What Makes a Man?

Who: Sean and Joshua
When: early morning
Where: Osbourne house
Joshua had been less enthusiastic than Dean about getting up the stairs as soon as the cage door was unlocked. Everything hurt, and moving his left arm even a little -- even though everything was fitted together again the way it was supposed to be -- was close to agony. Besides that, he didn't much want to see what was in the yard. It wasn't her anymore, just like the wax statue in the coffin hadn't been her. And he'd already seen her dead once, that was more than enough, thanks. He could imagine well enough what all they'd done to her body, he didn't need proof that the worst stretches of his imagination could be right. Still, after he'd trudged up the steps, he gave the yard a nervous glance out the window. Nothing. Which was ... better than he'd really hoped for.

His mind felt quieter than it had in a while. Odd how being locked up had calmed him down. Funny how much time you had to think when you were stuck in a cage. He moved into the kitchen, still slowly, careful of the unfamiliar floor surface and the scabbed cuts in his back and side. He went for orange juice. Despite zero sleep and a lot of pain, there was a lot to do today. Because even entertaining the thought that Lullaby might not come back wasn't an option.

Sean was sat at the kitchen table, a couple of bruises and a small cut above his eye the only suggestion that things had been bad last night - that and the fact he looked like he hadn't slept in days. He had a cup of strong black coffee in front of him and he looked up as Joshua entered the room, but he didn't say anything as he watched the teen move round.

Working only with his good hand, he pulled out the orange juice and then a cup and cradled both to his stomach to shuffle over and sit at the table. Pouring was a little awkward, but he managed, glancing up at Sean. There didn't seem to be a whole hell of a lot to say, though that might've just been him. So he just settled back with a faint wince and drank half the glass down in one go.

"How's the arm?" Sean asked, eyeing him. "D'you get any sleep?" he added, feeling the silence stretch between them. He paused and then took a sip of his coffee, before going back to cradling it once more.

"Hurts like a bitch," Joshua said mildly enough, looking up again. "None. You?" He sure as hell didn't look like he had. But then, he didn't think anybody in the house had. Besides Dean, but that was kind of different. More like unconsciousness.

"Not really - might try later. When was the last time you took something for it? Painkillers?" he asked, starting to rotate the mug between his hands slowly, feeling massively uncomfortable right now.

"Couple hours ago, I think, Sophie came down." He took another gulp or two, eyeing his guardian. Joshua knew he should probably say something about the whole ... being locked in a cage all night. Granted, he'd been right pissed off about it for a while, but once pain and forced thinking had dulled that down, he'd understood it, at least. "It's okay, man," Joshua added in quietly, looking at Sean's moving coffee cup. "Not much else you could've done."

Sean looked at him at that, as if assessing whether he really meant that. "Thanks," he allowed, taking it. "For what it's worth - I'm sorry. For the whole thing," he offered back.

Joshua nodded, accepting that as well. It occurred to him to apologize for completely losing his head, but under the circumstances, he wasn't sure if he honestly could. He was quiet for a moment, then looked up again. "I know it might've been ... different, for you, and this is probably a weird question, but ... when did you know you were a man?"

Sean frowned at that, opening his mouth to answer and then closing it again when he realised that he had no clue what to say to that. He looked clueless for a moment, then thoughtful and then decided that he should really have a stab at saying something. "Er - like how?" he asked. Which was probably a bad answer, but that was what had come out.

He shifted and frowned faintly, trying to think of a way to phrase how. It was a slippery sort of thing, in his head, hard to stick a label on. "Like ... completely grown up and capable and just ... like, how long have you been how you are now? I dunno that it's any one thing or three things or whatever, like I dunno where the line is, or if it's a big long blurred one that you just kind of cross until you come out the other side a man or what. S'what I want to know." And he was aware that that probably didn't make a hell of a lot of sense, but that was all he had.

"Honestly?" Sean told him. "I still have days where I think I'm not there yet. Completely grown up and capable? Doesn't exist. For anyone. It's just one long life of trying to be that - and sometimes you manage it and sometimes you don't. Though, maybe it's more about expectations. What people expect of you and what you expect of yourself. Do you expect to be able to cope? To deal with things as an adult? Do people feel like they have to treat you as a child? The two usually go hand in hand, I've found. Though some people'll treat you like a child no matter what you do, I've found." Especially when you're me. He'd so often failed to be taken seriously at all back home.

Joshua listened intently. It wasn't the most heartening of things to hear, given his entire life situation, but if that was honesty, that was honesty. He didn't expect Sean to be his dad or anything -- especially given that he didn't feel like he could have this conversation with his father -- but there was no one else to ask. And definitely no one else he knew that'd had as much time to try and figure this shit out. "So do you think, with the curse and everything, that it'll ever happen for me?" he asked. Might as well be direct about it. "Like ... not being treated like a kid. Is it possible."

"Remember when I caught you climbing in the window?" Sean asked him, not mentioning the reasons behind that - which by now he assumed were Lullaby. "And I was going on about how adults use the front door? You were acting like a kid there, so I treated you like a kid. So, you'd been out all night. It happens. You knew I'd be mad. If you'd been thinking, you would have known that I'd notice that shit, being what I am. Acting like an adult would have meant walking in the front door and facing up to the fact that I'd be mad. Hell, you could have even come in the front door quietly, tiptoed to your bedroom and hoped that, yeah, I wouldn't notice. But being an adult means taking responsibility for your actions, it means having confidence in your own decisions and being willing to defend them. Not sulking about sure that you're going to get told off for everything you do." He paused and sighed. "I know it's hard for you - with the curse and everything. You've had someone watching over you every minute of your life, telling you what you can and can't do, babying you every step of the way. But, you know, they let you come out here," Sean pointed out. "Sure, they sent a guardian, but you've already started to cut the strings, gain some independence, set out on your own. You don't have to stop with that. If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one - and talk to me about what bothers you about me."

"Yeah that's what I thought," he murmured, looking down at the table while he thought. "With the window thing, it was less that you'd be mad. I knew you would, I was ready for it, and more that ... y'know, for obvious reasons, I couldn't tell you really why I was out all night. So that was ... me being a bad liar, I guess. I wanted to avoid it if I could." Even though it had worked. And it was possible that coming in through the window had been a good distraction from the fact that he had been lying through his teeth. But he didn't like thinking that way. Even with all the trouble he'd gotten out of back home by pretending not to know anything about trespassing laws or just being out for a late-night stroll, lying to people close to him was something completely different. "Let's not do the cage again, for one," he added on with a very faint smirk.

"I understand your reasons - and I understand why you were reluctant to tell me about her," Sean said, sipping his coffee. "But it still made you come across like a child. You want to be treated like an adult, make sure that you don't act like a child, no matter how much that may be the easy option. It's a mindset thing." He took another sip and looked at him, casually. "You can always fight back, you know. With me - I'm not saying you'd always win, but you're allowed to protest at my actions. Tell me I'm full of shit, that what I'm doing is totally unnecessary. You don't just have to take it. You're not gonna offend me and at the very least, at least you'd find out why I'm insisting. And the cage was for your own good - I didn't like it any more than you did. That's one of those times - I'm not gonna let you go out and get yourself killed."

The thought occurred to Joshua that September probably would've had a stroke if he'd told her that she was full of shit, and he had to chuckle a little, even if there wasn't a whole lot of humor in it. "I'll bear that in mind," he said. And he had sort of done that already, in the dining room the day before. Even if it hadn't been done well, what with the panic going on and everything, he hadn't just let Sean go do whatever. Hunt Lulu out of the rooms upstairs and kill her. Which was what probably would've happened, he couldn't help thinking. "I understand, about the cage," he said a little distractedly, mind having drifted back to her again. He wondered if her screaming was mostly fear or pain, and if she'd remember much of it when she came back this time. He hoped to God not.

"You do that," Sean told him, finishing off his coffee and putting the mug back down on the table, cradling it loosely between his hands. "Look, think of it like this - I'm security. For you - and for your family before that. A counter-balance for the curse, but not there to stop you living your life. Think of it like all those high powered politicians and movie stars and whatever - they all get followed round by those big burly blokes with thingies in their ears. And yeah, those big burly blokes have a job keeping them safe - but it doesn't mean that they're in charge, or that those politicians and movie stars aren't grown up, or responsible, does it? They just have the kind of lives that mean they need to have someone extra around to make sure they stay safe, is all. And I'm glad you understand about the cage."

He blinked a couple of times and refocused on the conversation that he'd started in the first place. "Right, security. The only thing is, usually those politicians and movie stars have security because they're high-profile and y'know ... people are fuckin' nuts and like to assassinate the high-profile. It's not 'cause they have trouble walking down the street without spraining something or almost getting hit by a bus. You're security against myself, just as much as you are against everything else, and that's ... kinda the shitty part, I guess. Like I can't even drive, it'd be like suicide, y'know? I guess that's where some of ... the bitter comes in. Not your fault I'm cursed, but you're a big shiny reminder that my life won't ever be any kind of normal." As he finished, Joshua felt a bit of surprise at himself. It hadn't ever been that articulated in his head, but it felt as true as could be.

"Define 'normal'," Sean told him with a shrug. "Look around you - I don't think there's one 'normal' person in this whole house. Seems damn sparse in this entire town. People who can't do some things, can do others that nobody else can do, all trying to find ways to get on with their lives pretending to fit in with something that probably doesn't even exist anyway. Yeah, so, you're cursed. Yeah, so you have a guardian angel watching your back. But you're not a werewolf who might rip everyone you know to shreds each full moon - why d'you think there's a cage in the basement here? Hmm? I'm not saying that you don't have problems, that you don't have it bad, but..." Sean paused, realising that somewhere along the line he'd lost his point. Shit. He was crap at this - why was he trying to sound like he knew what he was talking about again? "Look, I don't know - but if we're talking about you being a man? Your curse isn't gonna stop that. It didn't stop your da, it didn't stop your grandda - it won't stop you."

Joshua decided not to mention that it had been his curse that had more or less gotten Lullaby killed again. It was ultimately the vampires, sure, but the vampires wouldn't have gotten a hold of her if he hadn't accidentally gone through the window. That was another thing he'd thought a lot about in the cage all night. But there wasn't anything he could do about it now, there was only ... forward motion or something. That, or it was too big to dwell on right now. He sat back a bit and rubbed at one eyebrow with his thumb, chewing on that. It was true at least; his family kept soldiering on. They managed to get married and have kids and live relatively peaceful lives, even if they were peppered here and there with the tragedy of horrible fucking luck. They just ... did it with angels. "Yeah, I guess," he said finally, even though that was stupidly non-committal. "I'm sure you're right. Not like you haven't seen it goin' on for a few generations. Guess we'll just have to see how it works for me."

Sean waited for a moment before speaking again. "Look - as far as I'm concerned, you're eighteen. You're an adult. You packed up and moved to another damn country. You're basically independent. And you should be treated that way." As far as possible, anyhow, he thought, but didn't figure that needed to be said right now. "I know now's a hard time and everything... But I'd prefer to work with you rather than have you think I'm here just to tell you what you can and can't do. No point keeping you alive if you haven't got a life to live - right?" He paused, weighing things up before pressing on. "How you holding up, anyhow? Injuries aside?" he asked, cautiously.

He nodded slowly to the first parts of what Sean said. He had moved to another damn country. But then that had always kind of been the way he did things, hadn't it? Recklessly bold, followed immediately with '... okay what now?' Sean was right about one thing, though, for sure: Joshua had been looking at him too much like an overgrown, winged babysitter. It was a view that had probably been more accurate with September, but that mindset had to change. This was probably helping. "Not great," he answered the question, eyes ticking up from the table. "I want to kind of ... stay busy with something today, if I can. ... do you think this'll stop on it's own? Or are they out to kill the whole town?"

"Dunno," Sean admitted. "Don't have a whole lot of experience with vampires - come across a few now and then, but nothing of this scale - nothing like these guys. Didn't get a whole lot of that back home. But we can keep you busy, I'm sure. With one thing and another. Though, you should try and get some sleep before nightfall," he advised. There was a pause again as Sean mulled his words over and when he spoke again it was thoughtfully, slowly. "As I understand it, she'll come back same time, same place - twentyfour hours later. Which means out there. After dark," he pointed out. Which begged the question of what the hell they were going to do about that.

Sleep sounded like a completely fucking foreign concept. Though he felt damn drained and worn out, Joshua really wasn't sure if he'd be able to sleep at all, even though Sean was right. "I guess ... we can hope they'll be occupied elsewhere, but we need a plan in case they're not," he said. Which didn't mean he had one, besides trying to distract the bastards as much as possible with something else. What that might be, he hadn't the first clue. Joshua rubbed his good hand over his head. They had some time, they could probably figure something out. He'd ... talk to Dean or something. Because getting her in the house was going to be the very first priority.

"A plan would be good," Sean agreed, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. "Any ideas?" he asked, figuring that they should really come up with something.

Joshua thought it over for a moment. He didn't know how disoriented or weak she would be, and it seemed really risky to make her run for the house immediately. His eyes ticked back up to Sean. Who had wings. Was in fact, the only one with them in the house, and Lullaby was going to be lighter than Joshua was and everything. "Think you could swoop in and snatch her up? Get her off the ground?" he suggested.

Sean considered this. "Yeah, probably," he admitted. Well, he definitely could - being that he'd managed Joshua the night before. Not something he'd want to make a habit of, but as long as she wasn't too far out, he could manage it. "You promise me that you'll stay inside. Away from the windows, anyway from anything," he told him, seriously - very obviously making this a condition.

"I swear it," Joshua said without hesitation, just as seriously. He trusted Sean implicitly, he kind of had to. And if the angel could swipe him out of vampire clutches, he was sure the same could be done for Lulu. Especially if her popping back into being alive was going to be a surprise event. He hoped there wasn't like ... magic swirlies or anything attention-getting beforehand. "Just get her in safe, and I promise I'll sit somewhere centralized and not move the rest of the night."

Sean chuckled a little at that. "Then we have a plan - the rest we'll just... Have to see what happened," Sean allowed. "I take it that you don't actually know what to expect? I haven't had a chance to really read that more of that book yet."

"Not really, no. I was more reading the parts about healing to her yesterday," he said, and ignored the sharp pang that unexpectedly gave him. "But we've got time to find out. If it's gonna be some fucked up lightshow or somethin'. I hope not." Well that made him feel marginally better.

"Yeah, you and me both. I'm hoping that the weather we're likely to get tonight will keep most of the fuckers away anyway. Gonna rain like anything, if I'm any judge. Be nice if they decided they didn't like water, or that this far was too far to come. Hell, be nice if we just got a night off - think we could all do with it. Catch some sleep and girlie's gonna be..." He took a breath and slowly let it out. Yeah - whatever happened, tonight was going to be interesting.

Joshua, in a way, appreciated the lack of 'hey everything's gonna be fine' from Sean. They both knew very well that it had potential to be the absolute opposite of fine. Just like last night. He almost protested the directive to catch some sleep, as he still really wasn't sure that he could. But it wouldn't hurt to lay down for a bit, and see if it came to him. If not ... he'd find something to do. He nodded and stood up, leaving the conversation there and heading off toward a couch. Whatever was going to happen, would, and they'd go from there.