The Way Things Are

who: dean and thia
where: osbourne residence
when: evening

Lullaby had had a busy time. She'd gone out for her walk, she'd done her thinking, she didn't think she'd woken anyone up with the out-for-a-walk-at-odd-hours of it all. She'd tried to be as quiet as humanly possible. When she'd gotten back, she'd curled up in the den and listened to the cd that was left on her grave with Oz's good headphones. She'd also wound up crashed out there, even if she hadn't intended to. When she woke up later, she'd wandered back upstairs to shower and change, then she sat in her room, milling over everything that had gone through her mind the night before.

One of the main things she knew she was in intense need of doing was starting to move forward. And while she didn't know how to do that per se, she was going to make an effort in small ways she thought could help. If nothing else, they probably wouldn't hurt. Therefore--she was making the room she'd been given into her room. This was kind of more difficult than one would think, especially when one didn't exactly have a whole lot in the way of personal possessions. However, she was making due with all the things she'd stolen the night before, and she was working on rearranging the furniture. This was more difficult than it looked, as the quality of furnishings in the Osbourne household was filed under the header 'ridiculously good' which meant it wasn't made out of particle board like most of the things at her home had been. It made moving things a hell of a lot harder since she was a small, not overly strong female. However, she was trying it--even if it was taking her for-fucking-ever.

It wasn't that Dean was avoiding her, no, not at all. He'd just... Decided that he should probably get homework done and so headed up to his room as soon as he'd got home from school and he'd been hiding there ever since. But he'd left his door ajar, so she could have come in if she'd wanted to. Right? He half expected it and kept glancing towards the door in case she'd managed to miraculously move silently and come in or something, but there wasn't anything.

Lullaby wasn't necessarily avoiding Dean, either--though she was kind of giving him space. She was aware of the fact that just because she was home bored all day that didn't mean he didn't still have a life of some description. And just because she lived there in his house didn't mean he was obligated to entertain her, or even hang out all the time. Therefore...when yesterday he'd skipped out and she hadn't seen him at all, she'd opted to keep giving him space until further notice. It was logical in her head. What she didn't want was to be too needy or anything lame like that. Though currently, his help would be awesome. However, like the six hundred other times she'd thought that very thing, she didn't go ask for it. Sure, he may have told her(multiple times) he was at her beck and call, but that didn't mean she actually expected that, or planned on taking him up on it. Space! Plus--this was her idiotic project, she could do it just fine herself, if really really slowly. She paused and eyed the heavy ass bed again. Did she really need it over in the corner? It could be fine right where it was, right? Sorta...half moved over crooked and out from the wall?

...no. No, it really, really couldn't stay there. It needed to be over in the corner, all angled cute-like. Plus, there was a morbid little bit of the back of her brain that decided it needed to go there because if she had to she could drop down into the space between the bed and the wall and disappear pretty well--possibly even if the light was turned on. So it needed to get moved! And she might get it there, sometime next month. Either way, she put her back up against the bed again and started to push has hard as she could, squeaking it over about an inch or two at a time. ...maybe next month was being generous. Next year, now that was looking slightly more feasible.

Dean had been listening to the thumping sounds coming from Thia's room for a while now. They were distracting and normally he would have gone to see what was going on straight away. not that he'd ever been in this position before, with her next door and him listening to thumping sounds, but he just knew that he would have gone. But - well, he wasn't avoiding, but. Homework! And... stuff. Yeah. And if she wanted him, surely she'd come and get him.

Unless she was avoiding him. But there was no reason for that. he was only avoi-- no, no, he wasn't avoiding her. He'd just... been keeping out of her way for both of their mental wellbeings. And now because his insane brain didn't know how to tell her that he had a date that she'd probably be all girlie about anyhow. Which was actually more of a depressing thought than it really should be. He chewed on the end of his pen and tried to focus on his math homework, but he was interrupted by another series of thumps.

Dean watched the door for a minute before shaking his head and smiling a little to himself, ditching the homework and heading out the door. It was only a couple of steps to hers and he knocked on her closed door, loud enough that he really hoped that she could hear him.

Lullaby had slid down the side of the bed to the floor after moving it another inch, and that's when she heard a thunk that wasn't from her adventures in interior design. It took her a second to recognize that it had come from over by the door--and with logic centers engaged, that it was probably someone at her door. Wincing faintly, she got up and crossed over to it, swiping one arm across her forehead before she opened it up. "Am I being too loud?" she asked immediately, looking a little worried about that. She'd had her door shut so she could make an attempt to keep the noise down in the first place. She couldn't properly gauge how loud she was being, and there were two people in a household of four that had really good hearing. Therefore--she'd not wanted to annoy.

Dean frowned and looked passed her. "What you doing?" he asked, curiously, taking in the room that really appeared to be all over the place.

She looked back at it as well, then back at him, giving him a little half smile. "Um...redecorating?" she suggested. "I thought--well kinda--" she rolled her eyes at herself. "I thought I'd kinda...make it mineish. So I got some stuff, and I had this really lame idea that I wanted to move the furniture, without stopping to think that it's y'know. Inordinately heavy." she explained. Then she paused and eyed him. "You know you could just...come in, right? You don't have to knock? You just have to do it really loud and then everyone hears it and if I'm really doing anything that I don't want to be walked in on doing, the door will be locked." she added. She was aware in the back of her head she was rambling a bit.

Dean opened his mouth to reply to that, then couldn't find the words. "Um, right," he fell back on. "So! Moving - need any help?" he offered. Safer subject, much safer subject!

Lullaby took a second to answer, mostly because she was a little torn on the issue. On the one hand--emphatically yes! She would love the help. Help was in fact, a welcome, awesome godsend-like idea. On the other, she didn't wanna bug him, and again with her sort of giving-him-space of it all and she didn't want him to feel like he had to help her. "Um...if you're not busy, and really have a burning desire to shove heavy bedroom sets around?" she said. "But don't feel like you have to, okay? And if I'm disturbing you from..homework or whatever, I can give up the ghost for the night and everything..."

He gave her a Look at that, because he was here now and he'd broken the whole not-avoiding-just-kinda-staying-away thing and he was currently wondering why he'd even bothered. "Yeah, you're disturbing me from the world's most deadly boring homework. Please, take pity on me and put me to work lifting heavy stuff - please," he quipped. "And you should have asked," he added, not asking why she hadn't asked. He didn't like that she'd not asked - she should have asked him!

"Oh thank god." Lullaby said in a rush, smiling at him in a tired sort of manner, though it was genuine. "And--you were probably doing stuff! Like...homework, or whatever. My room design whims really shouldn't rate bugging you to lug heavy crap around." And all those other reasons in her head that she was almost kinda wondering if they were silly, with that tone he was giving her. That and the Look. "I was being non-pest-like." she said finally. "This should be praise-worthy." She wondered if Caleb had gotten the book for Dean yet, or if he would get it tomorrow. She also almost wanted to ask, but didn't know if that was considered rude. Also--she wanted it to be a surprise so asking him would totally blow that out of the water if he hadn't gotten it yet. It wasn't like she'd put a timeframe on it.

"Praise-worthy's doing your back in lugging things around when there's perfectly good help to be had?" Dean asked her, raising an eyebrow and finally actually stepping into the room. "And, for the record - you're never a pest," he added, giving her the barest hint of a smile.

She made a cute face at him and stuck her tongue out in a stunning display of maturity. "No, praise worthy is making an attempt to do something myself before I go bothering you to do things for me." she said firmly. "And I don't even know if I could do my back in, it's not like I got it very far. What's this stuff made of, anyways? Lead?" She shut the door behind him when he entered, and she glanced around at some of the pictures she'd put up before she'd started her mad bed moving adventure. "And don't test me, sweetie, I can be a pest like you wouldn't believe. I have many traits in common with mosquitos, you know." she teased, giving him a brighter smile in return to his hint of one.

You pander to her - remember? That's a bad thing, he reminded himself, firmly. It didn't feel like a bad thing though. It felt like the right thing to do, but apparently it wasn't. So he should stop it. "I mean, if you'd prefer me not to help, I could just leave you to it..." he offered, but there wasn't that much heart in it and he was already looking round and figuring out what would be best to move first and how that would be best accomplished. "And it's just wood, but solid I think."

"Oh no! You said you'd help now, you're definitely helping." Lullaby said quickly with a little laugh, sort of half marching up behind him to put her hands on his back, pretending to shove him towards the bed--even if she didn't really. And about two seconds after she'd done it, she reminded herself she shouldn't do anything like that anymore. Or did that not count as being touchy? She really wished she had a better idea where the lines were sometimes. "Just wood? No...steel lining, or dead weight corpses in the box spring? You sure?" she asked doubtfully.

"Well," he said, turning round and catching her hands to stop her pushing him, even if she'd probably stopped anyhow. "We could take it apart and have a look. Course, we could take the mattress off anyhow, lay it up against the wall and just move the base - that'd make it a damn sight lighter in one move," he pointed out, glad that she was going to let him help. See! Helping was a good thing, no matter what anyone else said. Maybe. He really didn't know, since apparently his standards weren't the same as the rest of the world. It made it really hard to judge things.

"Now, why didn't I think of that?" she asked. "And you say I'm the smart one." she added, smirking at him. Really she hadn't thought about it because mattresses were heavy bastard things, and she hadn't been positive she'd be able to get it on and off by herself, so she'd opted to move the bed a little bit at a time, and not worry about the mattress at all. It was almost belatedly that she realized he'd taken her hands, and hadn't actually let them go per se. He wasn't holding onto them tightly or anything but he still had them. She noticed mostly because she wanted to give them a squeeze, and possibly give him an affectionate hug. She liked being around him and hadn't been yesterday and most of today, so maybe she was happy to see him. Instead, she stepped back away from him, letting her hands slide out of his. It was subtle, or it was supposed to be, since she made the move into one that was carrying her back enough that she could survey the bed critically, like she was considering options. "Yeah, okay, I'm thinking you're just right, and taking the mattress off is a good, happy option, let's do that." she decided.

Dean was aware that there should have been a hug in there, but she'd stepped back instead. And he didn't really have a viable reason to pull her back in and hug her - except that he wanted to. And that wasn't good enough. And... distraction, right? God, but this was hard. And confusing. And... He didn't know what. Furniture moving! He should concentrate on that! Right! He turned to her bed, taking a step forwards before stopping again. It was still all made up and... She slept there and, stuff and... Okay, so he needed to really, really stop thinking. It was just moving furniture.

She noticed he sort of...stopped, so she walked around to the opposite end of the bed from him and started tugging off the bedding. "It's okay I'll just re-make it later." she said. "Really, at current, my room's feeling very stormswept anyways so I'm all good with the random destruction of made beds. I need to kinda re-organize everything. I got some more stuff to add in and all that, and I think I found blue bedding somewhere in a linen closet...can't remember where but I'm positive that it exists someplace in this house at this very moment." Yet more rambling. She should stop that. That entire explanation had been pointless. She just...didn't quite know why he'd stopped. Unless he was thinking that moving her stuff around sounded more tedious than homework after all.

Dean half listened to her talk reminding himself that he had a date tomorrow, with another girl, and everything - he needed to keep that in the forefront of his mind. That had been the reason for it, after all. To remind himself very definitely that he and Thia were friends. Just friends. And they were going to stay that way, any thoughts to the contrary were just temporary insanity on his part. And she never had a problem with his bed, did she? So there was no reason for him to have a problem here. But still, he waited until she'd bundled up the covers before he started shifting the mattress off the side and upright - if she helped, they'd be able to push it to the wall and out of the way.

She got the bedding all wadded up and walked over to drop it over by the wardrobe, before she did head over to help him. It was...kind of strange for her. He hadn't said anything. And granted, it wasn't as if she'd said anything stunningly awesome, or that even required comment, but still. Silence and Dean, while frequent companions, still worried her sometimes. So she found herself paying more attention to him than she was the moving of the mattress, as she watched for lines. Watched the way his usual aura of negative energy was, if she could tell if it was different. She might have drawn some in experimentally, but having been at the cemetery soaking up all that energy there meant she didn't in any way need it--plus, it wasn't like that worked on Dean in the first place. "Um...where we moving it to?" she asked, because she didn't want the silence to stay there, and stopping him, turning him towards her and holding his hand while she asked him if he was okay was probably not an option right around now.

"Over to that wall?" he suggested, gesturing to a blank wall of to one side. "Just getting it out of the way really - we can slide it. No point lifting what we don't have to," he added, keeping to the straight and narrow of what they were doing and feeling all sorts of awkward with it. He still felt all over the place about everything - he just wanted things to settle back down again and then they could get on with everything. Find their place again. It had been fine before, he just wanted it to be fine again - he hated this.

She of course caught it. The whole...no banter, nothing else, just him saying what they were doing. It made her want to step back and tell him she'd get it herself. She didn't, but only because she thought if she did say anything, that it would turn into an argument, or discussion, and he wouldn't be leaving anyways and then there'd be badness and...she didn't want that. Not after she realized that she'd been happy to see him after a day or so of not, and...yeah. It still felt all wrong to her though. She just didn't know how to go about making it better. For now, she listened, and started to help drag the heavy thing over towards the wall where it would be the most out of the way. She could follow instructions. Sure. And, just so she didn't do the same thing he'd just done with the silence bit, she added in a "Kay." for good measure.

They managed to manhandle the mattress over to the wall and let it go with a thump - even working together it wasn't the easiest thing in the world, but then again, Dean wasn't exactly a big guy by any means. That done, he turned to her, thrusting his hands into the back pocket of his jeans for safe keeping. "So, erm - where's the bed going?" he asked her.

She glanced over at him, sort of half noting his stance, but more she was still paying attention to the lines coming of of him. He had...a few of them, none she could make out clearly, and it wasn't overwhelming, just slightly more pronounced than usual. Not enough, in her opinion, to really call him on. So, she looked back at the room at large, before she pointed to the far corner. "I wanted it back in that corner? Sort of angled out...so there's a space between the headboard and the room corner. So, I can see out the window, and I can see the door too." she attempted to explain, even though she realized she hadn't actually needed to toss in there reasonings for why she wanted her bed where. It was just normal. Only things felt not-normal. Maybe it would help or something. She looked over at him and smiled, a soft expression. It was as good as she could do when she wasn't giving into giving him hugs--but she felt like she had to do something.

"Okay, let's do that then," he agreed, walking back over to the bed base and positioning himself at one side, so that the obvious place for her to go would be the other side. He looked over at her. "So, why the corner?" he asked.

Lullaby walked over to where she was meant to be, and waited for some cue from him that they were going to start moving the beast of a bedframe. "Um...it feels more natural to me?" she suggested, trying to figure out how to put it into words. It was a little more difficult than usual, because she was distracted by the strangeness going on. But she was trying. So, she put more effort in. "And, I want to be able to be lazy and look out the window from my bed--I don't have a window seat anymore so I have to make do somewhere. That, and I'll be able to see the door from my bed, so in case of random zombies, I'll be most prepared to see them coming. Oh, also, with the cubby hole behind the bedframe and stuff, I can be sneaky and hide there in the shadows, just in case." she added. "But mainly it's the zombie reason." Did you get your present? She also vaguely wondered if she should mention to him that she'd been out all night. There was the weird random vampire she'd met, and she'd done a lot of thinking. Stuff she kind of wanted to share with him, or bounce off of him, but she didn't know where to start, and since he'd been scarce yesterday and today she hadn't felt like she could intrude. Part of her recognized she was being overly cautious but she couldn't quite help it. "Now all I need is a cool machete to hang on that wall." she said, pointing. "And I'll be all set."

Dean chuckled a little at that as he started to push the bed. "Always prepared for zombies," he observed, thinking of the book she'd bought for him. He'd started reading it over lunch, sat as he always was, outside on the lawn at school, even though the weather seemed to be leading towards autumn now. He figured he'd have to give it up once the snow came, but until then, that was where he spent his lunch break, usually alone, but that was fine by him. "Thanks, by the way," he said, looking over at her.

She was pushing as well, as hard as she could, because she still felt a little guilty about the whole needing help moving furniture thing. That kind of gave her pause, though, and she looked over. "You got it then?" she asked. She....wasn't actually sure what to think, there. He hadn't said anything about it, so now she was wondering if he was only saying so because it was brought up, and he'd found it silly or something. "Did you like it?" she asked, before she could actually stop herself. "I thought that you might, I mean, I read it before and it was great and a lot of it is actual information even if it's tossed in there with all the funny stuff and with you and how you learned about things and all for your abilities and everything I thought you might have fun with it and um. You're welcome." Well, at least she'd shut the ramble off before she got to the part where she owed him a hell of a lot more than a book.

He always liked it when she rambled and he stopped pushing for a moment to watch her, amused. "Yeah, I liked it - I started reading it at lunch." Actually, he'd started just with reading it. Then he'd started to pencil in some notes. And mark pages. And she probably didn't need to know that right now. Or that he'd had to hide the note from her in the very back of the book because he kept taking it out and reading it. Date tomorrow, date tomorrow, date tomorrow, he repeated to himself. He needed to tell her about that sometime. He just still didn't know how.

That made her feel better. Why, she didn't know, but it did. "Yeah?" she asked. "Well...good. I'm glad. You'll have to tell me when you're done, and how the new information alters the grand scheme of zombie invasion planning." she added. Then she made a show of trying to shove the bed again. "You know this whole you helping thing goes a lot better when you help." she teased. She looked around for something to throw at him, but there sadly, wasn't anything in the near vicinity that wouldn't potentially hurt him. Lullaby was a firm believer in only throwing stuffed animals or pillows at people. "I'm throwing an imaginary pillow at you this very moment." she informed him, and she even made the motion.

"Fine - it missed," he told her with utmost seriousness, then leaned to put his back into moving the bed, shifting it forward with a jolt as he did so.

"What if my imaginary aim is better than that?" Lullaby asked, in just as serious a tone. "You don't know. I'm a veteran, you know. I have been throwing imaginary pillows for years now. You could even call me deadly with them." This, all while she was turning herself around, to push with her back. Which would cut off conversation for a moment, but otherwise she wasn't going to be much use to him and she refused to kick back and have him do it himself.

"I ducked," he told her, breathing heavily as they shifted the bed slowly towards the wall. "You're right, you know - I think this thing's made of lead. But that's fine, when the zombies invade, we can use it as a barricade."

She laughed, barely catching what he said, but she caught enough. It was enough to send her into giggles, which made her efforts at pushing the bed slightly less helpful than they should have been. "It'll make a good one." she said when she got over her first little giggle episode. "Prop it up at the top of the stairs...line it with...um...spikes!! Spikes of some nature, it'll be great. 'Course, then I'm out a bed. Make sure we remember to take my bedding off before we use it as a barricade. I'll nest in the wardrobe."

"Orrrrr we have three other bedrooms upstairs, all with perfectly good beds," he pointed out, proud of himself for going with that instead of getting all flustered about the idea of her nesting in his closet. The closet he had to walk through to get to his bathroom. No, he wasn't even thinking about that. Not at all.

"Yeah, but they wouldn't be in my room." Lullaby said. "So...screw that. I've decided I'm keeping this room and everything so I'm not going to be abandoning it." she said firmly. "Zombies or no." She almost said that she would only abandon it for his room, but didn't, because she seemed to have gotten them at the very least on a subject they could both bullshit about in a good manner, and she wasn't about to say anything that might weird things. "But that thingy's big enough for me." she said, waving her hand at the armoire. "I'm all short and stuff. I sleep all curled up anyways." Which actually...Dean probably knew.

Dean told himself very firmly that he wasn't at all disappointed that she hadn't actually been referring to his wardrobe at all with that. No, that was a good thing. She had her room, he had his. Blurring the lines between that was what had started the bloody mess his head was now in after all, so he wasn't allowed to even contemplate encouraging it. No way, no how. He pushed a little harder at the bed, finally shoving it up into the corner where she'd said she'd wanted it and not thinking of how cute she'd looked all curled up in his bed either.

Lullaby clapped when it was where it needed to be. "Hooray! Success! Thank you! Now I can have this thing all...in a place I actually want it to be!" she said, smiling at him. "I was projecting next year sometime I'd manage to get this thing over here." she added. There was another time she would have given him a hug, or mussed his hair, or something, but instead she walked over to where the nightstand was sitting, all lonely without being by the bed. She took down the two framed pictures she'd stolen from her amateur breaking and entering the night before and set them on the floor before she started to tug the stand over. One picture was of her and Journey, when they were about four. The other was of her, her mom and stepdad on the breakwall together, taken about three years ago.

He watched her for a second, again noting the space where a hug should have been, and then didn't go a look at the pictures - instead moving to help her shift the nightstand to over by the bed.

It was strange when she felt surprised. Even just a little bit. Mostly, because it was dim. Something there but almost not. She was surprised he came over to help her, instead of taking the space she'd put between them. What was giving her a little bit of pause was she wasn't exactly sure why it was she was surprised in the first place. Maybe because she always expected him to take space when she gave it to him. The only time he didn't as far as she could tell was when they actually talked about it and he was stubborn, and being there for her. She wasn't complaining, she just wasn't sure she understood, and then figured that she was overthinking things again. A few things floated to the surface of her mind to say, but she wound up not saying any of them, as she simply accepted his help to move the nightstand. Her eyes were mostly on him, even if she tried to not be obvious about it.

Dean made himself concentrate on moving the stand - though he could help but shoot a glance her way, only to catch her eye. Right, shit, he should probably be... Concentrating on moving things. Right. He looked away again, only to look back a few minutes later and she was kinda watching him again. "I have a date tomorrow," he told her, the words tumbling out unannounced before he looked away again, putting his whole energy into moving the nightstand, pushing it across the floor.

That statement took a heartbeat to sink in, and when it did, she completely stopped moving the nightstand, and was left watching after him as he kept it moving. "You--a date?" she asked intelligently. Lullaby blinked after him, a little blindsided. "Oh my god with who?" she finally got around to after the initial 'wait, huh?' wore off. Or...mostly wore off. Wore off enough so she remembered there were other responses she should be having. "Where are you going? What time is it? Are you going out to dinner? Is it someplace fancy? Do you need to know good places around here to take--um...who is it?" she rattled off. This, mostly because something was bugging her about the whole thing and she couldn't place what. At all. But it was there, like a needle beneath her skin, something that was just beneath the surface, and totally unignoreable.

If it wasn't ingrained with him that he had to look at her when he talked to her - and if that wasn't something that he did naturally anyhow - he would have just kept his head down right then and there. he'd wondered how he'd tell her and, well, there it was - just blurted out. Great. But there was no taking it back now. "Erm, just some girl from school and just a movie, nothing special or anything," he mumbled, kind of looking in the vague direction of her face.

She followed, but it was harder to do than usual, he was mumbling. Which was kind of strange for him because he didn't, usually, at least, not with her. There of course was also the huge screaming weirdness of him not quite looking at her. Since Dean was as focused in as he was, it was always something really heavily noticeable when there was an absence of that focus. "Well, that's great--I mean," she started, going for that, because well. She'd told him since she met him that there was something clearly wrong with British girls, if he'd never had a girlfriend, and now he was getting one, apparently. Which was leaving her with a ton of mixed feelings.

She was happy and excited for him, of course. Because she stood by her assessment that it was ridiculous that he didn't have a girlfriend. He was awesome. And on so many different levels it wasn't even funny. So--yes. Date/girlfriend=good times. On other levels, she wasn't quite so pleased. She was uneasy, for two large reasons. One of which was the fact that this was one of her fears, that whole drifting thing she knew he was supposed to be doing. Looked like it was starting already. Maybe she just hadn't quite been prepared for it to happen so soon. Which was amazingly unfair of her. So, she was just going to ignore the shit out of that. The other was that he hadn't mentioned a girl to her. They talked all the time. They were best friends. So she was thrown that he hadn't even mentioned he was interested in anyone. Didn't they share things like that? Wasn't that part of a working best-friendly-relationship? But he hadn't breathed a word. So she was left with a sort of hollowy feeling, wondering why. Her subconscious mind certainly started having a field day with that one, coming up with a lot of reasons why he may not have.

She smiled at him, trying to shove every other emotion out of her mind but the two she wanted, that happy-excited combination that made a lot more sense. "Should I not ask again who she is?" she asked, cutting herself off from asking for a third time who this girl happened to be. Then, almost needing to give him an out she was positive he would take--"What movie are you going to see?"

What movie... Shit, he hadn't looked into that either. "Erm, I dunno? I - actually, don't even know what's out at the moment," he admitted. The cinema listings hadn't really featured high on his list of things to know, lately - he'd been too busy with fire arms training and making notes for the zombie apolcalypse. He needed to give her the other book Caleb had passed over today. Off topic, mate, off topic. "And, her name's Janice," he added after a moment, blanking over the surname he knew she had to have. Really, he was giving himself points for remembering her first name - Caleb had slipped a note into his locker earlier on.

She immediately started wracking her brains for a Janice. The school wasn't that damn big, and at least it was a slightly less common name than 'Jenny' or 'Sarah' or something. Janice....Janice.... It was at the back of her brain, she couldn't place it yet though. "Our---your grade?" she asked, correcting herself. She didn't have a grade anymore. Lullaby realized she should probably make some sort of effort to stop standing in the middle of the room feeling weird. So she went to collect the picture frames she'd gotten. "Hm. Date movie choices...not sure I'd have a suggestion, sorry. You can always wing it, get all spontaneous." Who is this girl and why didn't you mention her to me at all before right this second? Maybe that's where he'd been yesterday too.

"Yeah, spontaneity - I think that's what it's all about," he agreed, without a huge amount of enthusiasm. After all, it wasn't like he'd planned to ask the girl out more than thirty seconds ahead of getting up and going over there anyhow. Possibly less. Possibly he wasn't even sure what he was going to do until he reached her table. And now he had to look into movies - and hope she wasn't the nightmare Caleb was sure she was going to be. Think distraction, Conway, think distraction. "And no, she's a freshman," he told Thia - that much he was sure about. Might not know the girl's name that well, but he knew what year she was in.

She was sort of noting now, the lack of excitedness. "...are you nervous?" she asked, before she could think that statement over. It just came out. She also started to walk over closer to him, but stopped after only two steps, reminding herself. Also...his having a girlfriend really changed things. Even moreso than they had been. "Don't be nervous, it'll be fine, and anyways you're awesome, so it's bound to be awesome too." A few moments after that things clicked. "Oh! Janice Paulamaki!" she said with a blink. Then, immediately on the heels of that... Oh god, Janice Paulamaki....Dean, honey...that's the kind of girl you're attracted to?? She couldn't see it. It was so immensely difficult that she was wondering if she had the wrong Janice, though there weren't exactly a ton of them floating around MSHS or anything.

Nervous? "Yeah, I'm kinda a bit," he admitted. And he was - even given the reasons he'd asked the girl out, he'd never been on a date before. He didn't really know what to expect and everyone was acting like this was it, like some kind of permenant or something. Or Caleb had anyway, he hadn't dared mention it to anyone else until now after that. "And yeah, that's her," he added, the name clicking into place. He missed the slight change of expression though, right now more bothered by the workings of his own head to be observant enough to notice something like that.

Dean, Dean, Dean....good god almighty you can do so much better than her. She's not good enough for you. went through Lullaby's head abruptly. She had a protective streak, she really did, and right now it was rearing up, even if it shouldn't be. It wasn't up to her to decide who Dean could date, or who was or was not good enough. Even if Janice wasn't even remotely in Dean's league. Hell. Janice didn't even play the same sport. Janice was like those lame spectators who didn't quite know what was going on and just cheered when everyone else did. Instead of going on any more in her head about how she was stunningly unimpressed with his choice in girlfriends, she latched onto the other bit. "There's nothing to be nervous about." she assured him, borrowing confidence in him to inject into this scenario. She of course had no doubts he'd be a good date. He was Dean. So it'd be great, because he was. Just so long as Braintrust McGee who Lullaby swore traded her grey matter for lipgloss in the third grade and considered it an even trade didn't ruin it for the both of them. But she sounded for all the world like she had every confidence in the endeavor. Even if she was still mentally flailing.

Okay, so this was good - she wasn't calling him an idiot like Caleb had. That was a relief - or she didn't know who Janice was. Either way, Dean would take it and he actually relaxed a little, feeling like the worst was over with and it hadn't been as bad as he'd thought it was going to be - she hadn't railed at him for poor taste and she hadn't gone over the top and squeed at him about the fact that he had a date, though she'd been pleased. And now she just seemed to want to reassure him, which made him feel strangely better, like this was something they could talk about and talk about as friends - that was something he hadn't anticipated, but he was pleased to find. That was positive and sensible and acceptable. He sat down on the bedframe and actually properly looked over at her. "I just... I've never done this before. I don't know what to expect. And Caleb was talking about making it special and then you were talking about dinner and - I was just thinking casual movie or something. I mean, I just... I feel like I'm not on the same page as everyone else for this," he admitted.

This would definitely be the part where she walked over, sat with him, took his hand, and told him everything was going to be okay. But...she didn't. And to curb the impulse, she walked over to set the picture frames on the nightstand. She took her time with it, arranging them some, though she was speaking as she did it. "It's not hard, Dean. It'll be okay. Promise. Just...pick a movie that you both might like, so stick to comedy or something, because most people will put up with that more than other genres. Unless you ask her to pick the movie, in which case, whatever she picks, go for. It'll make her happy." Why am I helping him with this when this girl is so intensely lame? Gah!! Words cannot express how not good enough-- "If you want to do casual, and still go with some food, I can recommend a few places that aren't fast food, but aren't like...hugely expensive or anything either. As for what to expect, don't expect anything. Everyone's different, and every moment spent with someone is different than the last, so don't put too much pressure on yourself to get things quote-unquote 'right'. There isn't a right. Be on your own page. If she doesn't like it, then she's not worth it." Which was as far as she was going to express her feelings on his choice in female companionship. It had a huge ring of truth to it though, there in her voice. She thought Dean's page was just fine, thank you and if IQ 47 didn't like it she could shove it.

Dean had really just wanted to do the movie thing - mostly because then he could avoid talking to her all that much, which he knew was a nasty thing to even be thinking. but he'd heard the girl and, yes, he was concerned. And yes, there was a large part of him that was wondering what the hell he'd been thinking. Except he knew what he'd been thinking - he'd been thinking that he needed reasons, he needed distractions, he'd needed something to stop this deluded insanity that the girl in front of him could actually possibly be at all interested in him as anything more than a friend. Which she very clearly wasn't - something she proved on at least a daily basis, if he'd actually let that get through his thick skull. "I think I'll just stick to the movie and see how it goes," he said after a moment.

Lullaby nodded. "Then stick to that, and see how it goes. But just--don't worry so much, okay?" she said, voice gentle. "It'll be fine. You're...I know I've said it before and everything and you usually ignore me when I do, but you're a great person, Dean. She'd be lucky to have you. So just be yourself, don't let yourself get too nervous and it'll all be good." she finished, again with that quiet but clear confidence in him. That other, massively twitching part of her was being ignored entirely. Really it was. She adjusted the picture frames again, even if they didn't need it at all. It was to give her hands something to do. She'd wanted to play with her ring again but she'd given it to him, and she didn't know what he'd done with it. Not that it mattered, it wasn't on her thumb in an easily accessible place for fidgeting. It was hard, not going over to him, but she was telling herself this was best. All of this was best.

And...with him and some other girl, she had even more reason to shut down all of her natural affections. A solid, huge reason that she couldn't go around as often as she did. In the back of her mind, she realized she was going to miss the option of hiding in his closet with him. They wouldn't be able to anymore. It left her feeling a little hollow. Like even if that drifting thing hadn't officially happened yet, she could feel the effects already. Stop it. she told herself firmly. She also made herself still, so she wasn't fidgeting anymore, and she actually did much what he had earlier. Her hands found their way into her back pockets. "...also, wear your leather jacket." she tacked onto the end, seemingly randomly.

He raised an eyebrow at that. "My leather jacket?" he asked her, a little confused by the way that she'd picked that out of everything. "Any other wardrobe choices, or just that?" he added.

"You can wear anything else you want, if you've got the jacket." Lullaby assured him, mind wandering back to when he'd given it to her to wear on the night he'd found her. She'd had her little geek moment then. She gave him a little quirked half-smile. "It's a really nice jacket. Looks very good on you." she clarified for him, because she had the feeling he might not put that together on his own, so...she'd just help him out a bit on that. But he so did...it was possible she was blushing just a slight bit... He looked damn good with that on, though, and if he was going to be impressing little freshman twits, then that was a surefire, insanely easy way to do it. Again, she half wondered why she was helping, when she really didn't like the choice in dates here, but in the end, it was because she was his best friend. He was nervous, she wanted to help him. End of story. That was more important than her own twitching.

"It does?" he asked, caring more about her opinion there than the actual item of clothing they were discussing, because, well, she'd said he looked good and oh god, was that a blush, that... Stop. It. he told himself firmly, getting a grip again. He looked down a little and shrugged, "Sure, jacket, right," he nodded, dropping the bordering-on-hopeful tone.

"Yes it does! Don't make me spell it out for you." Lullaby said, smirking at him again. She wondered if he just forgot on principal that she'd told him before that he was good looking, or if it was accidental. "It looks great. Just--trust me on this. There is something very compelling about that jacket. So...there." She'd lost her point somewhere, she was sure. "So...wear that and I'm pretty sure you'll have absolutely nothing else to possibly worry about." Or so went Lullaby's theory and she was sticking to it.

There as definitely a part of Dean there that did, in fact, want to make her spell it out for him, just so he could listen to her spelling it out. But that was the part of him he was trying to get to go back to sleep, the unhelpful part. So he didn't go with that one. After all, she'd told him that he was good looking before, he knew her opinion on this, hearing her say it again didn't change a damn thing and he knew it. Instead he raised his eyes a little to meet her's and smirked slightly. "Yes, Thia - whatever you say," he intoned.

Here would be where she'd normally smirk back, and pat his head, possibly get his hair out of his eyes. And, another time, she also probably would have told him to give her that look he was giving her right now, and any lingering issues he might be having would be solved really really quicklike for him. Because...

Whatever, she wasn't going there because witness her not getting anywhere near him. "That a boy." she said instead(editing her wording just before it got out of her mouth), smiling back at him. There was a playful edge to it, she couldn't actually edit that out even if she'd kinda sorta intended to. "Trust in the Thia. It is a good thing to do." she added, smile widening into a cute grin.

He gave her a look that came out slightly softer than he intended. "Always," he told her, before ducking his head and standing up, taking a deep breath in. "So - we should move the mattress, and... was there anything else you wanted to move round, or get organised? You'll have to tell me your plan," he said, making himself stop short of asking her whether there was anything she needed. Apparently, he shouldn't be doing that.

She looked over at the mattress, considering for a moment, then she looked at the rest of the room, trying to figure out if she had things she needed moved other places, or if she was trying to drag out the time he spent with her. Because she kind of figured when he was finished, he was going to go back to homework. Which he should do anyways, what with her insistence that he actually pay attention to school and all that. "You know I'm aware I should have a plan, but I don't, really. My plan extended to moving the bed and nightstand, then I'd figure it out from there. ...any suggestions?" she asked, looking back over at him.

"What, aside from completely redecorating?" he asked her. "Hmm - you should get some more glow in the dark stars," he pointed out, not adding the first thought that came into his head which was that he could go and buy her some tomorrow, that he'd be happy to. And they could put them up tomorrow night - except they couldn't, because he had a date. And anyway, that was catering to her, wasn't it? But, really, who else was going to do it? And why shouldn't he?

"God I so wish." Lullaby said with a sigh. "That was actually one of the big things I did want to do. But I wouldn't even know where to get them, and y'know. Limited ability to go shopping and everything." She'd had to resort to messenger-boying her gift for Dean. "So...for now I just wanted to get other stuff in. So I went and got other stuff, I've got some pictures now and everything, that makes it feel kinda....more home-ish." she attempted to explain. Absently, she was playing with the ribbon bow at the back of her neck, the one that held her choker in place. She kept twirling the end around her finger then releasing it. "But I wanted to get the blue sheets and blankets and stuff too. Hang some of the pictures...yeah remember that bit where I said I didn't really have a plan?" she asked, rolling her eyes at herself. She'd just never had to try and make someplace 'home' before. She'd had them ready-made for her.

He told himself that he shouldn't be offering to do everything for her because she'd got kinda mad at him for it. So he should at least make an effort to stop. Right. Something like that anyway. "Well, I'm sure if you ask Sophie where they're kept, she'd be happy to show you," he offered, in place of grabbing her by the hand, hauling her to her feet and starting the search for bedding right there and then, which was his instinct. They could have gone and found everything and then he could have taken her into his room and they could have gone online and ordered stars for delivery and maybe a few other bits and - that felt much more like things that best friends did than what he'd just done and he wasn't happy about his choice. It felt like he'd missed the mark.

"Or, I could go look around nowish. I don't really wanna bug Sophie with things. But I was sure I saw blue bedding somewhere. There are closets to search. Lots of closets to search...this house is stupidly big sometimes." She tugged at her ribbon again, in her distraction, enough to pull it undone, and she paused to retie it. They still had to put the mattress back. And at the same time she sort of didn't want to just yet because it was still something he could be doing there. And since when did she really need full on excuses to hang out with him? Spend time? Did she now? Was that the thing? Was it unfair of her to keep him there when he had other things to do? Her mind was drifting over all the stuff again that she hadn't talked to him about, when usually it would have happened already. Like...probably far sooner. Again, she didn't necessarily want to bring things down and admitting she'd been to her grave probably would. It wasn't like Dean dealt spectacularly well with any discussions of her death, old or otherwise. Maybe she could edit around things. But that felt too much like lying to her. Although, totally omitting her dealing-time felt weird too. Like he should know, or would want to know. Something. She kept feeling at the edge of her choker to make sure it had her scar covered. After having had it for a bit, she'd gotten pretty good at judging exactly where she needed her skin covered to hide the whole thing. "Do you wanna help me look...or do you have stuff to do?" she asked, really sort of not wanting to assume his time was hers to squander.

The edges of his mouth curled up slightly and he visibly relaxed. "Sure - I'd love to help you look," he told her, honestly, glad that she'd asked him. Maybe this was how it was meant to work - maybe he was meant to wait for her to ask him to do the things that his natural instincts were to do anyhow. Maybe that made a difference, made it okay. It seemed kind of stupid to him, but lots of things seemed stupid, when you got right down to it. "Did you want to go now, or get the mattress in place first?" he asked.

She kind of relaxed a little too, maybe it was that he seemed to be genuine in wanting to help her look and stuff. Yeah, that was better. Then she could stop feeling like she was making him hang out. Or something. She didn't know. "Homework that dull that rummaging through about forty closets seems like a good plan?" she teased. Then she looked back over at the bed. "Eh. We can get it later." she said, shrugging, before she headed for the door. "I was kinda hoping for dark blue, if we can find it." she added, just so he'd have specifics to work with.

he waited until they were out of her room and he could step up beside her before answering. "Yes, always - and anyway, I get to spend time with my best friend," he pointed out, hiding behind the title deliberately. "Even if it's just looking for dark blue sheets and stuff."

"I think you just wanna play delinquent." Lullaby teased, though him just saying he wanted to spend time with her made her feel a lot better. Now the only weirdness was this was where she probably would have knocked her shoulder against his as they walked, and she didn't. Jesus, just how often did she touch him when they were hanging out? She'd start a running tally of all the times she didn't, if she wasn't sure it was going to be a scary number. "And yes, dark blue. Midnight blue if we're going to be all technical, but I'd settle for anything that isn't like...baby blue." she continued. "Pastels aren't quite my thing, if you never realized..."

"Well, it's all this spending time with you - apparently you bring out that side on me," Dean teased her. "And, okay, midnight blue," he agreed, because no, he couldn't see her with pastels either. It'd just be wrong in ways he couldn't count.

"Yeah, I'm a bad influence, clearly." Lullaby said with a firm nod. "I'm a total enabler. I get you into criminalistic activities...you were fighting...now you're even skipping out on homework time. I'm terrible. I'm sure you'd be a perfect little angel if it weren't for me..." she added, smiling at him cutely. "With a cute little halo, and fluttery wings..." she added, just to tease him. "It'd be adorable!"

Dean gave her an entirely unamused look. "You know - I could just go and get on with my homework," he told her, raising an eyebrow. "Leave you to hunt for sheets on your own. And then I could not tell you about the other book Caleb gave me today and I could not offer to introduce you to the wonderful world of online shopping for glow in the dark stars... Cos, really, if you're going to be like that..."

She laughed, then drew in a breath. "Wait--what? Caleb got another book? What book! You didn't say! And aww, you think we could find any? Like...fantastically cheap? Where I could go rooting for cans on the side of the road at night to turn them in and pay you back?" she asked, actually excited about the idea of the stars. That much was pretty obvious, too, being it was Lullaby, and she was never any good at hiding things like overindulgent enthusiasm. "And fine, fine, you're a delinquent all on your own and that halo of yours is only held up by the horns on your head and you're not at all fluffy or adorable." she intoned, playing up that she was pained to have to say it. Then she beamed at him briefly before giving him puppy eyes, that along with clasping her hands together and she twisted from side to side all little-girl-like. "Pleeeeeaaasseeee tell me about the book and introduce me to online shopping?" she asked. She even batted her eyelashes at him for good measure.

He held up a finger. "That... is cheating," he told her, before swallowing hard.

She laughed, breaking the cutsie act entirely and she grinned at him with a bit of an evilish sort of glint in her eyes. "It's my only offensive weapon." she said. "See, you've got other things going, I can just...occasionally be cute at people. Also, I don't remember ever saying that I wasn't allowed to cheat sometimes." she added thoughtfully, as if really putting thought into this. She even tilted her head to the side and regarded the ceiling for a moment. "Though mostly I expected you to tell me that I'd have to do better than that, or something. But for my efforts, will you pretty please with sugar on top tell me about the book Caleb got you and see about stars for me? I'll be your best friend..." she added in on the end playfully.

He laughed a little at that, deciding to ignore the comment about his reaction and leave the 'you're cute' subject before they really got onto it. Especially since he had a good out there. "The proper book on zombies," he told her. "Is what Caleb gave me today. It was... kinda a zombie-themed day, really," he added, shoving away the flash of a mental image of the girl he was going to be going on a date with tomorrow. That just wasn't fair. "And yes, we can see about stars, and you can owe me," he allowed, going for the middle route between buying them for her and not even mentioning it.

She was okay with owing him. Plus, stars she figured weren't going to be that terribly expensive. "Awesome!" she said, bouncing on the balls of her feet with her Lullaby-excitement. She was allowed to get excitable about the little things, she had little else to do lately. "I promise I'll pay you back as soon as I can." she added. "Now...zombies. Did you read it yet at all? What's it say?" she asked, assuming he had spent time reading it. She also stopped at the linen closet in the hall and opened it up, starting to look for dark blue bedding.

Dean, hadn't, in fact, looked at it - he'd been too busy reading the book she'd given him, which definitely took prescedence over anything else. "I haven't really had the chance to look at it yet," he admitted to her, leaning against the wall by the side of the closet and facing her - which wasn't exactly helpful in the whole scheme of looking for bedding, but he figured he was really just along for company and as a pack horse if they found anything anyhow.

She wound up sitting on the floor, since most of the piled bedding was down there, and she looked up at him. "Really? Well we'll have to remedy that." she decided firmly. She smiled. "Zombies. Real zombies! It'll be great. What's not great about that? ...and yes. I do in fact realize that this makes me not only a weird freak, but probably mentally disturbed, thank you. You don't have to tell me." she added before she started looking again, though she kept looking back up at him so she didn't miss anything he said.

Dean slid down the wall since she was sitting, habitually wanting to be on the same level to make communication easier for them as he drew his legs up to his chest and rested his arms on his knees. "Well, I don't know about real zombies or anything - it could just say 'these things do not exist', but it was a very thick book, so if that's all it says it either says it lots of times, or in very big writing. And it wasn't called Zombies: Special Edition for the Short Sighted or anything," he joked.

She laughed at that. "Yeah, that would probably be a little wasteful...'Zombies--Total Fiction, Asses, Get A Life', probably not going to be taking up that much space. I wonder if there are different kinds. Like, in the movies. Though...not sure. There are the slow moving flesh eaters. Then there's the brain eater variety...since y'know, the whole 'braiiiiiins' thing didn't come in til later, I think. Mostly at first it was just they ate the living, brain or not. Then there were the scary ass wicked fast zombies in the new Dawn of the Dead. Which by the way? If we're ever faced with those kinds of zombies? Um...yeah I'm going to be useless because that concept scares the hell out of me..." she rambled, taking blankets out and carfully piling them partially between she and Dean. She supposed there were a lot of beds in the house, but damn there was a lot to go through. "Then if we're going with Land...there's the zombies who're starting to get smarter or something...which I was never quite cool with, from a story point of view. Seemed kind of...I dunno. Weird. Like some social commentary that really has no place in a zombie flick."

He found he was just watching her talk, ramble on in depth about zombies like she'd given this so much thought over the years. It made him want to go and get the book right now, just so he could watch her some more as she paged through it, but he didn't. Instead, he rested his head back against the wall and chuckled slightly. "I forgot I was in the presence of an expert," he joked.

She made a cute face at him. "Yes, me and my expert ability to watch movies and retain far more information from them than I should." she said. "Which y'know, so hasn't helped me out so far so I'm guessing it won't really here either. But it's fun to speculate anyways. And formulate zombie apocalypse plans. Because you just never know." She didn't say that if they formulated something like that, it might come in handy next time the town was under some sort of seige from the forces of darkness. Zombies were much sillier a topic to ponder.

"Right, yes, I forgot," Dean told her, nodding seriously. "Well, we have a book, so we'll be able to find out. Though Caleb had said about New Orleans, so maybe it's all like voodoo cursese and not real brain-eating at all."

"You know, brain eating may be all fun and games on the big screen and all, but I think I'd prefer finding out zombies didn't really go for them." Lullaby said decidedly, leaning farther over so she could tug out a few blankets at the bottom of the closet. So far, no luck on the dark blue. "Because that's just creepy on a number of levels. Like you know that part in Hannibal where there's the brain eating and the guy's still alive? I can't even tell you how much that squicked me." she said, making a face and shuddering a touch. "And if you haven't seen it or read the book or whatever, I don't recommend it. Or...I kinda don't. I could have done without that. The rest of it was pretty good."

"Too late, already seen it," Dean confirmed. "And yeah, agree with you on that scene. That was kinda.. over and above," he admitted. Though she was the only person he'd admitted that to - he would never have told his friends back home that. They would never have let him live it down.

"Okay it kind of takes a bit to truly squick me out but seriously! That was just--that was wholly unnecessary! And graphic and I think it's probably the only part of a movie ever that I actually will literally curl up in a little ball and hide my eyes til it's done." she said, shaking her head. "I had crazy nightmares about it for a while. Not like...specifically that? But weird brain-injury nightmares. I think what was so scary about that was just...okay besides the whole thing with the huge squick factor and the badness and the wanting it to stop and not have to think about it was the emotional responses being all messed up." she said. "Like...the concept that if you fuck yourself up bad enough you're just not you anymore. Like...what was his name. Phineas Gauge? That's...scary and I'm sooo going to get off of this topic right now? Because of the creepy. Zombies. And a book about them, possibly having to do nothing with brain eating whatsoever." She paused, then looked at him again. "I believe I keep telling you to stop me when I get rambling." she said in a 'shame on you' tone.

"But you're so good at it," Dean told her, highly amused. "It seems a shame to pull you up short. Anyway, you always do it yourself before I get a chance to," he pointed out. "So it's not fair to blame me." He considered, though, the issue of fucking yourself up badly enough to not be you anymore and he didn't say anything at all about that. Because his thought path went completely off at a tangent about it, totally away from what she'd actually meant and he wasn't going to derail them that way. "Find anything?" he asked instead, craning round to look into the cupboard.

"I don't know...you could probably stop me well into my ramble before I got into needing to take several breaths so I don't pass out stage..." she said, then paused mid motion of reaching into the closet. It was a flicker, really, just a tiny jump in the lines around him but she'd seen it. "...you okay?" she asked, before she could think better of it. If she'd thought about it first she might have let him off the hook with it, just in the interest of them spending time together that had nothing to do with anything bad. Hell. That was partially why she still hadn't brought up what she'd been up to the other night.

Dean looked back at her and shrugged. "Passing thought, nothing vital," he told her, realising as she spoke that he must have been exuding energy again. he wondered if there was any way to control that - maybe get a tighter hold on his emotions so they weren't so obvious. Maybe he'd look into it when he got a moment. Though that list of things he needed to get to seemed to be growing exponentially. He still had to speak to Oz and Sophie about money for IDs. And possibly assassins. But mostly IDs. How long had it been now? Days? That wasn't like him at all. usually, when something needed to be done, it got done. There was no putting things off in Dean's world.

She opened her mouth to protest, but then shut it, nodding as she let it go. Or more, she didn't press it. That didn't mean she wasn't wondering if he was alright. She remembered the argument they'd had before, however, about her pushing too much sometimes. Therefore...she wasn't going to right now. "Kay." she answered him, then went back to looking into the closet. Which she found blue sheets, but not dark blue ones. Well....lighter blue sheets she could deal with. She wanted the other stuff to be dark though. So she put those aside, and started putting everything back where she found it. She also wracked her brain for something to say, but wasn't coming up with anything suitably distracting.

"So, when did you go round to Caleb's?" Dean asked her, when it became clear that she was going to drop the subject - something which he was grateful for. He didn't think they needed to rehash what they'd decided wasn't going to happen anyhow and Dean really didn't want to go into just how aware he'd been about what his actions were likely to do to him, or how he'd been willing to do it anyway. She never needed to know that.

Of course! He needed to pick that. Right. "...last night?" she suggested, putting more blankets back. "I sorta...went for a walk. Wound up walking by his house, and had the idea already anyways, so I thought it was as good a time as any. Plus, I thought you could do with something y'know. Random and good to happen to you today. Something to balance out the weirdness, and then I was thinking about what you'd like and you know I'm rambling again about things I've even covered already so I'm going to stop. Last night. That's when I went by Caleb's."

Dean was back to watching her again, but this time with caution. "Last night, when, last night?" he asked. "I don't remember hearing you go out..."

"After you went to sleep?" Lullaby said, looking over, and it was quite clear that she thought she was about to get in trouble. "I didn't want to disturb you, so...y'know." She made a vague gesture that didn't really mean anything. She'd taken her bells off and been very very quiet was what she'd done. "I was quiet." Clearly, quiet enough that he'd missed her leaving and when she'd come back. So...score one for her stealth skills?

Oh. Oh - Dean was clearly unhappy about that one. "You - you went out alone? After dark? On your own? After... after all that's been going on lately?" he asked her, aghast. "What - what if something had happened to you, Thia?"

Then I just would have been home really late. was the first thing that went through her mind, but she was smart enough not to say it to Dean. She did wince though, watching that sudden wildfire of Displeased going on in his black aura. "Yes, I did." she answered him, because it wasn't like she could get around that. "I was fine.." obviously. Not that that seemed to matter and really, she knew she'd be feeling the same way if situations were reversed. "I had a lot on my mind, I needed..." she sighed and sat back, tugging her fingers through her short hair. "I needed to do a few things." She looked back at him, meeting his gaze, though it took a little effort on her part to do that.

Dean bit down on the inside of his lips, pulling them in between his teeth for a moment. God, he didn't want her to feel like a prisoner here or anything, but... "I get that, but - what if you'd run into trouble, Thi?" Or your father. "Or your father," he said, deciding that maybe that thought needed to be voiced. "And you'd... I wouldn't know where to find you. You'd just be.. gone."

She watched him, having abandoned putting things away now that they were into this. "Then I would have run into trouble." she said, voice kind of quiet. "Or my dad. I--" she looked away for a moment, trying to figure out how to word things. Or, knowing where to start even on a proper explanation might have been awesome. Sadly, she didn't have an idea for either. "I had a lot going on in my head. I really needed to figure some things out. To do that, I had a few things I needed to do, and they weren't here. They were in town. And I just..." She didn't want to say anything that might even remotely make him feel like he hadn't been there for her. So, she put it a different way. "I needed to go alone." she finished. "I'm okay." she added. "Nothing happened to me." Now was not the time she mentioned she'd met a random vampire, or he might set up a tripwire on her door or something. ...okay that was exaggerated, but still. He was already unhappy with her, she didn't want to make it worse, and she knew that would. Probably exponentially.

I could have come with you. But she'd said she'd needed to go alone, so he had to respect that. "You could have told me where you were going. or even that you were going out," he told her, instead. "Or... if you didn't want to tell me... Did you tell Sophie? Or Oz? Did someone know you were gone?" Please tell me you told someone. Please tell me that you're not that stupid. After everything we've been through lately, please tell me you're not.

"Dean, last time I left the house, I was followed." Lullaby said, frowning. "You weren't going to let me leave in the first place, and inside ten minutes, I had a wolf following me. No, I didn't tell anyone. I'm sorry, but I just--if I had told you I was going to go wandering into town to stop at places I shouldn't be, would you really have been okay with that? Would they? I know you. If you could have let me walk out the door in the first place, all you would have done was sit here and worry all night. You need rest, and less stress in your life, not more." The second that was out of her mouth, she realized just how fucking familiar that was. Only usually, it was coming from him.

"And, if I'd woken up this morning and you weren't there? If something had happened to you and you were... You think that that would have been less stressful? Since we're making this about me right now," he shot right back at her.

She frowned, and even leaned back from that shot. She didn't say what was on her mind. No, what went through her brain wouldn't have been helpful, and even she found it a low blow, so she just...didn't say it, and was unhappy it was there at all. Standing up, she walked a little away from him, giving herself space. She didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything for a few long minutes, nothing that was going through her mind seeming like something she should articulate.

He let her have the space. Really, right now, he needed it too and he left it a while before looking over and speaking. "You could have at least left me a note," he told her.

"I will next time." she promised, voice quiet. She didn't say anything more again, not sure what to say. She hadn't wanted to talk about this. She'd specifically not brought any of it up, just so they could avoid the conversation they were now having. Where she was in trouble, and she couldn't even tell him she'd never do it again or anything, and she didn't think he understood why she felt like she'd had to sneak out without anyone the wiser. She had that trapped feeling again, lurking in the back of her mind, and she hated it. "I'm sorry." she added a few long moments later.

Dean didn't say anything to that. He wasn't sure what the was to actually say to that, other than to ask whether she realised how much trouble he'd be in if he did the same thing. He just wasn't sure if he wanted to get into this right now. He didn't want to argue with her, though he normally would. But - things had seemed off today, weird. And they'd only just started to get back onto an even keel and it felt like he'd be risking that. Before, if they argued, there was always that sense that it wouldn't ruin things, that they'd make it up at the end, get passed everything. He'd like to think that was still the case, but there was some lingering doubt there.

She didn't know what she expected, but silence wasn't it. Really, that was probably what she should have figured, but for some reason she hadn't. It had her leaning her back against the wall--on the opposite side of the hall from him, and she slid down it, arms hugging herself. Her eyes were back on him, remaining there. "I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want to...we had a good day the other day. Where we decided we weren't going to deal with anything traumatic? And then...you were taking some time for yourself, and I didn't want to break that. Not with just...me-shit that I haven't dealt with yet, and thought I needed to start. So I figured I'd wait til you were sleeping, and then I went for a walk. I went to Journey's house, took some things. Spent some time there...I think when the vamps were in town, they got to the place, because it was vandalized. So...guess the wards didn't work, and I don't count as living there, or didn't. So it's a good thing you came and got me after all." she said, sort of just talking, and she didn't stop herself this time. She went on. Sharing, like she'd wanted to do in the first place. "Then I went home. My parents were gone though...not sure where they went, but they weren't home. So I hung out there for a while too. Took some things from there too..." she gave a weak little half smile that only lasted a heartbeat before it was gone. "I grabbed a bathing suit for when we go swimming some night." she added.

"...then I went for another walk. Wound up at the cemetery." She paused there, looking troubled but thoughtful. "I don't think I realized how many people would have been visiting my grave?" she suggested, eyes focusing back on his. "But there was a lot left there. Flowers, stuffed animals, notes...someone left me a CD." She gave another one of those little fleeting smiles. "I took it. I kind of wondered if that was okay, but it was left for me, right? So, I took that, and brought it home, borrowed Oz's headphones and stereo. I liked the music on it. It was bass-heavy, I'm thinking it was Isaac who left it. He played for me once and we talked about music and how I like hard heavy bass lines, because I hear those best."

He listened to her talking, though he kept his eyes down, not looking at her as she did so, giving little silent reactions to some of it. A frown when she talked about the wards, biting his lip a little as he considered what might have happened to her if he hadn't come for her - a thought that gave him no 'I told you so' pleasure in the slightest. A little smile at the fact she'd gotten a swimming costume - one that faded as she talked about her grave. He'd not been back there, not since her funeral. He didn't know how to deal with that one. And he didn't begrudge her the music, or any of the gifts, maybe it'd make her think, that she still had friends out there. He didn't begrudge her any of that, none of it. He just worried about her and he couldn't turn that off. "That why you were sleeping on the sofa this morning?" he asked her, raising his head enough that she'd be able to read his lips, given that she was too far away to actually really hear him without him shouting and he didn't want to do that.

Nowish would be when she would want to walk over, sit by him, hug his arm and rest her head on his shoulder. Which she didn't do, she stayed right where she was, on the other end of the hallway, several feet between them. She was a touch surprised he knew she'd crashed on the couch. She didn't think he had any reason to wander into the den in the morning or anything...did he? She nodded, however. "Yeah...by the time I got back I was really tired." she explained. Emotionally exhausted was a good way of putting it, but she didn't say it. Oh...wait, maybe she'd been in someone's way. "Did someone need the den and I was in the way?" she asked, frowning. She hadn't thought about that. Of course, she also hadn't intended to fall asleep down there either, but not the point. "No one woke me..."

"No, nobody needed the den, you're all good," he assured her, feeling like now should be the time of hugs and holding. That was what was missing, he realised. That's what felt weird. She was doing it again and he'd been letting her and it had become more and more of an itch until now they were sitting on the other side of the room from each other and... Bugger this, he thought, getting up and half walking, half shuffle-crawling over to her, sitting down next to her, right close in, shoulder to shoulder and feeling immediately better for the decision.

The natural progression would have been for her to do what she'd wanted to. It would be easy, really. Just...slide her hand down the inside of his arm, clasp his hand with hers, cover the back of his with her other hand, and tug his arm over a little bit more so she could hug it comfortably. Then she could rest her head on his shoulder, and he could probably talk to her there, where she could hear him. She even started to shift a little, but about .2 seconds after she'd started moving, she stopped the motion. What it wound up doing was shifted her slightly more to face him, but made the contact of their shoulders go away. "Next time I'll still try to y'know. Make it to my bed, and not crash on the couch like a six year old..." she said, and she hoped she sounded normal, and not like she was upset. Because she was, but--no, this was the way things were going to be going, and that was it. And there was that Reason now. The He Has A Girlfriend reason. Even if she didn't like her, and they hadn't technically gone out yet. It'd be fine. She knew it would be. It was Dean.

His heart just slumped as she shifted away and he wondered just how badly he'd fucked things up here. Because it'd never been like this before. Sure, she'd seemed to have made the decision days ago that she wasn't going to be all over him, after that whole 'sometimes makes me uncomfortable' thing came up, but she'd been fine about it when he'd been the initiator. She'd never acted like that before - specifically moved back like that after he'd made the move and it made him want to instinctively apologise. "I.. You're, you're fine - you can sleep where you like," he added, belatedly, sounding distracted and a little confused and as though he couldn't quite manage to put his sentences together.

She watched him, frowning a little bit because she could tell that...he seemed upset, though not necessarily badly. Something was there, she just couldn't quite read what. Lullaby got it mostly the old fashioned way. He was tripping over words, and didn't seem to be focused on what he was saying. It made her want to reach out all the more, be there, do something, and she did it again. That sort of half reach for him thing, but she didn't complete it. Again, she wondered just how many times she touched him on a regular basis. How often she reached out for him for one reason or another. And again, she thought it was probably a really telling, disturbing number. She wished she had her ring to play with. She wound up reaching up to play with the ends of her choker again. After a few moments, she recognized that she hadn't said anything. That she really should say something. She could probably have latched back onto the supposed conversation that was going on, but she didn't think his head was there either. Hers wasn't, it hadn't been when she'd said it in the first place. "...Dean are you okay?" she asked, voice very quiet. There was another half twitch where she wanted to reach out. ...how many times was that in just the last ten minutes? Too many. There was absolutely no part of this that she liked. In fact, it could safely be said that she hated this.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out, not able to stand that silence and awkwardness any longer. he wasn't even entirely sure what he was apologising for, but it didn't matter. He brought his legs up again, one hand absently dropping to play with the frayed edge of his jeans, where he'd worn the hem away over time.

She blinked at that, and was pretty sure that wasn't an answer, and at the same time-- "What are you sorry about?" she asked, concerned, because yeah. Now she was just massively confused. Confused, and worried, and he was fidgeting, and that was kind of usually her deal. It gave her the urge to reach out and put her hand over his to stop the motion. "You don't have anything to be sorry for." she said, sounding pretty damn sure about that.

He opened his mouth to reply, but the problem was that she sounded so sure about that, so he couldn't argue against it. Which just had him confused about why she'd moved away. And, really, wasn't this meant to be what he wanted? Wasn't he meant to want that line back, that separation? Wasn't that meant to be making things easier for him?

He realised that the answer there was a somewhat blurred 'no'. Because those hugs, those touches, all of it - that was just the nature of their relationship, that's how it had been, and whilst he'd found it awkward when Joshua had been around, taking them away entirely took something away from them. What he needed to do, what he was working on doing, was reminding himself that they didn't mean anything other than friendship, but that didn't mean he wanted them to go away altogether. That just left both of them dancing around each other, feeling like they couldn't be themselves.

"Come 'ere," he said, softly but determinedly, reaching for her again. He wasn't sure what he'd do if she backed off again, but there was only one way to find out, wasn't there?

That...wasn't meant to happen. She was doing the whole keeping back thing for him in the first place. It wasn't as if he was particularly enamored of being all touchy like she was. They'd talked about it, even. She remembered all the times where he pulled away. And while she didn't want to keep them in the back of her mind, they were there. So she was aware of the situation...even if sometimes he threw her a curve ball and she got confused again. But it all rounded back towards the same things. The same incompatibility, didn't it? She knew she hated feeling like he only stayed close because he was placating her. Giving her something she needed, even if it went against what he wanted.

She hadn't been keeping an exact running tally, but she was willing to bet she'd curbed the impulse to touch him in some fashion at least fifteen times in the last half hour. Four in the last five. Five, if you counted now, where she really really wanted to meet him half way there. She realized in a jarring sort of manner that she missed him. And she couldn't even place why. Or if it was all to do with this, or last night, or both. Or something she hadn't thought of yet. But there were things that were missing. Hell. Tonight, they weren't even talking about things. Or they hadn't been. Not like they usually did, with the 'oh hell no are you avoiding this' of it all.

Maybe I could start tomorrow. He's going out on his date tomorrow, and that can be the cut off point. And for right now, we can...

And that was her problem, wasn't it? Because she thought like that, and she kept letting things slide, and she wasn't being strong about it at all, even when she knew she should be. Because it was too easy for her to come up with a reason not to follow her decisions. Or he would get closer, probably because he knew her so well and knew she would want the hug or something, and then...

The only thing that mattered with her, what it boiled down to in her head was if he needed it...if it was for him, she'd go through with it. That was at the root of backing off in the first place, and it would flip the switch in the other direction as well. Because if he did need her close for some reason, needed a hug...something, she wouldn't ever deny him that. Her trouble was she didn't know the difference. She couldn't read his motivations. "Dean..." she wound up saying, looking down. She didn't move away, but didn't go to him either, like she wanted to. In fact, it was kind of that strong a pull that had her unable to really move back. She knew she should add something other than just having said his name, but she couldn't think of a single thing. Her head was that much of a mess, she couldn't pick anything out of it.

He stopped and moved back, taking that very much as a 'fuck off'. Except not like that, because that was harsh, he just...he put his hands down at his sides and pushed up, shuffling away, and then pulled his legs up again, wrapping his arms round them this time, making like a ball. "Sorry," he said again - this time specifically for trying to get her to do something she obviously didn't want to do. Except he knew her and he couldn't believe she didn't want to do that. Which meant that she did want to do it but the urge to determinedly deny that was stronger and he was fucking with her self-determination. Or something. He just didn't want her to feel she had to not. Hadn't they had this discussion? And he couldn't push the matter any further, because he'd tried that twice now and both times he'd been rebuffed. Which meant this was serious, but he didn't get why. Why now? Was this to do with the fact that he'd been annoyed that she'd gone out last night? Except she'd said he'd not done anything wrong and he believed her - unless she'd learned to lie in the last few days, which he doubted.

She actually did reach for him when he started to leave, but made herself stop again. Also, unhelpfully, she had the urge to tear up. God, there just wasn't enough suck in the world to describe how this felt. Besides 'absolutely fucking terrible'. "Please don't be sorry." she said in a rush, when she found her voice again. She sounded truly pained. "Don't be sorry you haven't done anything, I don't--and I'm sorry and I'm really kind of--" She'd found her voice, but she hadn't found coherency. Full sentences would be really helpful around now. Really helpful. So would having the slightest clue what to say, or maybe a shred of understanding. Because she was so intensely confused she was thinking she didn't get anything anymore. Six. She wanted to go over there and hug him and not let go. Maybe she should. He looked so...she didn't even know. Alone, over there. She didn't want him to be alone. He shouldn't be alone. Standing, she walked over closer, a little bit at a time. It was halting, because she still didn't know what she should be doing. Where the lines were, or what was right, or wrong. Right now, all of her convictions felt wrong, and it, along with everything else, was really throwing her for a hard loop. A very hard loop. She wasn't quite within reach yet...but almost.

He looked at her, really looked at her, watching her movements and then, when she stopped, he looked at her some more. "Why then?" he asked her, not knowing what else to say.

She looked back at him, watching his eyes, and while that was an excellent question, she didn't know how to answer it. If she did, maybe she'd be less confused. She took another step closer to him, shoulder against the wall. Seven. She wanted to do what she had in his room the other night, and reach out to drift her fingers through his hair, so she could see his eyes better. "I'm trying to...make sure I'm not making you uncomfortable." she started with, because that at least still made sense to her, and was the truth. "But I don't really know where the lines are. I'm not...I'm not used to having any." She hugged herself, to stop herself from doing that reaching out thing. At least she'd stopped before she was fully within reach. Even if she inched a little closer still. "And I know most of the time, you're...you pull away. It's just kind of what you do. You do it all the time, and I know that. I can tell when you're doing it." She stopped again, looked down at the floor, then back up at him. "I really hate feeling like the only reason you're close to me is because of some internal...some idea that it's for me. Like you're placating me, because you know that I'm...affectionate. You shouldn't have to put yourself in that kind of position if you don't want to be there, no matter what." she said. And at least she'd gotten herself back into full sentences, and she thought she even made sense there for a minute. If absolutely nothing else, there was truth behind her words, a conviction that she truly believed what she said was there. She really didn't think it was right for him to do that, not if he didn't want to. And she was still under the impression that most of the time, he didn't. He kept his distance.

And if I want to be there? No, no, he couldn't put it like that. That was dagerous, for him anyhow. It was the truth, but not the kind of truth he was comfortable with, not when there was a way of puting it that was acceptable and understandable and still the truth. And so he took a minute to take in what she'd said and mull it over, change it around, try and think it through. "I've never had a friend before who's all... physical, like you are," he started, slowly. "It was a bit of a shock, at first. And then, well, Joshua was around a lot and... With the best will in the world, Thia, hugging a guy right in front of your boyfriend's not gonna get you the best reaction from either of us. That's just the way it is. But... This is what we do. It's how we work. It's... It's like... It's just part of us now. And yeah, sometimes I'll take a step back if it's too much, but that doesn't mean that I wa... that it should completely stop," he said, switching wording half way through there. "Or we - we end up here. Like today. And you've, what? Avoided touching me like a dozen times in the last half hour? More? And about eight in the last ten minutes alone," he pointed out. "And that's not including twice you've moved away when I've got closer to you. It's not - it's not us. It doesn't feel right, so if the reason you're doing this is because you've got some mistaken belief that it's what I want? It's not. I'll tell you if you've overstepped the mark and, honestly? You have to get a hell of a lot closer than you are now," he added, then wondered if he shouldn't have said that bit. He'd just kind of got onto a roll there.

She listened to him, and wasn't sure if it made her feel better, or more confused. She did have mental commentary on some things though. Like how 'sometimes' him taking a step back was really...all the time. He could apparently tell when she was doing it, which surprised her a bit though she couldn't say why, and it was the same thing in return. She knew when he was doing it. What else was jarring was him being so close on the number of times just in the past ten minutes. Did he just know? Was that a guess? Did she project so much that he caught it every time, or did he merely know her that well? She stepped close enough to be in reach, still looking down at him, shoulder sliding against the wall as she moved. Another thought was half the time, they were a hell of a lot closer. Like when they were curled up in the closet together. The few times they'd slept together--discounting only the last time where she'd made sure not to snuggle him. She knew how he felt on the things not feeling right thing--they didn't. By any stretch of the imagination. But it still seemed to her like it was a concession on his part. "Seven...by my count." she said. "But that's kind of it, isn't it? A bad thing? And you said it was a bit of a shock, and maybe this is just how we work because you've been nice enough not to tell me to fuck off yet. It's not--you can tell when I'm avoiding. I can tell when you are too, and it's kind of all the time. About the only times that you don't is when...when things are really really bad, and maybe you need it as much as I do." She still had the urge to reach out and touch his hair, and she let her arm drop down from where she'd been hugging herself, though she didn't give in to the impulse yet. "Pretty sure during those...y'know. Dozens of times since we started hanging out tonight, none of those moments qualified there."

"I've hated tonight," he said, after a moment. "And, so we can both tell when the other's avoiding, but - I avoid all the time?" he asked, wondering if that was right. Did he? He knew that he checked himself, only let himself go when he thought she needed it, making sure it wasn't purely self-indulgent.

She nodded, eyes not leaving his. "Yeah. You do." she said. She found it a little strange, that he didn't seem to know that. Because she didn't doubt his question, that he had to ask. He wouldn't do that. She tried to think of a good way to put it to him, but so far wasn't coming up with one. She half reached out, once, twice, the motion not quite making it either time, though the third one did. She drew her fingers through his hair, just once, to get it out of his eyes. She started speaking again without sense-checking it first. "It's like there's a duration, sometimes. Like...there's this invisible timer that's set to go off at random times, and then you're done. But it's always there, whenever we're close. And it's like I can feel it when it goes off. And I know you try not to be obvious about it, and I guess I can kinda appreciate you making the effort--but I know it when it happens anyways. And it just reminds me that...that I'm way more affectionate than you'd like, and you humor me. I just wanted to make things right. Because it's still not fair to even entertain the notion that my needs rank above yours. To me...they don't. At all." Now she was avoiding sliding down the wall to get on eye level with him. She didn't quite trust herself to do that right this second.

"Hu...? Thia - I don't humour you," Dean told her, catching on to that. When she talked about an invisible timer, he knew she was right, but her reasoning behind it was dead wrong. He didn't do it for her, he did it for him, making himself move away because he could feel himself getting far too comfortable for their own good. Because he didn't trust himself past a certain point where she was concerned. And maybe she was too affectionate for him to handle, but only because he was a fool who couldn't grasp that that affection didn't mean anything other than friendship, but that didn't mean that he didn't enjoy it, that he didn't wish sometimes that he could get over his feelings for her, certain as he was that they would never be returned, so that they could just get on with being friends. "Maybe I..." he cringed a little. "It's not you - it's me," he offered. Tacky, tacky wording, mate. Tacky. "I just..." Can't explain this. "I'm stupid," he finished, lamely. "But I'm not humouring you..."

And here was why she was always so damn confused about what went on with him. Because she believed him when he said he wasn't humoring her. It was helped by the fact that he looked really confused over it. She slid down the wall, not getting closer, but putting herself on his level. Her arms went around her knees, and she kept her eyes on his. "You're not stupid." she said firmly first. Then, "Is it the guy thing?" she asked. "Because that's part of all this too. I don't want--I don't want to make you uncomfortable that way either." And I still don't know where the lines are. I should, but I don't. Nothing like this was ever strange with anyone else. "It's not fair, and it's...all that same stuff I was already saying. So I figured I'd just...stop. Only it's really hard. Because you're right, it is how we work, it is part of us. I hate it too, feeling like things are all wrong, but I just wanna make sure it gets better, and..." she broke off there, because she was starting to get herself worked up, and she was going for rationality. She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, to give herself a second. "And anyways, things'll have to change now too. You said that with the Joshua thing...and bad reactions and all that, and well...you've got a date tomorrow. I don't want to go...messing with anything." she tried a little half smile. She wasn't at all sure she managed to pull it off, though. But she didn't want to mess with anything, even if it wasn't on purpose. And really, with her dislike of the other girl, she wasn't necessarily sure she was objective in that manner, so she didn't trust she wouldn't mess with things on some weird subconscious level. Once again she went through her little internal mantra that this was all for the best, bla bla bla...he needed to be spending time with people who weren't named Lullaby Draven.

"Huh?" There was that confusion thing again. "No, no - it was different with Joshua. I was there and I knew him and... Look, first off, why does everyone think this going to be a, a thing? It's a date. Singular. One. Not... first Caleb, now you - I'm not - this isn't... It's like the whole world sees I've asked a girl out and suddenly we're an item or something!" he exclaimed. "Stop it, just stop. Please." There was more there, but he didn't want to go into the 'and anyway, even if' territory. Because, really, he couldn't picture him and Janice being at all long term. He really didn't want to picture that.

It was her turn to look a little confused. "But--" she started. Then she stopped, and took a second to think, before she continued. "Generally speaking, when you ask a girl out, you've asked her out..." she started. "In a 'hey, we're going out now' capacity. I didn't mean to upset you, I've just never quite...y'know. Heard of it not going like that." She was eyeing him carefully. "Why? Is it not meant to be that? Why'd you ask her out then? Is that why you never mentioned her to me?" she asked, which after she did so, she kinda sorta immediately regretted, because she hadn't meant to mention the whole thing where she was weirded out by the fact that he suddenly had this Girl and he'd never so much as said 'so someone's caught my eye'. Since he seemed upset over it, she didn't mention that just because she and Janice wouldn't be occupying the same space at any given time didn't mean that it made it any better, and she did know her--even if okay, Janice would be assuming she was dead and all but still! She didn't know how it was different with Joshua than it should be for Janice.

"Is it not not?" Dean shot back, feeling the edge of a migraine coming on. This was all just becoming convoluted and he didn't feel like he knew anything anymore. Every time he thought he had his feet on the ground once more, he realised that that was just a complete load of bollocks. "I dunno - I just... It seemed like a good idea at the time, okay? I hadn't really thought it through any more than that and... I don't know how these things are meant to go, remember? The whole 'I've never even asked a girl out before' of it all? Do you remember that? I just... Suddenly I'm, what? I just..." He ran a hand raggedly through his hair. He hadn't meant for this to change anything. Well, no, he had meant for this to change things, but not like this, it was just meant to get his mind back on an even keel, not to actually... change the entire nature of their relationship or anything. He dropped his hand to the floor again and thunked his head back against the wall. "I figured that I had to start somewhere - and at least I knew she'd say yes," he told Thia, turning his head slightly towards her, since he knew he wasn't talking loud enough for her to hear.

Lullaby was really left with a whole lot of blinking. Cuz that confusing thing she had going on? Just got a whole lot worse, with his tirade. She opened her mouth several times to speak during it, but in the end didn't cut in until she was sure he was finished. She also winced when he thunked his head back against the wall, and she half reached out to put her hand between it and the wall, but stopped. "Don't do that." she said first. Then she had to really think about everything else before she could even contemplate a coherent reply. "Okay." she said. "First of all...yeah I remember that you haven't done this before. I never forgot or anything, so... stop that. Second, you're kinda freaking out about this, and you need to calm down. You know, nothing has to be anything you don't want it to be? So if you're just taking this girl out for...a..." she cast about for words, and came up pretty much dry. "...like a one-shot deal? Then okay. I'd probably make sure she knew that before the date was over, though I suppose you might have a really awesome time and then you won't want it to only have been a one date thing..." she mused, then got herself back on track--before her brain could start putting in it's own side commentary. "Are you really this nervous about the whole thing? Is that why you're kinda..." she made a vague gesture. "Bugging?"

"I'm not freaking out about this. I mean, okay, I am freaking out about this - now anyway. It's just, like... I figured this for one thing and then everyone else seems to think it's something else and now I feel like I've walked into something and it doesn't work the way I thought, or wanted, or... I dunno, but I'm wrong. Kinda the story of my life, except normally I'm doing to much, not too little. It's just weird and... And I dunno. I really don't," he told her. And now things between us are weird as well and I wish I'd never even thought of this and it was meant to be a... He didn't even know how to finish that thought, just that he didn't intend it to be like this - though he couldn't have defined what he did mean it to be. Just different to this.

"Well, you can stop freaking out about it, because it's not the end of the world, and just because everyone else thinks something different than what you do doesn't mean you're under any obligation to follow what they say." she said firmly. And by the way did I mention the girl is nowhere near good enough for you? Because really... Okay she needed to get a handle on her internal monologue. "You're not wrong. Just...slightly different than what people usually do with this stuff. But that doesn't mean you're wrong." She continued watching him, and curbed a few more urges to reach out for him, though it was slightly easier considering they were talking about his...um. Not-Girlfriend.

Dean looked up towards the ceiling and closed his eyes. He didn't really have anything else to say, he didn't know whether there was anything else to say. She didn't need to be accompanying his brain round and round in circles with this, especially not since she only had half the story. He just kept coming back to the same thing, the question there on the tip of his tongue, even though he was firmly holding it back. So, he'd just sit here and be quiet for a few minutes, that was all.

She let him fall silent, and she watched him, wondering what to do to help. She didn't know if she could help, or whatever, but she knew she really wanted to. What she wound up doing was moving to sit next to him finally, letting her shoulder touch his just a little. It wasn't going through with what she wanted to do, but she was still kind of unsure where everything stood. What with them not having actually come to conclusions, they'd just gotten sidetracked on the issues of his date. "Can I do anything to help?" she asked eventually, head turned so she could look at him. He wasn't really talking loud enough right now for her to catch more than tone, and sometimes that was lost too.

Tell me this won't change things between us. He turned his head slightly to look at her, oressing back against her shoulder as he did so, appreciating the contact more now that she'd finally deigned to give it. "Probably not," he told her, eventually, holding her eyes.

She continued to look back at him, and made a slight bit of a face. She didn't like not being able to help. It was in her job description as best friend. She was sure it was written down someplace, in bold lettering or something. "Can you come up with something pretendy-like to tell me to do that I can satisfy my undying need to help you with everything ever with?" she asked, teasing very very lightly. She tried giving him a smile, though it didn't quite work out. She was worried. And she still thought this whole thing was messed up on a lot of levels, and she knew she didn't understand the half of them. She almost asked if she could give him a hug then, remembering the last time she'd asked was...what. Back when she'd been alive at some point. After a certain point she'd stopped asking and just started giving them to him whether he liked it or not.

He quirked a little smile at that. "You could give me a hug," he suggested, wondering if she'd actually do that, or whether she'd back off again. God, he'd made such a mess of things lately. He had no idea how to get out of it. Everything was just so mixed up and confused and not at all going the way he'd planned. He just wanted to call a halt on everything and start again somehow, except he couldn't even pinpoint where things had gone off track, not really.

The second he got the word 'hug' out, she was on him. She shifted even, on her knees next to him, and she had her arms up around his neck, pulling him for a tight squeeze. She drew in a deep breath, and let it out slowly, feeling herself relax a tiny bit, just for that. She was pretty sure that said something bad about her but she couldn't be bothered to put too much thought into it just then. She also had problems letting go--which she knew she would--but until that invisible timer went off, she was kind of not planning on the letting go part. Okay...so it was kind of less a hug and more like clinging.

He'd made himself at least half expect her to rebuff him, so he was actually a little surprised when she didn't and it took him a moment to recover as she flung her arms around him. But recover he did, though he still resisted the urge to just drag her into his lap and instead just hugged her back, dropping his head onto her shoulder, closing his eyes and just holding her there with no clear intention of letting go.

She was kinda glad that he didn't seem to be wanting to let go or anything. Really, she should probably end it or something, but she didn't. Instead, she relaxed against him as much as her current position would allow. Okay yeah. This was definitely a part of how they functioned as people. She was going to have to figure out some...middle ground or something. She wasn't sure, exactly, and she was still thinking that if he did wind up with a girlfriend--which she was sure he would because Janice the little twit could not possibly be stupid enough to let him go--it would alter things. She'd have to be a whole lot more careful, for a few reasons. It was all a big mess in her brain and she wasn't figuring it out right now. She could spin her wheels and melt her brain later on it. Right now she was kind of...making up for...stuff.

"Would it sound stupid if I said I'd missed you?" he asked her, lifting his head a little so that his mouth was directly by her ear, still not making any move to let her go.

She smiled at that, a real smile, even if she didn't pull back enough for him to see it. She turned her face in towards his neck, and drew in a breath. Lullaby also took a second to appreciate that he was talking in her ear again. She liked when he did that. "No." she said. "Because I've really missed you." she told him honestly. She had. And okay it probably was weird or something but she couldn't help it, it was just there. So...whatever. They'd missed each other. She could deal with that.

"Can we just... I dunno. Just... Work this out? What we are and aren't comfortable with? or something. It was like, before, when you were all the way over there and staying there and shit - it felt like there was something really wrong. Like.. This probably sounds stupid but I always feel like we can discuss anything, even if we don't agree, and that at the end of the day it'll be okay. But I didn't feel like that then, it was like... It was just wrong," he told her, fairly sure he was expressing himself badly.

Lullaby listened to that, and frowned a little. She sort of got what he was saying--she just didn't like the implications. God, was that what he thought? That...she was pulling away so far that they might not be okay anymore? Like...god that was just a jarring, awful thought. So as much as she hated doing it, she pulled back--though really only just barely enough so she could see his eyes, and her arms were still around his neck. "Dean..." she started, not sure what she was going to say exactly, but she was talking. "We can discuss anything and it's never going to matter if we agree or not. I promise. I--you're-- look, even if...years from now, you're...off doing whatever you're doing and I was off doing whatever I was doing, even if we hadn't spoken in years or something, if you called me and needed me I'd be there in a heartbeat. Nothing's ever going to be so bad that things wouldn't--it won't happen like that. And I'm so sorry you felt that way at all. I don't want you to feel like that, I--I'm sorry." She bit her lower lip for a moment, then continued. "I know what you mean though, about it feeling wrong, and...I get that, all this has felt wrong to me but that's kinda my problem?" she suggested, searching his eyes. "I kinda...don't know where things are supposed to be. And I'm sorry about that, I know I should know, and other people don't have these issues and everything, but I don't, and I know since I died and everything too that things have been blurrier for me more than usual and I'm sorry about that too. I'd like to work things out, yes, please, though unfortunately, I think it'll lay mostly on you, because...with me, I'm kinda...y'know. The overly comfortable one. And that's probably unfair of me...sorry..." And somewhere in the back of her mind, Billy's voice echoed, that she apologized too much. ...well it was warranted!! She had things to be sorry for! Like being a confusing ball of lame. She drew in a breath then rested her head back where it had been, on his shoulder, face turned in towards his neck.

He shifted very slightly, but only so this time his face was resting atop her head, cheek against her hair. "I'd like that," he told her. "The years from now thing. I'd be the same for you - there in a heartbeat. And, I'm sorry. I mean, I knew that and I knew we'd be like that - I don't think I really thought... But it just felt - off. Like there was this wall, because - I guess we were both not being ourselves." She'd been holding herself back and so had he. And whilst this morning he would have said that this, this whole new non-touchy thing, was a good idea, in practice it just hadn't worked. He needed this, needed her, and he'd just have to find another way because it wasn't worth it if it ruined what they had together. The last thing in the world Dean wanted was to threaten his friendship with Thia. "But, Thia - it's not your problem. It's mine. You haven't done anything wrong here." I'm the one who blurred the lines, not you. "So don't be sorry, there's nothing to be sorry for. And I don't want you to stop being you, I don't want you to be making yourself miserable holding back. You know, I can't see wavy black lines around you, but that doesn't mean I don't pick up on stuff. I know you, Thi, I can tell."

The first bit made her smile. It was faint but there. It made her feel better, especially with her mindset already projecting he wasn't going to be there full time or anything, that he would wander off. So it was good to know that if she needed him sometime, he'd still be there anyways. "...how were you not being yourself?" she asked, a little unclear on that one. "And...I think we're just gonna have to disagree on the who's problem it is. From here, it looks...like I'm just strange, and you're normal, and there inlies the trouble. And...I know you do. I think you know me better than anyone. ...honestly right now? You know me better than Journey did." She could say that with conviction, because she and Dean did seem to just have a really deep level of understanding going on. Whether that was always helpful or not. "So where's the middle ground? Me still being me, but also not making things miserable for you?" she asked.

Dean pulled away a little then, but only because he wanted to look down at her, even if she wasn't looking at him. Actually, possibly because she wasn't looking at him. "Thia - you don't make me miserable," he told her, humour in his tone as if the idea that she could was just the silliest thing he'd ever heard. Even if he'd not been happy about the way things were going, even if he'd been bothered, and stressing and all sorts - to his mind, that wasn't her. That was him. She never made him miserable. "And as for me being myself... Maybe I'm still trying to find out who that is," he suggested. "Six months ago, I would have sworn I wasn't the huggy type, that all that touchy feely bollocks was just not me. And now?" he gave her a little squeeze and rested his head back down again. "Now, I think that maybe that wasn't the whole truth." He didn't address the point about how well he knew her, he didn't know what to say to that. On the one hand he was thrilled that she thought that, that he really did know her that well. Yet on the other hand, he didn't want to take anything away from Journey, it felt wrong to do so, that hadn't been his intention. The guy had been her best friend for most of her life - it wasn't fair that some bloke had just walked in and surpassed that in a few months.

She could hear it, the humor there, and almost looked up, but didn't, sort of content where she was. It made her feel a little better though. Tone alone on that one made up for a lot. Maybe it was okay. Maybe she wasn't making his life harder. At least...not in that specific manner. She'd have to think about it, but that was going to play in a lot when she did. She listened to the rest of what he had to say, mulling it over in her mind. The bit about possibly being a tiny bit huggy made her feel better too. She squeezed him back, and shifted just a little, getting closer a tiny bit. "You're still figuring out who you are...but I guess...I feel like I know exactly who you are. You mentioned you know me. I know you too...and okay, I can cheat with the lines and everything but when we hide in your closet, I can't see those." Then she gave a little half rueful smile to herself. "Though apparently, I've missed some things. But...for the most part..."

"...You know me better than I know myself?" Dean asked her, wanting to ask her who he was, interested to hear what she'd have to say on that. But then, she had missed things - and not just that he really didn't mind her touches. Of course, he'd been working hard to hide some things from her as well. He realised that she could never know him as well as she thought she did, a fact that made him a little sad for both of them, yet opening up to her totally would just cause so many problems that he honestly believed that it was better this way.

She thought about that. "...sometimes I think I know you a lot better than you know yourself." she said. "At least in some areas. Some major areas, yeah, but..." she shrugged one shoulder slightly. "I have faith you'll figure it out eventually." she said. And until then, she'd be around to help him out on that. Like reminding him occasionally that he was an amazing person. Even if he didn't believe her. She'd keep maintaining her stance on the subject, and maybe one day he'd stop arguing with her.

Dean thought about this for a few moments before saying anything else. "Maybe you just see me now," he posed to her. "You don't have to deal with the crap and the... The last few years, I've been kinda... In a bad place, I guess," he told her, knowing they'd touched on some of this before. "Even with everything that's going on, I feel like I'm coming out of that. Maybe that I've come out of that now." Even if he'd been willing to throw himself right back in there and more. But there was a difference between 'willing' and 'want'. "But, I'm still dealing with working out who that makes me now, I guess."

Lullaby was quiet for a few long moments as she pondered things over. "Maybe everything in you, or who you are now, was always there and you just didn't know it until you were sort of forced to see it." she said. "But I guess that's what I see? Sort of...who you are underneath." She paused again, stopping herself from starting to play with his hair. She still didn't know where lines happened to be, and she didn't want to overstep. She didn't want that invisible timer to go off yet. "A long time ago you and I talked a little bit about things...you were saying that...well I'd mentioned that after I was attacked by the demon, I'd started looking into ways to help me and my friends. And you said that not everyone would do that, that you wouldn't. That you knew things were out there but hadn't really done anything. And I told you that maybe it was you just hadn't thought of ways to help yet." She had a point here, and she tried to think of the best way to put it. "When everything went wrong? You were just there. And I'm not even talking about just things with me. Situations went south really really fast, and you more than stepped up. There's something about you, Dean. Something that's really just...missing in probably a good ninety nine percent of the people in the world. But for you it's just there, it's natural for you. Maybe that's it. Just...it was there but you never saw it before because you'd never been tossed into the kind of situation where you'd actually need it. But it doesn't change who you are. Just means your perspective's changed." She gave a little half smile. "But I think I knew that before you proved it to everyone else. I wasn't surprised. ...sorry if none of that made sense. It makes sense in my head, but I don't trust that much these days."

Dean smiled a little. "You saying that dealing with all of this has made me a better person?" he teased, lightly.

Lullaby made a face, and she took the opportunity to tug at his hair a little at the back of his head. "No." she said, and she actually pulled back enough so she could look him in the eyes. "You were always a good person. You've just had opportunity, and made that perfectly. Fucking. Clear." she said firmly, enunciating her words well, even if they were said quietly. "Either something's there or it isn't. It is in you. Did you miss what I was saying? Want me to try another way?" she asked, bare hint of a smile touching her lips, though there was that edge of 'no really, I'm serious about my point here' in her eyes. "Why is it I look at you and see someone completely amazing, and you look in the mirror and can't even own up to being a decent person?" she asked. She didn't know if she really expected an answer there, she hadn't actually meant to ask it out loud.

"Because you're my best friend and you're biased," he told her. "And because if you'd known me last year, you probably wouldn't have wanted to. But I'm not like that anymore. I'm actively trying not to be like that - but that doesn't mean I don't look back and just cringe at who I was, at what I put people through. You know, we were talking to Stu and Andy and... Really, I'm lucky they're such good friends that they're still even speaking to me right now, since I kinda disappeared on them and everything."

"Just because I'm biased doesn't mean I'm wrong. Unless you want to start discounting everything I say, because it might be skewed, and I won't be very happy with you if you start that..." she started, but didn't go on. she listened to the rest of what he had to say, and thought it over before she spoke. "First of all, everyone has bad times. They just do. You had a ton of shit going on in your life and didn't really have the ability to share that with most of the people around you. You could with your grandma, but the rest of your family doesn't seem to have