Text To Joshua

Even though it wasn't the asscrack of dawn, Joshua was still asleep. Seeing as how he hadn't really gotten there 'til about five in the morning. Tossing and turning was getting to be an art form. In any case, his phone buzzing against his side -- he'd taken to sleeping with it actually in the bed, sad as that was -- and beeping brought him around right quick. He fumbled it up to his face and hit buttons, squinting. It was from her. Cue heart-pounding. Only ... mirrors? He worked at fumbling out a reply.

Ok. Yeah i do. Why? -J

Not quite what he'd gone over and over in his head to say to her if she ever did text him out of the blue, but he was caught a little off-guard.

That had him worried for her. He didn't much know what-all she was talking about obviously, which just made it more worrisome. He didn't like the idea of her wandering around in a creepy place where windows were mirrors and other things might be. No, that didn't sit very well at all. He sat for quite a few minutes, thumbs sliding over the keys as he debated whether or not to say so. He probably wasn't like ... supposed to want to be protective of her. That was the realm of non-exes or ... something. He'd never been a hardcore ex before, he wasn't sure how this worked.

Be careful. Worried about you. -J

He sent it, and then typed in the sentiment he really wanted to. Can I see you? But instead of 'delete', Joshua hit 'send'. "Aw, fuck me," he muttered as he tried to back out of it too late.

It had taken Joshua a bit to get dressed and actually get out of the house. He told Sean he was going for a walk, which was true, and something he'd kind of been doing a lot, so the angel didn't much give him shit for it. He was thankful for that. As he walked along the shore toward the direction she would be coming from, overly aware that his face still looked like shit and his wrist was still wrapped. He'd forgotten those little details texting her. He just hoped she didn't try to heal the injuries or anything. He was nervous, he admitted that to himself, and on his way there tried to calm it down with reasons he completely shouldn't be. He just sort of hadn't expected her to say yes. But there was more important shit to think about, like behind-mirror places and fade-things and yeah. He was not on the important list, so he should cling to that and not be nervous. Just friends. He focused in on the part of him that was eager -- dying, really -- to see her. It'd be eased in a minute, so that was something.

Lullaby was watching for him, too. She was feeling a little headachey, and she was glad she'd grabbed her hoodie--which she had the hood up on, actually. With the bit of a bite in the air, fall starting to kick in, she was starting to think she needed some new clothes. Like, say, a long sleeved shirt. That would be cool. Helpful, even. When she caught sight of Joshua, she smiled, immediately, and started walking faster towards him. Then, of course, she saw bruises, and gah! What the hell happened to him! She dashed up, immediately looking up at him with concern on her face. "Joshua--what happened to you?!" she asked, reaching up to touch is cheek lightly, though stopped just shy of the actual contact, both because she didn't want to hurt him and because there was a jarring 'woah wait a minute, you probably shouldn't do that' in the back of her head. "Are you okay? What happened?" she repeated.

That was ... yeah. Really really hard not to grab her into a hug immediately. Really hard. He was half-glad that he was walking with his hands in his pockets, and then not at the same time. "It's okay, I just fell," he said, trying on a little half-smile for her. He glanced at the hand and chided himself for wanting to lean into it. Pathetic much? Why yes, yes he was. "Rocks and faces don't mix, just so you know." He looked her over, because he couldn't not. She looked okay. Really good, but that was probably just him. "How are you?"

"Fell?" Lullaby said, still looking all worried. "You look like you lost a fight with a city block! You've been looked at, right? Nothing's permanently hurt and--what's wrong with your arm?" she asked, looking at what appeared to be a wrap around, from what she could see of the back of his hand, and god, she left him alone for a few days, and he was beat to shit. "Do you want me to...can I help?" she made a vague gesture, offering to take some of those off of him, or some of it at the very least, though with Dean's getting pissed at her for that kind of thing she asked first just to avoid Joshua being angry with her. She really didn't want anything to involve anger with them today.

"No," he said a bit took quickly maybe, since he'd anticipated that. At least she'd asked. Before, she kinda just stole his shoulder injury from him, bit by bit. But that was then, so maybe it wasn't so automatic anymore. "No, it's okay. Went to the hospital and everything, they reset it, no permanent damage. Just sprained my wrist tryin' to catch myself. ... thanks, though. It's all feeling a lot better than it did." He should probably stop staring. Joshua gave the water a cursory glance, then looked at her again. "You okay?" he asked, since she'd blown past the first one.

Internally she winced a touch at how fast he'd answered her. Okay so it had been right to ask. Still, she wanted to help, it didn't curb the impulse. She was also still looking all worried at him. "You should go back out to the mine...take a little dip in the pool there, Joshua." she said. Because if he wasn't going to let her help him, then he should do the next best thing, and get better fast through other means. She fidgeted, still dealing with the urge to reach out and touch him, to lessen his injuries. It was difficult for her. "And I'm...um..." she gave him a little half smile and sighed. "Dealing, not spectacularly well, but trying. You? Besides all that?" she asked, indicating his hurts.

He blinked a touch, because hey, he hadn't even thought of that. He'd just kind of ... walked away from the mine and hadn't looked back. Especially since it ate a few people for a while. He wondered if Sean would have a huge glaring issue with it. Maybe if he left out the whole people-disappearing part ... they hadn't gone from their tunnel, after all. "Maybe I will," he said after a moment, then nodded a bit. "Doin' okay." Lies. "What's been goin' on? You found out more about the place behind mirrors?" He started to walk back in the direction she'd come from, slowly and still looking at her. It eased up that urge to hug her and cling a little bit.

She walked with him, smiling at him a little bit. She was happy to see him, and that was showing. It occurred to her a moment later that she'd been kind of wondering how things would go, and then completely forgot about that in the face of seeing him injured. "Yeah...it's called The Inbetween, I guess. And I don't know much about it, besides that's where I wound up when I walked through a mirror. Which felt really weird. Like I wasn't there anymore. But it was just...pretty much the creepiest place I could imagine. The only thing that could really make it creepier would be like...if you added cenobites or something. And like, pre-lame-dj-cenobite. Like original, scary ass cenobites. That would have made it slightly worse. But just the potential for fucked up there is...disturbing."

"Sounds pretty fucked up," he said with sympathy. "I remembered reading a little somethin' about mirrors in the book, but kinda skipped it a bit, but that's ... yeah, walkin' through them is something different." And witness his awesome contributions to the conversation. Joshua looked away for a second, to check the path in front of him, and then back to her. "So you could see people? On the other side of their mirrors? Like people around here?" He didn't think that she would, but the idea of her being able to see him listlessly lay around and be miserable wasn't a very good one.

Lullaby made a sheepish face. "I didn't...I didn't actually go looking." she admitted. "I could still see Dean through the mirror I'd walked through, and I looked around just enough to get what I was seeing before I wanted to be the hell out of there." she said. That and she'd promised Dean that she'd only be gone for a second, but still. She wouldn't have been sticking around even if she hadn't said that. It was just...skin-crawlingy creepy.

Well that was a slight relief. Moreso because if a place felt that bad, then it probably was. And he still didn't much like the idea of her wandering around in Other Places, even if she could. It was worrisome. "Any way I can convince you to stay the hell out of there?" he asked, aiming a little smile at her. She'd said already she had to learn how to do 'this', whatever 'this' was. "Just ... doesn't sound like a safe place to be."

He got a beaming smile for that. "Ohhh you don't have to. I have to learn how to get around it, and I'll be working hard on that. But the book says that I should be able to just...zip, go from one mirror and out another one in like a heartbeat. Then I won't have to be in there per se. Or I wouldn't know I would be, if that's still how I traveled. But still, I don't wanna really be in there so I won't be hanging out there or anything. Promise."

Joshua couldn't help but smile back at her when she glowed like that. It was damn good to see. "That's ... actually pretty awesome, if you can manage it. When you learn to." He felt marginally better hearing that she wasn't going to be spending much time there. He thought he knew her well enough to know that she would if she felt like she had to. That was just Lu. This all kind of made his chest hurt, in a way, but he was more or less okay with that.

"I really hope I can." Lullaby said. "I'm going to work on it, but I need to like...dedicate a mirror. Like, find one I know really well? It was saying something about a familiar mirror...like I guess maybe I 'd have more freedom to just pop out anywhere I ever wanted to if I wandered around Creepy Stalker Land but it's safer and better to do it the instant way with mirrors you know. Or...that's what I could figure out from the book, it's kind of convoluted."

"You could do one at Journey's," he suggested. Of all the places that weren't her own house, he figured she knew those mirrors the best, probably. "No one to see you pop out, either. ... I mean, unless you had somebody there to make sure you did." Which he wouldn't at all mind doing for her. Would actually feel better for it, probably, to know -- and potentially let somebody else know on the side she'd gone in -- that she hadn't just ... disappeared or something. They were going to make it a safehouse anyway, and wouldn't that be awesome if she could just port through instantly if there was shit going down? Yeah okay, he liked that plan. It supported the whole not wanting Lullaby to die ever again idea.

Lullaby bit her lower lip at that. "Journey's place was actually...kinda vandalized." she said. "I went there the other night, had to get a few things and stuff, and I think the vamps got in. It's pretty trashed, and obviously my wards didn't work, so..." she shrugged. "The whole being on the other side thing though, that'd be good. I think I'll suggest that to Dean...you on one end him on the other?" she suggested. "Because the book says I could get lost, and there's worry there." To put it mildly. Dean sure as hell hadn't been happy about any of that shit.

He ignored the little twitch he got. Still unjustified and pointless, and she wanted him involved, so he could shut the hell up. Joshua winced a little and nodded. "That sucks," he said about Journey's place. He hadn't been by there since the first night of the vampires. "But yeah, I'd be glad to be on one side. If there's any shot of you getting lost at all, then definitely." He didn't look too thrilled about that prospect himself, frowning faintly. "Maybe just try it in the same house first?" he suggested. "A short jaunt might be safer or something." And that was completely ignoring the fact that he didn't want to go back there. He'd do it for her.

"From what I think I understand, it doesn't matter." Lullaby said. "Like...I don't know that the mirrors are all lined up together? Cuz...they're just a hallway. But maybe it would be. I'll have to read again and see if it makes any more sense this time, but there wasn't a lot of information there. Not like...as much as I'd like, anyways." she sighed. "But oh well, guess we'll just have to find out, huh?" She gave a faint little half smile.

"Yeah I guess," he agreed, smiling faintly back at her. At least it was something he'd get to do with her later. He might regret volunteering oh, two seconds after he left her presence, but who knew, right? Maybe he could really do this. Joshua walked in silence with her for a moment, looking at the way ahead before he turned again so she could read his lips. "I got all the papers to fill out to start uni next term," he told her.

She immediately brightened and smiled at that. "Did you?" she asked, excited. "That's great!" There was even a little bounce to her step. "Did you register for classes yet? Do you know what you're going to take?" she asked, rattling off the questions. But she was happy to hear it, she'd thought he kind of needed more to do than...hang out.

God, she was so adorable when she was excited. It made him want to kiss her, a lot. But those sorts of thoughts needed to go the fuck away. "I think I gotta make sure the student visa an' everything clears first before I can really register. But I talked to the woman, and it'll mostly jus' be normal freshman classes the first year. So I dunno about majors or anything yet. An' I'm kinda keeping my ears open for a place to work part time," he said with a little smile back.

She was still beaming at him. "That's awesome! Good job!" she told him, definitely pleased with this news. "I think it'll be really good for you, especially the school thing. I'm sure there's gotta be programs that you'd have fun with there. Hey, speaking of, how have you been doing with your tk? Have you been keeping up with practice or anything?" she asked.

"Some," he said with a nod. He'd kind of admittedly slacked off in the interest of wallowing in misery, but he had fucked around with it a bit. "Doesn't seem to be getting much easier very fast, but ..." Joshua trailed off and shrugged, eyes on her face. "How've you been, really? You didn't sound so good the other night. I mean ... text and all, but still."

"Well, keep at it, kay?" she encouraged. "You'll get better." She paused and thought about how to answer his last question. "I've been...kinda...I don't know. It's hard to say. Things have been really up and down and kind of all over? And sometimes I feel okay, and other times I really, really don't at all. I've been trying to figure out how to start...I dunno. Moving forward? Because I keep getting stuck with things. Like...like okay, Dean has someone who's I guess gonna try to get me a new identity? Which sounds great in theory. But it's going to cost in the thousands. And I don't have that. And he said he'd ask to borrow it from Oz and Sophie, and there could be paying back later, but...when he brought it up, I practically had an anxiety attack. Because all I could think about was even if I get it, when will I be able to do anything with it? And will I ever? Or am I going to be continuing to be a ghost? Everything just seems so...far away." she explained. "And I know that I can't think about it like that, but I can't help it. It all just seems too far away and too big. It's really overwhelming."

Joshua listened, and nodded a bit. If they lived in a huge city or something, that would be different, but he understood that Marquette was tiny, and she'd lived there all of her life. People would know her if she walked down the street in the broad daylight, fake ID in her wallet or no. It was a problem. "I don't think there's any way for it not to be overwhelming," he said, looking back over at her. This would be the part where it would be awesome to have some answers for her, but he didn't. None that weren't 'move to another town', and he really -- selfishly, of course -- didn't want her to do that. And 'it'll get better with time' sounded like so much bullshit. He felt spectacularly unhelpful. " ... and I really wish I had a good grand master plan for you, but I don't," he said a little sheepishly. He unpocketed one hand and lightly touched the back of her arm, because he wasn't sure if he could hug her or not. "But I think it'll end up being okay, one way or another."

She smiled at him, and didn't seem to mind the touch at all. "Thanks. And it's okay, I don't think anyone has a grand plan or anything, and I think even if I started to have one, I'd be cautious about thinking it through too long term. With the way things have been going lately, all...horror and weirdness, I kinda think short-term is a whole lot more doable. I'll get past this, I just...have so much yet I haven't dealt with. I started trying though. Like, I went to Journey's, and I went home. I got some stuff, so I'm trying to like...I dunno. Make my room at Dean's my room?" she suggested. "So I'll feel kinda...like I've got a home, I guess. It's a weird sort of feeling. But I know I have to do that, I have to stop feeling so...free-form. Like I'm just floating."

"That's understandable," he said with another nod. That was good, right? Something like it. At least she was around people who knew and accepted her, instead of being alone somewhere. He could appreciate that, even if it wasn't more with him. That was okay. "You'll work through it, I know. I mean, in the grand scheme, it hasn't really been all that long, and most of that time in between was all ... full of vampires and bullshit, so ... I mean, take your time with it, nobody expects you to be all good and settled really really soon."

She smiled a touch. "Yeah, I know. No one's pushing me to do that or anything, I just know that if I don't get a move on, and start somewhere, I might just...I dunno. Stagnate?" she suggested. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she realized that this was what she'd wanted from her break up with Joshua. The ability to talk to him again, without the pressure of having to spare him or take care of him. Just...them out for a walk, talking like friends did. So she was pleased, there.

"Just don't skip over stuff," he said a bit hesitantly. Because it wasn't like he really knew what he was talking about there, it was just all sort of projection and guesswork on his part. He'd never been resurrected from the dead before. "I mean ... you've got a lot to deal with. Emotionally and stuff. I just don't wanna see you rush the 'I'm okay' or anything and have it come back to bite you later, you know? Not that you are, just sayin'. But moving forward and getting kinda settled is good," he added on. Because hell, she might be doing ten times better than he thought, he just didn't know it.

She nodded, taking that advice. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't want to skip things either. I'm still sort of in that stage where I just don't know quite where to start. So I'm just going to keep trying little stuff. Feeling like I have a home...dealing a little at a time with the way my life's changed. I guess I feel like I have a family again, though it makes me miss my parents. But I'm not alone." I'm so not alone occasionally I even feel trapped by it. she mentally added, but didn't want to even start getting into that, because she really didn't like the feeling at all.

"You're not," he agreed, and wondered in that pathetic way if she counted him very much among that whole not being alone thing. It probably didn't matter much. He needed to stop thinking in circles. He resisted the impulse to offer again to help if there was anything he could do. He'd told her already, and it was just more evidence each time he said it of his lack of ideas on what to do. So he just kind of fell quiet and walked, scouting ahead again for anything with trip-potential.

She was helping pay attention to make sure he didn't trip too, as she usually did. "No. I'm not. So...that's good. I just have to learn how to get on with my life now. Which is easier said than done. I think once I know better everything about what I am now, I'll have a better time too. Because right now I know some stuff, enough to know that there's weirdness, but maybe if I figure out the rest, I'll be able to...I dunno. Choose a direction for my life to go in."

Joshua nodded. He could sort of understand feeling directionless, but probably not in the same way. Because nobody thought he was dead. So there was a bit of difference there. "I know you'll do great at whatever you pick," he said, aiming a little smile at her. Weak reassurance, maybe, but that was what he had. "And in the meantime, I might need your help with this school thing, once it gets started, yeah?" he added in lightly, elbowing her just a little bit.

She grinned. "Yeah? Well you've got it, promise." she said easily, more than happy to help with whatever. It was in her nature. Like she was still feeling like she ought to just...take a little of his injuries. Just a little, she wouldn't have to take them all. Just enough so he'd feel a little better, be a bit more healed. Why was it no one wanted her to do that? It was the only thing she could do that was good.

Okay, that felt pretty good. Because she needed normalcy and stuff in some fashion, and if he could help out with that by being dumb with school, that'd work out. It was small, but something. Joshua cast around in his brain for something else to talk about, but couldn't really come up with anything at the moment that wasn't 'I miss you' related. And she probably didn't want to hear that, so he just walked.

She noted that he didn't say anything, and tried to think of something to say on her end. Unfortunately, just about everything going on with her was somehow trauma related. And she didn't know how up she was for revisiting it all. "It's good to see you." she said instead, just sharing that sentiment.

He looked over, and smiled just a little. He didn't think she'd say it if she didn't mean it, so that was something. "Good to see you too," he told her. And because he did sort of want to keep in practice, he took his hands out of his pockets to sign I miss you. A little cheap of him, maybe, but it was true, and she should probably know.

That absolutely delighted her, and she signed back. I miss you too. I'm glad you came today. She waited to see if he'd catch the whole thing, smiling brightly at him for the signing. She missed signing, but no one in the house knew it, and Dean had kind of twitched when they'd first met and seemed to not want her to do that so she'd gotten out of the habit of signing automatically.

Joshua got the jist of it, and it kind of ached in a good sort of way. Signing was a bit clumsy with his wrist sort of fucked up, and it hurt a little, but he didn't mind, really. Me too. I'm glad you called -- as he didn't know the sign for 'text', or if there even was one, -- I didn't know if I could call you every day. And ridiculously, that was far easier to communicate this way than it would have been to say.

She was just damn truly happy to be signing, and that was very very clear. You can call me whenever you want, y'know. Friends. she assured him. I'm glad we still can be. I missed you, and hope that we see each other more often. But you can call whenever. Always welcome.

He was caught for a second between feeling really glad and relieved and really sad about that. It came out as a weird sort of smile, and he stopped walking to take her arm and pull her in to a hug. He promised himself he wouldn't cling, it was just a friend-hug, and he thought he did an okay job of that. There was just the whole urge to kiss her head that had to be stamped down on.

She hugged him back, glad for it. She was a huggy person, after all, but she hadn't been sure where the lines were, there. But...hugs were very good. She was a fan, and therefore was happy when he hugged her. She didn't step back for a few moments, and when she did, she smiled up at him, looking as happy as she felt.

Okay, yeah, really difficult not to kiss her when she looked like that. Joshua took an extra half-step back and tucked his hands in his pockets, smiling back faintly. Then untucked them to sign again. If you ever want to hang out and watch a movie or just walk or something, let me know. Until school or a job, I have a lot of free time.

Thanks, I will. And hooray movies. Dean's gone to see one tonight on a date. She signed in return, with an expression that said 'innat sweet?' She was still maintaining that Dean needed to hang out with people that weren't her, and even if she didn't approve of his taste in girls, he still needed to get out and hanging with the living. When you get your schedule, let me know so I know when I can bug you and when I can't? she requested.

He had an internal little blinky moment at that news, seeing as how ... well ... he knew how the guy felt about her, and they were living together and everything, and he was dating? That was exceedingly weird, and it wasn't until that moment that he realized just how much he'd more or less expected them to hook up. Wow. Cynical. And now he felt a little bad. But he kept it mostly off his face. It was kind of easier when said face was all screwed up. I will, he signed back. So you're not doing anything tonight?

She shook her head. Not really. Just...going for a walk with you, so far. she said. Which is nice! Then I was figuring on homework for a bit. Sophie signed me up for online school courses, so I'm excited about that and have been really happy to get to continue my education. she said, looking probably far too excited about the education thing.

That's cool, he signed back with a little smile. She looked happy. That was cool. And now he was backpedaling on the want to hang out with her for as long as humanly possible, 'cause ... well, he wasn't sure where to do that. His place was kind of not possible at the moment, and hanging out where she was now would just sort of be weird, so ... yeah. The shoreline it was, looked like. He could live with that.