly, hugely dorky girl sometimes. And sometimes you take a trip into sillyland with me, even. So...you're you, and you're here with me no matter what seems to be going on. If it's just normal, if it's awful, if it's scary, if it's silly...I guess I don't ever feel like there's parts of me I couldn't share, or that you'd reject." she answered. Then she paused, biting at the little cut on her lower lip a touch. "I think when it really started though, was when you stood up for me. I don't...I don't know if you ever actually got how much that meant to me."

Dean caught himself staring, looking a little too intently at her as she talked, focusing on her lips as always, but not so much in a 'I need to tell what you're saying' way, and he caught himself doing it. Dropping his gaze, he wished he'd never asked - not that he didn't like what he heard, he did. And it was all true, all of it, it was just different to hear her say it and it derailed him for a moment. He needed to get a grip, seriously get a grip. "It's fine - needed to be said, people were being stupid," he shrugged, before heading out and into Sophie's study across the hallway, needing momentary space between them to straighten out his head into something less insanely dumb.

She watched him walk away, and she moved to follow, feeling slightly weird. Like she'd told him all of that, and all she got was a 'needed to be said'. It felt weirdly like she'd done something wrong, but not quite. She opened her mouth to say something, then shut it, and she definitely fell behind in the trip across the hall to the study. It took her a few moments to actually get her bearings, and she only entered the room belatedly as well. "...but no one else did say it. You did." she said eventually. "Please don't blow that off. It was important to me. Maybe it didn't mean anything to you and it's no big deal or anything, but it definitely meant a lot to me." He still hadn't answered her questions. But now she was less likely to bring that up, with feeling sort of...shut down? She wasn't sure, but she didn't like it. She also had no idea at all what it might be stemming from.

"I'm not blowing it off, Thia," he told her, moving back past her to afix a charm to the doorframe. What he was doing, he knew, was screwing things up and making things weird. He needed to stop that, right now. He just didn't know how. He'd had a moment of flailing that he couldn't explain to her, for obvious reasons, he'd said the wrong thing to get out of the situation and now she was pissed - understandably. He knew he shouldn't have asked, there was a reason he'd not been asking. And this was the part where he smoothly changed the subject and they forgot about everything and moved on. Except he was blanking like a total moron.

She watched him, sort of waiting for him to say more, and she couldn't help but look a little lost and hurt. Finally, when it became obvious that he wasn't going to say anything, she turned to go put the charms on the windows. She hung them, and stayed there for a moment, eyes out it. She really really tried to kick the bad feelings that were swirling around in her head, but she didn't manage it. So finally, she looked back at him. "Dean, you asked why you're my best friend and all I got in answer to me telling you honestly why and what you meant to me, was 'it needed to be said'." she said. It wasn't an accusation, the tone in it was definitely lost and confused. "I'm not...I'm not quite getting what's happening. Did I say something wrong?" she asked. "I--" she stopped, and didn't know where that sentence ended. So she just looked at him, and waited to see what he would say, expression still the same. Lost, wary, definitely confused.

Right now, Dean just wanted to walk out of the room and finish putting charms around the place and avoid this conversation entirely. But it didn't work like that. They didn't work like that. Unfortunately. So, he took a breath and told himself he wasn't allowed to fuck this up any more. "No, Thia - you didn't say anything wrong. You know I don't take compliments all that well," he said, grabbing at the excuse which was also handily true - it just wasn't the root of the issue this time. "What was I meant to say?"

"Possibly something other than just the equivalent of 'whatever'. Actually, anything but that might have done." Lullaby said quietly. "And I know you don't take compliments. And forget that 'not well' thing, I'm pretty sure every time I've ever given you credit for anything, you've blown it off. It's like you're physically incapable of allowing yourself to feel good about the things you do. Like...like it's just nothing, and that's it. Well...it's not. Not to the people around you. Not to me." she tried to explain. She bit back some other things she wanted to say, because she knew he'd jump on it to take the conversation in another direction.

"I've never done anything that I should have got credit for," Dean retorted. Because, to him, he hadn't - the things he'd done, either generally or for her, they were things that anyone could have done - and should have done. He'd just happened to be there at the time. There was nothing out of the ordinary of at all special about it. "Anyone would have - I just got there first. And that day - I didn't do it to get on your good side or anything like that. It was just that people were being stupid, and short-sighted. They weren't seeing the whole picture. They were writing you off as a disability, which is pathetic and did I mention stupid? And I get that it meant a lot to you, I just... It shouldn't have ever come up in the first place. But if you need someone to fight your corner for you, I'll always do that," he added.

"I know you will--that's not the point." Lullaby said, and while she supposed she'd not thought of that before right this very second in so many words, it was true none the less. "The point is that no, you're right, it shouldn't have come up. But it did. And no one said anything about it but you. So no, actually, you didn't just get there first. Because everyone else was writing me off, and that's including Joshua on that. Dean--" she sighed, and dragged her free hand through her short hair, looking away for a minute before she looked back at him. "--the world is not a nice place. It isn't full of people who are going to do the right thing. It isn't populated with those who even think about the same shit you do. Like the stuff you've done for me? And trust me there's been a fucking ton, and I'm aware of that--only you seem not to be. But anyways that stuff? That seems to be an automatic reaction for you? Other people aren't like that. So yeah, actually, it is special. You're a really good person, you've got a great heart, and that comes through in almost everything you do. I see that really well. You seem incapable of it. That doesn't mean it doesn't exist. So...people suck, and you really don't, and one day you should probably look into understanding that. Life's full of those little situations that shouldn't come up but they do. All the time. And you're the guy who'll do the right thing in them and the general population of the world won't."

"You would do," Dean retorted, latching on to that with complete and blind confidence. The rest he didn't know what to say to - because it touched on the conversation he'd had with Oz the other day. And, well, things just shouldn't be like that. People shouldn't almost-across-the-board suck. And why couldn't this stuff be an automatic reaction for people? That it wasn't was just... It didn't make any damn sense.

"Yeah, well we aren't talking about me." Lullaby said and there was actually an edge to her tone on that one. Her eyes narrowed the tiniest bit as well. "We were talking about you. I'm not the one who's completely disregarding everything I do as absolutely nothing. Not like you're doing and honestly, Dean?" she said, pushing off of the window to push past him back into the hall, having to work herself up to saying what she felt right then. "It's getting insulting. Because it means a hell of a lot more than you're even willing to take partial credit for, and maybe you should try to think about it from the other end. Maybe it isn't about what it means or doesn't mean to you. Maybe it's about what it means to everyone else. It's really hard to swallow down a 'it was nothing' when it's just not." She found herself biting harder at that cut on her lip, because she was feeling emotional again. Not necessarily teary-emotional, but just strong feelings there, that didn't have a clear direction only that they qualified as 'bad'.

That caught him and it hurt, a sharp pang in his chest. "Insulting? I... Thia, I..." He looked lost, confused, shocked even. It was obvious that he hadn't meant to ever hurt her, in fact he was distressed by the mere possibility he might have. But it was also clear that he didn't understand why she'd take it like that. He felt like he was missing something really major here, something just did not compute.

She walked into his room without answering him for a moment, heading towards the windows to hang the charms in them. It gave her a second to think, to try and figure out what the hell to say now. She knew she needed to. It wasn't as if she'd missed the look he'd had on his face. It was stunningly obvious that he didn't mean it like that, but that was part of the issue, she thought. Drawing in a steadying breath, she let it out slowly, and leveled her eyes back on him. "I know. You didn't mean it like that." she said first. So he'd at least know he was off the hook on intent. "I just think you don't have any idea what it's like to say thank you, or try and get something across that lays out the importance of even simple actions and be shot down for it every time. It's painful. Even if we ignore the entire rest of the world for right this second, if we're only looking at the things you've done specifically for me, you've gone above and beyond. There are people out there who wouldn't have done what you have. Remember when we were talking before and I mentioned how Joshua wanted me to give him a list of things? To hold his hand so he could do things for me. He just doesn't function like you do. You don't need that. You just do things. And that right there should make it obvious that other people don't. You...came out in the middle of hell breaking loose to come get me, and as far as I can tell, you didn't really even hesitate. There has got to be some part of you that recognizes that not everyone would do that. It's just..." Especially not for a girl who'd already fucking died. she shook her head and couldn't say that last bit. Sighing, she looked at him. "Are you getting any of this?" she asked helplessly.

Dean didn't say anything for a long time. He'd almost not followed her into his room, wanting some space, wondering if she needed some from him when she'd walked out on him. But he'd followed anyway after a few beats, habit of staying in sight for communication kicking in. He crossed the room, placing himself very definitely on the far side as she went on. And as she brought up a point he really didn't want to deal with. Him coming and getting her. Because that was different. Even Dean knew damn well that that had been over and above, that it wasn't something that anyone would do. But there'd be a very distinct reason why the first thing he'd done was to come for her and that reason wasn't one he was going to be explaining to her - and it wasn't one he wanted her even beginning to think on. So he didn't have anything to say there. Apparently he was in trouble if he just blew this off. And if he didn't? If he admitted that he knew that not everyone would have done that? Well, what if she started asking why he'd come for her? He looked down at the floor, not saying anything, not sure what he could say.

She waited. And she waited some more, and she continued waiting. In fact, she moved only to dump the rest of the charms on his bed, and she stood there, pointedly waiting. She even crossed her arms. And, like she did so insanely often between the two of them, she said three words. "Talk to me."

He looked up, raising his head a little, enough that she'd be able to see his face when he spoke, but still looking at her through his brows. "I don't know what to say," he admitted, quietly.

Lullaby sighed, then looked away for a moment, before her eyes were back on him. "Start anywhere. Do you even see what I'm trying to say? Or is everything I'm talking about being ignored?" She started to walk around towards him, but it was slow. She had the instinct to go give him a hug, especially with that look on his face, but she was being more cautious with that than usual. It wasn't like she'd missed how he'd put himself as far from her as possible when he'd walked in.

Again there was the long pause, but he didn't look away. He was watching her now, not taking his eyes off her, aware that she was approaching across the room, closing the distance. She probably hadn't even noticed, but he needed the space right now. Couldn't they go back to talking about newly-resurrected witches? How had they got here anyway? "I'm not ignoring you," he told her, quietly. "I, just... I get that the things I do sometimes... They mean a lot to you. I guess... From my end... I have trouble seeing why I should take credit for something that... Okay, honestly? The Joshua thing. Why should I get credit just because he's shit? Just because he can't think for himself, doesn't make me any better - this isn't a comparison game. He shouldn't need you to hold his hand, Fuck - he's older than both of us, he should be able to deal with this shit himself. But that's him, he'd still be him if I wasn't around and I'd still be me if he wasn't around and nothing changes that. And hell, maybe if I wasn't here, he would have stepped up and started doing things, because they needed to be done and I hadn't already done them." Because he loves you.

"It's not his fault." Lullaby said first, though there wasn't any bite to it, just a sort of resignation. "And either way, that's not the point. He's only one example. The truth is most people are probably like that, so that makes you a better person than most. And that deserves credit, whether you like it or not. And you know what? The fact that you don't see what you're doing as anything special just proves my point more!" She stopped getting closer, somewhere hovering towards the end of the bed, and not venturing farther. "If you weren't here..." she didn't finish that. Because she didn't want to think about that. At all ever. It all played into scenarios she couldn't really let herself contemplate. Then her mind latched onto something else. "If you weren't here, I probably would have wound up going home, eventually." she said quietly. She fiddled with the silver ring she wore on her thumb, and she felt a tiny bit sick to her stomach.

"But you told me you didn't want your parents to know," Dean said, latching onto the second part of that both because it wasn't the first part and also because he noted the very distinct change in her body language. He frowned, lifting his head properly and tilting it slightly as he watched her, thinking that maybe they'd just touched on something else.

Fuck. She'd been careful before not to give him an out, and now he had one. She hadn't meant to do that. Though she also felt like they were going in circles, and he was too thick to get out of it. He was so damn stubborn sometimes... "And that's the truth." Lullaby said. "I think it would...possibly completely ruin their lives, and everything would change. And I do mean everything. I know...somewhere deep down that if I went home, after they got over the initial total fucking freak out...they'd take me away somewhere. Start over. Move someplace, change my name and just..." she trailed off. "Dean, this really isn't the point..." she tried to add in there at the end, though she knew that was going to be futile as all hell.

"No, the point is that you're been thinking about this, haven't you"? Dean challenged. "Probably a lot, if the look of you's anything to go by." He paused as a thought came to him. "Are you thinking of doing that?" he asked, slowly. She'd said she didn't want her parents to know, but maybe that was just until she made up her mind. And if it would make it easier for her - if she started again. New name, new place, she could go back to school, nobody need know what happened. And he'd never see her again. He tried to keep his face blank, against the massive hole that suddenly opened up in his chest at the very thought.

"I'd be lying if I said that it's never crossed my mind." Lullaby said, slowly as well as she looked at him. She was pained now, and she wasn't feeling well herself. That little sick feeling in her stomach had turned itself into a big thing. "I had a lot of time before you even found me, Dean. And after you did, it's just...I told you a little of that, about how sometimes I just kind of--" she broke off, not sure where that sentence ended, really. So she started a new one. "I don't want to leave." she said in a small voice. She didn't. She lived here. It was something that didn't quite compute, her not living here. Just...randomly leaving everything she knew, and everyone she cared about, even if she couldn't be around them, even if they didn't know she was there, she did. It was complicated in her head. Unfortunately, she didn't have any sort of idea how to explain herself well enough, and she looked down, trying to force herself to stop playing with the ring, but she only managed that for about two heartbeats before she started up again.

He watched her, a frown on his face covering the sense of ungodly relief that made him feel ever so guilty as she said she didn't want to leave. Because he knew he wasn't meant to take it that way, and she was upset and here was he just thinking about himself like a selfish bastard. He pushed off the wall and crossed the distance to her, pulling her into a hug. "You don't have to leave," he told her, lowering his head to her ear. "You don't have to go anywhere. You can stay right here," he promised.

Actually a little surprised by the hug, Lullaby hugged him back, arms going around him easily. Because surprised or not, she wasn't passing it up. He just generally wasn't the one who initiated that kind of thing. It felt good to hear him say that though. She still didn't know how any of this was going to work out. How she was going to survive. If what she did really counted, even. She leaned against him a bit, and drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. She also tried to relax her hold on him some, which she sort of belatedly realized was really tight, but that kind of didn't work as well as the slow breathing thing. How did they get here exactly? How did they ever get here, for that matter? But alright, she could stay in town. Or...something. She didn't know if that was really going to happen or not, she'd have to see. What she wanted and what might be possible were probably very different things. In the end she didn't say anything, because her head was a sort of mess of a lot of different shit, and she couldn't pick any one thing to really articulate.

She'd needed the hug. He'd known that when he went to her and her reaction only served to confirm it. She was a very hands on, touchy person and Dean wasn't going to deny her that when she needed it, even if he had been trying to keep distance between them. That was his issue, he wouldn't let that get in the way of being able to be a good friend to her. That was the whole entire point, after all. The reason he wasn't telling her any of this stuff - he wouldn't risk their friendship. And right now, his friend needed a hug, so she got one. And he was glad she wasn't fighting him on the staying thing either as he smiled a little, before drawing back to where she could see his face again. "You okay?" he asked, checking in.

She looked up at him, and gave him a little weak sort of smile. "No?" she suggested. "Are you? Things really really got off track there. We weren't meant to be talking about me..." But I slipped up and gave you an out. Which you took. "You got everything all sidetracked, and you still haven't answered my original questions, even." she pointed out. Though she did that with a tiny little half smile. "But you still have to answer the are you okay one too." she clarified. On her mind in the back of it was also the one she'd wanted to ask herself, which was the turnaround of how she'd wound up his best friend. How that had worked. But she figured he'd just use that as another out too and so she would ask...some time that was else.

"But I like talking about you?" Dean suggested, lightly, wondering how to answer her question, fully aware he'd skipped out on most of her other ones. "I'm..." As okay as I'm going to get? Not the right answer. "I'm okay," he told her in the end. Because all this was mixed up in things she didn't know about and wasn't going to. Things he'd dealt with, things he was fine with as long as she didn't go trying to figure them out. It was only not okay when she touched on subjects he didn't want to discuss that related to her. So, theoretically, as long as she didn't do that, he was okay.

"I think we've probably done more than enough talking about me." Lullaby said. Which really killed her turning the question back around on him right now, didn't it! Why yes, yes it did. She gave him another squeeze. "I still want my answers. If you answer them, I have a question for you, and it would give you a perfect opportunity to talk about me." she added. She also gave him a shadow of a bright smile. It was definitely not up to her usual, but it was a better attempt than she thought she had in her. If one was offering bribes, there had to be that thrown in.

"Bribery and corruption now? It's a slippery slope, you know," Dean teased, telling himself that he should let her go now. Using the excuse that she was still holding on to him for his reason for not doing that. "And you want answers? Does that mean I have to remember the questions?" he asked her, innocently, as if he didn't know. But he wasn't going to give her a chance to repeat the questions either - this way at least he could give her an approximation of an answer that avoided the difficult parts - answer the questions that she thought she'd asked rather than the actual ones. "You're far too pushy to be quiet and brooding at," he told her, pulling a slight face. "I can get away with sullen with other people, but you just keep on at me until I give in. And, as your friend, I'm gonna give in rather than get snappy at you. So there. As for what I was? It wasn't that I didn't like myself, I just... This seemed to be a good time to make a fresh start. And also maybe stop playing the part of an 'also ran'. But no, you know me - this isn't all just some act or anything. Trust me, you know the real me. Better than almost anyone else around."

"I have to occasionally work on my devious behavior. I'm sure one day I'll need to be able to be a corrupting force or something. It's good to be multitalented." She said first with a firm nod. Because that made sense. Sure it did. She smirked and poked him with one finger since she was still holding onto him and it was easy. Then she listened to the rest. It was mostly a satisfactory answer. At least they were answers. She figured he'd skipped out some again, but she'd eventually come back to them. Because they were on a better keel, she didn't want to tip it back over again. "Thank you." she said. "And alright. You asked me how it happened or why it happened that you got to be my best friend." she continued. "Flip that around. How the hell did you wind up with me as your best friend?" There was honest curiosity there, because some days, she really just couldn't quite fathom it. It was a mystery. Especially post-death, what with all the weirdness, crazy, emotional suckerpunches...yeah. She wanted to know how that worked.

Well, wasn't that the question. The truth wouldn't do, of course. And anyway, it wasn't that simple. And lie would be unthinkable. And he couldn't brush it off, not now. But maybe he could tell half-truths and it'd make sense. "What, I get practically adopted by a cute girl and I'd not gonna go with that?" he teased, smiling a little. It had been meant to be light hearted, jokey, but as he said it, he became all too aware of their position and he carried on, changing tack slightly to get away from the borderline flirtatious comment that he should never have considered a good idea at any point, no matter what. "Seriously, though, you are sweet, and kind and I can talk to you. I don't have to keep asking you to repeat yourself or wonder if you're listening. There's loads of little things like that - they all add up to me feeling comfortable around you. And, hearing issues aside, I can talk to you. Talk-talk. You push me, you challenge me, you nag on at me until I actually do that. And we can disagree and it's not the end of the world. And... You don't laugh at how much of a geek I can be," he ended, pulling away just a little, a suggestion that he'd like to extricate himself now, though he wasn't forcing the issue and if she ignored it, he'd stay. He was just once again thinking that a little less close proximity would be really good for his sanity right now.

She didn't stop him, again aware that she was the physically affectionate one of the two, and he'd already been the one to give her a hug in the first place, so she didn't want to make him regret the choice. Therefore, she let him go, even if she would probably have stayed there for longer if it had been up to her. "Maybe I like the little geek-bits." Lullaby said. "You know those people who seem like they're fully one hundred percent cool? They're just cardboard cutouts. It's all just image." Or that's what she'd found anyways. "But having someone you can have a serious discussion about zombies with between classes...that's something else." she said. And it was clear that she appreciated that. "I still want us to do that research, by the way. When we get time. Y'know, after all this when we're really really bored. We can figure out zombies, and come up with contingency plans in case of mass invasion. Location wise, I think we're good. Marquette is pretty sound." Or was. She'd always thought so. Of course, the armies of undead brainseekers wouldn't be nearly so destructive like the vamps. They'd be destructive in wholly different ways. "So...in conclusion...we're best friends because we're all the things a person needs out of a best friend in the first place, and just happened to have been lucky enough to cross paths?"

Dean stepped back and thrust his hands into the pockets of his jeans, hunching very slightly, making himself concentrate on what she was saying. "Right - and we'll do zombie research," he agreed, giving her a very slight smile. "So - I guess we should finish up with the charms thing - we still have upstairs to do," he pointed out.

"Yeah." Lullaby said. She glanced over to the charms she'd unceremoniously dumped on his bed. "You know, of things I thought I'd do in my life, being ordered around by a pushy dead irish woman wasn't one of them." she said, though there was a definite undertone of humor to her voice. "But then I never got too far into my thoughts on what I wanted to be when that inevitable growing up thing happened." She walked over to the bed and separated out the beaded ones and the feathered ones, keeping the feathers for herself, and she held out the handful of beads for him. He was just going to have to maintain door-duty. "Did you ever figure that bit out?" she asked, starting to head for his closet, since there was his bathroom and stuff to hit up. Though now that she was thinking about it, she hadn't ever actually seen his bathroom. In fact, she'd get to see rooms upstairs she hadn't seen either.

Dean followed her, of course, pinning a charm on his closet door and heading in through and doing the same to the bathroom door before turning to her. "What, the whole 'what do I want to be when I grow up'?" Dean asked her, watching her work on the windows, more comfortable as he put some space between them. She was completely oblivious, of course, but he wanted the space for his own sanity. "One point I was thinking architect or something-" Not that the way his grades and his lack of attendance at school really made that particularly feasible, but he'd not been thinking about it in that much detail. "Lately..." Lately he'd changed his mind and was settling on something very different that was all to do with being here, what they'd lived through and her. "Lately I'm thinking more paramedic or something more useful."

"Yeah you mentioned that." Lullaby said, getting the windows done, and glancing around his bathroom unobtrusively while she was at it. She noticed that it didn't have many (if any) personal touches to it. What was always said about bachelor pads? They needed a woman's touch? This was probably what that came from. "What's not useful about an architect?" she asked, looking back at him. "You could use your knowledge of the supernatural crazyland world to build buildings that were all ones that could withstand long term siege against the armies of darkness. In fact, you could even build them with grand schematics that had interesting wardings and spellwork built into the frames themselves. Of course you'd have to be come a super genius after that though. People would figure out the mystery years and years later, and realize there was some secret key the whole time." Because her imagination, when allowed to start running off on tangents, got a little strange.

"Or I could do something that would mean that next time you decide to do something stupid and we can't take you to the hospital, I can help you," Dean pointed out, a hint of a lecturing tone. Because yes, he'd told her that as far as he was concerned, she wasn't allowed to do that again, but he'd known all along that there was no way in hell she was going to listen to him and had gone straight onto plan B without pausing for even a mental breath.

"Yes dad, I know, I know. I heard you the first time." she said, walking back over towards him, smirking. "I like the crazy buildings story better." Lullaby said. "And besides. You can't exactly decide to completely alter your life's plans and career choices just because you know I'm likely to lay myself up from time to time." she pointed out. "So, at the very least tell me it isn't just that. I mean, it's a valid career path and everything, don't get me wrong. But I don't even know what paramedics make. Or how long you would have to go to school, or what kind of hours you'd have to put in, or anything. Though, you'd probably help a lot of people. And we already know that you're not the type who's going to crack under pressure. But still." But still, she didn't want him getting into something for the wrong reasons. Even if it was so totally not at all her decision in any way shape or form.

"Would it make you feel better if I added in there that I think it would help if I had something in my life that wasn't destructive?" he asked her, leading the way back out of the bathroom. He didn't address the rest of it, because he didn't really care about the money, or the hours. And as for the education - that might be more of an issue, but if he decided to do something, he'd do it.

"Yes." Lullaby said. "That would make me feel better." she said firmly. "Though I still think that you're not as destructive as you think you are. It's all perspective." she said, though her tone was actually a little gentle on that one, despite the fact that she'd been slightly flippant up til then. She was aware of Dean's issues on the matter. She'd listened very well when he told her, and she was aware of it on a conscious level, it wasn't something she'd just filed away. "Badassery aside, I still think there's a lot more you can do than just break things." she continued, still gentle. "I keep reading up on it a little bit at a time." What with her having the time since she hadn't actually gotten much in the way of real sleep.

"Badassery?" Dean asked her, amused by that. It wasn't a word he generally used in relation to himself and not one he expected to be coming from her, for all he was still wandering round with a gun. But then he got distracted by the rest of what she had to say. "You've been reading up on me?" he asked her, clearly surprised by this. he'd hardly given the books he'd got for her a single thought over the past few days. "Really?"

"Yes, badassery. Note that down. 'There exists inherent badassery in the things I can do'." She dictated for him, as they headed for the stairs to the third floor. She walked backwards a bit in the hall, keeping him in sight even if technically, she was talking right now so she probably wouldn't miss anything. "And yeaaaah...." she said, sort of looking mildly confused that he looked surprised. "I have them, and it's not like they're going to read themselves." Plus she'd been looking for that whole way around the backlash for him. Which sadly, she hadn't found. Pretty much the only way she could figure so far that he could get around that was if she took it for him. Which she could do, but if she did she risked his pissy wrath. What she really figured she'd be doing was trying to figure out the best way to convince him it was a good idea. She was still working on that one though.

"Are we gonna end up with a situation where you know more about what I'm capable than I do?" he asked her, watching her as she walked backwards, keeping pace with her. "So - have you found anything new?" he asked, because yes, he was, in fact, curious.

"Probably." she said, flashing a cute smile at him. "I'm a research-girl. I was that kid who when I didn't know words, instead of asking my parents, I went and looked it up. Then spent another half hour reading through either the dictionary or the encyclopedia, because I'd get distracted by shiny entries and keep reading." she admitted. "And...yeah, actually." she said. And in light of the fact that she was trying to convince him he wasn't only good for destroying things, she sort of wished she hadn't brought it up just now. Oh well, too late. "I started reading bits on how you could kind of...affect more than just machinery and stuff." she said.

Dean had this image of mini-Thia sitting on the floor with a big dictionary propped up on her knees and couldn't help but grin at the mental image - it was too damn cute. It turned more curious though as she carried on. "What do you mean?" he asked, frowning, wondering what else there could be that he could do. He'd kind of figured that he was as good as he could get by now - that maybe he could get to a stage where he could control it better so that he didn't get backlash, but that was all. Plus that seemed like wishful thinking - the backlash seemed to be getting worse lately, not better.

She turned and headed up the steps, because walking backwards up a set of stairs wasn't necessarily the smartest thing she could be doing. And if she could remain injury-free and not stress people out for a few days? That would be awesome. "I was reading up on how you could effect um. Biological stuff. Like at higher levels. There wasn't actually that much on it, and I didn't get to finish, but yeah. I guess if you get good enough, you can make the jump from inanimate objects, to um..." she paused, trying to think of what it had said exactly. "Biological disruption? From what I was reading, I guess it's sort of works the same way. And we know that it runs off of the same stuff I do. So it would make sense you could turn it that way too." Especially since it kind of did that to him, just with the way he channeled it. But apparently, he could inflict that on others. She had started getting into the more serious stuff, but she didn't start talking about it yet, stopping to look back down the stairs at him when she reached the landing. She wanted to know how he was reacting to the news in general first, before she started continuing to tell him that if she'd been reading right, he could probably kill someone with his abilities. ...though probably not without killing himself in the process. Wow, was that ever sounding like a bad fucking plan. And the book hadn't been nearly specific enough, unfortunately. She'd gotten the feeling some of the higher level stuff they were working only in theory on, as opposed to case study.

Dean paused, stopping on the stairs. "Biological disruption?" he asked, an edge to his voice. He let out a slow breath. "That's... That sounds like a very scientific, safe way of telling me that I can kill things," he said, his heart beginning to beat with more force. It was clear that he really didn't like the sound of that.

Lullaby winced. Hey look, that's exactly what she didn't want him to think. "Well...kind of." she said. "I guess. I don't know for sure, the book was pretty sketchy about it. I could be wrong. But...that's what it looks like you can do. Or you could if you kept working at things. But it doesn't necessarily have to mean killing anything, Dean. Just means it's a different facet. You don't fry out everything you effect with your abilities now, it would stand to reason that this wouldn't be different." She was speaking very carefully though, still looking down at him, and she sat on the top step, expression concerned. "It's no different than what I said before." she added quietly. "It's just something you could do. You're the one who decides how you use that."

"Except when I do things without meaning to," Dean told her, looking less and less happy the more he thought about it. "Which I do, sometimes. Things around me will just screw up and it's not anything I'm trying to do. They just die." He took a step further back down the stairs, away from her, wondering if that was how it was going to go - would it just not be safe for people to be around him? Was he going to be a danger to those around him?

She frowned when he took the step back, and she shifted forward, like she might go after him. "I know, you told me." she said. "But that doesn't mean it has to continually work like that. Doesn't mean you can't ever get a handle on it. You can, I'm sure you can. You just have to work at it. And anyways, even if you did do things by accident...it wouldn't be a lot. The book was sketchy enough that I think it was more working off of theory than actual practice, even, so I'm assuming it's a hell of a lot harder to do. What you do is...like littler things. Now if you were shorting out whole blocks at random for no reason, then maybe I'd help you worry on that but you don't." It probably wouldn't even effect anyone enough so they'd notice if you did do it on accident. She didn't say that last bit though, because she wasn't sure it would help. Might make him feel worse, even. "...Dean..."

"But what if I do?" he asked her, taking another step back. "What if it can't be controlled like that? I short out bigger things by accident now than I used to - and the better I get with my abilities, it seems to more random stuff goes wrong. I don't see 'control' featuring very highly there, Thia. What if it's just going to get worse and I start making people around me sick?" What if that's all there is to me? And here was I, thinking I'd be a medic, thinking I could help people - what was I doing? Wishful thinking.

"Well we've just really started working on anything, haven't we?" Lullaby asked him and she saw him take that other step back, and she set her charms down on the top step and slid down a stair. She didn't get up, she didn't chase him, but she wasn't letting him get too far away either. Granted, if he made a break for it, there was fuckall she could do about that, but she hoped he wouldn't. God...would he? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. She felt really stunningly bad about being the one to tell him this, and at the same time, she figured if he found out on his own it might be worse. She didn't know. Goddamnit. She felt for him though, she truly did. How much time did she spend thinking in the back of her head she was a monster, and that her abilities were fucked up at best? "Things have been a lot more fucked up lately too, you've been under a lot more stress..." Plus there was another theory she was working on. "You're not going to start making people sick." she said firmly. "Dean, when did you start shorting out bigger things by accident?"

He took another couple of steps back down, before sitting on the stairs, noting that she'd done so to, which meant she didn't intend coming any closer. He tried to tell himself that he wasn't suddenly going to start hurting people just by being him simply because he knew it was possible now, but that was hard. He'd always worried about what he was, what that meant, this was just like a kick in the teeth to the teen. He drew a knee up and hugged it against his chest, one hand dropping to play with the frayed edge of his jeans as he looked up at her. "Gradually," he told her, thinking it through. "Like, I always have done. But more lately. The last week or so's been kinda bad." He just hadn't said anything to people, or made a big deal out of it. There was enough going on after all. "I don't want to hurt people," he said, quietly.

The last week or so. Okay. Lullaby said. She tried to think about that in light of how she thought things might be working, and it kind of fit. Or, more, it did, she just still wasn't sure if she was full of shit or not. "You don't have to hurt people." she said, her voice soft too. Gentle. "...Dean, I have an idea, and...and if I'm going to test it out, I have to be down there with you. Can I come down?" she asked. Because right now? She really really felt like she had to ask first. This whole situation felt insanely delicate to her, and she didn't want to fuck it up. Which she really had the potential to. Shit. She wasn't ready for this. She really really wasn't. But witness that not mattering in the slightest. Her focus wasn't on the back of her mind flailing going on, it was on him. And trying in any sort of way to take care of him. To help.

He looked down at his feet, thinking for a moment, then back up at her - he always looked at her when he talked to her. "Maybe you shouldn't," he told her. It was odd - not half an hour ago he'd wanted space from her, but that had been for an entirely different reason.

"Dean--you're not going to hurt me, okay?" Lullaby said, making sure she held his eyes when she said it. "You're not. I promise. Just because you know where your abilities could be headed doesn't mean you're there, or you'll even get there if you don't want to. Just...please?" she asked. "Do you trust me?"

I don't trust me. Dean swallowed and nodded. "Of course I trust you," he told her, wanting to shuffle down another stair anyway, but staying where he was. "I just... I don't trust me," he added, miserably, trying to shift the feeling that his life was falling apart right now. After everything else, on top of everything else he'd been through lately, he didn't think he could cope with this right now. It was just all too much.

"Well...trust in me then." Lullaby said, though it truly pained her to hear that from him. That he didn't trust himself. She knew how it felt though. She definitely knew that. With a hollow sort of pain in her chest, she started heading down the steps, though she did it slowly. Almost like she was waiting for him to bolt. The hollow feeling just got worse, the closer she got to him. Because seriously, if she was right? If her little theory actually worked, and what she'd been milling over in her head off and on was correct...he wasn't his problem. She was. It almost made it hard for her to breathe, but she kept going. Finally, she was down next to him, and she sat down close to him. Holding out her hand, she had it palm up to offer him. "Take my hand." she said, voice soft. There was a lot of heavy emotion in it, but really, she was already drowning in the tidalwave of badness that was coming off of Dean right now anyways, so what was a little more?

He kept his knee up to his chest like it was some kind of shield between him and the world, an arm wrapped round it, pulling his leg in, his body language closed off and tight, a little ball as he sat on the stair, his other foot resting on the stair below him, steadying his body. He watched her come, looking worried, wondering if this was a bad idea, now that he knew what he knew. Before, if he had that kind of ability, at least he hadn't known. Not that it would make his hurting people any better, but it was a flimsy excuse. Now he didn't even have that. Now maybe he should stay out of everyone's way until he knew more about what might be happening to him. His eyes batted down to her hand as she sat down next to him and he stiffened a little, pausing and then reluctantly reached out to take her hand, trying to tell himself that there'd been no sign that he was dangerous before, that maybe all of this was still beyond him. Maybe, if he stopped using his abilities now, stopped practicing - maybe he'd never have to get there at all.

She clasped her fingers around his, and then brought his hand over closer to her, her other hand closing over it too. "Do something you can try twice. Doesn't really matter what it is, I don't think. But something you'll be able to see a difference in, alright?" she instructed. She felt proud of herself that her voice didn't waver at all. It sounded soft, and strong. Like she knew what she was doing, even if she didn't. And really she was going to hate it so intensely badly if it turned out she did. But that was the internal flailing that was going on deep down behind closed and padlocked doors in her mind.

Dean considered this - there wasn't much he could do sitting on the stairs, away from everything, but then he had an idea. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, setting it on the stairs in front of him. The screen glowed, backlit for a moment, then the little tune played and the company logo came up as it switched itself off. Or, rather, Dean switched it off. Just a little thing, he hardly had to try. He reached for the phone and switched it back on again - manually. He couldn't turn things on, only off, after all.

She nodded, then made herself let go of his hand. Well, here would be a moment of truth. And it really fucking sucked. She wanted to just cling to him and sort of take back everything, but knew she couldn't. Not and still be herself, and his friend, and everything that went with it. And she really couldn't sit there and even wonder if she might be the root of his control issues and not say anything. She couldn't. Absolutely not. Even if she worried deep down that this was going to mean he wasn't going to be around her anymore. Making herself turn and go back up the stairs quickly, she headed up the hallway, to the farthest room she could find. "Try again after the door shuts." she called to him, and she shut herself into a random room she'd never been in before, and leaned her back against the wall. Reaching up, she scrubbed her hands over her face and attempted to remember breathing. Breathing was good. She thought about how it hurt when she came back, and funny--it kind of felt like that right now, too.

Dean frowned as he watched her go, wondering what the hell she was doing. He heard the door shut behind her and he almost went after her - despite the fact that only minutes ago he'd been wanting her to keep her distance. What the hell? he thought to himself, but obviously the girl had something in mind, so Dean returned to the phone, putting it back on the stairs and concentrating. It shut down again, but not as quickly this time, he had to think about it a little more. Strange, but it happened like that sometimes.

He pocketed it again and looked up the stairs, wondering what he did now. He felt sick and miserable. He wanted to be alone for a while. Maybe he should take Thia's book and go down to the lake while it was still light out, read up on as much as possible, try and figure out what was going to be his future, think about what he should be planning for, working things out. Alone. That seemed really important right now. Yeah.

Dean stood and headed slowly up the stairs. He wouldn't be a danger to people, and if he was - or was going to become a danger to people - then he'd just have to find somewhere where there weren't people around. Which meant leaving all of this. He'd never felt so empty in all of his life as he did the moment he came to that conclusion, but he couldn't live with himself if he took another path - he couldn't allow people to be hurt because of his own selfishness.

He took a moment and swallowed, before knocking on the door she'd disappeared behind and slowly opening it, feeling like he'd already lost her, like this was all going to disappear just because he'd made a decision on a 'what if'.

She saw the door move out of the corner of her eye, and that sick feeling she had that was steadily getting worse got exponentially so. She looked at him though, and she made herself not do anything stupid, or overt, or anything. "...was it any harder?" she asked--and this time her voice actually wasn't as steady as it could have been. "Using your ability. Was it harder than when I was with you?" They might have to try it again, with her holding his hand again, just to test it once more. Maybe he'd say no, and she could give up her theory entirely. She could be wrong, right? She never wanted to be wrong more in her life than in that moment.

Dean's mind wasn't on what she'd had him do, not really. He was still working on the end of his life, on the fact that he could be a danger to the people he was with, that apparently the way his developing abilities were heading was to be able to kill and harm living things. What had happened when he'd found out about Thia's death played over and over and over in his mind. How he'd fused out the electrics in the kitchen without even knowing he'd done it, except the scene kept changing, worsening, until it was Sophie that had dropped like a stone, until he'd killed his cousin because he'd got bad news. What if he'd done that? He couldn't be trusted - he knew he'd never hurt someone on purpose... Or wouldn't he? He was carrying a gun - he'd fired it without a moment's hesitation the other night, after all, hadn't he. That just kept going round and round in his head, so when she asked him, it took him a moment to clue in that there might be something she was getting at here - and it was her tone of voice that grabbed him in the end. "Thia? Are you okay? And... It took me a moment longer, but... That happens sometimes," he told her, stepping forward, then remembering that he was a possible risk to her and making himself take several steps back.

"Don't--" she started, because he was backing away again, and she looked miserable for a minute, just a few heartbeats she really looked like she was going to burst into tears. Then, she got hold of it and her expression smoothed out, to one that was more blank than anything. She drew in a deep breath, and forced herself to let it out slowly. "Come back. Please. Hold my hand again, and try it one more time. Tell me if it's easier." she said. She had no idea how she managed to get her voice even there, but she had. It was totally dead sounding, but it didn't waver.

"Thia - I..." He wanted to ask what this was about. He wanted to tell her he didn't think it was a good idea - that maybe he should stay away from her for her own good. That was a horrible thought, one that made him want to cling to her - which was, of course, the worst thing he could do. But he didn't know what to do. He needed that book. He should go and get the book and leave for a while. That would be best. He swallowed back the lump in his throat and bit his lip. "Can I borrow the book?" he asked her, his voice nowhere near as steady as her's was. "I think I need to look them up. I need to know what... What I'm becoming," he told her, feeling cold all of a sudden.

"Do this first. Then it's yours. It's in the room I'm staying in...bedside table. Righthand side." she answered. "Just to this first. Okay? Please?" she asked. Her voice still sounded dead. She was also kind of distantly aware that he'd asked her before if she was okay, and she was so emphatically not okay it wasn't even funny. It was staggering. "I just have to see. Okay?" she asked. Her voice sort of died out on the last word there, and she snapped her jaws down tight on her lower lip, because she was not allowed to cry right now. She just wasn't. So she wasn't fucking going to.

Dean nodded and took the few steps to her, reaching for her hand as he pulled the phone back out of his pocket. He looked down at her, some stupid part of his mind wondering if this would be the last time he saw her, when he knew full well that, no matter what, it wouldn't be and he was just being overly dramatic now. But it really did feel like the end of everything. Especially with that look on her face, as though she was about to cry. "Thia - what's going on?" he asked her, quietly. And he meant other than all of his shit, other than the fact that he needed to leave, that he needed to get away. Because she - this didn't fit. What she was making him do. And it seemed so important to her. He didn't understand why.

"I think...I have a theory." she said. She tasted blood in her mouth, and she swallowed at it. She also realized sort of belatedly that she had a bit of a death grip on his hand, and she'd hugged his arm to her. She gave an attempt to make herself let go but it didn't work so she said fuck it. He wasn't the only one who was thinking about endings. About how this might be it. She really didn't at all understand how she was speaking around the lump in her throat, and it was difficult. Part of her was already wondering if she could pack up her stuff and make it to Journey's house before dark. Probably. She'd just have to risk being seen. Maybe. Fuck. "I think...I think that your problem isn't you. I think your problem is me." She knew she probably needed to say more there, but that was the end of her ability to speak. If she attempted one more word, that whole determination not to cry her damn eyes out was going to be gone entirely.

"You?" Dean asked, confused. "I..." No, he didn't understand. What was in that damn book that she knew about him that he didn't know? And how could it be her? How could she be his problem? "Thia - I don't understand," he told her.

"Look, I'm still trying to figure it out but I think--I mean you use the same stuff I do, fuck, Dean, I might as well be made of that shit, for all I know I am. I just...you're--I think you have it around you all the time, I've tried to pull it all out of you but I can't, but with Sophie the other day I almost could and it's--I think I amplify things, I think I affect you, I don't know for sure but it makes sense, and I just...you said for the past week or so and you've been around me a lot in that time and what if I'm just...just setting you off? Just by being here?" The words came tumbling out of her mouth in a rush, they all shook, cracked, and she teared up. She was pissed with herself with that, and she angrily wiped at her eyes. "Just try, alright? And if I'm wrong, then-" Thank fucking god, or the devil or anyone inbetween anyone who might listen to a thing like me but I don't think I'm wrong but please please please let me be wrong....

Oh god - she was crying. Dean couldn't deal with it when she was crying, he'd never been good with tears and he'd do anything if it'd make her stop. Even before he'd taken on board what she'd said, appreciated it for what it was, he'd turned his mind to the phone, holding onto her hand as well as he concentrated on just switching the thing off - only to have it fizz and fry in his hand, the smell of burnt electrics filling the room. He stuffed it back into his pocket, quickly, turning back to her. "That doesn't mean anything, Thi - nothing, that happens sometimes, I overdo things, I don't know what I'm doing half the time, it doesn't mean, it's okay, Thia," he babbled, not wanting to see her upset, willing to do anything not for her to be upset, forgetting even about his promises to stay back from her in the face of her burgeoning tears.

"Maybe it doesn't, but maybe it does." she said, again rubbing angrily at her eyes. "And if that's the case, Dean, then--" she broke that off, then turned away, and tried to calm down or something. She brought her fingers up into her hair and gripped hard for a moment, trying not to give an incredibly frustrated scream. What she did wind up doing was uncharacteristic of her. She didn't usually punch things. Wasn't really a Lullaby-thing. But right now she wasn't feeling very much like herself. She was feeling a lot more like a plague. So, the doorframe got a right fist against it. The doorframe, because some weird little separate part of her brain had the ingrained automatic responses that said she was a guest, and she didn't want to hurt the wall. It really hurt, but that focused her a little better than she had been a second ago. She hugged her hand to her chest and concentrated on breathing. Breathing, and shutting the waterworks off. Which weirdly, the punch thing helped a little. Not entirely, but they slowed. She felt like maybe the huge hollow place inside of her could hold onto her freak out for a few. It kept growing, there was room.

He took her by the shoulders and pulled her back into him, holding her tightly, his head dropping to her shoulder as he stood behind her, not saying a word. What was there to say, anyway? What had happened here, where did everything go wrong?

She resisted for about half a second, before she gave up. She leaned herself back against him, a solid presence behind her. His arms around her like maybe everything would be okay. Only it really probably wasn't going to be. Honestly, how could they be? Ever? Her life was about as fucked as it could get. And if she hadn't been worried before about just how emotionally she was messing with people's lives, now she was messing with Dean's in an even more substantial way. Or she thought she was. And it wasn't like she could shut it off. It was just there. It was her. "I don't--" she mumbled, voice unclear. Fuck, she didn't even know what she was going to say. She didn't want to hurt him? She didn't want to make things worse? She didn't want to have to stay away from him? D, all of the above?

He closed his eyes, screwing them shut, burying his head in her shoulder. This wasn't fair, none of it was fair. He'd thought that... He didn't know what he'd thought, but it had never been this. He realised that he'd been hoping that he'd be able to go out this afternoon, take that book, scour it and find out that she was wrong. Or something. That there'd be a loophole or a catch, or some way that the whole harming people wouldn't apply to him and he'd be able to come back and they could laugh about it and then they could... Then they could go back to just being best friends again. And she could hug him occasionally and he could pretend like everything was just going to be alright. But now there was this too. That not only was he potentially harmful, but that apparently, being near her made that more likely. That she made him more of a danger to people. It was like a double whammy and it just wasn't fair. He didn't ask for much out of life - he rarely asked for anything at all. And now even what he did want was being taken away from him and she didn't even know what she meant to him, what it would mean for him to give her up.

She realized in a sort of late fashion that she'd shifted just enough so she hand one hand gripping his wrist, like it was going to keep him there or something. Like if she didn't actually let go? Maybe she wouldn't feel quite so much like a kite that's string just got cut. Like she was in some kind of freefall. But that's very much what it felt like. Like things had been wobbly, but there was a line there, an anchor. And now all of a sudden there wasn't anymore. If she packed fast, she could leave and be back to Journey's before dark. If she didn't pack at all, and just...waited til he was at school or something then came to get her things, she could be gone faster. "Dean, I have to go." she whispered, but it wasn't very coherent--or really at all in the way that there were words, but really it was kind of only his name that had the proper articulation to it, due to every fiber of her being rallying against that idea. That was partially articulated by the fact that her hand on his wrist hadn't let up in the slightest. Was her hand aching because she was gripping him too tight? Or because she'd punched something? She didn't know anymore. And anyways, it all sort of blended into one big swirl of pain anyways. Though really, the emotional razorblades were a lot worse than anything physical.

"No you don't," Dean told her, holding her tightly, not giving a damn right now about anything. He was like a five year old gripping a teddybear, his head still buried in her shoulder, his arms around her waist. He knew he should step back, let her go, walk away himself. He could be a danger to people and she might be making things worse. But he couldn't let her go, he couldn't give her up. And so he clung to her, denying everything, making like it would all go away if he wished hard enough. All of it. That it would make everything all okay again and they could go and ring his friends and he'd gladly take their jokes and risk their jibes right now. Hell, right now, in this very moment, he'd trade them telling her how he felt about her in return for them not having to go their separate ways. He'd take anything life could throw at him if he could just keep this one, small thing. Just keep his best friend.

She heard it, or well enough. It made her heart hurt more. It had taken a lot to say it in the first place, and it was the polar opposite of what she wanted to do, but at the same time... Honestly, could their lives stop sucking now? Really? Just how much exactly were they meant to be taking? And what had either one of them done to deserve such a harsh karmic bitchslap? A nasty, ugly little voice in the back of Lullaby's mind provided an answer to that one. Gee, Lullaby, what do you think? Maybe it's payback for the five innocent bastards who got dead to keep you here? Think they might be a little pissed you're spending their time? And who gets caught in the crossfire here? Dean. Who warrants so much fucking better. "I do, I..." again with the not very coherent. She squeezed his wrist harder, then her head dropped back against his shoulder, eyes still shut tight. Breathing was attempted, though she didn't get a whole lot done there.

He shook his head against her shoulder, pulling her in tighter against him. "No - no, this isn't happening," he said, flat out denying it now. Before it was all theory, it was fixable, it was doable, it could be wrong. Maybe it still was - after all, what evidence did they have? So he blew up a damn mobile. So? He did that kind of thing all the time. He should be saying this to her, he realised. "Thia, maybe we're jumping to conclusions," he said, lifting his head a little to clear his voice, though he was still having to talk past that damn lump in his throat. "So I destroyed my phone. I was stressed, it's always worse when I'm stressed, or upset. And the thought of... It was preying on my mind and maybe it's not you at all. And you're right, maybe I'm not at the stage where I'm a danger. Maybe I'll never get there. And we don't know yet, do we?" he asked, wishing that he'd actually not said anything, because it sounded a whole lot less convincing than it had done in his head and he started thinking back on him again. About how, really, he should be the one to leave. Because he was right - they had no proof that she affected his abilities, and maybe she didn't. But he needed to find out whether he could hurt people and he should avoid putting himself in situations where he might accidentally do that until he had proof that he couldn't. It was the only responsible thing to do. He felt his head swim and then start to clear as he realised that this was it, that one of them was going to walk away. He could suddenly see it, almost taste it and it was like a suckerpunch.

No, they didn't know yet but she was pretty close to convinced on it. It just made sense to her. On one of those purely fucked up fundamental levels you couldn't actually do anything about. Like it was built that way from the ground up. And if Dean had designs on being really powerful? It'd be perfect, really. She could even make sure that the backlash he did take wasn't enough to do any real damage to him. And just amp up his abilities, and oh look there. He was in the perfect position to do whatever the fuck he wanted there. And if it were anyone but Dean... But it was Dean. Dean, who never wanted to hurt anything. Dean, who worried about how he might become a weapon, or that all he was good for was destruction. So what happens? Of course, she just makes that scenario all the more possible. She drew in a shaky breath, and let it out slowly. It was shuddery, she wasn't terribly steady right now. Part of her half wondered if she'd just drop straight to the floor if he let her go. It was possible. That thought more than anything had her telling herself she had to do something. She couldn't do this. It wasn't fair. Not that any of this was. She moved, though it was more shifting around, she wanted to see his eyes. She was pretty positive that she was going to be haunted by whatever she saw there, but she had to do it. She didn't actually try to move away from him, though. Maybe she wasn't ready to yet. Though, right then she would probably have answered that she would never actually be ready. It had been hard enough on her losing Journey from her life. She didn't really think she'd be able to handle the loss of Dean. It was mind numbing. That hollow feeling in her seemed to keep getting bigger, eating at her.

"I'm going to go," he told her before she could say anything else, his eyes bloodshot with tears that he couldn't shed. "I'm the one who's a potential danger here - it's all me. I'm going to go and I'm going to get that book and there's daylight left and I'm going to take myself away and see if there's not something else that we've missed - you haven't read all of it, have you? Maybe there's more - I could go down to Nevermore - even if it's not open, there's been so much shit in town, nobody's going to notice one more shop broken into. I can get more books, maybe there's something about this, something we're missing. And then we can work this out." He was starting to shake, he could feel it, he was actually going to do this. "But promise me you won't go anywhere, Thia. Promise me. I'll... I'll stay away from you. This is a big house.... I'll.... I'll move into the basement, you can stay up here, that'll be far enough away. But promise me you won't leave - you don't have anywhere to go, you can't go back to journey's, it's just not safe. Please... We can work this out," he begged her, not caring right now how he came across, or what she thought. He was desperate, he couldn't lose her, he couldn't.

She managed to turn to look up at him, and her arms slid up, though she didn't put them around his neck. She put her palms to his cheeks instead, and just looked him in the eyes. What she needed to be doing was leaving. And she didn't know where she should go? As long as it wasn't here. "Don't go into town. Don't move into the basement. Don't...just don't. You're fine if I'm not there to fuck you up." She had absolutely no idea how she was managing to speak clearly, but she was. Her voice wasn't happy with her, it was hoarse, and her throat ached from continually trying to swallow back hysterical sobbing. He was begging though. He wanted to find a way to work things, and that's what she wanted too. Because there was that part of her that simply blanked out at the idea that he'd be gone. Like it sent her entire mind into shut down. She'd always kept in the back of her mind that Dean would eventually drift, go his own way, and she'd lose him then, but that was then. That was not in any way now. And definitely not to this. She ticked her gaze back and forth between his eyes, then nodded a tiny bit. "...I promise." she whispered. She didn't know what the fuck she was going to do and she knew she'd probably be sitting aside the whole time, worrying herself sick over the entire situation, but she couldn't walk away when he said that to her. No way in hell.

He looked at her, long and hard and as if he could burn that promise onto his soul just with that one look, because she couldn't go, not now, not like this. And it was there, right on the tip of his tongue, the sudden need to tell her exactly how he felt about her, to make her understand why this was so important to him, why this... But he couldn't, and he wouldn't. He wouldn't do that to her, even now. So he bit it back and pulled away, hating every moment as he extricated himself and took a step back. "I'm... I'm going to go now," he told her, his voice sounding alien. "I'll be back before sundown." And you better be there. He didn't articulate the threat, he couldn't, his voice cracking before he got to it. "I'll be back," he managed, before turning for the door.

"If you're not, I'm coming after you." She said. She hadn't meant to say it. In fact, that statement didn't even check in with her brain first. It skipped right over and went from gut reaction to articulation without any stops in between. It wasn't a threat, it was another promise. If he wasn't back, she'd go looking for him. And that was kind of it. She turned with him, and her hand slid down his arm, sort of keeping up the contact as long as she could without actually following him. That part was difficult, and she took half a step to do so before she caught it. She couldn't shake that feeling that he was walking out right now, and even if he came back, he wouldn't be back. So a million things popped up in her head to say to him, and she couldn't say any of them.

He didn't even try and tell her not to do that. In fact, he wrapped her words up and tucked them away in his head, taking comfort from them when he probably shouldn't. But it helped, knowing that she wouldn't really let him go. It helped so much. But it still hurt as he walked away, not daring to look back as he left the room and headed down the stairs. They hadn't finished warding the house, he knew, but right now? Someone else could do that. It didn't matter any more. He stopped in at her room, crossing straight to the bedside table and taking the book, before he left the house, not speaking to anyone as he did so, and headed off. Just wanting to be alone.