time in the attic

who: lullaby and joshua
where: journey's house
when: midday

Joshua was a little sweaty by the time he made it to Journey's place. Which, in retrospect, was something he kind of regretted, seeing as how he was going to smell kind of bad around her. But he'd skated as fast as he could from the apartments. Which, granted, wasn't ahugelong distance, but hey. He was eager. He picked up his board on the porch and walked in through the front door, a little cautiously. It was strange to just walk in to somebodyelse's house. Even if they didn't live there anymore. She'd said she was going to be in the attic, so he shut the door behind him, locked it, and started to hunt for the attic stairs. ... which wasn't very easy for some reason. He pulled his phone out to text her. He didn't want to scare her anyway, it wasn't like she'd hear him if he called. Here now, wheres the attic? -J

Lullaby was still up in the attic. She'd been going through things, and was losing track of time. When her phone buzzed in her pocket, she got it, and smiled at the message. She then went to push theladderstairs down. In this house, for some reason, it was located in Journey's room's closet. Why, she had no idea, she didn't ask. It had just meant when they were kids, theysnuck up there a lot. But she didn't think she'd be in danger of hitting him since she didn't imagine he'd be in Journey's closet, so yeah. She headed down the steps carefully, then went in search of him. "Joshua?" she called. At least he could hear her and find her.

His head twisted around as he heard her voice, toward the stairs. Well der, naturally the attic would be up, right? Joshua started to climb, smiling faintly to himself. It was good to hear her voice. Especially his name. He didn't think he'd ever get tired of hearing that. He met her in the hallway, and immediately went to scoop her up into a hug. It was daylight and everything, and she was so much alive and moving around Lullaby that it made his heart hurt all over again.

She giggled a little when he did that, arms going up around his neck, and she hugged him tight, while giving him a ton of little kisses all over his face. The up side to not being a girl who wore makeup was there wasn't a big mess to clean up later when one did things like shower their boyfriend with affection. She was stupidly happy to see him, a light, happy thud to her heart as she did it. Her neck twinged slightly, but that was alright. She could live with that. And ignore the shit out of it.

He was fairly sure that he'd never been quite that happy ever before. With all the pecky kisses and her giggle and how she felt in his arms and everything. He lifted her up briefly -- though he couldn't ever for long, without risking serious bodily injury -- and turned his head to catch her mouth and kiss her properly. Or would have, if he could stop grinning like a complete idiot for more than five seconds at a time. It was difficult.

She was smiling too, and she kissed him back properly. When her feet touched the floor, she grabbed his shirt, and started tugging him backwards towards the room she'd just exited, but she kept pausing to give him another kiss, and another one, and it was really slow going doing things that way. But there wasn't any hurry, now was there? Nope. There wasn't at all. There was kissing time to be had. Attic time could totally wait.

They could've taken all day and all night, and Joshua wouldn't have cared. He shuffled along with her, kissing eagerly when she was there, and smiling at her drunkenly otherwise. The stupid flareup of jealous hurt that had happened when she'dtexted him that she was going out with Dean later was a billion miles away again, and she was all there was. Once she was in the doorway, he grabbed her by the hips and put her back to it, moving in to kiss her again. He'd forgotten there was an attic.

She was fine with the kissing and the being stopped and kinda trappedlike. It reminded her of when they'd left the party, when they'd both felt like they just hadn't had enough time alone together. When he'd done that, and there was making out up against the side of the house. That and when they'd gotten back from the mine, and the second they were in her room with the door shut, someone had flicked on the passion switch. All those things? Were good things. So was this. Her arms were up around his neck and she pulled him in closer, or tried to. She was in fact a fan of all of this. It felt good, and lately there was a stunning lack of anything good feeling in her life.

Really, he'd just wanted to see her again. To reassure himself that he wasn't just losing his mind or dreaming her or something of the kind. But he'd take the kissing too. Most definitely. One hand lifted to touch the side of her face with his fingertips. Her skin was a little cool, but she was soft and tasted sweet as ever. He pressed into her more firmly, a sudden well of gratitude and adoration welling up in his chest. It wasn't anything he knew how to express verbally, so he tried to put it into the kiss itself.

Communication through kissing was good for Lullaby. She was perfectly fine with it, in fact. She lost herself in it, heartbeat picking up, thudding in her chest. And that feeling? The one in the back of her mind and growing in the pit of her stomach that something was Wrong? She was trying to ignore it. When had it started? Was she worried about something? Maybe she was just nervous about things, and she hadn't realized it. But it had been there, she realized in retrospect, underneath the excited happiness that Joshua was there. Now that it was persistent, it was coming more to her attention.

Happily oblivious, Joshua just kept on kissing her like it was the last thing he'd ever do. His hand slipped around to the back of her neck, fingers threading through her short hair. His own pulse had sped up, and he was very aware of every point that they were touching at. Twenty four hours ago, he had known she was dead, and now he was standing in Journey's bedroom doorway, wanting there to be less clothes between them. He couldn't even fathom how weird that was.

She tried ignoring it. Shoving past it, trying to come up with some way that she could block it out. And the making out definitely helped. It really, really did. But it was still annoyingly there. Where had it come from? Maybe it was left over, from when she'd written a letter to her parents earlier. But she'd thought she'd felt better after that. At least in some fashion. Maybe it hadn't helped and she was just...worrying again. But why now? She had other things to be doing! Like appreciating the feel of him pressed against her, and how she liked to push against him--which she did.

He made a faint noise that he couldn't help at all, just that small movement of her's doing worlds of wonderful things in his jeans. Part of his brain was wondering if this was a terribly good idea. She'd more or less just come back from the dead, and he hadn't even really said hello to her yet. He'd just come in and found her and now they were necking. But the rest of Joshua's mind -- and body, now -- was remembering how close by the bed was. They'd talked enough last night. He pushed back, the hand on her hip moving to slip up under her shirt a bit.

She shuddered, the sudden touch to bare skin having a huge effect. Oh yes, she was a fan. She also in the back of her mind was thinking she should probably put a stop to things, because while she'd been more than ready to go that last step with him the night she'd died...she really didn't want to when she was feeling like something was wrong. She wanted to be there with him, in the moment, just...there. Where the world was blotted out by him and there was nothing else, no corner of her mind or emotions that wasn't centered in and focused on him. But she didn't do it yet. Because she really, really didn't want to.

Joshua had to pull back to breathe, and took the opportunity to start to kiss down her jaw, toward her ear. He kept his hand just pressed against her side, though it wanted to roam further. He didn't know what the hell he was doing any more than he had a week previous, but he loved the girl, and he wanted her pretty damn bad in that moment. His teeth met her earlobe and pulled gently, aiming to get her to shiver again. Because that was made of pure awesome, and he wanted to make her feel as good as he could.

It worked, being it was a little unexpected but in a really good way. She also made a little sound. Which was more of a cue that hey she should probably pull up short here. Butgrrrr, she didn't want to! That thread of uneas e though, it was still there. And it was getting more distracting, and she really hated it. She knew her emotions were anything but stable at the moment, and she still felt pretty crazy about everything, but yeah. This was ridiculous. She put her hand on his shoulder, and pushed him slightly back, enough that she could look up at him. She meant to say 'we should stop' but the words didn't come out.

He had a little wave of surprise and disappointment when she pushed on his shoulder, but didn't push anything. He drew back just that bit to look back at her. She didn't say as much, but he could read the whole stopping idea in her eyes well enough. And though that sucked, maybe it was for the best; he'd sort of been on the edge of getting carried away, especially with the little noise she made. Joshua smiled faintly at her, and moved a bit so he was less pinning her against thedoorframe. "... sorry," he said, looking a bit sheepish.

"Oh, no...don't, don't, don't..." she said, shaking her head and she felt awful. A total tidalwave flood of badness swept through her, and she wished she'd not done anything. "I'm sorry, you don't have to be, okay? I'm just...something's feeling weird to me and oh god, it's not at all you, I should have said that better, okay? I'm...feeling kind of off for some reason, I think it's just...everything." That whole having been dead thing.

His eye widened a little, and he shook his head. "No, no, it's okay, really," he said. He took his hand out from under her shirt and smoothed it down again, the other one brushing over her cheek. He didn't want her to feel bad about it, that was definitely for sure. "You kind of have more reason to feel off than anybody ever, it's fine, Lu, I promise. Really, I don't want to ... push or anything. You just kind of ... do that to me." And theremight've been a tiny bit of color in his cheeks as he leaned in to kiss her forehead.

She smiled at that. "Still, I'm sorry." she said, still feeling bad about it. "I wrote a letter to my parents earlier. Like...one of those things I know they won't get, but I could get off my chest?" she suggested. "I thought it made me feel a little better, but maybe it didn't. I dunno. Still, sorry, I'll get over it, I'm sure. Want to go root through the attic with me now?" she asked, reaching out to take both of his hands.

"Don't be sorry," he said, looking at her again. He took her hands, linking their fingers together and nodded. "Yeah. Find anything good up there?" Joshua kind of wanted to ask further about her letter to her parents, like what she'd put in there, but if it was making her feel bad still, then he wasn't going to. She might not want to share anyway, so he'd just take whatever time he could spend with her.

She led him into the room, and over towards the walk in closet door which had been left open. the ladder was in there, still down. "A few things. Mostly it's just interesting stuff. A lot of it was put there by Journey's parents." she said. "I didn't really get to meet them, he was more raised by his uncle." And she'd met his dad, but only as a ghost so she didn't think that counted quite so much.

Joshua glanced around the room of the guy he'd not known all that well, and then up the ladder. He motioned for her to go first, not wanting to climb anything with her behind him where he could, like, fall on her. Once she'd started up already, he followed suit, going slow and careful. His foot still hurt from his tantrum in the kitchen, and his shin was still tender and everything.

She waited for him, looking over the edge and she reached down to help guide him. Because she was paranoid that he'd fall, and shedidn't ' want that to happen because that would be Bad. When he got up safely enough, she smiled, then reached to tug the ladder up--just so he didn't happen to trip and fall down into the other room by accident. "I found a bunch of old clothes, like, from the seventies and stuff." she said, laughing just a little. "It was neat. Maybe I'll go all retro, what do you think?"

Having the hole covered that led down to the floor below was a good thing, because if anybody would forget and step through it, it would be him. Though he'd avoid it on principle anyway, since it wasn't latched from the inside. Joshua tilted a smile at her. "I think it could be hot. Likegogo boots and mini skirts or hippie-seventies stuff?"

Lullaby laughed at that, trying to really picture herself in that sort of wardrobe, and her mind exploded. "Um, sure. There's some bright stuff in here. I swear, you could possibly see me from the moon with the orange and paisleys and stuff." she added. "Bell bottoms...like, serious bell bottoms, too. We are talking bells like you would not believe." She sat down on an old bean bag chair, and looked around. "I found a lot of interesting things." Now quit your stupid worrying, okay?Everything's fine.

He laughed a little himself. "My Da's got a picture of the only time he ever took my mom disco dancing? And y'know how my hair kinda poofs?" he asked with a grin, making a poofing-motion around his buzzed head. "Well his was a fro. A white Irish fro, it looked terrible." He moved in closer -- careful of nails and stuff even with shoes -- and dropped down on thefloro next to her, wanting to be as close as possible. "Somehow I can't see you in orange."

She giggled, picturing an older version of Joshua with a big fro. "That had to be silly." she said. Then, she titled her head to the side and gave him a little curious smile. "Really?" she asked. "How come? Are there any other colors I should stay away from?" she asked. It was such a weird statement, that she had to get clarification.

"Well I mean ... not like, bright orange. 'Cause you're kinda pale? And it does that whole reflecty thing on the face? That's what I hear from female cousins anyways. So bright orange and yellow, prolly not. ... I think you look great in red, though," he stuck in there, because she did. He was a fan of the red hoodie. "Not that, y'know ... I'm a fashion icon or anything."

It had her giggling some more. "But apparently, you have a high retention of color dos and don'ts from girls in Ireland." she said, finding that amazingly amusing for some reason. Probably because he so didn't look the type to know anything about that stuff. "Which actually probably means you know more about this stuff than I do. And thank you. I like red. I used to have a nice dress that was all red. Like a formal one? I'd wanted to get it for..." she trailed off for a moment, then made herself finish. "For prom." Which she wasn't going to be attending. Ever. Due to untimely death and all.

He was looking amused up until that point, and a bit dreamy, imagining her in a red formal. As disheveled as he usually was, Joshua liked it when girls dressed up. Not all the time, then they were annoying, but special occasions were nice. But his smile faded a bit at the mention of prom itself. He reached over and took her hand to give it a squeeze. "I never went to my dances either," he said lamely, then wished he hadn't. Not wanting to step all over people and spill shit on himself and look like an idiot in a concentrated environment -- besides the not having a date thing -- was a little different than being dead to everyone.

She didn't take it like that, and she gave his hand a squeeze back. "Well then, guess we can be lame together, huh?" she asked, trying to make light of it. It was a downer, though. She knew that it was going to be a while as she thought about these things, like earlier, when she'd found a box that held Journey's mom's wedding dress. It had been beautiful, and she'd looked at it, but hadn't taken it out or anything. Now normally? She would have in a heartbeat, and tried it on and everything, but...now it just reminded her of something she'd never, ever do.

Joshua nodded a touch and looked at the floorboards for a second before he was struck with an idea that might've been completely stupid, but he wanted so bad to make her feel better at every turn. "We could have our own," he suggested, looking up at her again. "You could try and look prettier even though that's impossible 'cause you already like, define the top of the scale, but get dressed up or something and I've got a suit and could try and look decent. Music,y'know ? I suck at dancing, but if it's just us ..." And in the middle of rambling, he realized it probably would've been a better plan to spring on her, rather than tell, but too late now.

She smiled at that, a soft little expression. "Yeah? Get all prettied up anyways?" she asked. Then she thought about it, telling herself that unnerved feeling in her gut was just her emotions playing havoc. It would go away. It had before, right? Right. It would again. "That might be nice." she said. She would have to think of a place where she could play music loud enough that she could hear it, but it was a long way off. Prom was in spring.

He looked relieved that she didn't outright dismiss the idea, and gave her a crooked little smile back. He wondered if she did dance at all, with her ears, or if it was hard and she wouldn't like it or what. But it was pointless to really worry about yet, it wouldn't be anytime soon anyway, probably. Even though he wanted to see her in a dress. Like now. "We'll do it, then," he said, bringing her fingers up to kiss. Then groped for a change of subject. "When are you and Dean going? To ... play with abilities?" he asked, looking at her questioningly on that one.

"Um...after he's done with school?" Lullaby suggested. "So whenever, I don't know if he's going anywhere else after school or not. Like if he has to go home and check in, or if he's coming straight here." she said, shrugging. "So, we're going to go there, because it was the best place I could think of for like...bad karma energy stuffs, I guess. I need a better word for that, I think."

Joshua's face got a bit more confused at that. The night before, he'd been so overwhelmed with gratitude and shock that she was alive again, he could hardly remember if she'd told him much about what she was now. "Bad karma energy stuffs?" he repeated, not understanding. Had she told him something about that? He tried to remember really hard, and came up empty-handed. "What do you mean?" he asked. Because yeah, he was still largely clueless.

She leaned back farther in the beanbag chair, trying to get comfortable, but it was kind of difficult while feeling uneasy and restless. She gave it her best shot though. The subject matter didn't help. It was like she kind of wanted to protect him from it. Her. The badness. "Um...I guess, now...with what I am and all, I kinda..." She sighed and looked pained, and had trouble meeting his eyes. "Bad energy, bad feelings, um. It kinda. Um. Makes me feel...better?" she suggested. "Like physically. Not emotionally or anything. But like, I can see it when people get upset, and I can kinda see it where there's lingering badness, and if I go sit there for a while, I feel more..." she paused, trying to find a word there. She came up empty, though, and wound up just looking down, picking at an old bracelet she'd found and put on.

He thought about that for a minute, watching her fingers pick as well. Bad feelings made her feel better. Physically. "Like ... you kinda feed off of them?" he asked, looking up at her face again. He sounded more curious than anything. He could see where that would bother her, just because of who she was, but he certainly didn't leap to the conclusion that she wasOMG Bad Evil or anything. Joshua leaned forward a bit, resting his arms on his upraised knees and watching her face. He wanted to understand, to know how she felt now, what was different.

She looked up sharply when he said that, and she looked wary and unhappy about it. Though, in the end, she nodded. She couldn't quite say it out loud, and again there was the urge there to shield him from it. Make it okay or sound better than it was. There really wasn't a way though, not really. It was messed up, and that was it.

Joshua thought he should probably have something to say to make her feel better, but he couldn't come up with anything yet. Instead, he kind of rocked to the side a little bit to lean on the beanbag, and dropped a kiss to her knee. He nuzzled there for a moment, then looked up at her again. "You don't hurt people, Lu," he said. Because she looked really unhappy. Not that she should be thrilled about that, but still. He was always going to want to do something about that, if he could. He propped his chin lightly on her leg. "You can't help it. What else is different? How else do you ... feel?"

She smiled down at him, thinking in that moment that there wasn't a more adorable gesture known to man. She reached out, to kind of brush the backs of her fingers over the back of his head, where there was starting to be some stubble coming in. Wouldn't take long to grow out enough to play with again, and she looked forward to that. When he spoke, she rested her hand on his shoulder there, before it drifted over to caress his cheek while she held his eyes with her own. "Different. Kinda. I don't know, sometimes it's hard to tell.Everything's still really up in the air, and..I'm still dealing with losing everyone. I want to go home sometimes so bad that I just..." Cry. For a really long time. "Physicallythings're ...weird. Like, I'm not hungry. At all. I haven't eaten for a while, and that doesn't seem to matter. And I can feel that badness thing, and I think, like..like I can see stuff? Like up here I can see it better, and down in the basement, but like...like okay there's a trunk over there, that the hinges on it aren't doing so well, and I think that maybe if I open and shut it five...six more times maybe it'll give. And I don't know why I even can think that."

It was probably stupid, but being petted like that was really reassuring. Not that he was the one who needed to be reassured. But still, it was nice. He rubbed her leg a little bit when she came to the cut-off part about going home, and nodded just slightly. He was still of the mind that she could. Not to everyone, probably, of course, but to her parents at least. Maybe they would move her to a new city, start over again. The thought of Lullaby getting out of Marquette was sort of comforting at the moment. He would go too, of course, because there really wasn't anything else to tie him to this trouble-magnet town. Sean would probably be relieved. But all that was a thought-tangent that he wasn't going to bring up at the moment. "Huh," he said, glancing over at a trunk to his right. "Like how can you tell? Just a feeling, or does it look weird or what?"

"I dunno?" Lullaby suggested, still kind of half petting him, because she liked that. In fact, she liked everything about their positioning right then. It felt...comfortable. And if she could just relax already, things would be perfect. "It's just like...I guess..." she sighed. "It's hard to explain." she said finally. "But it's kinda like I can see how badly it's um....degraded." She thought that was a good word. She wasn't sure it explained anything, but it was as good a word as she could come up with.

He nodded again a little, more or less understanding. He was mentally taking a list of stuff that was different about her now. She apparently didn't have to eat much. She absorbed bad vibes and felt better for them. She could see ... the breakdown of things. If she died, she would come right back the next day. She was noticeably cooler to the touch, but not cold. Idly, he shifted one arm so that it was up resting on the beanbag, and drifted his knuckles against her cheek. Then let his hand fall to her chest where he could feel her heartbeat. It was even more comforting than the head-pets. "I want to read about it too," he murmured, eyes ticking back to her face. "When ... Dean gets books."

She nodded, and reached up to put her free hand over his, clasping it lightly as she pressed his hand against her chest a little more to feel the thump there. "I'd like you to. I'd...I'd kind of like everyone to be up to speed who knows." Even if she was tentative there, and still kind of had an internal fear that Joshua was going to find something that he couldn't handle with it, and turn away from her. It was some internal tick, and she wished it would go away, but she couldn't quite kick it. She searched his eyes for a few long moments, then moved, leaning down to kiss him. It was a soft kiss, a light brush of one, but there was one hell of a lot behind it.

Joshua had lifted his head to meet her as she moved, and he could most definitely feel what was behind the soft touch of her lips. He kept his hand where it was, caught between her hand and her heart. Her heart that was still beating. Maybe for a terrible reason, but he would be a liar if he said he wasn't damn grateful to her dad for being a fucked up psychopath ... wizard or whatever. It was a weird mix of feelings. But the majority of them wereshiningly good. "If there's anything I can do, like at all, please tell me," he said once they'd pulled apart enough where she could read his lips. "You're not completely alone in this, okay? Even if you just want to talk, I'm here."

"Thank you." she said, smiling lightly at him. There was a sad edge to it, and she was thinking that she really wished they'd never had to have a conversation like this. Never had to discuss how she'd changed, what made her not human anymore. It was kind of making her feel worse, sick to her stomach, that unease there drifting up larger. So, in order to try and shut it the fuck up for a little while, she kissed him again. Drawing it out, she slid down with him, arms going around his neck to hug him tight.

He was trying to take cues from her on what she was good with and not, so despite the urge to launch into reassurances that everything was okay and he loved her and it would be all right, Joshua kept his mouth closed. Or rather, kept it occupied with kissing her. He didn't want to overdo it and accidentally make her feel worse or anything, and he knew he was more than capable. So kissing it was, in that slow lingering sort of way, as his arms wrapped fully around her in turn.

She kept up with the kissing thing too, until she had to breathe again, then she just hugged him, face buried in close to his neck. She shut her eyes and let herself try and calm down, even if it didn't work out entirely well. God, what was the matter with her? She wished she could shut things off when she wanted to. Why couldn't that be a power? That at least would be useful.

Joshua shifted into a spot that was a bit more comfortable, holding her in close. He leaned his head against her's lightly and ran his fingers through her hair slowly. He was okay with not talking anymore, even though he still had plenty of questions. Then again, he figured she probably did too. So just holding her was more than okay.

She let that go on for a bit, trying to calm herself down and all. Didn't work out completely, but she got herself feeling mostly normal. Mostly except for that last little gnawing pit of worry in her stomach. She was ignoring, though. Yes, just ignoring, and continuing to ignore. Eventually, she realized she should say something, though, and pulled back to look up at him again. "...is there anything you wanna know?" she asked. Even if she really didn't want to tell him some stuff, she knew really that she couldn't protect him from her forever. Definitely not, and so...yeah.

He looked down at her and smiled faintly, still brushing his fingers through her hair, only more toward the front now. "I want to know everything," he told her honestly, looking at her eyes. " ... but we don't have to do a whole Q-and-A or anything right now." She still didn't look very happy, and because he kind of thought that was going to be the case for quite a while, he wanted to give her an out.

She made a little frowny face, but shook her head. "No, if you want to know things, then I want to tell you." she said. Shut up, me. she told herself at the twitch it had. That wanting to keep him safe thing. It didn't work like that. And a worse thought was him finding out from someone that wasn't her, and that thought truck fear into her heart. It made her kind of hold onto him tighter.

Joshua nodded, face going serious as he looked at her. He chewed on his bottom lip briefly while he tried to think of where to start. Really, it was hard to formulate real sensible questions about stuff you didn't know shit about. "Is there more?" he asked. "Besides the ... shadows, and the negative energy, and the coming back from the dead?" Which sounded like a lot, now that he said it out loud. An overview would be good before he started poking around deeper.

She thought about it. "I'm kind of losing some things. Like, I know my dad told me a whole lot, but I'm forgetting some of what he said. But there's those things and um. I'm colder. I guess. I don't feel colder, but I guess I am. And um. My reflection." Which she still hated, and there was a reason why every mirror in the house now was covered up with a sheet. Including the one she'd found up here, a full length one over against the back wall.

He nodded again at the colder bit. He could tell that. And it made him want to drape a blanket over her. Or just hold her close like he was doing so she could leech heat from him. "Your reflection?" he echoed in a question.

She nodded, looking over at the mirror. "I look dead in it." she said. "And I know I don't look like that in real life n stuff, but I look dead in the reflection, and I really really hate it." she said, curling up on herself a little further. She wondered if he would want to see. She supposed it'd be better to show him now than have him see it accidentally and have it come as a shock or something, right?

A chill sort of came out of nowhere and ran up Joshua's spine. She looked dead in it. He wondered if it was the kind of dead she'd looked in his dream about the mine, or the kind of dead she'd looked in the dreams he'd had since she died. All of the sudden, he was positive that was exactly what she looked like, and his arms tightened around her. He swallowed through a slightly dry throat. "Can I see?" he asked. Though he didn't want to, he felt like he had to. Just to be sure it wasn't what he thought. If it wasn't.

She nodded. "Yeah, if you want to." she said, then she stood up, holding both of his hands in hers. "There's a mirror over here." she explained, nodding to the looming sheet covered thing. She wasn't going to want to look, but if he wanted to, he could. She started leading him over, then stood in front of it, back to him, and she leaned back against him, kind of wanting that physical contact with him. It took her a few times as she reached out, hand hesitating before she finally gripped the sheet and pulled it down off of the mirror.

He stood up and went with her, one arm moving around her upper chest as she leaned on him. He was there, looking over the top of her head, to support her. When the sheet came down and he saw almost exactly what he expected to see, he tensed up, arm holding her against his chest tighter. She was right ... in the mirror, she looked dead. Not like zombie-rotting dead, but very much really dead. He half expected her skin to crack open and start bleeding black. But he didn't flinch away from it. He couldn't, it was part of her now. Instead, he kissed the back of her head, some fierce and determined pressure behind it, eyes holdingher's in the reflection. "I dreamed you almost just like that," he said where she could read it. Almost in apology for twitching at all.

She'd expected him to twitch. Hell, she hated seeing it herself and she even knew that she didn't look like that...not that she'd ever be able to tell again. That was one thing she knew. Her self image had changed, and she just...wouldn't know what she looked like anymore. "You did?" she asked quietly, then turned to face him, looking up at him. Her hands rested lightly on his chest as she gazed up into his eyes. "When?"

He was kind of grateful to be able to really look down at her. Beautiful face pale and smooth and perfect. There was a lot in his eyes, and almost none of it very good. Not about this, anyway. "During the ... the mine. The bad dream, you looked a lot like that. Only ... cracked," he said, running one finger down her arm in a jagged sort of line. "And then again, a couple of nights ago. We were ... together. In, uh ... in bed." His eyes ticked off to the side. He kind of really didn't want to tell her this, but he'd never been one to edit himself to her. "And you were you, but then you ... started to turn like that. And you cracked and bled dark. Then I woke up." Joshua glanced at her again, hoping that wouldn't make everything worse.

It did on some level, but not quite as bad as it could have. She hugged him again. "God, that had to have been awful." she said, having to feel for him there. To be having a dream like that then have it change?Gah. That had to be traumatic in a very real sense of the word. She was glad she hadn't had any dreams like that, because jeeze . She gave him a kiss, too, but then pulled back short, because they were still in front of the mirror, and she didn't especially think it was a good idea to do that where he could possibly catch of glimpse of himself kissing her when she was looking like that...yeah. That would just be badness.

He wasn't paying the mirror any bit of attention anymore, all of his focus completely on her. Things were bubbling up to tell her again. Things he was sure she didn't need to hear, about how destroyed he'd been for the past ... week? Had it only been about that long? It was hard to remember, but so vivid at the same time. Joshua cupped her cheeks with his hands and looked at her intently. "You know that I don't care, right? I mean, I know you're having a hard time and that's totally understood and expected and I care about that, I care about you. I don't give a shit what you look like in the mirror now, or that you disappear in the dark, or what you feed off of ... you're still you, Lullaby, and I ... I just ..." he wet his lips and looked a little helpless for a second. "I didn't really know what I had until you were just ... gone, and every second I was awake just hurt and I never wanted to get out of bed again, and I ... I just feel like this is a second chance, and that I love you and whatever you are now doesn't change that at all and the rest is just details even though I know they're big and important butnothing's going to change how I feel, and it's all dealable." And he was rambling again. "We will deal. Together, because nothing's going to make me go anywhere, okay?"

That actually did absolute worlds for her. Hearing him say all of that eased something in the back of her mind. Probably that persistent fear that he was going to find out new details about what she was and decide he couldn't be with her anymore. That was a huge thing that kept circling the back of her mind and she hated it. "Do you mean that?" she asked, voice almost too quiet to hear, and it really held all the worry she had about the entire situation. Her eyes did too, like she was afraid he was going to change his mind.

He could see and hear it well enough, and reflected nothing but sincerity back at her. Joshua let go of her face to free up his hands, and signed With everything I have. It took him a second to really remember, and he wasn't positive he'd gotten it completely right, but he figured she would know what he meant well enough. Then one hand had found it's way to the back of her neck and he was pulling her in closer again to kiss. Hard. It couldn't wait another second.

Lullaby threw herself into that. The signing was always something she appreciated far more than she could say, and then oh...dear. That kind of kiss kind of left her feeling a little weak, and she kissed him back with just as much to it as he put in. It was hard, she was shoving everything else back, at least for the time being, and she wanted him to know just how much that meant to her. Because it meant everything.

After a word-blurt like that had been, Joshua almost always preferred this sort of thing to more talking. Her response said quite enough on it's own. It made his heart squeeze hard, but in a good way. That feeling like he might just pop with emotions for her was almost painfully pleasant. He kissed her passionately until he absolutely had to breathe, and then didn't really go far when he pulled back to do that.

She looked back at him as she caught her own breath, her heart thudding in her chest. It made her smile, as she bit her lower lip, getting the taste of him off of it. She started to move them away from the mirror, though kept in close where she was, because shewan't at all of the mind that they should let go of one another. No, that would just be silly. Or other things. Either way just no. She wasn't ready for that. And definitely not when he was looking at her that way.

He was good with moving. And holding on to her. He almost let go to move back to the mirror and cover it up again, but didn't bother. They were out of it's sight, he could do it later. Or something. He thought again -- he was having a lot of that brand of thought, it seemed -- about how technically close Journey's bed was. And the beanbag. But it hadn't been that long since she'd stopped him before, so he made no move for either. He found that he wasmore or less out of words, which he was also okay with. They didn't need them all the time.

She kissed him again, drawing it out, and she knew that she still wasn't quite ready again to say she wanted to take things farther, but she couldn't not do that. Though, she was realizing that it was probably going to be soon. She couldn't imagine she'd be still feeling weird with herself and everything for too long around him, he tended to melt some of that just by being Joshua. So...the time would come around again. Some tick at the back of her mind wondered if she was feeling strange about it because that had been her clear intention right before she'd died. God, that had better not be weird for her for the rest of her life, or she was in trouble.

Though he wanted her on a pretty constant basis, and could just sink and and lose himself to kissing her, and kept thinking about soft surfaces where they could stretch out, Joshua wasn't really in a big hurry. If she wanted to wait, he could be patient. It was still something that carried nerves with it anyway, that warred with hormones over whether he was ready or not. But all that was dull under-thought, not really formed as he was engrossed in kissing her back. His hands ran lightly up and down her sides.

She liked the feel of that, his hands on her sides. It was soft, light, gave her little shivers which ran down her spine. Her mind was drifting back to before she'd died, in her room with him. She blotted out the part where they worried about her parents walking in, because right now she would kill to still be there, having that issue. But no, she wanted to think about good things with him, and maybe it would kill the stupid nagging feeling in her gut. She was starting to be able to kind of think past it a little, but it wasn't gone yet. In another attempt to rid herself of it entirely, she started to tug them back more towards the beanbag chair, so they could get comfortable. While kissing, because that was still happening.

He went with her. Carefully, because tripping now would be bad, and there was kissing going on and everything that he didn't want to miss a second of. He almost made it, too. At the last second, the toe of his sneaker caught in the crack between floor boards -- something only he could manage, surely -- and he fell forward. Which meant that he fell into her, and took both of them down at the same time. Itmust've been her luck, because it certainly wasn't his, that put them at a spot where the large beanbag was behind Lullaby and there to break the fall. Joshua just ended up on top of her. "Shit, shit shit," he said, trying to push himself up to look at her. He couldn't seem to get his hands out from under her for a second, and smacked himself in the face as he pulled one free. "Are you okay?" he asked, looking worried. "Sorry."

What it did was half knock the wind out of her, which was painful, and all, but it could have been a whole lot worse. When she gasped in air, and she was looking up at him, she saw him smack himself in the face, and she couldn't help it. She laughed, though it was more of a tension-breaking laugh, not a laugh at him. It also had her grabbing him back in for a warm, soft hug. "What would I do without you?" she asked, still giggling a little bit. "You're okay, right?" Her chest still hurt some, and her neck twinged when she'd hit, but she could live with those things.

Even though she was giggling and everything, he still felt assy for it. He moved a bit to where he wasn't squishing her and she could hopefully breathe better, and hugged her back. Then pulled back so she could read him. "You'd probably be a lot safer," he said, brushing her hair out of her face and looking chagrined. "I'm okay, yeah, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" He looked her over, as if he'd see like bones sticking out all over the place where he'd squished her.

She shook her head, and she held his face with both of her hands, giving him little kisses all over. "I'm fine." she told him. "Fine, fine, you didn't hurt me." she promised. She apparently had no problems with the situation, or that he'd fallen on her. When she got around to his mouth again, she made it not a little-short kiss, but she drew it out. Partly because she wanted to, partly to soothe his bruised ego a bit.

He accepted that. Even easier because it came with another kiss, and those always greased the wheels of everything. And they were pressed nicely together, nestled into the beanbag. He exhaled lightly through his nose, partly in relief, and responded to it, one hand moving to rest at her hip.

That was better. No worrying about injuries. No worrying he'd hurt her when he hadn't, or feeling bad over something that wasn't his fault. None of that. She wanted instead to kiss him, and see if that might not make them both feel better. It worked to some degree, at any rate. And it was comfortable, after theowie of it all, really, and she was good with that. So she pulled him closer.